Friday, April 30, 2010

Fiesta Siesta


284.6 lbs

Yesterday will probably show up tomorrow. Grr.

Firstly, thank you all for your encouragement yesterday!  I know I'm a snarky little blogger, but I do have sincere moments and this is one of them.  I really appreciate you folks taking time to send me comment love.  I smiled when I read each one of them and they really did warm my heart.

As you know I had a brown food day yesterday.  I went out with SAG last night.  After that fried food lunch, I had a fried food dinner.  And drinks.   As in a half a bottle of wine and then a few vodka beverages for dessert.  I begrudgingly filled out my food diary on (which is the greatest thing since sliced bread...and that's not a paid encorsement for either myfitnesspal or sliced bread) and after completing the entry for the day it told me I had consumed 3,364 calories.  HO. LY. CRAP.  I was also told that "If every day were like today... You'd weigh 291.7 lbs in 5 weeks".  Isn't that a not so gentle reminder of why I don't eat like that.

So, today's a new day.  I didn't exercise at all yesterday 'cept for a  20 minute walk around the work 'hood.  I have logged everything I've eaten today and haven't drank nearly enough water.  I even put down in my exercise diary (another reason to love myfitnesspal) that I'm exercising tonight.  At Concierge Gym.  That means no shorts, the elliptical, the circuit machines (if anyone know what they're officially called, please let me know cause I'm not sure circuit is right) and Rage Against The Machine. 

I've commited to a dinner menu and the day's allowed snacks and cannot deviate from it or else I risk blowing my calories today like yesterday.  Well, maybe not as bad as yesterday.  But I would lose my deficit.  I had mexican today for lunch. 

I am SO sleepy right now.  I hope I have the energy to do my necessary workout.  Otherwise, today's gonna suck eggs.


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Thursday, April 29, 2010

WARNING: Disapointment Ahead


284.2 lbs

I blew it today.  I had a FRIED lunch.  Chicken, Fries, and a buscuit.  I feel kinda bad about it.  It was a conscious decision too.  I was meeting one of my friends out for lunch for his birthday (he turned 24; isn't that cute?).  He's a kid that used to work with me and we hit it off.  He's really a sweetie pie.  He's getting married to his little girlfriend next year.  So Cute! Ok.  It was his birthday on Tuesday and so me and the pregnant girl (who actually used to babysit him!) from work were meeting him at a place of his choice.  It's the place his future in-laws own.  They specialize in what I like to call "brown food".  You know, the kind where everything you order shows up in various shades of brown cause it's all fried?  Yeah, one of those places. 

Well, I decided as soon as we parked that I was going to eat anything I wanted.  I don't know why.  I don't know where the thought came from. I wasn't feeling down, deprived, or even devious.  And I had even taken a 20 minute walk this morning!  But somewhere inside snapped and made me order a fried chicken basket. Damnit.  I felt bad as soon as I ordered.  As I was eating and enjoying every fried bite I was feeling so guilty.  I drank my unsweet tea and dipped my fries and chickens into "house dipping sauce" and ranch dressing.  And not the light kind either.  It was so good.  I feel so bad. 

I've got plans tonight and don't know if I have time to get sweaty and clean again before having to leave at 6:45. 

I'm sure gonna try though. 


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Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Giddy Up


284.2 lbs

I feel a difference in my clothes.  I got all excited because I found these workout shorts I bought at the end of last year to sleep in.  I brought them with me to BFF's house over New Year's and totally left them in the suitcase.  I used that suitcase for the SAG Birthday Bash trip and found the shorts!  They totally fit differently too!  They don't "hug" my jiggle in the middle if you know what I mean.  I totally heart them.  I wore them Monday to workout at HHH class.  It was great.  I'm totally morphing into one of those gym people.  Isn't it great?

I got home last night and thought, "I need some sort of activity".  So, I changed and immediately went to Concierge Gym.  When I got there, it was inhabited by three guys and two girls.  Eh. I can do this.  I really prefer to be the only one there and then let people come in.  I always feel like all eyes are on me when I walk into a room involving fitness.  I mean, come on.  You know you look at who walks through the door and you know, no matter how small or fleeting it might be, there's always a quick assessment of the person.  Well, anyway.  I just hate walking in to a room with workout people.  So, I did it anyway.

