03/16/2010
279.6 lbs
That was yesterday's weight. Today...it's a little higher, so I think I'll stick with that.
Kids, SO much has happened in the few weeks I've been gone. Firstly, I saw LDL. Boy, did I see him. A lot. Like many, many, many times. Repeatedly. I saw him. It was good. It was really good. I think you get the point.
Secondly, I haven't hit my gym up with Li'l Bit since being back in town. This is a bad thing. I have managed to lose a few lbs and keep them off since the CHALLENGE last month. This is a good thing. MAC (said challenger and ADVERSARY) is now with child. Shit. I'm SO happy for her, but now the whole percentage of loss thing...totally no longer applicable. Doesn't mean I'm no longer motivated. It just means I have to find someone else to blame for my pain when I exercise. It's always good to have a scapegoat (MAC, I don't think you're a goat...just wanna make that clear).
Holy Followers! I've jumped 5 followers in the few weeks I've been gone. That blows my mind! I am so happy that people like this blog enough to follow it and I've had a steady climb upward, but I've never had such a big jump in numbers before. It's humbling. And, of course, it feeds my ego. Ironic, I know, but it does work both ways.
I have a crazy summer formulating. The next few months have a lot going on socially. Great motivation for keeping on track. Also, lots of reasons to panic a bit since a few involve bathing suits. I can do it, I just have to gear up for it. You know what I mean.
To top everything off, I met someone locally. It's such a new, budding possibility I don't want to talk about it in detail right now. It's confusing because of LDL. But, then again, there's the L-D part of the equation which really sucks. Ugh. I see him again in May. Months between visits is not condusive for growing into anything more than whatever it is we are now.
WTH??? When did my life become so damn complicated????
Oh. Yeah. When sex came back into it.
It is a calorie burner, tho.
-jafg
Showing posts with label Damnit. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Damnit. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Just Another Funny Story. This Has Nothing To Do With Fat.
01/13/2011
283.4 lbs
I have a feeling I'm really going to hate that I've been guessing all week.
So, I'm 35. I don't look it, actually most people are shocked when they find out. I'm usually guessed at about 26-29. Although, I really don't believe the people who say 26, I do so LOVE the people who say 29. Hell, Even the ones that guess 32. I believe it's because #1 I've got a full face and full faces don't show wrinkles, and #2 I don't wear foundation. I use liquid eyeliner for my top lids, blush and lipstick. When I go out, I use mineral make-up and eyeshadow. And I try to moisturize regularly. But I don't drink enough water. I should work on that.
So ok. I really do have a point. I'm 35. I had an unhappy "who-who" in November. I was wondering if it was possible to catch some sexually transmitted disease through texting [refer to yesterday's LDL post ;-) ]when I went to visit a new g-y-n because weird things were happening in the below-the-belt area. Doc said I had an estrogen shortage. She gave me these little pills of estrogen to take for two weeks. They came preloaded in a pill injector. Yeah. I didn't take these orally. It was a weird experience.
So, I'm 35 and I have this thing called PCOS. I was diagnosed with it a few years ago. A lot of heavy girls are diagnosed with this. It gives you hair in places you don't want (and I've got an ethnically diverse background, this happens already), makes it difficult for pregnancy (not really an issue for me, per say), and means that hormones are hokey. I've also had an irregular cycle (read as nearly non-existent) all my life. With one exception: When I'm on Birth Control. Which was from about 21-27 years of age. I smoked then and wasn't too concerned because the "you shouldn't smoke while taking The Pill...Especially women over 35" didn't apply to me. It was so far away. 35 that is.
So that brings me back to my point. I'm 35. I've been placed back on The Pill. Doc did it to regulate me (turns out the thickening of your uterine lining greatly increases your chances for all sorts of cancers) and balance out my hormones which will help with the PCOS. She did this to me on November 28. About 3 hours after leaving her office, she calls me. Here's the conversation.
DOC: "I use my lunch time to review the charts of my new patients. I see you're 35." -No. Shit.- "It says here you smoke." -She called me just for this?- "You can't smoke and take The Pill." -Damn my honesty on my new patient forms!- "The risks for a stroke or heart attack are too high."
ME: "But I only smoke, like, 4 or 5 cigarettes a day. A pack can almost last me a week!" Desparation is really starting to set in.
DOC: "It's smoking. There's really no safe level. Especially on The Pill. You're 35." -I heard that the first time.- "You need to make a decision."
I like her and hate her all at the same time. I tell her that since it's only "a few a day", it shouldn't be a big deal to quit. It's a nasty habit with no redeeming qualities. A guilty pleasure whose guilt should outweigh the pleasure. Blah. Blah. Blah. So. Ok. I'm going to quit. Again. :-|
I've got a Pharmacist in the family. I ask her and every other Pharmacist I meet about this whole smoking and The Pill thing. Surely one every now and then would be ok. A little snack once in awhile shouldn't hurt.
The answer is always the same. "It's not recommended, especially for women your age." Bastards.
It's been a process through the Holiday Merriment. I made a solid commitment on January 3rd and haven't smoked once since the 4th. So, I'm on day 10 of smoke-free living. Go Me! I traded smoking for bleeding and wacked emotions on a monthly basis. On a good note, taking The Pill has made my boobs bigger. I don't remember that happening the first time around.
Oh. Doc ends the conversation like this.
DOC: "I'm scheduling you for a mamogram. It's time you get one. You're 35."
-Bitch.-
-jafg
283.4 lbs
I have a feeling I'm really going to hate that I've been guessing all week.
So, I'm 35. I don't look it, actually most people are shocked when they find out. I'm usually guessed at about 26-29. Although, I really don't believe the people who say 26, I do so LOVE the people who say 29. Hell, Even the ones that guess 32. I believe it's because #1 I've got a full face and full faces don't show wrinkles, and #2 I don't wear foundation. I use liquid eyeliner for my top lids, blush and lipstick. When I go out, I use mineral make-up and eyeshadow. And I try to moisturize regularly. But I don't drink enough water. I should work on that.
So ok. I really do have a point. I'm 35. I had an unhappy "who-who" in November. I was wondering if it was possible to catch some sexually transmitted disease through texting [refer to yesterday's LDL post ;-) ]when I went to visit a new g-y-n because weird things were happening in the below-the-belt area. Doc said I had an estrogen shortage. She gave me these little pills of estrogen to take for two weeks. They came preloaded in a pill injector. Yeah. I didn't take these orally. It was a weird experience.
So, I'm 35 and I have this thing called PCOS. I was diagnosed with it a few years ago. A lot of heavy girls are diagnosed with this. It gives you hair in places you don't want (and I've got an ethnically diverse background, this happens already), makes it difficult for pregnancy (not really an issue for me, per say), and means that hormones are hokey. I've also had an irregular cycle (read as nearly non-existent) all my life. With one exception: When I'm on Birth Control. Which was from about 21-27 years of age. I smoked then and wasn't too concerned because the "you shouldn't smoke while taking The Pill...Especially women over 35" didn't apply to me. It was so far away. 35 that is.
So that brings me back to my point. I'm 35. I've been placed back on The Pill. Doc did it to regulate me (turns out the thickening of your uterine lining greatly increases your chances for all sorts of cancers) and balance out my hormones which will help with the PCOS. She did this to me on November 28. About 3 hours after leaving her office, she calls me. Here's the conversation.
DOC: "I use my lunch time to review the charts of my new patients. I see you're 35." -No. Shit.- "It says here you smoke." -She called me just for this?- "You can't smoke and take The Pill." -Damn my honesty on my new patient forms!- "The risks for a stroke or heart attack are too high."
ME: "But I only smoke, like, 4 or 5 cigarettes a day. A pack can almost last me a week!" Desparation is really starting to set in.
DOC: "It's smoking. There's really no safe level. Especially on The Pill. You're 35." -I heard that the first time.- "You need to make a decision."
I like her and hate her all at the same time. I tell her that since it's only "a few a day", it shouldn't be a big deal to quit. It's a nasty habit with no redeeming qualities. A guilty pleasure whose guilt should outweigh the pleasure. Blah. Blah. Blah. So. Ok. I'm going to quit. Again. :-|
I've got a Pharmacist in the family. I ask her and every other Pharmacist I meet about this whole smoking and The Pill thing. Surely one every now and then would be ok. A little snack once in awhile shouldn't hurt.
The answer is always the same. "It's not recommended, especially for women your age." Bastards.
It's been a process through the Holiday Merriment. I made a solid commitment on January 3rd and haven't smoked once since the 4th. So, I'm on day 10 of smoke-free living. Go Me! I traded smoking for bleeding and wacked emotions on a monthly basis. On a good note, taking The Pill has made my boobs bigger. I don't remember that happening the first time around.
Oh. Doc ends the conversation like this.
DOC: "I'm scheduling you for a mamogram. It's time you get one. You're 35."
-Bitch.-
-jafg
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Better Living Through Medication
07/14/10
277.8 lbs
Ok. It's not at bad as I really thought it would be. And that's with wet hair and underwears. Which are black, by the way. Both tops and bottoms.
I did get my workout done with BB on Monday. I'm pushing for another one today. I'm holding out for 20 minutes this time since I did 15 minutes last time. I've got a shit-ton going on right now and don't know if I'll get to it, though.
Actually, I am overwhelmed with stress at this particular moment in time. Over. Whelmed.
Work. Home. Family. Money. Weight. Exercise. Food. Time.
I'm trying not to eat my way through it. Very hard to do.
Let's focus on the positive for a moment. I got my labs back and I lowered my cholesterol!
I've got bad coronary genes. I just do. So when I factor in all the overweightness and bad eating (forget stress), I have a recipe for an early demise. Well, I take a pill now for my cholesterol and I've also been eating healthy and exercising (with the past month and a half as an exception) so I've done really great. Let me tell you just how great. Here are my overall numbers from last January and this June.
Ladies and Gents! I am officially in the normal range of High Cholesterol! I'm no longer in the "How the hell are you walking and not dying of a heart attack at this very moment?!" range of High Cholesterol! Awesome! Awesome-Awesome!
However.......There's this new thing that They use now to track the risk of heart disease: hs-CRP levels. Apparently the optimal range for hs-CRP is 1-2 mg/L. Mine's a 15 mg/L.
Fuckin Genes.
-jafg
277.8 lbs
Ok. It's not at bad as I really thought it would be. And that's with wet hair and underwears. Which are black, by the way. Both tops and bottoms.
I did get my workout done with BB on Monday. I'm pushing for another one today. I'm holding out for 20 minutes this time since I did 15 minutes last time. I've got a shit-ton going on right now and don't know if I'll get to it, though.
Actually, I am overwhelmed with stress at this particular moment in time. Over. Whelmed.
Work. Home. Family. Money. Weight. Exercise. Food. Time.
I'm trying not to eat my way through it. Very hard to do.
Let's focus on the positive for a moment. I got my labs back and I lowered my cholesterol!
I've got bad coronary genes. I just do. So when I factor in all the overweightness and bad eating (forget stress), I have a recipe for an early demise. Well, I take a pill now for my cholesterol and I've also been eating healthy and exercising (with the past month and a half as an exception) so I've done really great. Let me tell you just how great. Here are my overall numbers from last January and this June.
Last January: Cholesterol=360 mg/dL
This June: Cholesterol=216 mg/dL
Ladies and Gents! I am officially in the normal range of High Cholesterol! I'm no longer in the "How the hell are you walking and not dying of a heart attack at this very moment?!" range of High Cholesterol! Awesome! Awesome-Awesome!
However.......There's this new thing that They use now to track the risk of heart disease: hs-CRP levels. Apparently the optimal range for hs-CRP is 1-2 mg/L. Mine's a 15 mg/L.
Fuckin Genes.
-jafg
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Damnit. AGAIN. DAMNIT!
07/08/10
I didn't weigh myself today. I thought about it, but then I got busy with other things.
I had a fantastic time at The LakeHouse over the weekend. I then proceded to do not a damn thing on Sunday afternoon and Monday. I slept, I ate, I watched TV, I washed some clothes, I washed bed linens. That's pretty much it. I was then down with a little bit of rumbly tumbly yesterday. And that's pretty much carrying through today, as well.
I have totally skinned up my knees from falling off the healthy living wagon. And the ground was really damn bumpy too. I may have even sprained an ankle. What all this means is that I have thrown Caring to the wind and not given a damn about exercise or healthy eating. Well, I haven't completely let go of healthy eating, but I did COMPLETELY let go of working out. I don't mean over the past two days either. I mean that since May, my exercising has been slowly slipping by the wayside.
