Monday, December 20, 2010

Oh. Fudge.

12/20/2010

281.4 lbs

I didn't want to weigh this morning, but I did it anyway.  For the sake of the Blog.

Thursday night I made a chicken casserole.  I had it at a Christmas dinner earlier this month and decided to make it for dinner myself.  It's pretty basic.  Chicken, campbell's soup, sour cream, and crushed crackers on top.  And a stick of butter.  Yeah, a whole stick.  Well, I substituted panko bread crumbs for the crackers cause I didn't have any Ritz on hand.  I looked at the "1 stick of butter" several times trying to figure out what to do about it.  I then decided to use less-than-a-whole-but-more-than-a-half-a-stick of butter.  I melted it, poured it on and baked the dish in the oven.  Two hours later, after eating said casserole, I was miserable to say the least.  I stayed home on Friday with a still upset tummy. 

This also leads to the feeling of guilt (which I've had more than a few times lately) about my eating habits.  I equate it to quitting smoking.  When I fail to resist the urge to smoke, I feel really bad about it later--and sometimes while I'm doing it--because it's bad for me.  There are no redeeming qualities.  None.  Not one thing about smoking a cigarette is good.  But, I do enjoy it.  Love it, even, when the circumstances are right.  Granted, the enjoyment is fewer and farther between times and I really don't like the idea of smoking stone cold sober (stress is still a HUGE trigger though)  but the fact remains, I enjoy a good smoke like I enjoy a good glass of wine.  Or Jack and Coke. 

My point with all this is unhealthy eating (like NEARLY a stick of butter in a recipe) is so totally ungood.  No redeeming qualities.  Nothing good can come from it.  Thus the Friday ick-fest.  This also takes it's toll mentally.  I'm left alone and to my own devices to obsess over what I've done and whatnot.  Anyway, it can leave a person in a rather insecure state of mind. 

This all leads up to a party Saturday night.  SAG (that's Skinny Athletic Girl just as a reminder) and I are going to this shindig together.  We decide that if it's a bust, we'll head out on the town.  No worries.  Well, it's a bizzare group of people and tons of free good booze.  So, we stay.  Bonus, there's a boy here that I find mentally stimulating.  He's very much an adult and easy to converse with and makes a hell of a drink.  Laid back, educated, funny, basically, someone either to spend a "safer" fun-filled night with (don't judge!) or consider expanding to a more regular friend thing and possibly connect on facebook.  That's what you do these days, btw.  You friend people.  You don't exchange numbers.  It's hard to get used to. 

As you may already know, I'm certainly not a wall flower.  I'm a confident 30something woman.  My size very rarely is a thought in my mind when I'm out on a town and meeting people.  Never has been.  (Online dating is a whole other topic all together and one we'll discuss at a different time).  Remember, though, I'm still fighting a few fresh food demons here. 

So, I'm talking with Mr. Potential all night, floating back and forth among the guests who aren't necessarily people that I'd be around regularly but still having a good time.  Yes, I may be a bit of a snob, but seriously, who isn't?  As the night progresses, things get weird.  People are drinking more and well, I realize that the folks I do know are dwindling.  SAG has gone to a show and I decided to stay (let's face it, because of Mr. Potential) and continue with the merriment.  Before I know it, the hostess is making out with another chick and a male gay couple inform me they like taking women to bed. 

W. T. F.  I should leave, but for whatever lack-of-judgement reason I do not. 

Let me state here that whatever someone's preferences are or are not when it comes to bedroom, does not bother me.  Truly.  However, I was not prepared for where this party was heading. There's no judgement here, but it was a freakin "Christmas Party"!  None of the Christmas parties I've ever attended have ended up like this. 

I decide to go outside, smoke a cigarette with Mr. Potential (I've been drinking) and down a shot of tequilla (I've been drinking).  Tequilla is never a good thing.  I still don't know how I got the shot in the first place.  Then, a 6-foot Amazonian 23-year-old comes outside and starts talking about ulcers and migranes.  I have a tendancy to give free advice even in my most sober of states.  This night was not one of those states.  I try to coherently tell her she's way to young to have migranes and ulcers and she tells me it's because she had gastric bypass surgery at 17.  She says this like three times before it hits me.  "17?!" I say, (again, standing next to Mr. Potential) "17! she says and then procedes with this statement:  "I can tell that you're overweight...".  

She said some other things after that, but I don't recall actually hearing the words.

Let me let you know how this went down in my head.  Have you seen "The Christmas Story"?  Remember the scene with the flat tire and Ralphie gets to be a big boy and help his dad change it?  And he somehow drops all the lugnuts and also drops the f-bomb "Oh Fudge" line?  Well, that slo-mo-drawn-out-hyper-pronounced speaking is how it sounded in my head when I hear the "you're overwieght" part from 23YO Glamazon Chick.  To say awkward is an understatement.  I'm maintaining my composure, actually trying to sustain the conversation like it's not a big deal, and about 1 minute later, Mr. Potential wanders back inside and I drink more.  Like any sensible girl would.  Oy. Vey. 

I am now so far out of my comfort zone.  Straight people are gay.  Gay people are straight.  And I've been pronounced "overweight" by a 23YO Glamazon in front of Mr. Potential.  Bye Bye Healthy Ego.  I'm reeling inside.  My emotional pshyche is in a tailspin. My head may even be spinning a little from the whole adult beverages thing, as well.  And then, the tequilla shot kicks in. Needless to say, tequilla jafg isn't a pretty jafg.  She's mean.  And now that she feels exposed/rejected, she's on a warpath. 

Here's the deal, when you're drunk you make an ass out of yourself.  Sometimes, it's remembered as the life of the party, and other times it's remembered as "that crazy chick last night".  It's going to end one way or the other.  Trust me, this comes from years of experience.  I usually stay on the side of life of the party.  I'm proficient enough in my 30something years to know where the line is between the two.  Well.  Saturday night, I crossed it.

I can't really bare re-living the humiliation of the rest of the evening which lasted about 20 more minutes.  There were some inappropriate comments I make to The Man Formerly Known as Mr. Potential which led to overheard inappropriate comments and then I left.  What the FUDGE was I thinking? I wasn't.  I was hurt, embarrassed and wanting to pick a fight.  The last part can be partially blamed on the environment and on the tequilla.  But, Holy Crazy Parties, I was so not prepared for that evening. 

Look, I have tough skin and have dealt with emotional blows enough that I can somewhat quickly recover; or successfully compartmentalize, anyway.  Humiliation, either self inflicted or from external sources, isn't easy to admit.  I'm trying to find something funny about all this, but really, right now, I can't.  I'm a grown-up.  I've put my "big girl panties" on so to speak [which really takes on a whole new meaning in this context] and moved forward and won't be attending any more events at that house again.  But I'm still licking my wounds.

Thanks for listening.  I can't say that I really feel better, but at least I got a blog post out of it.


Also, Mr. Potenial will forevermore be referred to as Mr. Douche. 


-jafg

Thursday, December 16, 2010

No Excuses

12/16/2010

2??.? lbs

I haven't weighed in the past few days.  The last time, though, the figure had managed to creep back up to above the 280 mark...not by much but enough to make me very uncomfortable.

It's been THREE long, silent months since my last posting.  I have no excuse for it, there's no backsliding, no deep, dark depression, just a lot of mis-managed time and real-life stuff. 

I forget about how much I love this community while on my little breaks.  And then, it comes flooding back when I open my inbox and see HUNDREDS of emails (ok, not all of them are legit) and realize just how much I count on this little corner of the world.  And how much I affect others, even when I don't know it. 