I walk with great determination up to my fave elliptical machine and get ready/prepped to start on it.  I'm plugging in my earbuds to my Droid and set the Pandora station to my fave workout one "Rage Against The Machine"  You gotta get that station.  All you have to do is select Rage Against the Machine.  It plays some great stuff if it's what you're into...If you don't have Pandora, you should totally get it.  There's have an app for that on the Droid and for the iPhone. Or iPod Touch.

Ok, I have the music playing, I am getting on the machine and setting my pace, level, stride, and other settings (I run on Manual).  I usually hit about 68-73 strides per minute.  Sometimes it goes faster when Nine Inch Nails plays...but there's no telling when that'll come into rotation.  Now, you may not think that's very much, but for this JAFG it's a freakin sprint.  I usually do this for 20 minutes.  The last 2 minutes usually kill me.  Or make me think it's killing me anyway.  Once I'm done with that, I hit the circuit machines (or resistance or weights or whatever those toture devices are called) for 30 minutes.  That's my full workout when I'm not hitting HHH class.  Back to the music.  I am getting on the machine and I begin to increase my strides.  I am wearing my newly found shorts again (becuase I can).  The more I increase speed, the more these damn shorts are riding up between my always touching thighs.  I'd like to make this more glamorized, but there's nothing attractive about it. 

Concierge Gym is not the biggest area and the machines sit right up against the wall.  The mirrored wall.  So while I'm trying to pretend that I don't have some funky new triangle cut shorts on, I can see in the mirror exactly what I look like from the front.  And that's with the front of the elliptical in between me and the mirror.  Horror upon horrors.  Imagine what I must look like from the back!!!

So, I am casually reaching down and pulling my shorts out of the crevice of my thighs.  It's not the easiest thing to do while on this machine.  I am trying to adjust my stride, my speed, all sorts of things so these damn things don't ride up on me.  I'm no longer being subtle now.  I can't go the pace I want to go because I keep having to stop and adjust the shorts.  I know I'm gonna be some water cooler joke somewhere because I almost fell one time trying to rescue them from the thighs.  Finally, I got the pace down to 48-55 strides per minute and the feet positioned in the right place and was holding my head in the right position.  The riding stopped.  Yahoo!

So I'm a little disappointed with this slower pace.  It's not what I'm used to doing.  I figured that I would increase my level from the 5 I normally go to 14 which is as high as it would go.  I think, in the world of ellipticals, this would be knee-breaking, but my machine is super duper easy and even the level 14 doesn't kill me like the level 3 does on some other ones.  I love that machine, though.  I can do a quicker pace and really feel like I'm accomplishing something since my muscles don't feel like they are going to burn through my skin like acid the instant I get started.  This machine actually lets me move a little bit before that kicks in.

I decided to double my time from 20 to 40 minutes. I also decided to skip the weight machines since I was wearing the shorts.

One wardrobe malfunction was enough.


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Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Tales of the Come-Back Kid. Again.


285.6 lbs

Overall, this is pretty good.  However, when I tell you that Scale said on Saturday that I had made it to 283.8 (I checked it twice) and then yesterday said I was at 287.2 you see there's not much room for excitment or sadness.  Still, I'll take this as a victory.

Look, I figured up the caloric intake of the adult beverages consumed for this birthday bash and it totals 1688 calories.  I am so cursing right now. As my ramblings have indicated in my previous posts, I am not such a healthfully minded chica on the morning after a night of partaking.  That leads to Bacon.  And lots of other things off of the breakfast buffet at the hotel like grits, potatoes, cheese, bacon, waffle, bacon, cheese danish, bacon.  And a poached egg.  And french fries and a frosty (both small) from Wendy's on the way home. Nice.  I did have a healthy dinner.  It's my lowfat version of a tuna melt with an egg.  It's actually very good and some other time, I will share it with you.

I signed up for, which I heart a lot and would love to add you as a buddy if anyone's interested but I don't know how that works, and I am SO not registering any of my weekend debauchery. 