I don't understand why I continue to have this up and down nonsense! I freakin know that exercise is the ONLY thing that will put My Fat in check. I know that if I don't watch every little thing I eat, I'm gonna be packin on the pounds. It took 3 effin months to kill 20 lbs! And I'm just throwing that away! I see it happening. I recognize the bad behavior, and yet, because life is totally stressing me right now, I choose to take the very easy way and not give a shit. Only the not giving a shit makes life totally stress even more because I DO give a shit!
So. That's where I am after a perfectly great holiday.
That 20 lbs that I lost was REAL. Like, I sweat that fat right out of me. I'm proud of that. So what the hell happened to my motivation???
-jafg
I didn't weigh myself today. I thought about it, but then I got busy with other things.
I had a fantastic time at The LakeHouse over the weekend. I then proceded to do not a damn thing on Sunday afternoon and Monday. I slept, I ate, I watched TV, I washed some clothes, I washed bed linens. That's pretty much it. I was then down with a little bit of rumbly tumbly yesterday. And that's pretty much carrying through today, as well.
This is a big DAMNIT session.
I have totally skinned up my knees from falling off the healthy living wagon. And the ground was really damn bumpy too. I may have even sprained an ankle. What all this means is that I have thrown Caring to the wind and not given a damn about exercise or healthy eating. Well, I haven't completely let go of healthy eating, but I did COMPLETELY let go of working out. I don't mean over the past two days either. I mean that since May, my exercising has been slowly slipping by the wayside.
I am ashamed PISSED.
I don't understand why I continue to have this up and down nonsense! I freakin know that exercise is the ONLY thing that will put My Fat in check. I know that if I don't watch every little thing I eat, I'm gonna be packin on the pounds. It took 3 effin months to kill 20 lbs! And I'm just throwing that away! I see it happening. I recognize the bad behavior, and yet, because life is totally stressing me right now, I choose to take the very easy way and not give a shit. Only the not giving a shit makes life totally stress even more because I DO give a shit!
So. That's where I am after a perfectly great holiday.
That 20 lbs that I lost was REAL. Like, I sweat that fat right out of me. I'm proud of that. So what the hell happened to my motivation???
-jafg
Monday, June 21, 2010
Dogward Down
06/21/10
276.2 lbs
W.T. H.
I'm not exercising enough. Ever since my trip to DC, I have been out of the exercise routine. I think I'll find a class to do tonight. I checked the calendar. There's only one choice.
It's Yoga.
Damnit.
-jafg
276.2 lbs
W.T. H.
I'm not exercising enough. Ever since my trip to DC, I have been out of the exercise routine. I think I'll find a class to do tonight. I checked the calendar. There's only one choice.
It's Yoga.
Damnit.
-jafg
Monday, May 24, 2010
Um...
05/24/10
280.4 lbs
This just sucks.
I had an unfortunate weekend. Really, it wasn't a bad weekend. There was no stress or unhappiness or other reason to fall off the wagon, it just seems right now, I am in this funk. Things are going well but I can't seem to get my emotions on the same page. I am wondering if this is a late blooming sort of fat withdrawal. According to myfitnesspal, I've been going over my daily allowance of fat grams like every day since I started using that website, but I'm feeling the strong urge for a burger and fries. Or mexican cheese dip. Or like a deep dish pizza. Or a sausage egg and cheese breakfast sandwich. Oh wait. I had one of those on Saturday.
I didn't exercise Friday night which is actually my favorite night to go to the gym. No, I was contacted by someone I've met on facebook (friend of a friend sort of thing) and we happen to both be in the same place at the same time, so we decided to get together. The someone happened to be of the boy persuasion. Well, not too much of a boy, considering the 6 year age difference. Now kids, before your minds go too crazy like mine almost did on Friday, this was not a date. This was meeting for a first time, getting to know someone "IRL" (in real life) and talk about mutual interests. We paid for our own meals and have no set plans in the future. Honestly, I've only had one blind date in my life and have never been one for the dating scene. It's always been different where my relationships are concerned. Nothing's ever really been conventional. Because of this I'm a dating flunky. So I classified this in my mind as a sort of practice date. Unbeknownst to the someone, of course.
Well, I didn't let any of this bother me too much because I knew this wasn't a date to begin with. I did go home and "freshen up", chose between two different outfits and changed out my jewelry selections a few times which was actually very fun and girly. I was 15 minutes late which is totally standard for me, but there was pre-meeting texting going on and he was gracious and patient about it all. I drank beers (it's a slow process) and had a great grilled chicken sandwich. We talked about art and life and politics and religion and music and life again which made for a great 3 hours. I didn't feel uncomfortable once. It was nice!
I got up Saturday morning and went swimming with a work friend. We met up at my new gym at 7:35am. I was supposed to meet her at 6:30 but when she called me to make sure I was on my way at 6:25, I was still in bed. I roll out of bed, throw on something for swimming (which includes a tshirt and shorts) and head out. We get to The Gym at 7:35am. AWESOME! It's so empty! Well, we park the car, pile out and get to the door. Which is locked. Turns out the place doesn't open until 8:00am on Saturdays. Oops. At least I don't feel so bad about being late now. We decide to go for a quick healthy breakfast. Prior Fat Girl has been raving about the breakfast sandwiches from Subway so I suggest we swing by and get one of those. Well, turns out the location we find doesn't open for breakfast. Damnit. We end up with traditional fast food breakfast from an Arby's down the street. Neither of us opted for the breakfast potatoes I'm proud to say.
So we take our no longer healthy breakfast food back to The Gym parking lot and nosh on our goodies. We're both laughing at the fact that we're eating sausage and bacon before heading to work out. Slowly but steadily the parking lot begins to fill and a line begins to form outside the door. There are a lot of older gray-headed people waiting with bike shorts on. In case you didn't know, real bike shorts have padding in the butt. The padding makes you look like you're either wearing a diaper that needs to be changed, or your not wearing a diaper and you still need to change. Not a pretty picture on an old gray-haired man. Jes Sayin.
Once we get in we realize why there's a line; it's for the spinning class. Everyone wants to get in it. I have more respect for Mr. Doodey Pants now. But his pants still looked funny.
Work Friend and I head to the women's locker room and head for the pool. We get in there and almost all the lanes are full. There are two left and there's no divider between them which is PERFECT for us. I did laps (slow-moving-doggie-paddling laps) for about an hour and had mindless girl chatter. It was so much fun!
We just went back and forth from the shallow end to the deep end chit-chatting about her upcoming nuptials and move (she and her fiancé will be moving to up north for his Graduate school program) and nonsensical stuff like previous public pool experiences. Before we knew it, an hour had gone by. We decided to get out of the water because more and more people were heading in and we thought it was best to let some real swimmers have a go at a lane.
The locker room changing was so not fun. I changed in a dungeon-like shower stall standing on a hand towel. I won't be doing that again.
After the swim I headed home and had a chance to layout at the concierge pool for about 45 minutes before people started getting there. I ended up feeling very overheated and left just as the first boys arrived. It truly was a coincidence. I don't like being at any pool when boys are around. There are too many skinny girls for me to feel comfortable. Hell, even if there weren't skinny girls around, I'd be uncomfortable in the tight fitting tank and workout short I was wearing. I packed up and left. I didn't feel good so I ended up taking a 3 hour nap.
Sunday I decided to head to the pool earlier for more alone time and less heat. I didn't quite make it as early as I'd planned. I only got about 15 extra minutes (made for 30 minutes of alone time) before the first party group arrived. It was 5 boys and a girl. They couldn't have been older than 23. Honestly, it didn't bother me too much to be there with them. I stayed for about 30 minutes longer, it was just them and me, and then I decided to leave.
I fully realized something that has been kind of rolling around in the back of my brain for awhile. I have more confidence and less self-consciousness now that I'm actively losing weight. I know there are people that, even though they don't say anything, they still register in their thought processes that I'm a big girl. It's a simple fact. I am proud of myself, because I can be in situations that would have had me pretty shaken up earlier in this process even though I believe I'm a pretty secure person for the most part. I've never been one to hide in a corner, but I sure as hell wouldn't have been comfortable to hang out for an additional 30 minutes in a pool where 5 boys and a thin pretty girl were whooping it up. That just wouldn't have happened. But now it's different. I know I'm just another fat girl, but I'm doing something about it.
Sunday had a nice 3 hour nap tucked into it as well. I made it through dinner but still had this "deprived" feeling at the end of the night. I ended up ordering my thin crust pizza from Domino's at 8:30pm last night.
It was good, too.
-jafg
280.4 lbs
This just sucks.
I had an unfortunate weekend. Really, it wasn't a bad weekend. There was no stress or unhappiness or other reason to fall off the wagon, it just seems right now, I am in this funk. Things are going well but I can't seem to get my emotions on the same page. I am wondering if this is a late blooming sort of fat withdrawal. According to myfitnesspal, I've been going over my daily allowance of fat grams like every day since I started using that website, but I'm feeling the strong urge for a burger and fries. Or mexican cheese dip. Or like a deep dish pizza. Or a sausage egg and cheese breakfast sandwich. Oh wait. I had one of those on Saturday.
I didn't exercise Friday night which is actually my favorite night to go to the gym. No, I was contacted by someone I've met on facebook (friend of a friend sort of thing) and we happen to both be in the same place at the same time, so we decided to get together. The someone happened to be of the boy persuasion. Well, not too much of a boy, considering the 6 year age difference. Now kids, before your minds go too crazy like mine almost did on Friday, this was not a date. This was meeting for a first time, getting to know someone "IRL" (in real life) and talk about mutual interests. We paid for our own meals and have no set plans in the future. Honestly, I've only had one blind date in my life and have never been one for the dating scene. It's always been different where my relationships are concerned. Nothing's ever really been conventional. Because of this I'm a dating flunky. So I classified this in my mind as a sort of practice date. Unbeknownst to the someone, of course.
Well, I didn't let any of this bother me too much because I knew this wasn't a date to begin with. I did go home and "freshen up", chose between two different outfits and changed out my jewelry selections a few times which was actually very fun and girly. I was 15 minutes late which is totally standard for me, but there was pre-meeting texting going on and he was gracious and patient about it all. I drank beers (it's a slow process) and had a great grilled chicken sandwich. We talked about art and life and politics and religion and music and life again which made for a great 3 hours. I didn't feel uncomfortable once. It was nice!
I got up Saturday morning and went swimming with a work friend. We met up at my new gym at 7:35am. I was supposed to meet her at 6:30 but when she called me to make sure I was on my way at 6:25, I was still in bed. I roll out of bed, throw on something for swimming (which includes a tshirt and shorts) and head out. We get to The Gym at 7:35am. AWESOME! It's so empty! Well, we park the car, pile out and get to the door. Which is locked. Turns out the place doesn't open until 8:00am on Saturdays. Oops. At least I don't feel so bad about being late now. We decide to go for a quick healthy breakfast. Prior Fat Girl has been raving about the breakfast sandwiches from Subway so I suggest we swing by and get one of those. Well, turns out the location we find doesn't open for breakfast. Damnit. We end up with traditional fast food breakfast from an Arby's down the street. Neither of us opted for the breakfast potatoes I'm proud to say.
So we take our no longer healthy breakfast food back to The Gym parking lot and nosh on our goodies. We're both laughing at the fact that we're eating sausage and bacon before heading to work out. Slowly but steadily the parking lot begins to fill and a line begins to form outside the door. There are a lot of older gray-headed people waiting with bike shorts on. In case you didn't know, real bike shorts have padding in the butt. The padding makes you look like you're either wearing a diaper that needs to be changed, or your not wearing a diaper and you still need to change. Not a pretty picture on an old gray-haired man. Jes Sayin.
Once we get in we realize why there's a line; it's for the spinning class. Everyone wants to get in it. I have more respect for Mr. Doodey Pants now. But his pants still looked funny.
We just went back and forth from the shallow end to the deep end chit-chatting about her upcoming nuptials and move (she and her fiancé will be moving to up north for his Graduate school program) and nonsensical stuff like previous public pool experiences. Before we knew it, an hour had gone by. We decided to get out of the water because more and more people were heading in and we thought it was best to let some real swimmers have a go at a lane.
The locker room changing was so not fun. I changed in a dungeon-like shower stall standing on a hand towel. I won't be doing that again.