Faithful followers know I cling to my super secret identity and that anonymity is what JAFG is all about.  There's this real sense of true honesty that comes from not being known.  Well, there are a few of you out there that know me, really know me, and I got a quiet nudge from one of those friends today.  If someone can take the time to let me know I'm missed, (which was also evident from all the comments on my last post) well, then, I can make the time to write.  I can make the time to share. 

When I write here, I become a more fulfilled (in addition to being a more accountable) me.  I miss that.  I miss you. 

Also, when I stop posting, I lose the chance to get comments like these:

Results Not Typical Girl said...

If you don't come back soon regularly, I'm keeping all the dildos you loaned me.

I really do heart you people.

-JAFG

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Back By Popular Demand. Or Something Like That.

09/15/10

278.2 lbs

Well, I'm back.  It's been a month almost to the day.  I've maintained weight for the most part which is saying something I think.

So, yeah.  I have no idea what really caused the shunning of the blog but, sometimes it happens.  I even stopped checking my bloggy email.  Wanna know why?  Well, I kept getting comments.  I kept getting "Where Are You?" notes.  Basically, I was being told that in no uncertain terms was I going to be allowed to go gentle into that good night.  Yes, that's dramatic, but in a way, it's true.

I sometimes get very overwhelmed with my weight.  This whole trying to find a date online hasn't made anything easier either.  I'd much rather meet someone face to face so there are no levels of um surprise left to be discovered.  While I've given full disclosure to in my profile, there's still that first ripping off of the bandaid when someone meets you for the first time in person.  I hadn't anticipated that.

Anyway.  I haven't exercised one bit.  I'm getting on a plane in two weeks (a week and a half actually) and I will still not be able to break my 275 lb self from sitting in those seats.  I really want to be below that number but somehow continue to sabatage myself any time I get close to doing so.  Shit!

Anyway (again).  I wanted to tell you all that I really (really) appreciate your warm wishes and concerns and cheers and everything that welcomes me back into the fat fighting fold. 

Thank you for not leaving me alone.

-jafg

Monday, August 16, 2010

An Unexpected Turn

04/16/10

276.2 lbs

Ok.  For the record: Saturday morning said 273.6 lbs and Sunday afternoon said 273.0 lbs.  To say this morning was a disappointment would be an understatement. I'm sure it had nothing to do with the box of macaroni and cheese I ate for dinner last night or the gallon or so of Royal Flush shots consumed over the weekend.

You know I have a little weight tracker at the bottom of my blog.  I doubt it gets any facetime because, well, it's at the bottom of my blog.  Esthetically speaking it's the best place for it; however, it really isn't when it comes to viewability.
Anyway, I wanted to show it to you that it's been on a steady downward trend since I started back up in March.  I've been living healthy, relatively speaking, for 5 months and have lost 20-23 lbs.  It could have been more had I been really sticking to things.  I mean really staying on task.  However. 

I have been looking at this whole thing as a change in my life.  I'm living differently.  I'm not on a diet.  I am eating healthy food, not diet food (I don't buy into the whole "fat-free" marketing.  I believe natural is better.  Ingredients are more important than nutritional info to me.  Having said that, I heart I Can't Believe It's Not Butter spray.) I am exercising.  I'm trying to drink more water.

I also eat pizza and boxed macaroni 'n' cheese.  I drink my fair share of adult beverages.  I opt to stay in my PJs and watch movies all day instead of exercising.  Basically, I'm living a normal life.  I'm living a lifestyle that I can maintain and isn't unduly burdensome to me.  Well, exercising is almost always annoying. But that aside, I know I've got a path set in front of me that works.  For me. 

I have no idea why my blog took this path today.  Perhaps it's because I saw a 3 lb jump on the scale.  Or maybe because I'm still hung over and a bit pensive.  I dunno.  I had a hell of a weekend and will be sharing as much of the details that I dare for your reading pleasure tomorrow.

I will also be in touch with all my VWBs and working out again this week.

Well.  Starting tomorrow.


-jafg

Friday, August 13, 2010

Failure Is Not An Option Except in Fashion

08/13/10

275.5 lbs

I had that coming.  Without regaling you with all the gory details, I consumed about 2400 calories yesterday and had no extracurricular activities.  Half of those were after 8:00pm.  Shame on me.

Happy Friday The 13th, Y'all!  Let the good times roll!  The bachelorette party is this weekend.  It kicks off tomorrow at 10:00am when we hit the road and goes until we come home Sunday afternoon.  I may be a little concerned.  SAG and I went out and bought party favors for the evening.  Cheesey little things that will totally make us all the cliche of the evening.  It is going to be SO much fun!  I even bought some new clothes.

I went to three stores last night:  Avenue, Steinmart and Kohl's.  I struck out at Avenue.  More times than not, I do.  But, they've got cheap big-girl clothes and when they work, they really work.   I tried a lot of clothes on and this is the first time I've done that since my 20 lb drop.  I hit my closet up and have a few new things that work great, but I haven't gone shopping.  This was a pleasant surprise.  I can almost fit comfortably in 22/24 clothes.  I was pushing a 28.  Twenty. Eight.  Sheesh. 

I can get the clothes on, but they are still snug enough that they don't pass the sit-down test.  When I try a top I always have to sit down.  If it looks good when I'm sitting (refering to the jiggle in the middle) then the top is a keeper.  If it doesn't and I'm not going to be standing all night, well, I don't buy it.  Same goes with pants. 

Anyway.  I wanted to tell you all that I even tried on a dress.  I haven't worn a dress since I was forced to wear one as MOH for BFF's wedding in 2005.  That's also the lowest I can remember my weight in a long time being 265 lbs.  And since it was a Bridesmaid dress, I don't know that it counts.  Well, I really want to wear a dress for BB and Her Beau's wedding in early October.  So I figured I better try one on and see what it looks like.  It wasn't for the wedding, it was just for casual wear.  It was like a tanktop with wide straps at the top.  Just below the bust line it had a large elastic-gathered band (same material, just all gathered and elasticized) and then the material fell to just below my knee.  It was a 22/24.  A bit snug really.  While everything did work, I needed a size larger for the elastic.  The way it fell made me look 20 months pregnant.  Ungood.  I wasn't discouraged because I actually got a 22/24 on my body.  Anyway, after an hour I walked out of Avenue empty-handed and headed to Steinmart.

Steinmart was so much more productive and was less time.  I was also more willing to pick up smaller sized clothings this trip.  It's usually hard to find anything there because they only go to 24 or 3x.  I've gotten 3x tops but never found anything else of interest or that would work.  Well...this time I found several tops and even a dress that had great wedding potential.  It was a 24, but I figured if it worked but was just a little snug, I'd still get it anyway. I went to the dressing room with all my found treasures--we're talking a serious armful here--and the freakin place was under construction and therefore not available.  Damnit.  So, I reviewed everything I had and kept the dress and two tops.  I'd try everyting on at home and take back what didn't work.  One of the two tops is a sure thing, the other is going to the alterations today to see if they can do a quick change on it and the dress is a no go.  Simply put, I didn't fill it out where I should and did where I shouldn't.  Bygones. 

Kohl's was good too.  I found a shirt that flattered my bustline like nothing ever has before.  It is made to fall perfectly in the back and front while it is a plunging neckline and hugs The Girls.  I felt sexy in this top.  The only thing is it doesn't pass the sit-down test.  It will, but I have to fidgit around quite a bit to make it happen.  Plus I've decided to wear a pair of black capris which are slightly too tight in the waist (will help prevent overeating and they look very flattering when I stand) so the combination may be too much.  I bought it anyway.  I want to wear this top SO bad this weekend.  I just don't want to be one of those fat girls who wears skin-tight clothes and has rolls hanging out everywhere.  You know which ones I'm talking about.  I mean, I am all about loving yourself and being comfortable in your own skin, but there is such a thing as fashion sense. Come on, already!  Look in a mirror and get a clue. 