I was smart and took yesterday off.  I knew that I wouldn't be fully recovered.  Getting old does this to a girl.  There was a time that 3 hours sleep between "gigs" seemed totally doable.  Now I need two days to recover from blow-out bashes like this.  At least I know my limits.  Anyway.  I took yesterday off.  I had some bacon left over from when BFF and Her Hubbie visited that I had shoved into the freezer.  Well, I sliced some of that off, scrambled me two eggs and had a slice of kraft 2% american cheese on it.  Then I had two pieces of peanut butter toast for snacks.  I had my tuna melt for lunch and a porkchop and a half of sweet potato for dinner.  I slept most of the day but what I did do (which I didn't want to do) was exercise.

YEA ME!  I went to HHH class.  Can I just say that I thought I was going to die?  I know I've said that before, but, like, this time, I was really wondering what would happen if I collapsed of a heart attack in the middle of the session.  That would be so embarrassing. 

While I was contemplating coronary issues, I also noticed that I was bouncing a lot more than I first did.  Perhaps I was so worn out because I was pushing a little harder this time.  Perhaps.  I don't know for sure, though.  I was also thinking I really can't miss my Saturday workout.  I will HAVE to make time for a workout when on trips, otherwise, it'll feel like starting over again when I get back to class.  I hate feeling like I'm starting over again.

I uploaded my pics from the trip to FB (my real world FB account, not the JAFG account) and had a pleasant surprise....aside from having kept all my clothes intact over the trip, I was also looking thinner!


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Thursday, April 22, 2010

Day Trippin'


285.0 lbs

One more down...

I don't know where you are, but it's a B-E-A-utiful day here in Smaller Southern City.  Happy Earth Day!  Go recycle something like the carbs you ate at lunch.....use them as fuel for a walk outside or something.

I'm heading on a big 3-0 birthday bash trip this weekend.  Not mine...I'm older than that.  SAG is turning 30.  Awesome!  It should be fun.  There's like 10 of us piling into three rooms.  How very spring break of us, right? 

However, what I don't want happening is a reversal on the scale front.  I'm gonna have to figure out how to keep being healthy while we're partaking of an adult beverage or two.  And noshing on food.  Wish me lucks!

There's been a threat of a hot tub night.  Good Lawd.  How am I gonna get out of that one?

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Wednesday, April 21, 2010

LOST: 10 lbs. If you find it, please discard.


286.0 lbs

I held my breath and got on the scale twice this morning. 

I've lost 10 lbs since picking up this whole exercise thing!  It's been a lot slower than I would have liked.  On March 23 (and even before I started blogging again to be honest) I had hit 296.+ lbs.  That's horrible.  I don't ever want to have to say that or think that or write that again.  Ever. 

It's been a month.  A month of walking up hills, facing fears, working out with friends, hating those friends, loving them again, trying to watch my food intake, really watching my food intake, getting up at ungodly hours to exercise in the mornings, exercising at night, taking mini-walk breaks at lunch, buying new foreign things, joining a gym, and finally, me actually making me do all these things. 

This is a milestone. And I'm happy to celebrate it.

I'm loving the morning time even though I despise actually having to wake up to expeirence it.  I am loving the feeling of wanting to wretch after a workout like I did last night on the circuit weight machines.  I love that I've increased the weight resistance (almost doubled!) becuase where I began isn't enough anymore.  I don't care about looking a fool in HHH class, although, it's still hard to walk in there even now.  This past month has seen a lot of changes.  W00T!

I have had an accountability partner which has made a world of difference.  I truly would not have gone this far if it hadn't been for that precious little BB and her upcoming Nuptials. 

I'm going to write her a thank you note.  I wonder how many calories are burned with old fashioned writing.


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Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Preparing for BATTLE


288.2 lbs

Yesterday it said 287.  That'll teach me not to blog when I lose poundage.

So I've been working out with SAG and BB for a few weeks now.  It's pretty cool.  I actually joined the Gym on Friday and worked out as a new member.  With SAG.  And I think she's kinda impressed that I can mostly push through the panting and the puffing when trying to keep up with her.  She will run you ragg-ed.  And she likes it.  Like that Jillian chick from Biggest Loser.  I am very un-fond of them both.