After the swim I headed home and had a chance to layout at the concierge pool for about 45 minutes before people started getting there. I ended up feeling very overheated and left just as the first boys arrived. It truly was a coincidence. I don't like being at any pool when boys are around. There are too many skinny girls for me to feel comfortable. Hell, even if there weren't skinny girls around, I'd be uncomfortable in the tight fitting tank and workout short I was wearing. I packed up and left. I didn't feel good so I ended up taking a 3 hour nap.
Sunday I decided to head to the pool earlier for more alone time and less heat. I didn't quite make it as early as I'd planned. I only got about 15 extra minutes (made for 30 minutes of alone time) before the first party group arrived. It was 5 boys and a girl. They couldn't have been older than 23. Honestly, it didn't bother me too much to be there with them. I stayed for about 30 minutes longer, it was just them and me, and then I decided to leave.
I fully realized something that has been kind of rolling around in the back of my brain for awhile. I have more confidence and less self-consciousness now that I'm actively losing weight. I know there are people that, even though they don't say anything, they still register in their thought processes that I'm a big girl. It's a simple fact. I am proud of myself, because I can be in situations that would have had me pretty shaken up earlier in this process even though I believe I'm a pretty secure person for the most part. I've never been one to hide in a corner, but I sure as hell wouldn't have been comfortable to hang out for an additional 30 minutes in a pool where 5 boys and a thin pretty girl were whooping it up. That just wouldn't have happened. But now it's different. I know I'm just another fat girl, but I'm doing something about it.
Sunday had a nice 3 hour nap tucked into it as well. I made it through dinner but still had this "deprived" feeling at the end of the night. I ended up ordering my thin crust pizza from Domino's at 8:30pm last night.
It was good, too.
-jafg
Friday, May 21, 2010
The Hate Side of My Love/Hate Relationship With The World Of Weight
05/21/10
278.2 lbs
*Warning: Cranky JAFG Ahead*
I'm really not sure what to think. Since this little bloggin space's inception, I've not been this low on the scale.
I'm freakin happy! BUT...I have this overwhelming need to walk around and whisper I've lost 18 lbs because if I say it too loud, it might jinx it or something. Like when people whisper *cancer* or *prison*.
So yeah, I've lost 18 lbs. It's not a fluke like a 3 lbs fluctuation could be. It's 18 solid lbs. If someone asks me how I'm doing it I get to tell them "I'm doing it the old fashioned way: Healthy Eating and Exercise". No one wants to hear that, but it's the truth. Now, IF there were some magic way to do this while being able to eat whatever whenever I wanted, and I didn't have to exercise, then, well, I bet I'd be doing that instead.
My life's been very boring as of late. I have no funny stories to share or even any to pull from in the right recent past. I'm watching what I do for food religiously and tracking it all on myfitnesspal. I'm weighing myself every morning and, this week, have just been sitting on my couch watching tv or checking FB at night.
I love routine and I hate it too! Right now, I'm totally in an I-hate-it phase. I'm in a rut/funk/ditch/somethin and I need a change. I've really had to be a grown-up at work which, translated, means I'm not doing anything fun. I need to blow off some steam. I had plans to visit BFF and Her Hubbie this weekend, but had to cancel that. Grr. I've been disconnected from SAG and BB because everyone is just busy with l-i-f-e right now.
On a good note, I am going to Beach Town the first week of June. I'll be there for work, but I'm bringing BFF (it'll just be her and me) and we're staying in a fantab hotel ON the beach. Even when I lived there, I never stayed ON the beach. Well, there was that one Halloween weekend and then that random night one summer, but you know what I mean. I'm really looking forward to that!
I've strained my knee from pushing too hard through HHH class and bouncing around and all that. You know how walking down the stairs is usually the easiest thing in the world? Yeah. Not for me. Not right now. I hate this.
Turns out all those crunching sounds that I've heard in my knee for years has been what they call runner's knee. Commonplace among runners and overweight people. Well, I'm not in the runner category in case you didn't know. Actually, while I've had this mild, unchecked version of this pain in my knee for at least two years back that I can remember, since I started exercising in like 0-to-60 mode I've had a serious flare-up.
It's treatable with stretches and "quad stengthening" and a brace and ice and Motrin which is fantastic (seriously-it's a mostly free treatment plan). I also will actually have to bounce LESS in HHH class and focus on not too much resistnence on my favorite elliptical. I can't avoid The Stairs at least twice a day; however, I've been using the railing to ease things up a bit. While I've really noticed that my knee pain has eased up as the week of inactivity I feel like the rest of me is rusting inside. I also miss the extra calories that exersice affords me. Trying to keep my caloric intake under 1300 is a real pain in the ass.
I'm exercising tonight, damnit
-jafg
278.2 lbs
*Warning: Cranky JAFG Ahead*
I'm really not sure what to think. Since this little bloggin space's inception, I've not been this low on the scale.
I'm freakin happy! BUT...I have this overwhelming need to walk around and whisper I've lost 18 lbs because if I say it too loud, it might jinx it or something. Like when people whisper *cancer* or *prison*.
So yeah, I've lost 18 lbs. It's not a fluke like a 3 lbs fluctuation could be. It's 18 solid lbs. If someone asks me how I'm doing it I get to tell them "I'm doing it the old fashioned way: Healthy Eating and Exercise". No one wants to hear that, but it's the truth. Now, IF there were some magic way to do this while being able to eat whatever whenever I wanted, and I didn't have to exercise, then, well, I bet I'd be doing that instead.
My life's been very boring as of late. I have no funny stories to share or even any to pull from in the right recent past. I'm watching what I do for food religiously and tracking it all on myfitnesspal. I'm weighing myself every morning and, this week, have just been sitting on my couch watching tv or checking FB at night.
I love routine and I hate it too! Right now, I'm totally in an I-hate-it phase. I'm in a rut/funk/ditch/somethin and I need a change. I've really had to be a grown-up at work which, translated, means I'm not doing anything fun. I need to blow off some steam. I had plans to visit BFF and Her Hubbie this weekend, but had to cancel that. Grr. I've been disconnected from SAG and BB because everyone is just busy with l-i-f-e right now.
On a good note, I am going to Beach Town the first week of June. I'll be there for work, but I'm bringing BFF (it'll just be her and me) and we're staying in a fantab hotel ON the beach. Even when I lived there, I never stayed ON the beach. Well, there was that one Halloween weekend and then that random night one summer, but you know what I mean. I'm really looking forward to that!
I've strained my knee from pushing too hard through HHH class and bouncing around and all that. You know how walking down the stairs is usually the easiest thing in the world? Yeah. Not for me. Not right now. I hate this.
Turns out all those crunching sounds that I've heard in my knee for years has been what they call runner's knee. Commonplace among runners and overweight people. Well, I'm not in the runner category in case you didn't know. Actually, while I've had this mild, unchecked version of this pain in my knee for at least two years back that I can remember, since I started exercising in like 0-to-60 mode I've had a serious flare-up.
It's treatable with stretches and "quad stengthening" and a brace and ice and Motrin which is fantastic (seriously-it's a mostly free treatment plan). I also will actually have to bounce LESS in HHH class and focus on not too much resistnence on my favorite elliptical. I can't avoid The Stairs at least twice a day; however, I've been using the railing to ease things up a bit. While I've really noticed that my knee pain has eased up as the week of inactivity I feel like the rest of me is rusting inside. I also miss the extra calories that exersice affords me. Trying to keep my caloric intake under 1300 is a real pain in the ass.
I'm exercising tonight, damnit
-jafg
Monday, May 17, 2010
Cause and Effect
05/17/10
285.0 lbs
Damnit.
I am seriously considering a water fast. At least for 24 hours. I need SOMETHING to jumpstart the weightloss again. I want SO badly to see the 70's I can't stand it!
I've had three days of business travel hell. I got up at 4:30 AM Wednesday morning and got home at 12:10 AM Friday night. Well, actually, that would be Saturday morning. What. A. Nightmare. I was going to DC which is one of my all time fave places, but didn't get to enjoy the location once. Sadface.
I have learned that two things affect food decisions: Exhaustion and hangovers.
I was thrilled that I was making healthy choices on the food front. I had a mushroom, mozzerrella, spinach sandwich (eating little bread) for lunch, and a mostly sensible dinner considering I was at a "dinner reception" and had no choice on the menu. I did skip breakfast and had lunch in my room on Thursday which consisted of roasted peppers, spinach, feta and hummus on crostini (6 mini pieces) and a garden salad, dressing on the side. I had a martini or two for dinner.
I should tell you that I was meeting someone (two someones to be specific) for a business drink at the lobby bar and could find NOTHING healthy to snack on on the menu so I passed. I have not partaken of more than one drink at a time since the big 30 party for SAG last month.
So, there I was, sitting at the lobby bar, waiting on my business persons to arrive. I was early (shocker) and they were late (another shocker). Well, I decided to have a beverage (cosmo) prior to their arrival. Holy Moly. I hadn't had a cosmo that good in I can't remember. Truly. Well, I'm finishing up my drink when the business duo arrives. They order a round, as business people do, and before I know it, I'm on Martini #3.
I have to go to the ladies' and at the point of walking to the ladies' and walking back, I realize that I have had nothing to eat for hours, what I did have to eat is long gone and I have had three of the strongest martinis ever served in DC. Rookie Mistake.
Well, I went to bed early that night.
I woke up Friday not feeling quite so great. I had room service for breakfast. That would be 2 eggs scrambled with cheese (most of it left on my plate) two pieces of bacon (all left on the plate) a carrot-raisin muffin (top eaten) and the best toasted bagel with cream cheese anb butter I've ever eaten. Yeah, I ate the whole bagel. With shmear and all! Oh, I also had two glasses of soymilk.
I had a late flight and nothing to do with my luggage so I headed to the airport early. At this point, I'm tired, perhaps slightly hungover, and just wanting to get home. I ate dinner there. I had a burger and fries. And a coke. So, 10 hours after getting to the airport, I finally land. I'm taking a cab home and, I can't believe this, I asked him to drive through McD's because I'm hungry again. I ordered a fish filet combo with a water. I feel good about that water.
I slept most of the day on Saturday and ordered a thin crust veggie pizza for dinner. Sunday I was back on track. I worked out with The Moms and had a very healthy food day and bought groceries for the next few weeks. Publix had the most awesome icecream on sale...it's actually a Gelato. Everything was healthy in my basket excepting those icecreams which were a B.O.G.O.F. deal.
I had a small scoop of that last night.
And I wonder why this weight isn't moving.
-jafg
285.0 lbs
Damnit.
I am seriously considering a water fast. At least for 24 hours. I need SOMETHING to jumpstart the weightloss again. I want SO badly to see the 70's I can't stand it!
I've had three days of business travel hell. I got up at 4:30 AM Wednesday morning and got home at 12:10 AM Friday night. Well, actually, that would be Saturday morning. What. A. Nightmare. I was going to DC which is one of my all time fave places, but didn't get to enjoy the location once. Sadface.
I have learned that two things affect food decisions: Exhaustion and hangovers.
I was thrilled that I was making healthy choices on the food front. I had a mushroom, mozzerrella, spinach sandwich (eating little bread) for lunch, and a mostly sensible dinner considering I was at a "dinner reception" and had no choice on the menu. I did skip breakfast and had lunch in my room on Thursday which consisted of roasted peppers, spinach, feta and hummus on crostini (6 mini pieces) and a garden salad, dressing on the side. I had a martini or two for dinner.
I should tell you that I was meeting someone (two someones to be specific) for a business drink at the lobby bar and could find NOTHING healthy to snack on on the menu so I passed. I have not partaken of more than one drink at a time since the big 30 party for SAG last month.
So, there I was, sitting at the lobby bar, waiting on my business persons to arrive. I was early (shocker) and they were late (another shocker). Well, I decided to have a beverage (cosmo) prior to their arrival. Holy Moly. I hadn't had a cosmo that good in I can't remember. Truly. Well, I'm finishing up my drink when the business duo arrives. They order a round, as business people do, and before I know it, I'm on Martini #3.
I have to go to the ladies' and at the point of walking to the ladies' and walking back, I realize that I have had nothing to eat for hours, what I did have to eat is long gone and I have had three of the strongest martinis ever served in DC. Rookie Mistake.
Well, I went to bed early that night.
I woke up Friday not feeling quite so great. I had room service for breakfast. That would be 2 eggs scrambled with cheese (most of it left on my plate) two pieces of bacon (all left on the plate) a carrot-raisin muffin (top eaten) and the best toasted bagel with cream cheese anb butter I've ever eaten. Yeah, I ate the whole bagel. With shmear and all! Oh, I also had two glasses of soymilk.