If I decide that the combination is a no-go, well, I can take solice in the fact that I will be able to wear it in the very near future.  Very near.  Like on my trip to Chicago in October.  Woohoo!

As I look back over the past two weeks I realize a lot of what I've been reading and even in my own experience is about not meeting challenges either set forth by ourselves or others have given us.  Failing.  I've been saying there is no such thing as Failing, it's just modified planning.

After my little rant about fat girls and too-tight clothes...I stand corrected.


-jafg

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Inspiration Station

08/12/10

274.8 lbs

Yippee!! 

I'm not your typical girl when it comes to movies and tv shows.  I love a good action flick and weirdo sci-fi/fantastical stuff.  I'm not all D&D, but I loved LOTR. That's Lord of the Rings.  I don't dress up as weird characters but I waited in line 2 hours for the opening day of X-Men X2.  So what's my point, here.  My point is Save the Cheerleader, Save the World.

That's a reference to a now cancelled NBC show called Heroes. The show died after it's fourth season-I stopped watching it about 2 episodes into that season btw-but the series' overall storyline is the subject for our discussion today:  Save the Cheerleader, Save the World.

You know I have my VWBs.  Well, today I was chitchatting with Roxie and she said a little something to me that just resonated in my brain like one of those Tibetan Singing Bowls.  She said "You are such a good cheerleader".  It got me thinking.  Save the Cheerleader, Save the World.

We're all cheerleaders!  We all need each other to encourage us on our good days (just take a look at my weight again!) and our bad days.  We need to encourage as much as we need encouragement.  Or Inspiration, if you will.  Imagine if everyday there was someone telling someone else some words that helped them get though even 5 minutes of something hard.  Could be emotional, could be physical, could be mental.  I'm not just talking weight loss here, but it's definitely included.  Imagine if YOU had someone telling you some Inspiring words everyday.  Save the Cheerleader, Save the World.

Get it?  You're the cheerleader.  I'm the cheerleader.  Everybody's the cheerleader.  Think about a 5k or a marathon run.  Think about those water stations; those very important lifeline-like water stations.  Runners need those to continue on course.  Now think of yourself as that virtual water station and everyone you meet today as a runner (whether in the healthy-weightloss-world or not).  Give 'em a big dose of Inspiration.  And maybe a little water'd be good, too.  You never know which Cheerleader you may be saving by being a Cheerleader yourself.

Ra Ra Ree and Stuff!



-jafg

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Good Evening

08/11/10

274.6 lbs

I just thought that I'd login real quick like and share this info with you. 

I'm sure in the morning it'll be a little higher, but I saw it on the scale none the less.

I checked it twice.

-jafg

Monday, August 9, 2010

A New Day

08/09/10

276.4 lbs

Yippee!  I actually made it through the weekend and L-O-S-T weight.  I am almost to my lowest point on this blog again.  This is a moment to celebrate. 


I love Nina Simone.  I love this song.  It seems appropriate and I hope you'll all take it with you through the week.

I'm happy to report that the VWBs all celebrated great things over the weekend.  Angela Pea rocked out a class at the Y on Friday.  Roxie kicked jogging's ass on Sunday.  Kimert killed 6 miles on Saturday.  Amanda conquered the elliptical, too.

I, on the other hand, was down for the count.  All weekend.  Before you get all sadfaced and let down because I didn't make it though my 7-day challenge, I must tell you that I had a 24-hour stomach bug (which may have been brough on by the egg drop soup I made for the first time) and...(queue "dreadful" music)...a UTI. 

The positives. I've never consumed so much water in my freakin life.

The negatives. BB's bachelorette party is this weekend. I can't consume alcoholic beverages for two weeks (thank you, Antibiotics). I'll be playing the role of Mother Hen this weekend, I guess. Sigh.

Can you say UGH?  I'm glad to know that Friday wasn't just a punked out day.  I was feeling a bit bad that I didn't hit my finish line.  Once I realized that my body was busy addressing other issues, well, I felt a little better about it.  See, the challenge wasn't to prove that I could be active for 7 days straight, it was to build momentum.  And it's done that.  I've done that.  Me and my VWBs!

So.  Today is a new day.  It's a new week and a new game plan for the VWBs.  Right now, I'm not up for a lot of movement.  This does not mean that I'm off the wagon.  I am simply going to focus extra hard on eating right and drinking plenty of water.  As a matter of fact, that is my VWB gameplan this week. 

I want to know that the girls are doing their workouts as needed.  That means Kimert and her morning sessions, Pea and her Y classes, Roxie and her jogging/BL sessions, and Amanda and her strength training.

What I need this week is encouragement to continually drink water and eat right.  Stay the course.  Keep the momentum.

'Cause I'm feeling good.  Sort of.

-jafg

Friday, August 6, 2010

Oy Vey

08/06/10

278.2 lbs

I stayed home from work today.

I'm physically exhausted.  I spent most of the day in bed.

I am up now.  I ate a peanut butter jelly sandwich and a glass of soymilk.  I'm still a little wiped with a headache.  This 7 days is hard.  I've pushed myself to the limit each day.  Today, I think I'll just play a little Wii ping pong or something.  I am planning on getting my 30 minutes in, but it won't be hardcore.  I'll pick that back up tomorrow and Sunday.

I did My Fitness Coach last night and I like it!  It's hard work, but I can do it.  And I will.


Today, today's 30 minutes will be more game like than work out. 

It's just how it is.

-jafg

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Four Days Down. Three To Go.

08/05/10

279.2 lbs

I can't tell you how happy I am to see those 80's disappear.  They really scared me.  I don't ever want to see them again.  Not on this side of 200, anyway.

So I totally kicked some elliptical ass last night with Amanda. She has a serious workout plan.  She does lunges and upper body work and lower body work and treadmill work and she's crazy.  Just sayin.  She sent me a picture of her mid-workout.  I sent one of me post-workout.  We shared sweaty pictures.  Which sounds worse than it really was.

I did 30 minutes which burned 300 calories and 2 miles.  Yea!  I've never sweat so much in my life.  Sweat was dripping, dripping off my arms.  My arms!  It literally was running down my face.  I couldn't wipe my face fast enough toward the end.  That was cool, actually.  I kept tabs on my pulse (thanks Cardio Class teacher!) and stayed below 30.  I did intervals of 5 minutes fast, 2.5 minutes slower, 5 minutes fast and so forth.  Toward the end, all I could do was a constant moderate. 

I had a bit of a mishap, though.  My kneecap locked on me a few times cause I pushed my speed just a bit much.  I was in the "Rocky Moment" meaning I was all gung-ho and wanted to push myself to the limit.  This means, of course, that I went past the limit and now it keeps doing it.  Anyone got a remedy for this?

So today is my day with Roxie.  Poor Roxie.  Somehow along our quick communications, I completely forgot to give her my number.  She faithfully did her workout this morning without any wexting.  I feel bad.  Sorry, Foxie!  Fortunately it's been remedied.  She has my number and I have hers (which I had and I still didn't text.  Bad jafg!) and she'll be wexting me tonight.  Roxie's got her own 30 day challange she's giving herself.  Mosey on over and read about it. 

Well, tonight I have a date with my Wii. I'll have to dust it off and see if I remember how to turn it on.  I'm trying a new game.  It's "My Fitness Coah".  If I don't like it, I'll go to the Boxing in Wii Sports.  LOVE the boxing.  And the swordplay for that matter.  Both tend to get the heart going a bit.  Especially the boxing.  I also have the She-devil workout-also known as Jenny McCarthy Your Shape-but I don't think my arms and legs can take that this time.  I'm feeling this 7-day challenge.

