Monday, April 5, 2010

The Kicker.


291.2 lbs

We'll talk about weight in a minute. 

Hello My Lovelies!  I've missed the hell out of you.  I've been tweeting my little heart out since last we met because it's so much easier to type 144 characters than to sit down and commit 30 to 45 minutes to blog writing.  Or even an hour.  First, let me start with the good news. 

That quarter of a mile measurement was a total crock of bull-arkie.  I drove our walking track and discovered that it's actually just at one mile!  I so deleted that tracking app. 

Second Good News.  I've been a workout mama!  I was off on Friday and even worked out!  AT MY OWN GYM!  That's right.  I walked into my own Concierge Gym and me and My Fat got on an ellyptical and rocked it for 20 minutes!  WOO-FREAKIN-HOO!  Oh and get this, BB and I also worked out on weight machines for another 15 minutes!  That's right, I did it, I did it, I did it!    I also went last Wednesday and worked out at the YMCA with SAG and BB.  We were going to do this hip-hop class, but chickened out at the last minute and worked on the ellyptical for 30 minutes.  After that we played basket ball.  Or something resembling basket ball.  Mostly SAG ran circles around BB and me.  I mean that literally. 

Thursday BB came to the abode and we did my Wii Jenny McCarthy Your Shape workout.  I hadn't used it yet and thought the change might be kinda fun. 

Holy. Crap. 

This little Jenny avatar pops on the screen all cute and blonde and full of perk.  Alright...It's in a gaming system after all.  She starts out with a warm up which consists of marching in place.  I was thinking "What a freakin waste of money and time".  WAS. 

Then the Jenny Avatar starts with all sorts of things like Plies (that is PLEE-YAY...I'm not quite sure how to spell it) and arm lifts and some wicked up-down-forward-back-leg-arm-thing that I still don't get.  Evil She-Devil!  Then she makes you get on your back.  You do this thing called riding a bike.  Uh huh.  I thought I was going to die.  It's not a quick motion thing, it's a move your leg and hold it in that position until you die thing.  And then you move your other leg and start over.  Oh wait.  It gets worse. 

You've gotta roll over and get on your stomach.  Stretch your arms out in front of you and your legs out behind you.  Then, act as if you're being drawn and quartered.  For those of you who don't know what that is, imagine a rope being tied to each limb and being pulled in opposite directions (arms away from legs/legs away from arms).  That is "swimming" as  She-Devil calls it.  Great.  Not only am I going to die, but I am now going to vomit beforehand.  This stretches muscles I didn't know existed.  Like, people say that, but I mean it.  I had no idea there was a muscle in this weird place on my side. I do now.  I didn't know that it was possible to hate a cartoon character that much. BB feels the same way.  We're keeping She-Devil to a Thursday night work-out.  I don't think I could handle more than that.

All this pain and sweating is a good thing.  I've been getting great side-effects too.  My kitchen is clean and so  is my room.  I've got all this energy and I just want to be moving.  I haven't felt like this in a long time.  I'm actually going to that hip-hop workout class tonight.  I even got up this morning at 5:30am (I said A. M. People!) to get to MY gym at 6:00am to workout with BB and Her Beau.

I know. "Who are you and what have you done with our belov-ed JAFG?!"  I'm pretty shocked about the whole thing too.

Now The Kicker...I've been eating very healthy for going on three weeks now (since I started communicating with  you all again).  I've been consciously active for going on two weeks straight.  I feel better about myself, I don't feel deprived, and I'm even looking forward to the workouts-somewhat.  How much weight have I lost?  NOT ONE FREAKING POUND.  Damnit.


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Amanda said...

I hate the not losing weight thing. Makes me crazy. I look at the calories of what I've taken in, I know how much I burn a day, so when I see NO loss when the numbers are clearly there, I want to find Jillian from The Biggest Loser and stop on her instep.

Then I want to run away very, very fast because that woman will hurt you.

If you're tracking calories, check to make sure you're accounting for any sauces, condiments, and extras. Make sure your calorie counts are accurate. If you're not tracking calories, ignore what I just said.

Eventually it will pay off. The exercise, even with a lack of weight loss, can only increase your fitness level. And sometimes your body is too shocked by the exercise to drop any weight for a bit. Hang in there!!

Amanda said...

stop = stomp. Because eye kan spel.

The Incredible Shrinking Woman said...

LOL, this post reminds me SOOOOOO much of the Yoga incident I had (that was my very first REAL blog post back in the day)! Ug, you would think that skinny chicks would understand that we cannot DO some of the moves they do. You were brave to attempt it. I salute you. Keep rocking it. The muscle you are building will burn the fat off. Eventually. You just have to stick with it. (PS- stomping on insteps of others counts as exercise. Just sayin....)