Workout clothes are not something that's been part of my wardrobe.  Ever.  I have been wearing either pajamas (pj pants with a big shirt) or  a pair of khaki shorts that come down to my knees and polo shirts for workout sessions with the girls and the hip-hop hell class.  Which, btw, I went to last night.  I was literally stiff as a board when I got home.  And that is after draining all the hot water in the abode on my aching back.  Bless my heart. 

Anyway.  After about two weeks of the boobs bouncing in ways that no boobs should ever bounce, I went on a hunt for a sports bra.  Actually, let's step this back one minute.  The first thing I noticed after realizing that all the ladies and the few guys that are in HHH class are already damn fit was the fact that everyone wears the little anklet socks.  I, on the other hand, have the cute little socks that come up over my ankles and almost up my calf.  Now, before you get some nerd-like image of me in my knee length shorts and knee high socks, these are just the type that I would "slouch" a bit.  I'm not trying to win fit fashion awards, but I don't want to look like an out-of-date idoit either.  After all, I am a very fashionable girl otherwise.  Over the weekend I bought some just-below-the-ankle socks.  I felt very happy about it.  Fashionable even.  One less thing that separates me from the other fit fashionistas in my HHH class. 

Ok.  Back to the boobs.  I've been eyeing this bathing suit with underwire on Just My Size and decided to search for sports bras and other work out gears. I found some great bras on this site (even thogh the regular everyday bras don't do much for me) and they were running a buy two get one free deal.  The bathing suit was on sale too.  Being the frugal shopper that I am, I went ahead and made the buy.  I got them in the mail yesterday (delivered to work) and immediately went to the bathroom to try them on.  I hate, hate, hate the bathing suit.  I heart, heart, heart my sports bras.  I got two Champion bras (same model different colors...I'm original like that) and one Glamorize bra with a faux-chami built in. 

These are not attractive items of clothing.  These are not figure-flattering-curve-accentuating things.  These are pieces of armour one puts on when preparing to do battle with HHH class.  I had a whole new level confidence walking into class last night.  My Bras and Socks were giving me super powers and a sense of invinsability.  That coupled with the fact that I found a spot where there is no mirror on the wall made me feel AWESOME.  All I could think about was jumping up and down and moving side to side while trying to shake my ass the way the instructor does.  I was looking forward to it.  While my boobs didn't budge, other parts of me sure did.  Good Lord.  Do they make a sports bra for a stomach??

Oh.  And I got a damn blister on my ankle.


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Friday, April 16, 2010

I Got Nothin.


289.0 lbs

I don't doubt it.  I haven't done a damn thing in the workout relm since Wednesday.  I am gonna be working out a mean mess tonight though.  I'm joining The Gym. 

I really wish I could wax poetic about something but I gots nothin.  As you may have already guessed from the title....

I've been a total food whore since Tuesday night. BB wasn't feeling very motivated, so we bought Digiorno with everything on it. And got cokes. Well, I had Mr. Pibb. I had four pieces of that great Digiorno. Four. Pieces. Yommm. I mean "bad jafg!".

Wednesday night I pigged on sushi.  And not the little, light stuff.  I'm talking tempura shrimp rolls which are then flash fried.  It was good.  I was bad.  I then had awesome fried chicken breast sandwich with a slice of all american cheese and extra pickles for lunch yesterday.  With the best damn fries on the planet.  And the biggest unsweet tea I could get and still drink it with a straw. 

Last night, not feeling terribly social, I got pizza.  Domino's happens to be closest to me so I ordered a large thin crust veggie to pick up on my way home. 

Well, it woulda been $17.  WTH? For a thin crust veggie?  I don't know if you've ever had one of those, but it's totally not enough on its own to justify an Andrew Jackson.  Being the thrifty shopper that I am, I asked them about their specials.  I tried to get them to give me the Pizza Hut $10 special but no love.  I ended up with two large pizzas for $25.  That includes tax.  One was veggie for me, and one was pepperoni and mushroom for My Fat.  We both were very  happy.  Until of course, I got on the scale this AM. 

I had one hell of a time trying to get my tag transferred from Small Beachtown to Small Southern City.  3 hours later, no tag and one hungry lady.  I had a repeat of yesterday's lunch.  Although this time, no cheese and a small fry.  I still had the largest unsweet tea that anyone could carry in one hand, though. 

I'm glad for the workout tonight. And that I ate all the pepperoni pizza already. 