I had a late flight and nothing to do with my luggage so I headed to the airport early. At this point, I'm tired, perhaps slightly hungover, and just wanting to get home. I ate dinner there. I had a burger and fries. And a coke. So, 10 hours after getting to the airport, I finally land. I'm taking a cab home and, I can't believe this, I asked him to drive through McD's because I'm hungry again. I ordered a fish filet combo with a water. I feel good about that water.
I slept most of the day on Saturday and ordered a thin crust veggie pizza for dinner. Sunday I was back on track. I worked out with The Moms and had a very healthy food day and bought groceries for the next few weeks. Publix had the most awesome icecream on sale...it's actually a Gelato. Everything was healthy in my basket excepting those icecreams which were a B.O.G.O.F. deal.
I had a small scoop of that last night.
And I wonder why this weight isn't moving.
-jafg
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
It Is What It Is
05/11/10
283.2 lbs
I've known this week was coming all year. I fly tomorrow. I hate flying. Not the flying so much, but the squishing into airplane seats. Fortunately, I'll be on a plane for 50 minutes and then on a plane for 2.5 hours. There's a bit of a break in between. Not much of one, but still.
I really wanted to be under 280 lbs for this trip and thought that since I'd been working out for over a month it was a possibility that it may happen. I've secretly felt like a failure every time I've stepped on the scale this past week because it didn't seem like it was going to happen. At least after Friday, the trip'll be behind me and all I have to focus on is a healthy diet and exercise.
So, this weekend I decided I wanted BBQ. Badly. So I pile Moms in the car and we head out for this BBQ place. That's when the crazy insanity ensued.
When I dine out, I always request a table. I've been in the habit of asking for a table for quite some time now. It's kinda weird, I used to always ask for a booth. The idea of sitting at a table in the center of the aisle always bugged me. Made me feel like a spotlight was on me and my food. Then I hit adulthood and could sit in the bars. Well sometime after that I realized that booths were no longer really comfortable. This, in case you haven't guessed, is because my girth had grown. That's right, there wasn't enough space between me and the table.
At first this was a slow realization. I'd be sitting with friends and think that the table was farther away from one side than the other and somehow I'd always sat on the small side. I'm a lefty which predetermines where I sit (most of the time). I thought perhaps restaurants thought leftys were skinnier and needed less space.
Then, I tried the seat swap. You'll never guess what happened. I was WRONG. One side of the booth was not smaller than the other! Well, once that happened, I then was forced with the realization that it was me that was bigger than the seat space. Great.
Of course, this picture is talking about the grown-up who goes back to elementary school, but you get the idea.
Since then, I've overcome my spotlight feeling (and learned to love it really) at a table and always know to specify prior to seating. Of course, ocassionally, I get ribbed by my friends..."what's up high maintenance?"...to which I give a hearty gafaw and move on with my life because, hey, it's really kinda true anyway.
In the not so distant past, on a night out with BB and SAG, I even tried to sit in a booth. I actually had to ask the girls to move to a nearby table because it just didn't work for me. I worked hard to not be embarrased. I could escape it because these are my workout buddies so they know I'm trying. It was still a little mortifying but the girls handled it like champs not giving one peep of snarkiness.
Well, this brings us back to Saturday. Moms and I get to the BBQ place and we can either instantly be sat at a booth or wait 20 minutes for a table. I spy one outside, a table that is, and decide to sit out there. The day is nice enough and the sun isn't going to be in our eyes. Well, I get out there and realize that the table is cemented to the wall. And to add to that, this is an end table so there's no possibility of moving the chairs to adjust the space. Moms sits down. It's kinda tight because the very skinny people at the table next to us are pushed back and talking. Well, that's taken care of with a simple "excuse me" and we're back to me. I'm staring at this seat. This very small crevice of a space they're calling a seat.
I squeeze myself into the space and I've got like a roll and a half poking over the table. I feel humiliated. It's almost to the point that I begin to feel punished. I know no one is looking at me but I felt like they were. All stress-inducing feelings are bubbling up so fast I know my face is turning red. Or maybe it was the fact that my circulation was being cut off at the waist. Either way, it's evident on my face that I'm an unhappy girl.
Moms quietly asks, "do you want to leave?" to which I can't reply "Yes" fast enough. There'd be no way I could eat anything served to me at this place.
Poor Moms. It's like when she tried to teach me how to drive a Standard. There was never so much cursing and swearing and yelling and spitting-ok, maybe there wasn't any spitting-in a car since that fateful Sunday afternoon oh so many years ago. She took it like a champ. It wasn't directed at her, it was just all those irrational feelings gushing out like some nasty infection.
Well, after driving her around half of Smaller Southern City, we wind up at another restaurant with excellent chicken and ribs. We valet the car (I wasn't kidding on the high maintenance part) and as soon as we're greeted I lay down the table law. With a smile on my face of course.
Moms and I sit down, I order a martini and she orders her glass of wine. The world is right again.
And then there's tomorrow on a plane.
Is 6:30am too early to drink?
-jafg
283.2 lbs
I've known this week was coming all year. I fly tomorrow. I hate flying. Not the flying so much, but the squishing into airplane seats. Fortunately, I'll be on a plane for 50 minutes and then on a plane for 2.5 hours. There's a bit of a break in between. Not much of one, but still.
I really wanted to be under 280 lbs for this trip and thought that since I'd been working out for over a month it was a possibility that it may happen. I've secretly felt like a failure every time I've stepped on the scale this past week because it didn't seem like it was going to happen. At least after Friday, the trip'll be behind me and all I have to focus on is a healthy diet and exercise.
So, this weekend I decided I wanted BBQ. Badly. So I pile Moms in the car and we head out for this BBQ place. That's when the crazy insanity ensued.
When I dine out, I always request a table. I've been in the habit of asking for a table for quite some time now. It's kinda weird, I used to always ask for a booth. The idea of sitting at a table in the center of the aisle always bugged me. Made me feel like a spotlight was on me and my food. Then I hit adulthood and could sit in the bars. Well sometime after that I realized that booths were no longer really comfortable. This, in case you haven't guessed, is because my girth had grown. That's right, there wasn't enough space between me and the table.
At first this was a slow realization. I'd be sitting with friends and think that the table was farther away from one side than the other and somehow I'd always sat on the small side. I'm a lefty which predetermines where I sit (most of the time). I thought perhaps restaurants thought leftys were skinnier and needed less space.
Then, I tried the seat swap. You'll never guess what happened. I was WRONG. One side of the booth was not smaller than the other! Well, once that happened, I then was forced with the realization that it was me that was bigger than the seat space. Great.
image totally pirated from imdb.com (<==love that site)
Of course, this picture is talking about the grown-up who goes back to elementary school, but you get the idea.
Since then, I've overcome my spotlight feeling (and learned to love it really) at a table and always know to specify prior to seating. Of course, ocassionally, I get ribbed by my friends..."what's up high maintenance?"...to which I give a hearty gafaw and move on with my life because, hey, it's really kinda true anyway.
In the not so distant past, on a night out with BB and SAG, I even tried to sit in a booth. I actually had to ask the girls to move to a nearby table because it just didn't work for me. I worked hard to not be embarrased. I could escape it because these are my workout buddies so they know I'm trying. It was still a little mortifying but the girls handled it like champs not giving one peep of snarkiness.
Well, this brings us back to Saturday. Moms and I get to the BBQ place and we can either instantly be sat at a booth or wait 20 minutes for a table. I spy one outside, a table that is, and decide to sit out there. The day is nice enough and the sun isn't going to be in our eyes. Well, I get out there and realize that the table is cemented to the wall. And to add to that, this is an end table so there's no possibility of moving the chairs to adjust the space. Moms sits down. It's kinda tight because the very skinny people at the table next to us are pushed back and talking. Well, that's taken care of with a simple "excuse me" and we're back to me. I'm staring at this seat. This very small crevice of a space they're calling a seat.
I squeeze myself into the space and I've got like a roll and a half poking over the table. I feel humiliated. It's almost to the point that I begin to feel punished. I know no one is looking at me but I felt like they were. All stress-inducing feelings are bubbling up so fast I know my face is turning red. Or maybe it was the fact that my circulation was being cut off at the waist. Either way, it's evident on my face that I'm an unhappy girl.
Moms quietly asks, "do you want to leave?" to which I can't reply "Yes" fast enough. There'd be no way I could eat anything served to me at this place.
Poor Moms. It's like when she tried to teach me how to drive a Standard. There was never so much cursing and swearing and yelling and spitting-ok, maybe there wasn't any spitting-in a car since that fateful Sunday afternoon oh so many years ago. She took it like a champ. It wasn't directed at her, it was just all those irrational feelings gushing out like some nasty infection.
Well, after driving her around half of Smaller Southern City, we wind up at another restaurant with excellent chicken and ribs. We valet the car (I wasn't kidding on the high maintenance part) and as soon as we're greeted I lay down the table law. With a smile on my face of course.
Moms and I sit down, I order a martini and she orders her glass of wine. The world is right again.
And then there's tomorrow on a plane.
Is 6:30am too early to drink?
-jafg
Monday, May 10, 2010
I Heart You, Mom!
05/10/10
283.4 lbs
Over the weekend Scale told me I was at 286.2 lbs. WHAT. THE. HELL. There's a whole mental saga that played out over the next two days but the end of the story is, I kicked my own ass, stopped feeling sorry for myself, and have changed my thinking to "every workout is last chance workout".
So, Mom's day was G-R-R-R-ATE (I'm using phonix, friends). Moms and I had sushi for dinner, botanical gardens for a day trip, an awesome brunch compliments of Chez JAFG, and I treated my mom to a morning workout. I was very excited about this last one. She's my cheerleader about losing weight and getting healthy and wants to do the same thing. It was really exciting to share this with her. Actually, I'm surprised by how happy it made me to have her participate in this part of my life.
My mom's a bigger woman like myself. We're built completely different; She's a pear, I'm an apple. I've got two inches on her 5'4" self. I'm "olive-complected", she's "fair-skinned". We have the same laugh and a lot of the same subconscious mannerisms and as soon as I realize that we're doing something alike at the same time I can't help but smile to myself. I get annoyed and amused at the same time.
Referring back to this weekend, I gained weight. Scale told me so two days in a row. I did A LOT of dining out with Moms and did no working out Friday or Saturday. As a matter of fact, I did nothing really, but sleep and eat on Saturday. More on that some other time.
Sunday morning, I wake up and decide to have coffee ready for Moms. When she woke up, I asked her to workout. She was totally down with trying the recumbent bike at Concierge Gym. So, we changed into workout gear and headed out.
She's a very young 53 years of age. She's got serious left knee problems (to the point that she takes The Stairs one step at a time), was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in 2002 and now has arthritis starting in. All of this with serious allergic asthma. So this working out thing is a big deal.
She's talked with some physical therapists who have told her to get her knee moving with NO impact (thus the recumbent bike) to get the joint lubrication forming/flowing. She's supposed to take it easy on the walking front. We got her on a bike for 15 minutes at level 1. Woohoo!
She also did some resistance work on the Circuit machines with her arms. She was sore this morning, but we got out there again. Go Moms! We've got to take it easy because of all the challenges she has health-wise. I want to make sure she's not doing something that will ultimately exacerbate anything and make the situation worse. This got me thinking.
So, I was reading my blogroll came across 282.5 which I hadn't read in quite some time (Sorry Jo, and congrats on your freakin fantabulous progress!) and found a reference to a "real age" test. This one was a free service from http://www.realage.com/. I've been wanting to take one and so I used 20 minutes of my day and answered the questions honestly. It was great being able to tell it how much I exercise on a weekly basis. And then I got my results.
Actually, I'm pretty stoked about the fact I made it in under 40. I figured it would be like my first Wii age. 75. Yeah. Nice.
What got me is that the thing told me my workouts are too intense. I couldn't believe it when I read it. According to this lengthy assessment, my joint pain I've been experiencing isn't just because I've never moved so much in my life, it's because I'm pushing myself too hard. I started to connect the proverbial dots between Moms and me and I realized that, just like I don't want her pushing herself too much, I, too, shouldn't want me to push myself too much. I'm really relieved which is also surprising. I want to keep a level of intensity that will keep the fat burning happening, but I want my knees to feel better, too.
I think I've been trying to show all the skinny kids in my classes and gym (including SAG and BB) that I can keep up with the rest of them. That just because I'm fat doesn't mean that I can't do what they can. I don't think it's been intentional, I think it's been subconsciously happening.