Everybody, please locate your hips.  Now, move your hands down just slightly where they are now resting on the top outter portion of your thighs.  I'm not talking the side of your thigh, I'm talking still on the top but toward the outer part.  Did you find it?  Guess what.  There's a muscle there.  I had to look it up.  I didn't know it exsisted until this week.  Especially today.  Every time I stand up from a sitting position, this little thing screams at me.  Very loudly I might add.  Funny enough, it's not when I sit, just when I stand.  Really, it's not that funny.


Tomorrow I'm going to see about another class at the Y.  Either that, or I'll be hitting the elliptical again.

I am so looking forward to my eighth day.

-jafg


Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Cardio Class: Code For Coronary

08/04/10

280.0 lbs

At least it's moving in the right direction again.

So get this. I'm working on day three of a personal 7 day challenge that I haven't really told anyone about. I'm doing my own form of my own boot camp. I've got my VWBs which are helping me stay motivated. "What's this challenge?" I hear you ask.  Well, I am making myself do some form of exercise every day for 7 days.  I am trying to capture at least 30 minutes dedicated to movement solely for the sake of getting some form of physical activity and calorie burn.  I'm calling it my "It's a whopping 30 minutes of your life" challenge.  Actually, I stole that title from Kimert.  She texted wexted that to me as motivation on Monday.  I love it. 

I woke up Monday and today and did crunches. Twenty each time. I did bicycle things which really is just as hard for me as crunches. Maybe harder because I only have the stamina to do 5 sets. Monday night I did 20 minutes on the elliptical. Last night I did 40-45 minutes of a seriously intense Cardio workout. Angela Pea did her C25K power walking training (hey, I just realized I did that, too, in my class!). We texted wexted a bit; me telling her I'm dying, her telling me I'm not. Stuff like that. It really is great having someone out there you know is rooting for you at that very minute. My very own jafg cheerleader. And, in turn, I'm cheering for my VWBs, too!

This Cardio class is worse than Hip Hop Hell class. Seriously. It's full blown exercising. This is the first time I've done this since, well, ever. Or at least since elementary school.

I'm talking sprinting, running, jogging, skipping. All things, by the way, I did not do. I faithfully walked at the fastest speed I could without tripping over my feet.  Additionally, we had to do jumping jacks. If I do jumping jacks, like real ones, I'd throw my back out because of my bouncing belly. Yeah.  I'm not kidding.  But, I did a psuedo jump of sorts and kept my arms and legs moving. We did front kicks. We did back kicks.  We did side kicks.  My hip joints are sore today.  And so are my upper thighs.  It kinda hurts to stand up from a sitting position.  But I'm not complaining.

I wanted to throw in the towel no less than tree times.  Well, on the third time I actually did leave. But I'll get to that. The instructor came over personally to talk to me "off mic" twice to make sure I was "doing okay".  That's never happened before.  When we took our pulse count (mine was 28 and a 1/2) she looked right at me to say "It shouldn't be over 30! If it's over 30, be sure to keep those arms below your heart!" I don't know if anyone else noticed where she was looking, but I did.  At one point, in between the the second time I almost left and the time I did leave, she says "Make sure if you're leaving you wave good-bye!  That way I know you're okay."  Hmm. 


We also had to do arm lifts with a weight bar.  WHILE WE WALKED.  FAST.  I picked the lightest one they had:  a 9 lb-er.  Oh.  We did arm curls with them, too.  I've got sore upper arms which I am totally loving in a sick way.  Once she started with the lunges-the ones where you completely touch your knee to the floor-with the weight bars I knew it was time to go.  Fortunately, I had given the class 42.5 minutes (give or take 2.5 minutes) of my life.  Whew.

Oh.  I didn't wave when I left. I hope she's still wondering.

I am pleased to report I was able to provide a little motivation Kimert's way (also, you should know, I've totally been misspelling her name.  It's one "M", not two). 

I love my interations with my VWBs.  I feel like a Wonder Twin.  One of 5, actually.  It's like we all raise our phones in the air and text wext "Wonder Twin Powers:  ACTIVATE!"

Form of ... "Death by Cardio Class".


I'm SO going back next week.



-jafg

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

WEXTING

08/03/10

???.? lbs

[I have no idea; I didn't weigh today.]

JAFG:  [insert picture of elliptical machine]  Guess where I am!

(20 minutes later)

JAFG:  I think I got heat rash on my arrse from that little session.

JAFG: No kidding

Kimmert:  LOL ouch!

JAFG:  I know.  Can't wait till I get home and sit on an icepack. :)

Kimmert:  I've had chubrub on the thighs before and learned bodyglide is my friend!!

JAFG:  Oooh what is that???And "chubrub" <===hahahahaha!

Kimmert:  Looks like deodorant.  Get it at Dicks sporting goods, runners use it to prevent chaffing. It's great! The Bodyglide, not the chubrub ;)

JAFG:  Dunno...seems like under the right circumstances chubrub might not be so bad...



Ah, another fabulous benefit of VWBs:  Workout texting.  Or, WEXTING.  Keeps things fun!

So Angela Pea is my VWB of the day.  I'm hitting a new cardio class at the gym tonight.  Yup.  Me and my heat rash.

Fun times, indeed.


-jafg

Monday, August 2, 2010

My Girl Friday

08/02/10

281.6 lbs

>:o|.

So, it's a good thing I wasn't lying about The Game Plan.  I got a lot of responses from that little teaser post. 

I also got a lot of responses from Help Wanted.  I want to thank each of you on the feedback on my dating bio.  I made some recommended changes and we'll see how it goes.  I signed up for three months.  90 days should be enough to tell me if it's working.  I'll be sure to share all the lovely ups and downs of that experience.  Who Knows.  Maybe it'll lead to another blog.

Well. I want to begin by saying that having followers is inspirational.  Having commenters is, like, unbelieveable. My interaction with my Tweeple is always heartwarming and fun.  I count you all as my support system and it's so great to know you're out there cheering me on.  I'm cheering for you too! (Even though I did lose a follower over the weekend.  Sadface.) 

But, sometimes I need a little bit more.  Which is why I sent out the bat signal last week.  What I need is someone(s) to prod me with a cattle poker and make sure I'm getting off my ass when I'm supposed to.  That means in the morning when I'd rather be in bed, or at night when I'd rather be watching TV.  Or you know, all the other times I need that motivation.  SAG is very wrapped up in tennis (she does all these tourneys which is great for her, but she never works out at the gym now) and BB is wrapped up with wedding stuff and is working out with Her Beau.  That leaves me with myself.  And between you and me, I can rationalize my way out of anything.  And I mean Anything. 

Well that leads us up to The Game Plan.  I'd like to introduce you to Team JAFG.  Please say hello to my little friends!

My Gal Monday
Kimmert
http://anotherrunningmom.blogspot.com/

My Gal Tuesday
Angela Pea
http://ktf-skinnyme.blogspot.com/

My Gal Wednesday

My Gal Thursday
Roxie
http://theroxieproject.blogspot.com/

These beauties are my virtual workout buddies (henceforth known as VWBs).  I was hoping for one and I got four!  That's one for every workout.  I'm giving each VWB my cell number and my name and we're doing real time one on one support.  There are still some details to work out.  Scheduling, Planning, Emailling and whatnots.  As a matter of fact, Kimmert and I started this morning.  We decided on 5:45am morning workout.  Well, it turns out that Kimmert's 5:45 is about an hour before mine is.  "How?" you ask?  Well, she's an Eastern girl and I'm a Central girl.  Fortunately, I slept through her first text.  It's quite funny really. 

