Tuesday, March 30, 2010

The Hill


291.0 lbs

Wow.  Two days in a row.  Stability is not a bad thing.

BB and I took some "before" pictures last night.  I'm trying to see how to post them here without revealing any of my super secret identity.  Stay Tuned.

For those of you who actually read my blog, you may  have guessed from the title that I met up with The Hill again last night.  BB was quite a little motivator and made us walk half way up.  I said I would, if we did it in the early part of the walk in stead of the last part.  I also said that this time we'd have to stretch and we both remembered to get an app for tracking how long and far we'd be walking.  I was figuring that it was at least a half a mile to even three quarters.  I know that's not a lot, but I mean, come on.  The only activity I'd been getting is the walk up and down The Stairs.

We used The Stairs to stretch our legs.  I learned how to stretch that front shin muscle by a massage-like method of "pushing (or rubbing) the muscle away from the shin".  Don't get it?  Take your fingers and run them down your shin from your knee to your foot.  Now, start back up at your knee, and use your thumb to rub the muscle so you're "pushing it away" from where your fingers just were.  I don't know how else to explain it. 

Let's get back to the story.

BB and I start our fantastic new app  and begin our walk (I have a Driod phone and got "Outwalk".  It's a British company, but it really works).  The weather has been so fantastic that you just don't want to stay inside.  BB and I are greeting lots of nice people with lots of nice dogs.  A "monster" drink truck even drove by once and offered us free samples of that drink.  I didn't accept.  I will only allow people to buy me a drink in a bar.  I'm too respectable to accept one in a parking lot.

I'm in a complex which is not level at all. There are varying inclines for varying lentghs which is good. It keeps things from being boring. Plus, I think it's why I'm feeling my butt muscles while walking. This is something I'm not really accustomed to experiencing. 

BB and I are walking and talking and walking some more. Then, we're at The Hill.  As we round the corner for the beginning of the trek, I'm thinking: This isn't so bad!  Suddenly it happens.  We turn the corner and I'm looking up a freakin mountain.  And it just keeps on going.  What the hell have I gotten myself into here? 

Suddenly I hear voices behind me.  I'm already panting and gasping and foaming at the mouth.  Maybe not foaming at the mouth, but you get the picture.  Then suddenly, I hear voices in the background.  I could simply be hallucinating from lack of oxygen to the brain.  I know that BB has continued talking between my swearing but even that sounds far off and she's right next to me.   I get up the energy to turn around to see what's going on and I see Them.  Behind us is the Skinny Girl Duo. 

If you've never come across the SG Duo, you're very lucky.  These are the super skinny girls with their flippy pony tails and their little leggings and swinging arms and little sports bra-like tanks or whatever they are.  You can find them walking around a neighborhood (or complex in my case) or side-by-side on the eliptical machines or in spinning classes at the Gym. These are the girls that you just end up hating.  Even if they don't deserve it. Which most of the time, they probably do.  I digress. 

SG Duo is closing in behind us and they're just a chirping. "I'm so tired of my dad asking when I'm going to get married or at least get a boyfriend.  He's tired of fixing my shit all the time."  Huh?!  "Tee Hee!  I know what you mean.  I've got someone you can call the next time you need something fixed."  I kind of black out a little at this point.  Upon regaining consiousness, I hear "Wow! He'll do that?!"   [I hate I missed that part.]  I can't believe they're just chit-chatting the whole time walking up this mountainous hill like it's no big deal.  No Big Deal My Ass!  I'm having a freaking coronary!  I can barely even place one foot in front of the other! 

"Okay, we make it to that speed bump up there and we can turn around".  OH THANK THE LORD IN HEAVEN.  BB has come to her senses and realizes that there's no way I can go any farther up The Hill.  We turn around.  As we're walking back my legs start to feel like they're going to just fall off.  This after all that stretching we did.  BB tells me of her trip to botanical gardens with her Beau.  She tells me of all the Asian people taking pictures of the cherry blossoms.  They're pretty this time of year.  She goes on to say that they walked around for two hours yesterday and how exhausted she was at the end of it.  She's also telling me to walk through the burn and push through the pain.  I'd hate her but she's such a cutie pie.  Damnit. 

We're back on the "regular course".  We've conquered the baby inclines and are starting to head back to my place.  My legs are on fire.  Really.  I keep looking down to see where the flames are because of the burn.  I still can't believe that I'm feeling like this.  The other times we've walked haven't been this bad. It's because of that damn hill.  I know it.  I ask (trying to refrain from begging) if we can forego the circle around the mailbox and gym and just head back.  She says sure if we can loop around the other side of my building.  It looks flat.  I say ok.  After all, I am trying. 

We loop around and finally make it to my building.  And The Stairs.  Holy.  Shit.  I forgot about The Stairs.  That's 53 steps of nightmare.  BB jogs her little butt up to the first landing and sits down.  I simply stare up at her blankly.  I decide that I must do a little stretching before I can lift my legs high enough to get to my door. 

So, after finally falling through my doorway, we decide to check our time and distance.  After 20 minutes, we covered one quarter of a mile.



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Monday, March 29, 2010

Here Comes The Bride (part ii)


291.0 lbs

That's 5 lbs gone.  I'm pretty excited about the whole thing really.  I didn't walk this weekend, but I did make good food decisions.  I'm really working at it.  For the time being, anyway.