Like the way Moms and I both get sassy with one hand on our hips. And then quickly move our hands when we realize what we're doing. At the same time. It's annoying. And funny.
I HEART YOU, MOM!
-jafg
283.4 lbs
Over the weekend Scale told me I was at 286.2 lbs. WHAT. THE. HELL. There's a whole mental saga that played out over the next two days but the end of the story is, I kicked my own ass, stopped feeling sorry for myself, and have changed my thinking to "every workout is last chance workout".
So, Mom's day was G-R-R-R-ATE (I'm using phonix, friends). Moms and I had sushi for dinner, botanical gardens for a day trip, an awesome brunch compliments of Chez JAFG, and I treated my mom to a morning workout. I was very excited about this last one. She's my cheerleader about losing weight and getting healthy and wants to do the same thing. It was really exciting to share this with her. Actually, I'm surprised by how happy it made me to have her participate in this part of my life.
My mom's a bigger woman like myself. We're built completely different; She's a pear, I'm an apple. I've got two inches on her 5'4" self. I'm "olive-complected", she's "fair-skinned". We have the same laugh and a lot of the same subconscious mannerisms and as soon as I realize that we're doing something alike at the same time I can't help but smile to myself. I get annoyed and amused at the same time.
Referring back to this weekend, I gained weight. Scale told me so two days in a row. I did A LOT of dining out with Moms and did no working out Friday or Saturday. As a matter of fact, I did nothing really, but sleep and eat on Saturday. More on that some other time.
Sunday morning, I wake up and decide to have coffee ready for Moms. When she woke up, I asked her to workout. She was totally down with trying the recumbent bike at Concierge Gym. So, we changed into workout gear and headed out.
She's a very young 53 years of age. She's got serious left knee problems (to the point that she takes The Stairs one step at a time), was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in 2002 and now has arthritis starting in. All of this with serious allergic asthma. So this working out thing is a big deal.
She's talked with some physical therapists who have told her to get her knee moving with NO impact (thus the recumbent bike) to get the joint lubrication forming/flowing. She's supposed to take it easy on the walking front. We got her on a bike for 15 minutes at level 1. Woohoo!
She also did some resistance work on the Circuit machines with her arms. She was sore this morning, but we got out there again. Go Moms! We've got to take it easy because of all the challenges she has health-wise. I want to make sure she's not doing something that will ultimately exacerbate anything and make the situation worse. This got me thinking.
So, I was reading my blogroll came across 282.5 which I hadn't read in quite some time (Sorry Jo, and congrats on your freakin fantabulous progress!) and found a reference to a "real age" test. This one was a free service from http://www.realage.com/. I've been wanting to take one and so I used 20 minutes of my day and answered the questions honestly. It was great being able to tell it how much I exercise on a weekly basis. And then I got my results.
What got me is that the thing told me my workouts are too intense. I couldn't believe it when I read it. According to this lengthy assessment, my joint pain I've been experiencing isn't just because I've never moved so much in my life, it's because I'm pushing myself too hard. I started to connect the proverbial dots between Moms and me and I realized that, just like I don't want her pushing herself too much, I, too, shouldn't want me to push myself too much. I'm really relieved which is also surprising. I want to keep a level of intensity that will keep the fat burning happening, but I want my knees to feel better, too.
I think I've been trying to show all the skinny kids in my classes and gym (including SAG and BB) that I can keep up with the rest of them. That just because I'm fat doesn't mean that I can't do what they can. I don't think it's been intentional, I think it's been subconsciously happening.
Like the way Moms and I both get sassy with one hand on our hips. And then quickly move our hands when we realize what we're doing. At the same time. It's annoying. And funny.
I HEART YOU, MOM!
-jafg
Friday, April 30, 2010
Fiesta Siesta
04/30/10
284.6 lbs
Yesterday will probably show up tomorrow. Grr.
Firstly, thank you all for your encouragement yesterday! I know I'm a snarky little blogger, but I do have sincere moments and this is one of them. I really appreciate you folks taking time to send me comment love. I smiled when I read each one of them and they really did warm my heart.
As you know I had a brown food day yesterday. I went out with SAG last night. After that fried food lunch, I had a fried food dinner. And drinks. As in a half a bottle of wine and then a few vodka beverages for dessert. I begrudgingly filled out my food diary on myfitnesspal.com (which is the greatest thing since sliced bread...and that's not a paid encorsement for either myfitnesspal or sliced bread) and after completing the entry for the day it told me I had consumed 3,364 calories. HO. LY. CRAP. I was also told that "If every day were like today... You'd weigh 291.7 lbs in 5 weeks". Isn't that a not so gentle reminder of why I don't eat like that.
So, today's a new day. I didn't exercise at all yesterday 'cept for a 20 minute walk around the work 'hood. I have logged everything I've eaten today and haven't drank nearly enough water. I even put down in my exercise diary (another reason to love myfitnesspal) that I'm exercising tonight. At Concierge Gym. That means no shorts, the elliptical, the circuit machines (if anyone know what they're officially called, please let me know cause I'm not sure circuit is right) and Rage Against The Machine.
I've commited to a dinner menu and the day's allowed snacks and cannot deviate from it or else I risk blowing my calories today like yesterday. Well, maybe not as bad as yesterday. But I would lose my deficit. I had mexican today for lunch.
I am SO sleepy right now. I hope I have the energy to do my necessary workout. Otherwise, today's gonna suck eggs.
-jafg
284.6 lbs
Yesterday will probably show up tomorrow. Grr.
Firstly, thank you all for your encouragement yesterday! I know I'm a snarky little blogger, but I do have sincere moments and this is one of them. I really appreciate you folks taking time to send me comment love. I smiled when I read each one of them and they really did warm my heart.
As you know I had a brown food day yesterday. I went out with SAG last night. After that fried food lunch, I had a fried food dinner. And drinks. As in a half a bottle of wine and then a few vodka beverages for dessert. I begrudgingly filled out my food diary on myfitnesspal.com (which is the greatest thing since sliced bread...and that's not a paid encorsement for either myfitnesspal or sliced bread) and after completing the entry for the day it told me I had consumed 3,364 calories. HO. LY. CRAP. I was also told that "If every day were like today... You'd weigh 291.7 lbs in 5 weeks". Isn't that a not so gentle reminder of why I don't eat like that.
So, today's a new day. I didn't exercise at all yesterday 'cept for a 20 minute walk around the work 'hood. I have logged everything I've eaten today and haven't drank nearly enough water. I even put down in my exercise diary (another reason to love myfitnesspal) that I'm exercising tonight. At Concierge Gym. That means no shorts, the elliptical, the circuit machines (if anyone know what they're officially called, please let me know cause I'm not sure circuit is right) and Rage Against The Machine.
I've commited to a dinner menu and the day's allowed snacks and cannot deviate from it or else I risk blowing my calories today like yesterday. Well, maybe not as bad as yesterday. But I would lose my deficit. I had mexican today for lunch.
I am SO sleepy right now. I hope I have the energy to do my necessary workout. Otherwise, today's gonna suck eggs.
-jafg
Thursday, April 29, 2010
WARNING: Disapointment Ahead
04/29/10
284.2 lbs
I blew it today. I had a FRIED lunch. Chicken, Fries, and a buscuit. I feel kinda bad about it. It was a conscious decision too. I was meeting one of my friends out for lunch for his birthday (he turned 24; isn't that cute?). He's a kid that used to work with me and we hit it off. He's really a sweetie pie. He's getting married to his little girlfriend next year. So Cute! Ok. It was his birthday on Tuesday and so me and the pregnant girl (who actually used to babysit him!) from work were meeting him at a place of his choice. It's the place his future in-laws own. They specialize in what I like to call "brown food". You know, the kind where everything you order shows up in various shades of brown cause it's all fried? Yeah, one of those places.
Well, I decided as soon as we parked that I was going to eat anything I wanted. I don't know why. I don't know where the thought came from. I wasn't feeling down, deprived, or even devious. And I had even taken a 20 minute walk this morning! But somewhere inside snapped and made me order a fried chicken basket. Damnit. I felt bad as soon as I ordered. As I was eating and enjoying every fried bite I was feeling so guilty. I drank my unsweet tea and dipped my fries and chickens into "house dipping sauce" and ranch dressing. And not the light kind either. It was so good. I feel so bad.
I've got plans tonight and don't know if I have time to get sweaty and clean again before having to leave at 6:45.
I'm sure gonna try though.
-jafg
284.2 lbs
I blew it today. I had a FRIED lunch. Chicken, Fries, and a buscuit. I feel kinda bad about it. It was a conscious decision too. I was meeting one of my friends out for lunch for his birthday (he turned 24; isn't that cute?). He's a kid that used to work with me and we hit it off. He's really a sweetie pie. He's getting married to his little girlfriend next year. So Cute! Ok. It was his birthday on Tuesday and so me and the pregnant girl (who actually used to babysit him!) from work were meeting him at a place of his choice. It's the place his future in-laws own. They specialize in what I like to call "brown food". You know, the kind where everything you order shows up in various shades of brown cause it's all fried? Yeah, one of those places.
Well, I decided as soon as we parked that I was going to eat anything I wanted. I don't know why. I don't know where the thought came from. I wasn't feeling down, deprived, or even devious. And I had even taken a 20 minute walk this morning! But somewhere inside snapped and made me order a fried chicken basket. Damnit. I felt bad as soon as I ordered. As I was eating and enjoying every fried bite I was feeling so guilty. I drank my unsweet tea and dipped my fries and chickens into "house dipping sauce" and ranch dressing. And not the light kind either. It was so good. I feel so bad.
I've got plans tonight and don't know if I have time to get sweaty and clean again before having to leave at 6:45.
I'm sure gonna try though.
-jafg
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Giddy Up
04/28/2010
284.2 lbs
I feel a difference in my clothes. I got all excited because I found these workout shorts I bought at the end of last year to sleep in. I brought them with me to BFF's house over New Year's and totally left them in the suitcase. I used that suitcase for the SAG Birthday Bash trip and found the shorts! They totally fit differently too! They don't "hug" my jiggle in the middle if you know what I mean. I totally heart them. I wore them Monday to workout at HHH class. It was great. I'm totally morphing into one of those gym people. Isn't it great?
I got home last night and thought, "I need some sort of activity". So, I changed and immediately went to Concierge Gym. When I got there, it was inhabited by three guys and two girls. Eh. I can do this. I really prefer to be the only one there and then let people come in. I always feel like all eyes are on me when I walk into a room involving fitness. I mean, come on. You know you look at who walks through the door and you know, no matter how small or fleeting it might be, there's always a quick assessment of the person. Well, anyway. I just hate walking in to a room with workout people. So, I did it anyway.
I walk with great determination up to my fave elliptical machine and get ready/prepped to start on it. I'm plugging in my earbuds to my Droid and set the Pandora station to my fave workout one "Rage Against The Machine" You gotta get that station. All you have to do is select Rage Against the Machine. It plays some great stuff if it's what you're into...If you don't have Pandora, you should totally get it. There's have an app for that on the Droid and for the iPhone. Or iPod Touch.
Ok, I have the music playing, I am getting on the machine and setting my pace, level, stride, and other settings (I run on Manual). I usually hit about 68-73 strides per minute. Sometimes it goes faster when Nine Inch Nails plays...but there's no telling when that'll come into rotation. Now, you may not think that's very much, but for this JAFG it's a freakin sprint. I usually do this for 20 minutes. The last 2 minutes usually kill me. Or make me think it's killing me anyway. Once I'm done with that, I hit the circuit machines (or resistance or weights or whatever those toture devices are called) for 30 minutes. That's my full workout when I'm not hitting HHH class. Back to the music. I am getting on the machine and I begin to increase my strides. I am wearing my newly found shorts again (becuase I can). The more I increase speed, the more these damn shorts are riding up between my always touching thighs. I'd like to make this more glamorized, but there's nothing attractive about it.
Concierge Gym is not the biggest area and the machines sit right up against the wall. The mirrored wall. So while I'm trying to pretend that I don't have some funky new triangle cut shorts on, I can see in the mirror exactly what I look like from the front. And that's with the front of the elliptical in between me and the mirror. Horror upon horrors. Imagine what I must look like from the back!!!
So, I am casually reaching down and pulling my shorts out of the crevice of my thighs. It's not the easiest thing to do while on this machine. I am trying to adjust my stride, my speed, all sorts of things so these damn things don't ride up on me. I'm no longer being subtle now. I can't go the pace I want to go because I keep having to stop and adjust the shorts. I know I'm gonna be some water cooler joke somewhere because I almost fell one time trying to rescue them from the thighs. Finally, I got the pace down to 48-55 strides per minute and the feet positioned in the right place and was holding my head in the right position. The riding stopped. Yahoo!