It's the small stuff you gotta stay happy about.


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Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Welcome to Bizzaro World


288.0 lbs

Everybody pull out your best Wayne's World flashback routine.  If you're too young to get that reference, well, I don't like you anymore.

Think back with me to July 2009.  Back to my very first post.  Firstly, I see that my weight is like 287.6 lbs.  I could be dissapointed, but I'll look at it as "Wow, I've managed to balance my weight for almost a year."  I was also smoking then.  This is something I only do when partaking of adult beverages.  I'm pretty damn proud of that.  Getting back to that post....

I mentioned then (and several times since) that I am sorely lacking in the motivation to exercise department.  As a matter of fact, it wasn't until after my 5 month hiatus (4 months and 17 days to be precise and for which there is no good explanation) that I ever contemplated exercise at all.  Like, actually doing it, I mean.  I thought about it alot.  Thinking doesn't burn calories in the quantity I need, however.  I wish it did.  I digress.  Eating healthy isn't an issue, I enjoy healthy food.  I just wanted that AHA moment to kick me in the ass to get me moving.  I figured it would be like a storybook revelation.  The lightbulb and everything, ya know?  It wasn't like that. 

Actually, I went shopping and realized that I had to be a larger size.  This is larger than what I was already wearing which was a really freakin large size.  Then I realized that if I got any larger, I wasn't going to be able to shop even in the fat clothing stores.  WHAT??!!  Well, maybe that was my AHA moment.  Most plus sized stores either start at a 12 or 14, which is stupid IMO (<==I threw this in for you young people==>) but whateves.  Most of them end at a 28. 

When the big clothes at a plus sized store are too small, there's something wrong.  Like really.  Go see a doctor.  Not to be a Debbie-Downer, but something needs to change or you're gonna D-I-E die. 

After the whole clothes incident, I decided it would be best to get on a scale again.  Ew.  I first stepped on it and realized I was 4 little pounds away from the big 3-0-0.  Damn.  That sucks.  I began to really miss my blog.  I wasn't quite ready for the reality of that, though.

I did some things with my income tax return (I gave the Gov't too much money again last year).  I bought clothes and shoes, a lot of clothes and shoes, and decided to get a Wii.  I wanted something that I could use to get moving in the privacy of my own home.  I did some polling in my real life and found a great recommendation, She-Devil or Your Shape with Jenny McCarthy.  It's pretty good really.  I also got Sports Resort.  It has table tennis and sword play.  That game is awesome.  Anyway, I did these things because I needed to do something. 

I also had the good news of BB (Blushing Bride for any new readers out there) and Her Beau's engagement.  Kismet really.  She wants to workout, she's so young that I can't be intimidated by her.  It's physically impossible.  She's like a puppy.  Who can be intimidated by a puppy??  I'm stoked because since Her Beau is in school at night and she's new to the area, we can spend a lot of time together with the workouts.  It's also nice to see my friends in a sober state.  But that's a different story. 

I also picked up the proverbial pen again.  In the very few weeks it's been since my return to the "big screen" I've began to freakishly pay attention to my food (measuring it in some cases and portioning it in other cases) and I'm working out.  Sometimes even twice a day.  And sometimes by myself.  I'm also talking to my friends about  all the working out and getting real encouragement from them.  I look forward to sweating and getting my ass kicked by a workout. 

But the weirdest thing of all...I found out I now like blue cheese. 

What Bizzaro World have I dropped into here?!?


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Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Just Real Quick Like...


289.8  lbs

Hold on a sec, I gotta go to the "girls' room".

I don't have much time today.  I wanted to tell you all that I did work out this morning with She Devil.  BB and her Beau backed out of excercising this morning and in stead of rolling over and going back to sleep, I did the right thing and worked out with Jenny McCarthy.  Don't ever tell her you've got weights.  All she'll do is arm lifts.  For 30 excruciating minutes.  It all started with that damn Marching.

I am drinking so much water today I can't stay out of the bathroom.  I actually am loving this.  I've tried to increase the water intake and it seems like I am finally accomplishing that.

I'm psyching myself up for the grueling hip-hop class tourture thing tonight.  I'll keep you posted.

Since I can't offer you my usual entertaining prose, please peruse my previous posts for other hilarious hijinx.