It's great having a "chubby buddy" to work with.  Don't know what a chubby budy is?  Well, more on that later.  What I need you to remember is that Blushing Bride is a whopping 130+ lb little 21-yr-old "I'm almost 22" young'n.  She's upset because the dresses she's tried on happen to be a size 12.  Wedding dresses are like 4 sizes too small anyway.  They do that to add to a bride's insecurities.  It's mean, really.  But I digress. 

BB is precious.  I love her.  I love them.  The Kids as I like to call them.  Cute couple.  She's not a complainer and doesn't walk around saying "I'm so fat" "I look like a horse" or anything like that.  She's a great little motivator too.  There's this hill that I'll be damned if I'm gonna walk it, but she keeps pushing, saying that we're gonna do it next time.  Bless her heart.  I'm a great rationalizer and I have a few years on her.  Giggle.  It's not that I don't want to walk the Hill.  It's just that by time we get that far, I feel like I'm D-Y-I-N-G.  My hips are killing me.  My shins feel like they are exploding.  I will conquer The Hill, but I'm not ready to do it just yet.  I am super excited about my walking though.  And the healthy eating.  It's kinda like blogging, but like, I don't know, in real life. 


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Thursday, March 25, 2010

Here Comes The Bride (part i)


292.8 lbs

No.  I'm not getting married. Please read on.

I am a litte proud of myself today.  I've found a walking buddy.  Well, a walking for the past two days buddy anyway.  A couple of friends of mine are getting married.  The Blushing Bride wants to shape up for her fall wedding.  She's got real motivation.  We're eating dinner together cause her Beau is studying to be an attorney and is in grad school .  All this is working in my favor.  BB's young, enthusiastic, just over all generally eager to get out and move.

I'm sleepy.  I'm pretty stoked.

My hips are sore.  My butt muscles feel something, I'm not quite sure what it is though.  I'm just glad it's feeling somethng more than numb.


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Tuesday, March 23, 2010



296.6 lbs

In the immortal words of our US VP...

THIS IS A BIG F-***-ING DEAL.  This isn't funny.  And neither is the other, but that's a whole 'nother blog.

Ok, yes.  Right now, I am weighing at night.  After I eat.  And drink.  Lots and lots of decaffeinated tea sweetened with Splenda.  I am getting up in the middle of the night to take a little bathroom break.  I think this is better for my kidneys, but I could be wrong.   Eh, 12 hours of gravity may be adding an additional 3.3 lbs.  Dear lord I hope it's not real weight. I'm also not going to state the obvious and say this is the MOST I've ever weighed and never would I have imagined I could weigh this much.  No wonder my knees ache when I walk up The Steps.

I watched The Biggest Loser tonight.  I watched this group bike a marathon.  By the 26.2 mile marker, I was practically jumping up and down on Oprah's couch.  I wanted to jump on a bike and do the same thing.  And then I got on the scale.  Holy crap.

I watched Kirstie Alley's Big Life last night.  It was really good.  She's funny.  She wonders, though, why everyone focuses on her weight.  I personally think it's because she's made a big deal about her weight.  I am proud of her because she's really doing something.  She's hired a personal trainer and has a "chubby buddy" who works out with her.  I think he gets paid to do it, though.

I am also all about this new Jamie Oliver Food Revolution thing. I think health should start young.  And with Parents too.  And with schools. 

There's a bunch of stuff all over the place right now that is all about being right.  Doing right.  Eating and living right.  I am excited about it and I hope it helps.  I need to get back down to when I thought I was just fat.


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Wednesday, March 17, 2010



293 lbs

I'm partying tonight.  Don't worry, I've got tomorrow off and cab money for the ride home.

Be safe! Have Fun! Go Green!


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Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Back From The Ends of The Earth. Sort Of.


293 lbs. 

Let me start off by saying this:  No, I'm not dead.

I didn't go crazy or get maimed by a pack of bears.  I am still JAFG (plus some).  I simply got busy and like most of my diet expiditions, I relapsed by not putting the effort into blogging.  Shame on me.

I missed you people! I can't tell you how many times I started titles in my head, how many paragraphs were penned in my brain, how many times I went to get on the computer to post and then...I just got side tracked. Or, worse yet, just said "I'll do it later". Kinda like when I'm gonna lose weight. Later. Tomorrow. In this case, my tomorrow turned into almost 6 months!

A whole lot of nothing much has been going on. 

I went up a dress size (like I wear dresses...ha!) and I bought a Wii.  Yeah, I don't believe it either, but I did.  Currently, it's sitting at SAG's house (she sold hers, but not to me) from a Wii party.  Long story.

I tried to buy a "fitted just for you" bra and it was an experience to say the least. 

I think I went on a date, but I hope not. 

I bought a new fantabulous wardrobe and got even more fantabulous "deconstructed" jeans.  Back in the day, we just called them ripped.

I have several friends getting married or having babies. 

I thought about a personal trainer and couldn't afford extra $500 a month.  I am still teetering on the idea of joining a gym, but we all know how that went last time. 

I've had more adult beverages than I'd care to talk about.


I hope I haven't shocked you all too much or thrown off the world's rotation or anything.  I am jumping back on the horse's bandwagon or something like that.

I'm gonna have to work on my cliche' use.  I can already tell. 


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