So I'm a little disappointed with this slower pace. It's not what I'm used to doing. I figured that I would increase my level from the 5 I normally go to 14 which is as high as it would go. I think, in the world of ellipticals, this would be knee-breaking, but my machine is super duper easy and even the level 14 doesn't kill me like the level 3 does on some other ones. I love that machine, though. I can do a quicker pace and really feel like I'm accomplishing something since my muscles don't feel like they are going to burn through my skin like acid the instant I get started. This machine actually lets me move a little bit before that kicks in.
I decided to double my time from 20 to 40 minutes. I also decided to skip the weight machines since I was wearing the shorts.
One wardrobe malfunction was enough.
-jafg
284.2 lbs
I feel a difference in my clothes. I got all excited because I found these workout shorts I bought at the end of last year to sleep in. I brought them with me to BFF's house over New Year's and totally left them in the suitcase. I used that suitcase for the SAG Birthday Bash trip and found the shorts! They totally fit differently too! They don't "hug" my jiggle in the middle if you know what I mean. I totally heart them. I wore them Monday to workout at HHH class. It was great. I'm totally morphing into one of those gym people. Isn't it great?
I got home last night and thought, "I need some sort of activity". So, I changed and immediately went to Concierge Gym. When I got there, it was inhabited by three guys and two girls. Eh. I can do this. I really prefer to be the only one there and then let people come in. I always feel like all eyes are on me when I walk into a room involving fitness. I mean, come on. You know you look at who walks through the door and you know, no matter how small or fleeting it might be, there's always a quick assessment of the person. Well, anyway. I just hate walking in to a room with workout people. So, I did it anyway.
I walk with great determination up to my fave elliptical machine and get ready/prepped to start on it. I'm plugging in my earbuds to my Droid and set the Pandora station to my fave workout one "Rage Against The Machine" You gotta get that station. All you have to do is select Rage Against the Machine. It plays some great stuff if it's what you're into...If you don't have Pandora, you should totally get it. There's have an app for that on the Droid and for the iPhone. Or iPod Touch.
Ok, I have the music playing, I am getting on the machine and setting my pace, level, stride, and other settings (I run on Manual). I usually hit about 68-73 strides per minute. Sometimes it goes faster when Nine Inch Nails plays...but there's no telling when that'll come into rotation. Now, you may not think that's very much, but for this JAFG it's a freakin sprint. I usually do this for 20 minutes. The last 2 minutes usually kill me. Or make me think it's killing me anyway. Once I'm done with that, I hit the circuit machines (or resistance or weights or whatever those toture devices are called) for 30 minutes. That's my full workout when I'm not hitting HHH class. Back to the music. I am getting on the machine and I begin to increase my strides. I am wearing my newly found shorts again (becuase I can). The more I increase speed, the more these damn shorts are riding up between my always touching thighs. I'd like to make this more glamorized, but there's nothing attractive about it.
Concierge Gym is not the biggest area and the machines sit right up against the wall. The mirrored wall. So while I'm trying to pretend that I don't have some funky new triangle cut shorts on, I can see in the mirror exactly what I look like from the front. And that's with the front of the elliptical in between me and the mirror. Horror upon horrors. Imagine what I must look like from the back!!!
So, I am casually reaching down and pulling my shorts out of the crevice of my thighs. It's not the easiest thing to do while on this machine. I am trying to adjust my stride, my speed, all sorts of things so these damn things don't ride up on me. I'm no longer being subtle now. I can't go the pace I want to go because I keep having to stop and adjust the shorts. I know I'm gonna be some water cooler joke somewhere because I almost fell one time trying to rescue them from the thighs. Finally, I got the pace down to 48-55 strides per minute and the feet positioned in the right place and was holding my head in the right position. The riding stopped. Yahoo!
So I'm a little disappointed with this slower pace. It's not what I'm used to doing. I figured that I would increase my level from the 5 I normally go to 14 which is as high as it would go. I think, in the world of ellipticals, this would be knee-breaking, but my machine is super duper easy and even the level 14 doesn't kill me like the level 3 does on some other ones. I love that machine, though. I can do a quicker pace and really feel like I'm accomplishing something since my muscles don't feel like they are going to burn through my skin like acid the instant I get started. This machine actually lets me move a little bit before that kicks in.
I decided to double my time from 20 to 40 minutes. I also decided to skip the weight machines since I was wearing the shorts.
One wardrobe malfunction was enough.
-jafg
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Tales of the Come-Back Kid. Again.
04/27/10
285.6 lbs
Overall, this is pretty good. However, when I tell you that Scale said on Saturday that I had made it to 283.8 (I checked it twice) and then yesterday said I was at 287.2 you see there's not much room for excitment or sadness. Still, I'll take this as a victory.
Look, I figured up the caloric intake of the adult beverages consumed for this birthday bash and it totals 1688 calories. I am so cursing right now. As my ramblings have indicated in my previous posts, I am not such a healthfully minded chica on the morning after a night of partaking. That leads to Bacon. And lots of other things off of the breakfast buffet at the hotel like grits, potatoes, cheese, bacon, waffle, bacon, cheese danish, bacon. And a poached egg. And french fries and a frosty (both small) from Wendy's on the way home. Nice. I did have a healthy dinner. It's my lowfat version of a tuna melt with an egg. It's actually very good and some other time, I will share it with you.
I signed up for myfitnesspal.com, which I heart a lot and would love to add you as a buddy if anyone's interested but I don't know how that works, and I am SO not registering any of my weekend debauchery.
I was smart and took yesterday off. I knew that I wouldn't be fully recovered. Getting old does this to a girl. There was a time that 3 hours sleep between "gigs" seemed totally doable. Now I need two days to recover from blow-out bashes like this. At least I know my limits. Anyway. I took yesterday off. I had some bacon left over from when BFF and Her Hubbie visited that I had shoved into the freezer. Well, I sliced some of that off, scrambled me two eggs and had a slice of kraft 2% american cheese on it. Then I had two pieces of peanut butter toast for snacks. I had my tuna melt for lunch and a porkchop and a half of sweet potato for dinner. I slept most of the day but what I did do (which I didn't want to do) was exercise.
YEA ME! I went to HHH class. Can I just say that I thought I was going to die? I know I've said that before, but, like, this time, I was really wondering what would happen if I collapsed of a heart attack in the middle of the session. That would be so embarrassing.
While I was contemplating coronary issues, I also noticed that I was bouncing a lot more than I first did. Perhaps I was so worn out because I was pushing a little harder this time. Perhaps. I don't know for sure, though. I was also thinking I really can't miss my Saturday workout. I will HAVE to make time for a workout when on trips, otherwise, it'll feel like starting over again when I get back to class. I hate feeling like I'm starting over again.
I uploaded my pics from the trip to FB (my real world FB account, not the JAFG account) and had a pleasant surprise....aside from having kept all my clothes intact over the trip, I was also looking thinner!
-jafg
285.6 lbs
Overall, this is pretty good. However, when I tell you that Scale said on Saturday that I had made it to 283.8 (I checked it twice) and then yesterday said I was at 287.2 you see there's not much room for excitment or sadness. Still, I'll take this as a victory.
Look, I figured up the caloric intake of the adult beverages consumed for this birthday bash and it totals 1688 calories. I am so cursing right now. As my ramblings have indicated in my previous posts, I am not such a healthfully minded chica on the morning after a night of partaking. That leads to Bacon. And lots of other things off of the breakfast buffet at the hotel like grits, potatoes, cheese, bacon, waffle, bacon, cheese danish, bacon. And a poached egg. And french fries and a frosty (both small) from Wendy's on the way home. Nice. I did have a healthy dinner. It's my lowfat version of a tuna melt with an egg. It's actually very good and some other time, I will share it with you.
I signed up for myfitnesspal.com, which I heart a lot and would love to add you as a buddy if anyone's interested but I don't know how that works, and I am SO not registering any of my weekend debauchery.
I was smart and took yesterday off. I knew that I wouldn't be fully recovered. Getting old does this to a girl. There was a time that 3 hours sleep between "gigs" seemed totally doable. Now I need two days to recover from blow-out bashes like this. At least I know my limits. Anyway. I took yesterday off. I had some bacon left over from when BFF and Her Hubbie visited that I had shoved into the freezer. Well, I sliced some of that off, scrambled me two eggs and had a slice of kraft 2% american cheese on it. Then I had two pieces of peanut butter toast for snacks. I had my tuna melt for lunch and a porkchop and a half of sweet potato for dinner. I slept most of the day but what I did do (which I didn't want to do) was exercise.
YEA ME! I went to HHH class. Can I just say that I thought I was going to die? I know I've said that before, but, like, this time, I was really wondering what would happen if I collapsed of a heart attack in the middle of the session. That would be so embarrassing.
While I was contemplating coronary issues, I also noticed that I was bouncing a lot more than I first did. Perhaps I was so worn out because I was pushing a little harder this time. Perhaps. I don't know for sure, though. I was also thinking I really can't miss my Saturday workout. I will HAVE to make time for a workout when on trips, otherwise, it'll feel like starting over again when I get back to class. I hate feeling like I'm starting over again.
I uploaded my pics from the trip to FB (my real world FB account, not the JAFG account) and had a pleasant surprise....aside from having kept all my clothes intact over the trip, I was also looking thinner!
-jafg
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Preparing for BATTLE
04/20/10
288.2 lbs
Yesterday it said 287. That'll teach me not to blog when I lose poundage.
So I've been working out with SAG and BB for a few weeks now. It's pretty cool. I actually joined the Gym on Friday and worked out as a new member. With SAG. And I think she's kinda impressed that I can mostly push through the panting and the puffing when trying to keep up with her. She will run you ragg-ed. And she likes it. Like that Jillian chick from Biggest Loser. I am very un-fond of them both.
Workout clothes are not something that's been part of my wardrobe. Ever. I have been wearing either pajamas (pj pants with a big shirt) or a pair of khaki shorts that come down to my knees and polo shirts for workout sessions with the girls and the hip-hop hell class. Which, btw, I went to last night. I was literally stiff as a board when I got home. And that is after draining all the hot water in the abode on my aching back. Bless my heart.
Anyway. After about two weeks of the boobs bouncing in ways that no boobs should ever bounce, I went on a hunt for a sports bra. Actually, let's step this back one minute. The first thing I noticed after realizing that all the ladies and the few guys that are in HHH class are already damn fit was the fact that everyone wears the little anklet socks. I, on the other hand, have the cute little socks that come up over my ankles and almost up my calf. Now, before you get some nerd-like image of me in my knee length shorts and knee high socks, these are just the type that I would "slouch" a bit. I'm not trying to win fit fashion awards, but I don't want to look like an out-of-date idoit either. After all, I am a very fashionable girl otherwise. Over the weekend I bought some just-below-the-ankle socks. I felt very happy about it. Fashionable even. One less thing that separates me from the other fit fashionistas in my HHH class.
Ok. Back to the boobs. I've been eyeing this bathing suit with underwire on Just My Size and decided to search for sports bras and other work out gears. I found some great bras on this site (even thogh the regular everyday bras don't do much for me) and they were running a buy two get one free deal. The bathing suit was on sale too. Being the frugal shopper that I am, I went ahead and made the buy. I got them in the mail yesterday (delivered to work) and immediately went to the bathroom to try them on. I hate, hate, hate the bathing suit. I heart, heart, heart my sports bras. I got two Champion bras (same model different colors...I'm original like that) and one Glamorize bra with a faux-chami built in.
These are not attractive items of clothing. These are not figure-flattering-curve-accentuating things. These are pieces of armour one puts on when preparing to do battle with HHH class. I had a whole new level confidence walking into class last night. My Bras and Socks were giving me super powers and a sense of invinsability. That coupled with the fact that I found a spot where there is no mirror on the wall made me feel AWESOME. All I could think about was jumping up and down and moving side to side while trying to shake my ass the way the instructor does. I was looking forward to it. While my boobs didn't budge, other parts of me sure did. Good Lord. Do they make a sports bra for a stomach??
Oh. And I got a damn blister on my ankle.
-jafg
288.2 lbs
Yesterday it said 287. That'll teach me not to blog when I lose poundage.