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Tuesday, April 6, 2010

One Pound


290.2 lbs

Attention Amanda!  I lost myself a pound!  WOOHOO!  I am so freakin happy right now. 

I really have been pissed about the whole not losing pounds thing.  I've been discouraged.  I've been downtrodden even.  I've been whiney and wimpy.  Well, maybe not wimpy.  I haven't stopped excersicing.  I haven't binged. Well, I did go see a movie with my mom over Easter weekend.  I wanted to order two small popcorns and two waters.  We ended up with one large popcorn and two medium cokes.  It was cheaper that way.  I don't have much more to say about that.

My point is I haven't given up.  I have carried on like a little trooper.  With a big tummy.  A very big tummy.  And I'm so not carrying babies in there.  I have subjected myself to public display of working-out-ness among people like SG Duo and lots of other skinny chicks and muscley men.  I have pushed myself so far out of my comfort zone that the only thing left to conquer is walking naked in a crowded shopping mall or, worse yet, be in a bathingsuit at the lake. 

Let me tell you about last night.  I totally went to that hiphop workout class.  It's an hour long.  O.M.G.  Firstly, most of the people in there are thin.  The teacher is a brick house dancing machine.  People who are not in shape are still ten times fitter than I am.  At least.  So we start out by a little bit of marching and boucning to the music.  My first session with She-Devil (see yesterday's post) has taught me to be wary of the whole marching thing.  Actually, I think I'm developing a phobia.  Marching is an omen of bad things to come.

Anyway, SAG, BB and I are all standing there nervously giggling, not because anything is funny, but because we're all nervous.  I've never been to a workout class. E-V-E-R ever.  I have no idea what this is about.  I've watched workout videos before but these are things I recognize as like exercise or something.  This is loud pop music remix to which we learn steps. And then we put the steps together.  I have a new respect for Dancing with the Stars. 

This stuff was crazy.  Firstly, I have established many times over I'm particularly thick  in the middle.  I've got big legs and big ass, but it's a flat ass and my legs are pretty damn solid.  What I have a whole lot of is that Jiggle in the Middle.  Hip Hop requires a lot of shaking hips and wiggling ass and jumping and kicking and overall stuff that jiggling just isn't down with.  In case you didn't know. OH Yeah, the room is like one big mirror.  E-GAD.  Add that to the mix of motion and you can imagine the horror movie I was about to watch.  With me as the star. This was gonna be bad. 

I have to admit, I almost walked out.  I almost got to the point of giving up but all I could think of was the one pound that I wanted to lose.    I pushed myself to give this a one whole class effort.  I got a little frustrated, but only because I couldn't learn the steps fast enough.  For the first 20 minutes I thought that it really wasn't that bad.  Except for looking like a complete fool and not being able to move in a coordinated fashion, the workout itself was not that taxing.  Then we move into phase 2. 

Alright, things are moving faster, I somewhat  have down everything from phase 1 and am really picking up the steps of this section.  I'm also sweating a bit.  Awesome!  Ok, the end of this 15 minute section I'm really huffing and puffing.  My shirt keeps pulling up in front and now I know why gym people like their clothes so fitted.  With all the moving around, I'm constantly having to pull things down, adjust the shorts, fix the bra, all sorts of things.  I go for water.  The Girls are dying too.  Sweat and Missteps.  I feel a little better about it. 

So we're called back from our water break and start building on what we've learned on phase 1-2.  This one involves jumping and gyrating.  Shit.  NO ONE wants to see a fat person jump and gyrate.  Especially the fat person.  It's just not a pretty picture.  I caught a few glimpses, and I can't get the images out of my mind. 

I work it out with my own version of a jump and gyrate.  I have never been more caucasian in my life.  EVER.  Another 10 minutes pass and we get another water break.  My body is beginning to die on me.  I'm starting to feel the shaking again.  My body gets to a certain point in exercise and it begins to shake; like on the ellypticals and I feel like I could vibrate my way around the gym.  I've been told it's because I'm pushing my muscles to the point of exhaustion which is good.  I don't get it. 

