I'm dog-sitting this weekend. For SAG (Skinny Athletic Girl for those of you who are new to the JAFG storyline). Her dog is fantastic. Loves to play, doesn't jump on you when you walk into the room and also loves to be snuggled. AND is the softest dog you'll ever pet. Really. It's almost unnatural how soft this dog is. I don't have to spend every waking minute with her, but I am spending the night with her. Tonight and tomorrow night. That leaves a little bit of time to do nothing in an empty house. With just me and the dog. Since I'm dog-sitting, I visited last night to learn the food and outside routine of the pupster. SAG's an electronics fanatic so I also had to learn which of the 15 remotes works the TV.
SAG also has a Wii. Yea! I love Wii Bowling. It's awesome and somehow I make a strike almost every time. This is amazing since in the real world my bowling score is usually 43. She's got a few games, but what she has that I've been looking forward to most is Wii Fit. I learned how to power it up and since it was the first time I've ever used it, I had to create a Mii.
I've heard about these little bastards. They start out all cute and sweet and once you step on the balance board [insert some crescendo-ing computer sound indicating "increase" or "growth"] and then.....BAM! It turns you into a Fat Wii Mii. What the hell is that?!?! Even in a cartoon world I'm fat! I can't freakin' believe it. I didn't even have the option to lie. And I would have if I was given the chance.
The really funny thing is that SAG was right there with me walking me through every step. Yeah. I was really laughing. I told her there was no way in hell I would disclose my weight. It asked me, but I got to hit next. Once it was done, it did a calculation based on my height (I'm 5'6" if you remember from the first post) and proudly announced my BMI. Great. Turns out I am like 43.8 or something like that. Turns out I'm supposed to be like 23.4 or something. I'm like practically double the BMI number I'm supposed to be. Nice. Oh, it also turns out that once you're all done, it takes your fat Wii Mii ass back to the main menu where you stand side-by-side next to a Skinny Athletic Wii Mii version of SAG. You'd think this would be the worst part of it. You'd think that it couldn't possibly more humiliating than this. You'd be wrong.
Once I have my little smiley fat and sassy Wii Mii created, we get move onto the balancing games. There's this one game where you try to hit soccer balls with your Mii head. I didn't quite grasp that concept and thought I was supposed to dodge the soccer balls. Obviously I didn't play a lot of sports as a child. Well, I finally figured out how to make my Mii move and hit balls. The damn game throws shoes and panda heads at your Mii, too. You're supposed to doge those. They're really the only thing I actually hit, or hit me, or whatever. It's a little twisted, I know. So I gave up on that after about 5 minutes and was introduced to the "Basic Stepping" program.
In this "Basic Stepping" program, there's the bunch of little mini Wii Miis on a stage and you're supposed to follow the footprints you see on the screen and step on the balance board. Apparently, it matters which foot you use. Like if they want you to use your right one, you're actually supposed to use your right one. Meh. It sounds like it'd be easy. It's not. I got all confused and only got it right when my feet weren't supposed to be on the balance board. You've gotta move side to side front to back it's damn confusing.
SAG decided to jump in and "show me how it's done". This is where it gets really bad. Remember how it knows my weight and BMI (it didn't show my weight, but I know it knows the damn thing). Well, it adapts to the levels of pressure that are supposed to be applied based on the person that standing on the thing. That means that skinny ass SAG with a BMI of like -2 had to practically jump up and down to get the board to recognize that she was on it! I've been humilitated by a video game. It'd be depressing if it weren't so damn funny.
It occurred to me as I got in my car and lit my cigarette, I just did some exercise. Hmm. Pretty cool.