So I've been working out with SAG and BB for a few weeks now. It's pretty cool. I actually joined the Gym on Friday and worked out as a new member. With SAG. And I think she's kinda impressed that I can mostly push through the panting and the puffing when trying to keep up with her. She will run you ragg-ed. And she likes it. Like that Jillian chick from Biggest Loser. I am very un-fond of them both.
Workout clothes are not something that's been part of my wardrobe. Ever. I have been wearing either pajamas (pj pants with a big shirt) or a pair of khaki shorts that come down to my knees and polo shirts for workout sessions with the girls and the hip-hop hell class. Which, btw, I went to last night. I was literally stiff as a board when I got home. And that is after draining all the hot water in the abode on my aching back. Bless my heart.
Anyway. After about two weeks of the boobs bouncing in ways that no boobs should ever bounce, I went on a hunt for a sports bra. Actually, let's step this back one minute. The first thing I noticed after realizing that all the ladies and the few guys that are in HHH class are already damn fit was the fact that everyone wears the little anklet socks. I, on the other hand, have the cute little socks that come up over my ankles and almost up my calf. Now, before you get some nerd-like image of me in my knee length shorts and knee high socks, these are just the type that I would "slouch" a bit. I'm not trying to win fit fashion awards, but I don't want to look like an out-of-date idoit either. After all, I am a very fashionable girl otherwise. Over the weekend I bought some just-below-the-ankle socks. I felt very happy about it. Fashionable even. One less thing that separates me from the other fit fashionistas in my HHH class.
Ok. Back to the boobs. I've been eyeing this bathing suit with underwire on Just My Size and decided to search for sports bras and other work out gears. I found some great bras on this site (even thogh the regular everyday bras don't do much for me) and they were running a buy two get one free deal. The bathing suit was on sale too. Being the frugal shopper that I am, I went ahead and made the buy. I got them in the mail yesterday (delivered to work) and immediately went to the bathroom to try them on. I hate, hate, hate the bathing suit. I heart, heart, heart my sports bras. I got two Champion bras (same model different colors...I'm original like that) and one Glamorize bra with a faux-chami built in.
These are not attractive items of clothing. These are not figure-flattering-curve-accentuating things. These are pieces of armour one puts on when preparing to do battle with HHH class. I had a whole new level confidence walking into class last night. My Bras and Socks were giving me super powers and a sense of invinsability. That coupled with the fact that I found a spot where there is no mirror on the wall made me feel AWESOME. All I could think about was jumping up and down and moving side to side while trying to shake my ass the way the instructor does. I was looking forward to it. While my boobs didn't budge, other parts of me sure did. Good Lord. Do they make a sports bra for a stomach??
Oh. And I got a damn blister on my ankle.
-jafg
Friday, April 16, 2010
I Got Nothin.
04/16/10
289.0 lbs
I don't doubt it. I haven't done a damn thing in the workout relm since Wednesday. I am gonna be working out a mean mess tonight though. I'm joining The Gym.
I really wish I could wax poetic about something but I gots nothin. As you may have already guessed from the title....
I've been a total food whore since Tuesday night. BB wasn't feeling very motivated, so we bought Digiorno with everything on it. And got cokes. Well, I had Mr. Pibb. I had four pieces of that great Digiorno. Four. Pieces. Yommm. I mean "bad jafg!".
Wednesday night I pigged on sushi. And not the little, light stuff. I'm talking tempura shrimp rolls which are then flash fried. It was good. I was bad. I then had awesome fried chicken breast sandwich with a slice of all american cheese and extra pickles for lunch yesterday. With the best damn fries on the planet. And the biggest unsweet tea I could get and still drink it with a straw.
I'm glad for the workout tonight. And that I ate all the pepperoni pizza already.
It's the small stuff you gotta stay happy about.
-jafg
289.0 lbs
I don't doubt it. I haven't done a damn thing in the workout relm since Wednesday. I am gonna be working out a mean mess tonight though. I'm joining The Gym.
I really wish I could wax poetic about something but I gots nothin. As you may have already guessed from the title....
I've been a total food whore since Tuesday night. BB wasn't feeling very motivated, so we bought Digiorno with everything on it. And got cokes. Well, I had Mr. Pibb. I had four pieces of that great Digiorno. Four. Pieces. Yommm. I mean "bad jafg!".
Wednesday night I pigged on sushi. And not the little, light stuff. I'm talking tempura shrimp rolls which are then flash fried. It was good. I was bad. I then had awesome fried chicken breast sandwich with a slice of all american cheese and extra pickles for lunch yesterday. With the best damn fries on the planet. And the biggest unsweet tea I could get and still drink it with a straw. Last night, not feeling terribly social, I got pizza. Domino's happens to be closest to me so I ordered a large thin crust veggie to pick up on my way home.
Well, it woulda been $17. WTH? For a thin crust veggie? I don't know if you've ever had one of those, but it's totally not enough on its own to justify an Andrew Jackson. Being the thrifty shopper that I am, I asked them about their specials. I tried to get them to give me the Pizza Hut $10 special but no love. I ended up with two large pizzas for $25. That includes tax. One was veggie for me, and one was pepperoni and mushroom for My Fat. We both were very happy. Until of course, I got on the scale this AM.
Well, it woulda been $17. WTH? For a thin crust veggie? I don't know if you've ever had one of those, but it's totally not enough on its own to justify an Andrew Jackson. Being the thrifty shopper that I am, I asked them about their specials. I tried to get them to give me the Pizza Hut $10 special but no love. I ended up with two large pizzas for $25. That includes tax. One was veggie for me, and one was pepperoni and mushroom for My Fat. We both were very happy. Until of course, I got on the scale this AM. I had one hell of a time trying to get my tag transferred from Small Beachtown to Small Southern City. 3 hours later, no tag and one hungry lady. I had a repeat of yesterday's lunch. Although this time, no cheese and a small fry. I still had the largest unsweet tea that anyone could carry in one hand, though.
I'm glad for the workout tonight. And that I ate all the pepperoni pizza already.
It's the small stuff you gotta stay happy about.
-jafg
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
The Hill
03/30/10
291.0 lbs
Wow. Two days in a row. Stability is not a bad thing.
BB and I took some "before" pictures last night. I'm trying to see how to post them here without revealing any of my super secret identity. Stay Tuned.
For those of you who actually read my blog, you may have guessed from the title that I met up with The Hill again last night. BB was quite a little motivator and made us walk half way up. I said I would, if we did it in the early part of the walk in stead of the last part. I also said that this time we'd have to stretch and we both remembered to get an app for tracking how long and far we'd be walking. I was figuring that it was at least a half a mile to even three quarters. I know that's not a lot, but I mean, come on. The only activity I'd been getting is the walk up and down The Stairs.
We used The Stairs to stretch our legs. I learned how to stretch that front shin muscle by a massage-like method of "pushing (or rubbing) the muscle away from the shin". Don't get it? Take your fingers and run them down your shin from your knee to your foot. Now, start back up at your knee, and use your thumb to rub the muscle so you're "pushing it away" from where your fingers just were. I don't know how else to explain it.
Let's get back to the story.
BB and I start our fantastic new app and begin our walk (I have a Driod phone and got "Outwalk". It's a British company, but it really works). The weather has been so fantastic that you just don't want to stay inside. BB and I are greeting lots of nice people with lots of nice dogs. A "monster" drink truck even drove by once and offered us free samples of that drink. I didn't accept. I will only allow people to buy me a drink in a bar. I'm too respectable to accept one in a parking lot.
I'm in a complex which is not level at all. There are varying inclines for varying lentghs which is good. It keeps things from being boring. Plus, I think it's why I'm feeling my butt muscles while walking. This is something I'm not really accustomed to experiencing.
BB and I are walking and talking and walking some more. Then, we're at The Hill. As we round the corner for the beginning of the trek, I'm thinking: This isn't so bad! Suddenly it happens. We turn the corner and I'm looking up a freakin mountain. And it just keeps on going. What the hell have I gotten myself into here?
Suddenly I hear voices behind me. I'm already panting and gasping and foaming at the mouth. Maybe not foaming at the mouth, but you get the picture. Then suddenly, I hear voices in the background. I could simply be hallucinating from lack of oxygen to the brain. I know that BB has continued talking between my swearing but even that sounds far off and she's right next to me. I get up the energy to turn around to see what's going on and I see Them. Behind us is the Skinny Girl Duo.
If you've never come across the SG Duo, you're very lucky. These are the super skinny girls with their flippy pony tails and their little leggings and swinging arms and little sports bra-like tanks or whatever they are. You can find them walking around a neighborhood (or complex in my case) or side-by-side on the eliptical machines or in spinning classes at the Gym. These are the girls that you just end up hating. Even if they don't deserve it. Which most of the time, they probably do. I digress.
SG Duo is closing in behind us and they're just a chirping. "I'm so tired of my dad asking when I'm going to get married or at least get a boyfriend. He's tired of fixing my shit all the time." Huh?! "Tee Hee! I know what you mean. I've got someone you can call the next time you need something fixed." I kind of black out a little at this point. Upon regaining consiousness, I hear "Wow! He'll do that?!" [I hate I missed that part.] I can't believe they're just chit-chatting the whole time walking up this mountainous hill like it's no big deal. No Big Deal My Ass! I'm having a freaking coronary! I can barely even place one foot in front of the other!
"Okay, we make it to that speed bump up there and we can turn around". OH THANK THE LORD IN HEAVEN. BB has come to her senses and realizes that there's no way I can go any farther up The Hill. We turn around. As we're walking back my legs start to feel like they're going to just fall off. This after all that stretching we did. BB tells me of her trip to botanical gardens with her Beau. She tells me of all the Asian people taking pictures of the cherry blossoms. They're pretty this time of year. She goes on to say that they walked around for two hours yesterday and how exhausted she was at the end of it. She's also telling me to walk through the burn and push through the pain. I'd hate her but she's such a cutie pie. Damnit.
We're back on the "regular course". We've conquered the baby inclines and are starting to head back to my place. My legs are on fire. Really. I keep looking down to see where the flames are because of the burn. I still can't believe that I'm feeling like this. The other times we've walked haven't been this bad. It's because of that damn hill. I know it. I ask (trying to refrain from begging) if we can forego the circle around the mailbox and gym and just head back. She says sure if we can loop around the other side of my building. It looks flat. I say ok. After all, I am trying.
We loop around and finally make it to my building. And The Stairs. Holy. Shit. I forgot about The Stairs. That's 53 steps of nightmare. BB jogs her little butt up to the first landing and sits down. I simply stare up at her blankly. I decide that I must do a little stretching before I can lift my legs high enough to get to my door.
So, after finally falling through my doorway, we decide to check our time and distance. After 20 minutes, we covered one quarter of a mile.
Sonofahbitch.
-jafg
291.0 lbs
Wow. Two days in a row. Stability is not a bad thing.
BB and I took some "before" pictures last night. I'm trying to see how to post them here without revealing any of my super secret identity. Stay Tuned.
For those of you who actually read my blog, you may have guessed from the title that I met up with The Hill again last night. BB was quite a little motivator and made us walk half way up. I said I would, if we did it in the early part of the walk in stead of the last part. I also said that this time we'd have to stretch and we both remembered to get an app for tracking how long and far we'd be walking. I was figuring that it was at least a half a mile to even three quarters. I know that's not a lot, but I mean, come on. The only activity I'd been getting is the walk up and down The Stairs.
We used The Stairs to stretch our legs. I learned how to stretch that front shin muscle by a massage-like method of "pushing (or rubbing) the muscle away from the shin". Don't get it? Take your fingers and run them down your shin from your knee to your foot. Now, start back up at your knee, and use your thumb to rub the muscle so you're "pushing it away" from where your fingers just were. I don't know how else to explain it.
Let's get back to the story.
BB and I start our fantastic new app and begin our walk (I have a Driod phone and got "Outwalk". It's a British company, but it really works). The weather has been so fantastic that you just don't want to stay inside. BB and I are greeting lots of nice people with lots of nice dogs. A "monster" drink truck even drove by once and offered us free samples of that drink. I didn't accept. I will only allow people to buy me a drink in a bar. I'm too respectable to accept one in a parking lot.
I'm in a complex which is not level at all. There are varying inclines for varying lentghs which is good. It keeps things from being boring. Plus, I think it's why I'm feeling my butt muscles while walking. This is something I'm not really accustomed to experiencing.
BB and I are walking and talking and walking some more. Then, we're at The Hill. As we round the corner for the beginning of the trek, I'm thinking: This isn't so bad! Suddenly it happens. We turn the corner and I'm looking up a freakin mountain. And it just keeps on going. What the hell have I gotten myself into here?
