Tuesday, March 30, 2010

The Hill

03/30/10

291.0 lbs

Wow.  Two days in a row.  Stability is not a bad thing.

BB and I took some "before" pictures last night.  I'm trying to see how to post them here without revealing any of my super secret identity.  Stay Tuned.

For those of you who actually read my blog, you may  have guessed from the title that I met up with The Hill again last night.  BB was quite a little motivator and made us walk half way up.  I said I would, if we did it in the early part of the walk in stead of the last part.  I also said that this time we'd have to stretch and we both remembered to get an app for tracking how long and far we'd be walking.  I was figuring that it was at least a half a mile to even three quarters.  I know that's not a lot, but I mean, come on.  The only activity I'd been getting is the walk up and down The Stairs.

We used The Stairs to stretch our legs.  I learned how to stretch that front shin muscle by a massage-like method of "pushing (or rubbing) the muscle away from the shin".  Don't get it?  Take your fingers and run them down your shin from your knee to your foot.  Now, start back up at your knee, and use your thumb to rub the muscle so you're "pushing it away" from where your fingers just were.  I don't know how else to explain it. 

Let's get back to the story.

BB and I start our fantastic new app  and begin our walk (I have a Driod phone and got "Outwalk".  It's a British company, but it really works).  The weather has been so fantastic that you just don't want to stay inside.  BB and I are greeting lots of nice people with lots of nice dogs.  A "monster" drink truck even drove by once and offered us free samples of that drink.  I didn't accept.  I will only allow people to buy me a drink in a bar.  I'm too respectable to accept one in a parking lot.

I'm in a complex which is not level at all. There are varying inclines for varying lentghs which is good. It keeps things from being boring. Plus, I think it's why I'm feeling my butt muscles while walking. This is something I'm not really accustomed to experiencing. 


BB and I are walking and talking and walking some more. Then, we're at The Hill.  As we round the corner for the beginning of the trek, I'm thinking: This isn't so bad!  Suddenly it happens.  We turn the corner and I'm looking up a freakin mountain.  And it just keeps on going.  What the hell have I gotten myself into here? 

Suddenly I hear voices behind me.  I'm already panting and gasping and foaming at the mouth.  Maybe not foaming at the mouth, but you get the picture.  Then suddenly, I hear voices in the background.  I could simply be hallucinating from lack of oxygen to the brain.  I know that BB has continued talking between my swearing but even that sounds far off and she's right next to me.   I get up the energy to turn around to see what's going on and I see Them.  Behind us is the Skinny Girl Duo. 

If you've never come across the SG Duo, you're very lucky.  These are the super skinny girls with their flippy pony tails and their little leggings and swinging arms and little sports bra-like tanks or whatever they are.  You can find them walking around a neighborhood (or complex in my case) or side-by-side on the eliptical machines or in spinning classes at the Gym. These are the girls that you just end up hating.  Even if they don't deserve it. Which most of the time, they probably do.  I digress. 

SG Duo is closing in behind us and they're just a chirping. "I'm so tired of my dad asking when I'm going to get married or at least get a boyfriend.  He's tired of fixing my shit all the time."  Huh?!  "Tee Hee!  I know what you mean.  I've got someone you can call the next time you need something fixed."  I kind of black out a little at this point.  Upon regaining consiousness, I hear "Wow! He'll do that?!"   [I hate I missed that part.]  I can't believe they're just chit-chatting the whole time walking up this mountainous hill like it's no big deal.  No Big Deal My Ass!  I'm having a freaking coronary!  I can barely even place one foot in front of the other! 

"Okay, we make it to that speed bump up there and we can turn around".  OH THANK THE LORD IN HEAVEN.  BB has come to her senses and realizes that there's no way I can go any farther up The Hill.  We turn around.  As we're walking back my legs start to feel like they're going to just fall off.  This after all that stretching we did.  BB tells me of her trip to botanical gardens with her Beau.  She tells me of all the Asian people taking pictures of the cherry blossoms.  They're pretty this time of year.  She goes on to say that they walked around for two hours yesterday and how exhausted she was at the end of it.  She's also telling me to walk through the burn and push through the pain.  I'd hate her but she's such a cutie pie.  Damnit. 

We're back on the "regular course".  We've conquered the baby inclines and are starting to head back to my place.  My legs are on fire.  Really.  I keep looking down to see where the flames are because of the burn.  I still can't believe that I'm feeling like this.  The other times we've walked haven't been this bad. It's because of that damn hill.  I know it.  I ask (trying to refrain from begging) if we can forego the circle around the mailbox and gym and just head back.  She says sure if we can loop around the other side of my building.  It looks flat.  I say ok.  After all, I am trying. 

We loop around and finally make it to my building.  And The Stairs.  Holy.  Shit.  I forgot about The Stairs.  That's 53 steps of nightmare.  BB jogs her little butt up to the first landing and sits down.  I simply stare up at her blankly.  I decide that I must do a little stretching before I can lift my legs high enough to get to my door. 

So, after finally falling through my doorway, we decide to check our time and distance.  After 20 minutes, we covered one quarter of a mile.

Sonofahbitch.

-jafg


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3 comments:

Mrs B. said...

it's a quarter mile you didn't *have* to do but you did. It's a victory, dammit!

And you'll get that hill. You would be amazed at the things your body can do if you just ignore your mind for a bit.

Hey, I'm almost 260 pounds and somehow, some way managed to make myself run a whole mile without stopping. I've done it several times.

Just try to find a way to shut up your mind, and let your body do the talking. You can do it, I promise!!!

:)

Drazil said...

SG Duo - LMAO! Thanks for the laugh!

Amanda said...

SG duo... they're between 18 and 22, right? Evil.

Oh I am so going to hell for that.