Let's talk about that weight you see up there.  I ate food like it was facing extinction this weekend.  Friday night I had BBQ for takeout.  Saturday, I hit up fast food breakfast and then went to a wedding Saturday  night.  A Catholic Wedding.  At 7:00pm. With an open bar.  We left the reception (which had a shrimp and grits bar among other things) around 11:30 and hit an "after party".  It was at a neighborhood hang out.  It's always great to show up to one of those places all dressed up in about 4 cars.  We stayed there until it closed and then a smaller group headed to an "after hours" place.  Needless to say, I didn't get home until after 4:00am (which, btw, would be 5:00am Kimmert time).  I don't know if I told you this before, but I have a party rule:  If you're home before 4:00am it's still the night before; if you're home after 4:00am it's the next day.  I didn't know I still had it in me to be honest.

A night of one too many leads to a day of poor eating choices.  You may not understand this, but that's ok; you don't really need to.  My Hangover required two things:  A breakfast burrito and a creamy milky something.  I opted for a milkshake.  When you feel like I did, you have to listen to what Hangover wants.  And then, a nap (read as coma) with Kitty on the couch and then a creamy pasta dish from Macaroni Grill for dinner.  YIKES. I am choosing not to think about the calories and saturated fat content of all the digestables I had.  Actually I don't have to.  I simply had to get on the scale this morning.

I'm not beating myself up because I did get up this morning.  It wasn't exactly 5:45.  After realizing that Kimmert had already done her workout before God was awake, I rationalized myself to sleep until 6:45.  Then I laid in bed with open eyeballs and finally forced myself up 10 minutes later (6:55am).  I knew I didn't have time for my 30 minutes of Elliptical.  I didn't puss out though. I made myself do something that I never never ever do.  I did crunches.  Twenty of those bastards.  I have so much junk in my front-trunk that I forget I even have  abdominal muscles so this has been a real shock to the system.  I then did 5 pushups.  Yes, they were girl push-ups or "Pink Push-ups" as I like to call them, but still, I did them.  And then I did these 5 bicycle exercise things.  It's where you're on your back and you lift your legs up like you'd be sitting on a bike.  You then push one leg straight leaving the other at a 90* angle.  You hold the position for like 10 seconds and then you rotate legs.  Two leg movements one count.  It's a lot harder than you may realize. My thigh muscles are talking to me a bit this afternoon.

Since Angela Pea and I both use the YMCA for our gyms, she's my gym VWB.  That way, I can text her from the class and not feel like I'm all alone in that big scary room.  It'll be on Tuesdays after work. My choices are Body Pump or Cardioenergy.  Truth be told, I'm a little scared of both of these.  They sound like a real ass kicker.  I'm open to suggestions on which of the two I should take.  I'm also going to wear a sleeveless shirt.  Maybe.

I'm still working out the details about Wednesday and Thursday (pretty much those two gals are learning about their official team placement through this blog...Hi Ladies!).  Amanda as indicated something about weights and resistance training.  I have those circuit machines that perhaps we can work out a routine on. 

This doesn't mean that I'm only in contact with my VWBs on the assigned days. Oh no.  We'll be in contact on a very regular basis.  Via texts, emails, what-have-yous.  This just helps me really stay on track and  keep the variety going.

You may be wondering about the other days of the week.  Well, when I was exercising before I didn't have a problem getting to the Concierge Gym on Saturday or Sunday.  Which brings me to

My Gal Friday
Me!
BB has indicated a workout this evening may be possible so I'm planning on hitting the elliptical tonight.

My pants fit too tightly not to.

-jafg





Friday, July 30, 2010

The Game Plan

07/30/10

278.0 lbs

I'm working on something.  Something that may be big. 

I just celebrated my 1 year anniversary on Blogger on July 25.  That means it's time to get down to business.

Stay Tuned.....

-jafg

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Help Wanted

07/29/10

278.6 lbs

I didn't  weigh today.  That was yesterday.

Firstly, I don't know why it's been so long since I posted!  I haven't even tweeted any pithy comments and thoughts.  I hope you all didn't completely forget I was here.  Well.  I'm still alive.  And kicking.  Figuratively speaking anyway.

I haven't exercised in weeks.  WEEKS.  I have been taking the stairs at work as often as possible.  When I'm really hot, though, I still take that elevator.  The Mom came for a visit this week and it was great to see her.  I made some effin awesome meals.  They were healthier than they could have been (I made a bechamel sauce with 1% milk rather than heavy cream or half & half).

I'm rambling at the moment.  Sorry about that.

Let's get down to business, shall we?  I need two things from you, Bloggin Buddies.  Firstly, I need some workout accountability partners and I need them stat.  I can't seem to make the choice to get moving on my own.  I know I should be, but I'm not.  It's not that I can't, but I won't and I don't have a reason why except for laziness 9or something like it anyway).  I can always find something else to do other than exercise. Damnit.  I'm even ok with opening up my super secret fat girl identity to, say, work out together virtually where I check in and out with Exercise via my nifty cellular phone texting tools.  I'm talking one-on-one here, not Twitter of Facebook.  Although, my email's blowing up with friend requests.  I need to respond to those, too.  I'm so behind on jafg stuff.  I  digress.  You see how easy that happens?  This is why I need that accountability partner.

On to Thing Two.  I signed up for Match(dot)com.  Well, I haven't paid yet, but I did post a profile.  I got three emails since starting my account last week so I think I'm gonna upgrade.

I thought I'd share my long ass bio with you people so you can tell me if I'm datable.  Cause it's been so long I forgot what you actually do on a date.  Really.  So, here goes...

You know, one of the hardest things to do is describing yourself for a dating site. Or any other interview-type situation, really. So, hmmm…Well, I love soymilk. How’s that for a beginning? :o)


I am what you might call a social butterfly. I wouldn’t say I'm the life of the party, but I certainly do love to socialize! I've got a close network of friends both here and [geographical locations omitted]

I'm serious about work and about my free time. My friends are important to me so a person that blends well with them is also important. I would also hope to fit well into his circle of friends. There's tons of [college] sports in my local crew so if that's what he's into, he'll be welcomed with open arms. While I'm not a diehard fan, I do enjoy a good sporting event. Although, I'd rather watch a [college] football game on TV rather than in person. Just so you know.

Let's just clear the air on physical appearance. I'll be the first to admit that I can appreciate a good looking guy (or girl, really. I think Scarlett Johansson has a terrific body!). I understand (and think) that there's got to be that phisycal attraction between two people. So, I want to be completely up front with you on this. I am a plus-size girl. I’m 34; it’s not news to me. I’m comfortable in my own skin, but I’m also embarking on a new healthy path. Facing 35 makes one think about these things. I joined the YMCA in June and learned that there’s nothing like getting your rear handed to you after an intense workout.

For me, genuine is key. My match will be family-oriented and independent. He'll be full of life and maybe just a bit deviant. :-) I’m really hoping to find someone that will completely appreciate me for who I am right now and will also be encouraging for where I want to be. It’s my goal to be that same person for my “person”.

If you're interested in just hanging out (which is welcomed!), or in finding out if something may click, please let me know! (I'm not upgrading my account until I know there is some interest.)


Oh, and I’ve got to be honest with you here, I’m usually about 15-20 minutes behind schedule. Well, that’s true as long as “usually” means always.

Other than that, I wish you the best of luck in your search!

Cheers!

Well, there you have it.  Let me know what you really think about this.  Also, I need that virtual workout buddy. 

My new dating life depends on it.

-jafg


P.S.: 
Katy at Project Look Good Naked gave me a Versatile Blogger award!  Forever I never get an award and now, I get two in one month!

Thank you Katy!


P. P. S.:
Holy. Timeline.  I just realized that I celebrated my 1 year bloggin anniversary.  Like, literally.  Just Now.  Celebrate with me by reading that first one again.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Comfort Measures

Dear Blogging Friends.