Suddenly I hear voices behind me. I'm already panting and gasping and foaming at the mouth. Maybe not foaming at the mouth, but you get the picture. Then suddenly, I hear voices in the background. I could simply be hallucinating from lack of oxygen to the brain. I know that BB has continued talking between my swearing but even that sounds far off and she's right next to me. I get up the energy to turn around to see what's going on and I see Them. Behind us is the Skinny Girl Duo.
If you've never come across the SG Duo, you're very lucky. These are the super skinny girls with their flippy pony tails and their little leggings and swinging arms and little sports bra-like tanks or whatever they are. You can find them walking around a neighborhood (or complex in my case) or side-by-side on the eliptical machines or in spinning classes at the Gym. These are the girls that you just end up hating. Even if they don't deserve it. Which most of the time, they probably do. I digress.
SG Duo is closing in behind us and they're just a chirping. "I'm so tired of my dad asking when I'm going to get married or at least get a boyfriend. He's tired of fixing my shit all the time." Huh?! "Tee Hee! I know what you mean. I've got someone you can call the next time you need something fixed." I kind of black out a little at this point. Upon regaining consiousness, I hear "Wow! He'll do that?!" [I hate I missed that part.] I can't believe they're just chit-chatting the whole time walking up this mountainous hill like it's no big deal. No Big Deal My Ass! I'm having a freaking coronary! I can barely even place one foot in front of the other!
"Okay, we make it to that speed bump up there and we can turn around". OH THANK THE LORD IN HEAVEN. BB has come to her senses and realizes that there's no way I can go any farther up The Hill. We turn around. As we're walking back my legs start to feel like they're going to just fall off. This after all that stretching we did. BB tells me of her trip to botanical gardens with her Beau. She tells me of all the Asian people taking pictures of the cherry blossoms. They're pretty this time of year. She goes on to say that they walked around for two hours yesterday and how exhausted she was at the end of it. She's also telling me to walk through the burn and push through the pain. I'd hate her but she's such a cutie pie. Damnit.
We're back on the "regular course". We've conquered the baby inclines and are starting to head back to my place. My legs are on fire. Really. I keep looking down to see where the flames are because of the burn. I still can't believe that I'm feeling like this. The other times we've walked haven't been this bad. It's because of that damn hill. I know it. I ask (trying to refrain from begging) if we can forego the circle around the mailbox and gym and just head back. She says sure if we can loop around the other side of my building. It looks flat. I say ok. After all, I am trying.
We loop around and finally make it to my building. And The Stairs. Holy. Shit. I forgot about The Stairs. That's 53 steps of nightmare. BB jogs her little butt up to the first landing and sits down. I simply stare up at her blankly. I decide that I must do a little stretching before I can lift my legs high enough to get to my door.
So, after finally falling through my doorway, we decide to check our time and distance. After 20 minutes, we covered one quarter of a mile.
Sonofahbitch.
-jafg
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
A BIG F-***-ING DEAL
03/23/10
296.6 lbs
In the immortal words of our US VP...
THIS IS A BIG F-***-ING DEAL. This isn't funny. And neither is the other, but that's a whole 'nother blog.
Ok, yes. Right now, I am weighing at night. After I eat. And drink. Lots and lots of decaffeinated tea sweetened with Splenda. I am getting up in the middle of the night to take a little bathroom break. I think this is better for my kidneys, but I could be wrong. Eh, 12 hours of gravity may be adding an additional 3.3 lbs. Dear lord I hope it's not real weight. I'm also not going to state the obvious and say this is the MOST I've ever weighed and never would I have imagined I could weigh this much. No wonder my knees ache when I walk up The Steps.
I watched The Biggest Loser tonight. I watched this group bike a marathon. By the 26.2 mile marker, I was practically jumping up and down on Oprah's couch. I wanted to jump on a bike and do the same thing. And then I got on the scale. Holy crap.
I watched Kirstie Alley's Big Life last night. It was really good. She's funny. She wonders, though, why everyone focuses on her weight. I personally think it's because she's made a big deal about her weight. I am proud of her because she's really doing something. She's hired a personal trainer and has a "chubby buddy" who works out with her. I think he gets paid to do it, though.
I am also all about this new Jamie Oliver Food Revolution thing. I think health should start young. And with Parents too. And with schools.
There's a bunch of stuff all over the place right now that is all about being right. Doing right. Eating and living right. I am excited about it and I hope it helps. I need to get back down to when I thought I was just fat.
-jafg
296.6 lbs
In the immortal words of our US VP...
THIS IS A BIG F-***-ING DEAL. This isn't funny. And neither is the other, but that's a whole 'nother blog.
Ok, yes. Right now, I am weighing at night. After I eat. And drink. Lots and lots of decaffeinated tea sweetened with Splenda. I am getting up in the middle of the night to take a little bathroom break. I think this is better for my kidneys, but I could be wrong. Eh, 12 hours of gravity may be adding an additional 3.3 lbs. Dear lord I hope it's not real weight. I'm also not going to state the obvious and say this is the MOST I've ever weighed and never would I have imagined I could weigh this much. No wonder my knees ache when I walk up The Steps.I watched The Biggest Loser tonight. I watched this group bike a marathon. By the 26.2 mile marker, I was practically jumping up and down on Oprah's couch. I wanted to jump on a bike and do the same thing. And then I got on the scale. Holy crap.
I watched Kirstie Alley's Big Life last night. It was really good. She's funny. She wonders, though, why everyone focuses on her weight. I personally think it's because she's made a big deal about her weight. I am proud of her because she's really doing something. She's hired a personal trainer and has a "chubby buddy" who works out with her. I think he gets paid to do it, though.
I am also all about this new Jamie Oliver Food Revolution thing. I think health should start young. And with Parents too. And with schools.
There's a bunch of stuff all over the place right now that is all about being right. Doing right. Eating and living right. I am excited about it and I hope it helps. I need to get back down to when I thought I was just fat.
-jafg
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
What Have I Done For Me Lately?
10/14/09
284.2 lbs
I'm eating a Wendy's taco salad for lunch today. I have to wear a napkin as a bib because it's messy. It's not what I started out to get, but I'm glad I went with this rather than a mushroom swiss burger and fries from some other place. Great, I just dropped some chili on my blouse. Good thing it's synthetic material; I just sponged it off without a problem.
I have to tell you, my blog-reading friends, I really wanted to post something yesterday but didn't have a damn thing to write about. It was depressing. Just sitting at my desk staring at the blinking cursor on the white screen was killing me. I'm surprised I'm here to tell you about it today!
I'm going to be very busy over the next few days. I've got a belated birthday party to attend tonight which I am super excited about. It's for me. The restaurant where we're going has freakin' fantastic french onion soup and that's what I'll be having for dinner. Tomorrow I'm going to a Wine and Cheese shindig after work. It's a business event, but I'm looking forward to it anyway. I love wine and I love cheese. There's gonna be a bunch of women there, so I won't be overdoing it (Thank you, Social Peer Pressure).
Friday night, I'm going to hear an awesome local band play at a bar that's pretty close to home and then Saturday I'm attending my first SEC football game (That's Southeastern Conference for those of you who don't know). I'm a little worried about that, turth be told. It should be fun, though. Tailgating will be! You'll all get to hear about it next week. The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.
I also watched the tracking of the weight go from as high as 287+ to as low as 279+. I'm now at 284+. I guess that is somewhat progress. It depressed me a bit. Not really, but kinda. It made me wonder--after reading my blog and so many others--what really makes it happen. Yeah, yeah, I know, only I can make the decision to change myself...blah blah blah. But when does the click come in? Technically, I'm still sitting on the sidelines watching everybody else make progress and lose weight. And let me tell you, the people out there making strides are people that have had really come a long way! We're talking in the high double to triple figures here! That's my level of needed weightloss. It isn't like someone trying to work off an extra 5 lbs. or so. Which is hard for them, but we should all have these problems!
I'm still not motivated to really get out there and START. I've had a great time meeting friends and influencing people, but what have I really done for myself?
What made you get off the couch and kick your own ass? When was that "AHA" moment for you?
-jafg
Friday, October 9, 2009
My Big Fat Wii Mii
10/09/09
43-44 BMI
That's right; BMI. Just keep reading.
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The really funny thing is that SAG was right there with me walking me through every step. Yeah. I was really laughing. I told her there was no way in hell I would disclose my weight. It asked me, but I got to hit next. Once it was done, it did a calculation based on my height (I'm 5'6" if you remember from the first post) and proudly announced my BMI. Great. Turns out I am like 43.8 or something like that. Turns out I'm supposed to be like 23.4 or something. I'm like practically double the BMI number I'm supposed to be. Nice. Oh, it also turns out that once you're all done, it takes your fat Wii Mii ass back to the main menu where you stand side-by-side next to a Skinny Athletic Wii Mii version of SAG. You'd think this would be the worst part of it. You'd think that it couldn't possibly more humiliating than this. You'd be wrong.
43-44 BMI
That's right; BMI. Just keep reading.
I'm dog-sitting this weekend. For SAG (Skinny Athletic Girl for those of you who are new to the JAFG storyline). Her dog is fantastic. Loves to play, doesn't jump on you when you walk into the room and also loves to be snuggled. AND is the softest dog you'll ever pet. Really. It's almost unnatural how soft this dog is. I don't have to spend every waking minute with her, but I am spending the night with her. Tonight and tomorrow night. That leaves a little bit of time to do nothing in an empty house. With just me and the dog. Since I'm dog-sitting, I visited last night to learn the food and outside routine of the pupster. SAG's an electronics fanatic so I also had to learn which of the 15 remotes works the TV.
SAG also has a Wii. Yea! I love Wii Bowling. It's awesome and somehow I make a strike almost every time. This is amazing since in the real world my bowling score is usually 43. She's got a few games, but what she has that I've been looking forward to most is Wii Fit. I learned how to power it up and since it was the first time I've ever used it, I had to create a Mii.
I've heard about these little bastards. They start out all cute and sweet and once you step on the balance board [insert some crescendo-ing computer sound indicating "increase" or "growth"] and then.....BAM! It turns you into a Fat Wii Mii. What the hell is that?!?! Even in a cartoon world I'm fat! I can't freakin' believe it. I didn't even have the option to lie. And I would have if I was given the chance.
The really funny thing is that SAG was right there with me walking me through every step. Yeah. I was really laughing. I told her there was no way in hell I would disclose my weight. It asked me, but I got to hit next. Once it was done, it did a calculation based on my height (I'm 5'6" if you remember from the first post) and proudly announced my BMI. Great. Turns out I am like 43.8 or something like that. Turns out I'm supposed to be like 23.4 or something. I'm like practically double the BMI number I'm supposed to be. Nice. Oh, it also turns out that once you're all done, it takes your fat Wii Mii ass back to the main menu where you stand side-by-side next to a Skinny Athletic Wii Mii version of SAG. You'd think this would be the worst part of it. You'd think that it couldn't possibly more humiliating than this. You'd be wrong. Once I have my little smiley fat and sassy Wii Mii created, we get move onto the balancing games. There's this one game where you try to hit soccer balls with your Mii head. I didn't quite grasp that concept and thought I was supposed to dodge the soccer balls. Obviously I didn't play a lot of sports as a child. Well, I finally figured out how to make my Mii move and hit balls. The damn game throws shoes and panda heads at your Mii, too. You're supposed to doge those. They're really the only thing I actually hit, or hit me, or whatever. It's a little twisted, I know. So I gave up on that after about 5 minutes and was introduced to the "Basic Stepping" program.
In this "Basic Stepping" program, there's the bunch of little mini Wii Miis on a stage and you're supposed to follow the footprints you see on the screen and step on the balance board. Apparently, it matters which foot you use. Like if they want you to use your right one, you're actually supposed to use your right one. Meh. It sounds like it'd be easy. It's not. I got all confused and only got it right when my feet weren't supposed to be on the balance board. You've gotta move side to side front to back it's damn confusing.
SAG decided to jump in and "show me how it's done". This is where it gets really bad. Remember how it knows my weight and BMI (it didn't show my weight, but I know it knows the damn thing). Well, it adapts to the levels of pressure that are supposed to be applied based on the person that standing on the thing. That means that skinny ass SAG with a BMI of like -2 had to practically jump up and down to get the board to recognize that she was on it! I've been humilitated by a video game. It'd be depressing if it weren't so damn funny.
It occurred to me as I got in my car and lit my cigarette, I just did some exercise. Hmm. Pretty cool.
-jafg
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