Well, we've got 15 minutes left and I really don't know how I'm gonna make it.  We've got a 10 minute final session and then we move to our 5 minute cool down.  I really don't remember the final 10 minutes.  I know I didn't pass out.  I know that I didn't fall down or break anything.  The only thing I can figure is that I blocked it out due to the emotional scarring all that jiggle and gyrating had on my poor psychie.  I seriously doubt that anything I did in that final 10 minutes looked like dance moves, but at least I kept moving and didn't just fall out right there on the floor.  I wanted to.  But I didn't.  I wanted to wretch at the end of the night.  I may have to equate marching with feelings of near wretching.  They seem to go hand-in-hand. 

That's not even talking about how I felt when I got home.  I hate that class. 

I'm going again tomorrow night.


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Monday, April 5, 2010

The Kicker.


291.2 lbs

We'll talk about weight in a minute. 

Hello My Lovelies!  I've missed the hell out of you.  I've been tweeting my little heart out since last we met because it's so much easier to type 144 characters than to sit down and commit 30 to 45 minutes to blog writing.  Or even an hour.  First, let me start with the good news. 

That quarter of a mile measurement was a total crock of bull-arkie.  I drove our walking track and discovered that it's actually just at one mile!  I so deleted that tracking app. 

Second Good News.  I've been a workout mama!  I was off on Friday and even worked out!  AT MY OWN GYM!  That's right.  I walked into my own Concierge Gym and me and My Fat got on an ellyptical and rocked it for 20 minutes!  WOO-FREAKIN-HOO!  Oh and get this, BB and I also worked out on weight machines for another 15 minutes!  That's right, I did it, I did it, I did it!    I also went last Wednesday and worked out at the YMCA with SAG and BB.  We were going to do this hip-hop class, but chickened out at the last minute and worked on the ellyptical for 30 minutes.  After that we played basket ball.  Or something resembling basket ball.  Mostly SAG ran circles around BB and me.  I mean that literally. 

Thursday BB came to the abode and we did my Wii Jenny McCarthy Your Shape workout.  I hadn't used it yet and thought the change might be kinda fun. 

Holy. Crap. 

This little Jenny avatar pops on the screen all cute and blonde and full of perk.  Alright...It's in a gaming system after all.  She starts out with a warm up which consists of marching in place.  I was thinking "What a freakin waste of money and time".  WAS. 

Then the Jenny Avatar starts with all sorts of things like Plies (that is PLEE-YAY...I'm not quite sure how to spell it) and arm lifts and some wicked up-down-forward-back-leg-arm-thing that I still don't get.  Evil She-Devil!  Then she makes you get on your back.  You do this thing called riding a bike.  Uh huh.  I thought I was going to die.  It's not a quick motion thing, it's a move your leg and hold it in that position until you die thing.  And then you move your other leg and start over.  Oh wait.  It gets worse. 

You've gotta roll over and get on your stomach.  Stretch your arms out in front of you and your legs out behind you.  Then, act as if you're being drawn and quartered.  For those of you who don't know what that is, imagine a rope being tied to each limb and being pulled in opposite directions (arms away from legs/legs away from arms).  That is "swimming" as  She-Devil calls it.  Great.  Not only am I going to die, but I am now going to vomit beforehand.  This stretches muscles I didn't know existed.  Like, people say that, but I mean it.  I had no idea there was a muscle in this weird place on my side. I do now.  I didn't know that it was possible to hate a cartoon character that much. BB feels the same way.  We're keeping She-Devil to a Thursday night work-out.  I don't think I could handle more than that.

All this pain and sweating is a good thing.  I've been getting great side-effects too.  My kitchen is clean and so  is my room.  I've got all this energy and I just want to be moving.  I haven't felt like this in a long time.  I'm actually going to that hip-hop workout class tonight.  I even got up this morning at 5:30am (I said A. M. People!) to get to MY gym at 6:00am to workout with BB and Her Beau.

I know. "Who are you and what have you done with our belov-ed JAFG?!"  I'm pretty shocked about the whole thing too.

Now The Kicker...I've been eating very healthy for going on three weeks now (since I started communicating with  you all again).  I've been consciously active for going on two weeks straight.  I feel better about myself, I don't feel deprived, and I'm even looking forward to the workouts-somewhat.  How much weight have I lost?  NOT ONE FREAKING POUND.  Damnit.


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