Amanda has lost a loved one.  Please offer her your heart-felt condolences and hold her family up in prayer.

I hope this post finds you and yours in good health and harmony.

Thank you!

-jafg


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Monday, July 19, 2010

Monday Musings

07/19/10

278.4 lbs

Technically, that belongs to yesterday since I didn't weigh today.

Right now I was Starbucks SO BAD.  I'm going to settle for a coffee from downstairs with powdered creamer (read empty calories and a little bit of fat) and a splenda.  Whatever.

I feel somewhat returned to the land of the living.  I don't have that super stressed feeling that's been sitting on me for like the past month.  I took a few days, put things on paper, and see now that the sky isn't actually falling.  So now what?

I totally binged on fast food breakfast Sunday.  There's my weekend confession.  I had been out having an adult beverage or two the night before and totally caved to the temptation.  It's been a long while and it was good.  I'm glad that's out of my system.

Well, yesterday I bought groceries.  I meal planned and ended up with one guilty pleasure for which I totally do NOT feel bad about, stuff to make baked tacos.  It's made with flour tortillas.  I also got lean ground turkey and will have plenty lettuce and tomato for the top.  I did get low fat sour cream.  I don't believe in fat free unless it's naturally occuring.  That's just me.   Other than that, I have some beautiful sweet potatoes, lean centercut pork chops, chicken cutlets and thighs.  Also, I have plenty of steam bag veggies which last longer.  I hate it when I don't use my produce and have to throw it away.

Speaking of spoiling produce, I've signed up for a veggie co-op program and am looking forward to my first delivery this week. Not only will I be supporting local farms, but I will also be getting food that is SO fresh. I can't wait! It's costing me about $150 a month with weekly deliveries. That isn't bad for fresh organic locally grown produce. I'll let you know how it goes.

So I was inspired by JewliaGoulia's Friday post in which she laid out her pantry and fridge details.  She had all pre-portioned pre-prepared food for her easy access.  I decided I can do something similar too.  I got two pieces of watermelon ($.80 each!!!) and chopped them up.  It was a great evening snack because it's so sweet and succulent.  Plus, that $1.60 worth of watermelon will totally last me through the week (as long as it doesn't go bad)!

Well, BB's bachelorette party is set for the weekend of August 13.  We were going to the beach, but in light of all the oil issues, we've opted for New Orleans in stead.  Awesome!  I can't imagine what kind of trouble will ensue. 

I'm  setting aside bail money, just in case.

-jafg



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Friday, July 16, 2010

OMG-My First Award!

07/16/10

279.0 lbs

This post is dedicated to Christine (Phoenix Revolution) who awarded me with my first bloggin award ever.  I am super excited about it.

There are these rules that go along with geting an award so here goes.

ver•sa•tile  [vur-suh-tl or, especially Brit., -tahyl] –adjective

1. capable of or adapted for turning easily from one to another of various tasks, fields of endeavor, etc.: a versatile writer.
2. having or capable of many uses: a versatile tool.
3. Botany . attached at or near the middle so as to swing freely, as an anther.
4. Zoology . turning either forward or backward: a versatile toe.
5. variable or changeable, as in feeling, purpose, or policy: versatile moods.




Truth be told, I didn't know a toe could do that.



Rules, the rules for the award are as follows:

1. Thank the person giving the award  [THANK YOU Christine!]
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Nominate 15 newly discovered blogs.
4. Let your nominees know about the award.


Firstly, I don't know that I have 7 things to share about myself.  I talk about me all the time, I can't imagine that there's more to reveal, but here goes...

Thing #1.  I totally just thought about Dr Suess just now.  That's not my "thing" but I'm sharing anyway. 
On to my "Thing"...I'm left handed.  I don't know why I picked that as my first "thing" but there ya go.  I still think I would have scored higher on my ACT if I would have had a left-handed desk.  The testing room only had desks for Righties.  The bastards.  Speaking of those damned desks, I seriously doubt that my fat ass and stomach would be able to fit in one of them today.  But, I'm not bitter.

Thing #2.  My list of desired occupations as I was growing up:  A Nun (Yes, Nun-hey, I was raised Catholic.  What do you expect?!?!).  An Architect.  An Actress.  An Author.  An Attorney.  Apparently, I had a thing for jobs beginning with the letter A.  For the record, I am none of those things today. Well, except maybe for the author part.  But you don't know who I am so I don't think it counts.

Thing #3.  I am an artistic spirit.  I paint.  I take pictures. I design and create jewelry. I love entertaining (which I do consider an art form).  I worked as a make-up artist for a few years, too.  I love art.  If I won the lottery, I'd dedicate my time to my artistic expressions.  That, and I'd get a boob job.  But you already know that.

Thing #4.  Hmm. See, I'm already running out of things to share.  I have a tattoo.  I designed it.  It's on my outer right thigh.  It's a tribal sun moon and star and takes up as much space as my entire hand (7.5 inches long and 3.9 inches across).  I consider it a work in progress.  I won't add to it until I lose weight, though, for fear of "shifting".

Thing #5.  I have a horrible memory.  All I can say is "drugs are bad, mmmkay?".

Thing #6.  I really have to be motivated to go to the bathroom.  I can think I have to go to the bathroom and then realize an hour later I haven't gone.  I've always been like that.  I will most likely have to wear adult diapers because of it.

Thing #7.  I was just motivated to go to the bathroom.

*******
OK.  Now on to my 15 "newly discovered" nominees.....All of which, BTW, are weightloss bloggin babies.  While these may be some oldies but goodies to you, I've only just added them to my reading list.

1:  Fat Girl vs World (at) I go through life in inches and pounds.  I really like her kick ass and take names attitude.  It's great! 
2:   Lor (at) Lighten Up, Lor!.  She's funny.  And she writes mostly in lower case.  I find this facinating.
3.  Jules (at) Big Girl Bombshell.  She just makes me happy.  From the moment I click onto her page I smile.  She's thoughtful with what she posts, too. 
4.  Angela Pea (at) Keeping The Faith - Skinny Me!  Also inspirational.  And she's a real encourager.  We all need encouragement.
5.  Suzi Storm (at) Ok, Just One More Beer.  Aside from the fact that I know she could go toe-to-toe with me and adult beverages, she's just freakin awesome.  She's on the other side of the journey.  The side where she's more maintaining and polishing than losing.  That's a real motivator.  Sometimes I heart her so much I almost hate her.  (just kidding!)
6.  New Me (at) 253 to New Me.  She's a newbie.  And she's doing great!
7.  Kat (at) Kat Does Diets.  She's a new favorite of mine, too.  Especially on twitter.
8.  MissSarahlou (at) Super-Duper-Cali-Fragi-Listic-Expeali-Docious.  I had to copy and paste that.  She's awesome and encouraging.
9.  Tricia (at) Endurance Isn't Only Physical.  She's another one that's made it to the maintain and polish stage. 
10. Amanda (at) It's All About The Walls.  I didn't list Amanda first because she and I have been bloggin buddies For-Ever.  I love love love her snarkiness and she's a faithful reader/commenter.  She also leaves wicked entertaining comments.
11. Drazil (at) It's just Me, Drazil & Sheniqua.... Not only is her name Lizard spelled backwards, but she's freakin funny too! (also not a "new" discovery, but one I heart a lot)
12. Dani (at) Well-Rounded Woman.  She's another encourager.
13. Stephen (at) Who Ate My Blog?  I've been following him since my bloggin beginning.  If you don't know about him, you should.  He's such an inspiration!
14. MrsFatAss (at) Did I Just Eat That Out Loud?  Sure, everybody knows her, but she's been an addition in my book for only a few months.  Also a great read.
15. Julia (at)  JewliaGoulia.  She just hit her 100 lb lost HUGE milestone and I am so glad I was there to watch it happen!

I follow so many others, but these are the ones that are new on my list (mostly). 

Ok.  There you have it.  I hope you all have a fabulous weekend!

-jafg




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Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Better Living Through Medication

07/14/10

277.8 lbs

Ok.  It's not at bad as I really thought it would be.  And that's with wet hair and underwears.  Which are black, by the way.  Both tops and bottoms.

I did get my workout done with BB on Monday.  I'm pushing for another one today.  I'm holding out for 20 minutes this time since I did 15 minutes last time.  I've got a shit-ton going on right now and don't know if I'll get to it, though.

Actually, I am overwhelmed with stress at this particular moment in time.  Over. Whelmed. 

Work.  Home.  Family.  Money.  Weight.  Exercise.  Food.  Time.

I'm trying not to eat my way through it.  Very hard to do.

Let's focus on the positive for a moment.  I got my labs back and I lowered my cholesterol! 

I've got bad coronary genes.  I just do.  So when I factor in all the overweightness and bad eating (forget stress), I have a recipe for an early demise.  Well, I take a pill now for my cholesterol and I've also been eating healthy and exercising (with the past month and a half as an exception) so I've done really great.  Let me tell you just how great.  Here are my overall numbers from last January and this June.

Last January:  Cholesterol=360 mg/dL
This June:       Cholesterol=216 mg/dL

Ladies and Gents!  I am officially in the normal range of High Cholesterol!  I'm no longer in the "How the hell are you walking and not dying of a heart attack at this very moment?!" range of High Cholesterol!  Awesome!  Awesome-Awesome! 

However.......There's this new thing that They use now to track the risk of heart disease: hs-CRP levels.  Apparently the optimal range for hs-CRP is 1-2 mg/L.  Mine's a 15 mg/L.

Fuckin Genes.


-jafg



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Monday, July 12, 2010

Tempus Fugit (That's Latin, Y'all)

07/12/10

???.? lbs

I actually had some scale phobias this morning.  I will overcome tomorrow.

I've made a workout date with BB tonight.  None of us have been back to HHH class since May.  Actually, since I decided to start paying for the gym, I've pretty much stopped going.  Bye-Bye $40 a month! 

I do wish a lot of you folks were around in my REAL life.  I'm drawing on the support of a Skinny Athletic Girl (SAG) who has a freakin slammin hot body and a Blushing Bride (BB) who is 22 and still has a baby face.  This means she hasn't fully finished morphing into physical adulthood.  Neither of which understand a weight struggle like I've got.  Well, that's not to say that SAG doesn't work her ass off every night to look as hot as she does.  And BB and Her Beau do yoga twice a week now.  I have seen her change over the past few months. Her face has started thinning out and the adorable little baby cheeks are vanishing just a bit.  [Sadface.]

I am beginning to feel the weight of everything I need to do all at once.  That's a lot of weight.  I want to see 150.  I'm not pushing for these 140s and 130s goals I see with other people.  I'm not ready for that yet.  Hell, I'll be glad with a 165 on the scale.  But shit.  One Hundred Twelve Pounds To Lose.  That's a lot of weight.    And that's based on an out-of-date-weight. 

I'm not whining or whimpering, I'm documenting.  I could choose not to write today.  Or even until I decide to jump back on board, (which technically I am doing tonight because of my workout date). And, in case you haven't figured it out, that's what happened between the end of October to the beginning of March.  I simply tuned out. 

Well, I'm not doing that this time.  I don't care if there are a few "gray days" in my blog world, I'm making myself stay connected.  If I don't, if I drop everything, then 6 months from now I'll just be starting over again.  And I'll be no happier for it.

Hmm.  I'm ending the day on a happy note for all of you.  There's this girl who started about 7 months ago on her new healthy lifestyle.  I'm sure you all know and love Julia @ Jewlia Goulia.  Well, her Monday has greeted her with a 100.1 LB LOSS!  Go congratulate her.  She TOTALLY deserves it!  She's my hero of the day.  Tell her to go back and buy that dress, too.


So.  That got me thinking.

What will seven months get you?

 
-jafg 





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Thursday, July 8, 2010

Damnit. AGAIN. DAMNIT!

07/08/10

I didn't weigh myself today.  I thought about it, but then I got busy with other things.

I had a fantastic time at The LakeHouse over the weekend.  I then proceded to do not a damn thing on Sunday afternoon and Monday.  I slept, I ate, I watched TV, I washed some clothes, I washed bed linens.  That's pretty much it.  I was then down with a little bit of rumbly tumbly yesterday.  And that's pretty much carrying through today, as well.

This is a big DAMNIT session. 

I have totally skinned up my knees from falling off the healthy living wagon.  And the ground was really damn bumpy too.  I may have even sprained an ankle.  What all this means is that I have thrown Caring to the wind and not given a damn about exercise or healthy eating.  Well, I haven't completely let go of healthy eating, but I did COMPLETELY let go of working out. I don't mean over the past two days either.  I mean that since May, my exercising has been slowly slipping by the wayside. 

I am ashamed PISSED. 

I don't understand why I continue to have this up and down nonsense!  I freakin know that exercise is the ONLY thing that will put My Fat in check.  I know that if I don't watch every little thing I eat, I'm gonna be packin on the pounds.  It took 3 effin months to kill 20 lbs!  And I'm just throwing that away!  I see it happening.  I recognize the bad behavior, and yet, because life is totally stressing me right now, I choose to take the very easy way and not give a shit.  Only the not giving a shit makes life totally stress even more because I DO give a shit!

So. That's where I am after a perfectly great holiday. 

That 20 lbs that I lost was REAL.  Like, I sweat that fat right out of me.  I'm proud of that.  So what the hell happened to my motivation???


-jafg



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Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Radio Silence

06/30/10

277.0 lbs

Take that, 278.0 lbs!

So I'm heading to Lakehouse this weekend.  I'll be there Saturday and Sunday.BB and Her Beau, SAG and The Blondes will be there.  I'm looking forward to it.

Just like last week, this week blows.  There are about 5 serious deadlines all culminating this week and they all depend on other people beyond my controlling grasp to get completed, but I'm the project manager and responsible for making sure we reach deadline.  That is more commonly known as Cat Herder.  Yea.  Fun.

Anyway.  While I have made time for blog reading when  I could, and forced a couple of posts, it's been an effort.  I don't like it when something I enjoy becomes an effort.  The Craft suffers when that happens.  Kinda like Sex.  So, I think I'll be silent on the blogfront through the holiday.

Please have a happy and safe Independence Day holiday!  Watch National Treasure and appreciate some American history! 



I'll miss you all!

Really.

I will.


-jafg



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Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Today

06/29/10

277.0 lbs

I just played in the rain.  I was out to my elbows in the run off from my balcony. I'm the top floor and I don't have much overhang.  It was so much fun. 

My balcony door is open and I'm just listening to the sound of the rain. 

Today's a good day.

-jafg



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Monday, June 28, 2010

Meh.

06/28/10

278.0 lbs

Yesterday it said 277.4 lbs.

I did nothing this weekend. 

(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Scream)
I did some stomach exercises and my freakin stomach muscles keep spasming.  Bad.  Like, it hurts.  It hurts to sit down and it hurts to stand up.  The acts of sitting down and standing up, I mean.  It doesn't feel good. 

I can only imagine tomorrow will be worse.  I don't think this counts as cracky  crunchhead craziness, and I didn't do anything for the gun show, but the stomach muscles have been worked. 

Trust me.

I love all the responses to my 9:18pm post on Friday. 

I really heart you people!


-jafg



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Thursday, June 24, 2010

9:18 pm

06/24/10

277.8 lbs

I think.

I've discovered emailing to my blog. I hope. I just got a voicemail.
Damn. Its been a shitty week at work. That call just ensured that
tomorrow there will be no doubt I will be earning what I'm getting
paid.

Well, I know that to keep a PG13 movie rating, you can only drop the
"F-Bomb" once.

Well.

Fuck.

-jafg

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

New Blog New Me

06/23/10

$#@!$%  lbs

I don't want to talk about it.

I have been bugged by blogger about this new "design template" function so I decided to play around with it.  I'm pretty big on branding, so I've been very skeptical to change things up thinking that "my peeps know me as I am. What if they don't like the change?"  Especially since I have this Super Secret Fat Girl Identity.

That got me to thinking.  I'm changing me, so why not change my blog?  So, I did.  It was fun and here's the result of a week's worth of goofing around to see how it worked.  I wanted to keep a "feminine feel" without looking all middle school girl's locker and still keep the green and pink elements which are really all I care about anyway.  That and my little scale image.  I love that image.  I really like the simplicity of the image and it's been here since the beginning. So, my brand is my hot pink, my green and my little lime green scale. I'm ok with that.

I added a tab for my water tracking because I SERIOUSLY do not consume enough liquid in a day.  I can add up to 5 pages, of have a total of 5 pages, either way I was thinking about moving my "Blogs I heart a lot" to it's own page.  I'm also trying to figure out how to add comment capabilities to my other pages.  I'm working on one for the Crunchy Guns challenge, too.  Which I still haven't done anything about.  Damnit.


Like me, it's a work in progess.  I'm still the same, underneath this new blogger template.  I'm still the snarky JAFG that everybody's come to love.  Or tolerate.  Whatever.  I've just been altered a bit. 

Kinda like my pant size.

-jafg


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Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Twenty LBS Ago

06/22/10

276.6  lbs

I'm at peace with this today.


I was contemplating as I waited for the scale to reveal its verdict this morning.  It was a quick revelation, really.  I have this 275 number in my head that I keep saying over and over again like some meditative mantra.  I was so focused on it in fact that I totally let another realization slip right by. 

I have lost 20 lbs since March.  20 LBS!!!!!  I am very happy right now.  I just updated my weight tracker (from skinnyr.com at the bottom of this blog) and my trend line is steadily decreasing.  Twenty lbs ago, I was 3 little lbs away from 300 lbs.  Today, I'm lighter than I've been since 2005.  Awesome!

So, yesterday was the Summer Solstice.  The longest day of the year.  I celebrated by sweating my ass off in Concierge Gym.  (Yes, that is an indirect way of saying I didn't go to Yoga.  Screw Yoga.  At least for now).  I was only able to get 20 minutes logged on the elliptical (it was too hot; I was having problems keeping my breathing controlled) but I also got in 30 hard minutes on the circuit machines.  I pushed myself a little more on the thigh one (feeling a little "groin groan" today) and had some really good sets on the back pushing machine and it's partner.  I don't know what they're called, but supposedly they work out the back muscles.  They feel like a funky sit-up or crunch machine to me.  I wasn't able to get to the arm workouts because my clothes were soaking wet.  Seriously, I could almost wring my shirt out. 

I'm considering some skimpier workout clothes.  I fully understand now why everyone wears tiny little things and why most of the time they're skin tight.  It's easier to work out.  And cooler.  I had rolled up my capri JMS (that's Just My Size) cotton workout bottoms and rolled my sleeves up of my two-sizes-too-big JMS Tee and tucked them into my fantab sports bra (Champion @ JMS.com).  I really considered stripping my uppers to just said sports bra.  Maybe not considered, but just serious wishful thinking.


I'm committed to @SuziStorm's Crunchy Crackhead Craziness and Gun Show.  It involves doing crunches and push-ups which started on Sunday.  Truth be known, I've not done either, yet.  I don't do them ever.  At all.  So, my goal is to get a set in this week.  Just one.  I'm working up to it.  I am really hoping tonight'll be the night.  I don't think I'll be hitting the gym tonight in that heat, so I'll have no excuse but to participate in the mayhem.  I don't have the best of lower backs, so I'll be placing a pillow just above my butt to lay on.  I don't think that's cheating, is it?  It doesn't matter, I'll be doing it anyway.

Ok, I'm signing off now.

Twenty LBS lighter.

-jafg




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Monday, June 21, 2010

Dogward Down

06/21/10

276.2 lbs

W.T. H.

I'm not exercising enough.  Ever since my trip to DC, I have been out of the exercise routine.  I think I'll find a class to do tonight.  I checked the calendar.  There's only one choice.

It's Yoga.

Damnit.

-jafg




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Sunday, June 20, 2010

Just A Sunday Check-In

06/20/10

275.4 lbs

Isn't that freakin awesome??!  I couldn't let the day go by without saying something. 

I had a hard workout this morning which was awesome. I celebrated by throwing caution to the wind and wearing the cute black and white swim top (with the shorts) to the pool.  It's the one that I thought was too short to wear.  You all loved it so much I figured "what the hell".  When I got back I stripped to shower.  If I'm naked, I weigh.  Otherwise, I consider it a wasted opportunity.  So I jumped on the scale before getting into the shower.  It said 275.4 lbs.  I stepped on it 3 times to make sure it was the real deal.  After the shower, I got on it one more time for the hell of it and it said 275.2 lbs.  I didn't get on it again. 

On Monday I said that I wanted to hit 275 lbs this week.  I totally did!


That's all.

-jafg




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Friday, June 18, 2010

Oh Yeah.

06/18/10

277.2 lbs

So......., I'm really just whatever about that right now.

I have something serious to share with you tonight.  I had a funky day.  Over all there was nothing remarkable about it.  Nothing good.  Nothing bad.

Yesterday, kind of randomly, I called and made an appointment to get my hair done tonight.  Cut.  I love getting my hair cut.  I find it very cathartic.  There's a joy for me to see all that hair chopped off and left on the cutting room floor.  I haven't found another stylist since I moved here.  For any self respecting girl, a stylist is a long term commitment.  I am going have a very co-dependent relationship with my stylist.  He or she will be the most intimate, constant person I will know for what could potentially be for the next decade or so.  Only financial ruin will prevent me from seeing my stylist.  I think you get the point.  I met mine tonight!

My hair looks fantastic.  It's a touch shorter than I'd like it, but it will look effing great  blow dryed straight.  I got foils thrown in at the last minute.  A lush-us caramel against my brown-black curls.  I am happy to say the least.  I was in an Aveda salon so I jumped on a madagascar candle and some product.  I then picked up some sushi and headed home.  I asked the order dude if I could buy a beer to go.  He grabs a Kirin out of the fridge and says $4.42.  I pay the guy, pack my beer in my purse and grab my sushi and head home.  I wanted a Sapporo but I decided not to push my luck.

So I get home, enjoy my sushi pop my beer and become just a little melancholy.  No reason, just did.  Well, I decided to cheer myself up and I went to my room and went to my closet to dig out the only thing after a hair stylist that would make me happy at that moment.

Shoes.

 I strap on a pair of shoes whenever I want to feel sexy.  Or just better in general.  I love walking around in 4 inches of strappy stiletto goodness.  I feel like all is right with the world again.  I never wear them outside.  Truth be known, most of them look great on but are absolutely not practical  As a matter of fact, unless I'm just simply standing or sitting, these shoes really aren't comfortable for long.  It's like I buy a "skinny shoe" or something.  It'll look good in the mirror as long as I don't bend over or, I don't know, breathe.  I will buy them anyway. 

I have a pair of very cute ones tonight and thought I'd share some of my sexiness with the internet world. 



Aren't they hot?  And with the tanned legs too.  Too bad my feet hurt.

I almost forgot.  I got my water in today!


-jafg




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