Back In The Saddle Again

02/18/2011

283.8 lbs

That was from like two days ago.  Or maybe yesterday.

My ass is flat.  And I mean very, very flat.  We're talking square pizzabox flat.  I've been thinking about this a lot lately.  Usually about this time (2:00 in the afternoon on a workday) I really start thinking about it.  Most of the time I realize that I haven't stood to go to the bathroom, go to the printer or even go to get another cup of coffee.  This is ungood.  As a matter of fact, it's painful.  My ass literally starts aching because I've been sitting on it for so long.

So I got a nudge this morning from one of my real life friends who has been allowed into the JAFG secret world.  She reminds me that I've got people that actually do read this blog and that I have been neglecting it.  Which has been quite a few times this year.  She just had a baby.  Well just = six months ago. 

We got to chatting about how I had a dry spell on blog topics and that the only thing going on was my frustration on the fact that I wasn't exercising.  No one to blame but me.  It's been bothering me.  I suck.  Blah Blah Blah.  Well, anyway, she's talking about her baby weight that she refers to as her "dog jowels"  (I don't quite get that, but I also didn't ask her to elaborate).  Now, mind you, I've seen FB pictures of the girl and she looks lovely.  I tell her so.  She says she's become a "Master At Camoflauge".  MAC said "if I put HALF the effort into actually changing my body instead of hiding it - I'd be in a much better place".   Amen, Sistah. 

Oh.  I should tell you this is all through Messenger which is like online instant texting.

So, being the good friend that I am, I offer to be a "workout inspire-er".  She responds at almost the same time with the word ADVERSARY.  The gauntlet was thrown down, my friends.  The challenge was issued. 

We both have access to Gyms and weights.  Her weights just happen to come in the form of a mini-human, which I do believe counts for the purpose of competition.MAC and I live about an hour and a half apart so I don't see her all the time.  Actually, I see her like 3-4 times a year.  We're going to be in Big Southern City in early June and have made that the official "Finish Line".  Not that I'll lose all the weight I need to by then, of course, but we're gonna see how much we can do to ourselves (in a positive way) by that time. 

Since we don't live close by there's no working out in the same room at the same time which is kinda a bummer.  Right now, I have no workout buddy.  BB is officially married now and the newlywed version of her is WAAAYYYY different than the fiancee version.  That's another story, though.  SAG spends all her time either playing tennis or going to sporting events.  She's never available (in her defense, her tennis team did make it to the national championships last year).  So, I will be working out alone.  Starting tonight. 

I know my ass is happy about getting some workout and, let's face it, I need to limber up a bit for a certain visit in two weeks (wink, wink).  So, I committed to 30 minutes for the elliptical.  I also may be meeting a friend out for a beer afterward.  I hope they don't cancel each other out. 

I am going visit Concierge Gym on Saturday, too.  I will even try the weights then.  Eee. Gad.  I wonder what taking a half a xanax will do to a workout?  I have serious anxiety about walking into a gym alone.  And since it's been so long, I have to face that anxiety all over again like I've never conquered it before.  Well, It's all good.  I'll face my fear and will come out the other side feeling damn good.  And maybe that won't have anything to do with the xanax.

Oh.  If you look up ADVERSARY through Google Search, this is what comes up first:

ad·ver·sar·y/ˈadvərˌserē/Noun
1. One's opponent in a contest, conflict, or dispute.
2. The Devil.


MAC, I'm picking Option 2.

-jafg

No Excuses

12/16/2010

2??.? lbs

I haven't weighed in the past few days.  The last time, though, the figure had managed to creep back up to above the 280 mark...not by much but enough to make me very uncomfortable.

It's been THREE long, silent months since my last posting.  I have no excuse for it, there's no backsliding, no deep, dark depression, just a lot of mis-managed time and real-life stuff. 

I forget about how much I love this community while on my little breaks.  And then, it comes flooding back when I open my inbox and see HUNDREDS of emails (ok, not all of them are legit) and realize just how much I count on this little corner of the world.  And how much I affect others, even when I don't know it. 

Faithful followers know I cling to my super secret identity and that anonymity is what JAFG is all about.  There's this real sense of true honesty that comes from not being known.  Well, there are a few of you out there that know me, really know me, and I got a quiet nudge from one of those friends today.  If someone can take the time to let me know I'm missed, (which was also evident from all the comments on my last post) well, then, I can make the time to write.  I can make the time to share. 

When I write here, I become a more fulfilled (in addition to being a more accountable) me.  I miss that.  I miss you. 

Also, when I stop posting, I lose the chance to get comments like these:

Results Not Typical Girl said...

If you don't come back soon regularly, I'm keeping all the dildos you loaned me.

I really do heart you people.

-JAFG

Damnit. AGAIN. DAMNIT!

07/08/10

I didn't weigh myself today.  I thought about it, but then I got busy with other things.

I had a fantastic time at The LakeHouse over the weekend.  I then proceded to do not a damn thing on Sunday afternoon and Monday.  I slept, I ate, I watched TV, I washed some clothes, I washed bed linens.  That's pretty much it.  I was then down with a little bit of rumbly tumbly yesterday.  And that's pretty much carrying through today, as well.

This is a big DAMNIT session. 

I have totally skinned up my knees from falling off the healthy living wagon.  And the ground was really damn bumpy too.  I may have even sprained an ankle.  What all this means is that I have thrown Caring to the wind and not given a damn about exercise or healthy eating.  Well, I haven't completely let go of healthy eating, but I did COMPLETELY let go of working out. I don't mean over the past two days either.  I mean that since May, my exercising has been slowly slipping by the wayside. 

I am ashamed PISSED. 

I don't understand why I continue to have this up and down nonsense!  I freakin know that exercise is the ONLY thing that will put My Fat in check.  I know that if I don't watch every little thing I eat, I'm gonna be packin on the pounds.  It took 3 effin months to kill 20 lbs!  And I'm just throwing that away!  I see it happening.  I recognize the bad behavior, and yet, because life is totally stressing me right now, I choose to take the very easy way and not give a shit.  Only the not giving a shit makes life totally stress even more because I DO give a shit!

So. That's where I am after a perfectly great holiday. 

That 20 lbs that I lost was REAL.  Like, I sweat that fat right out of me.  I'm proud of that.  So what the hell happened to my motivation???


-jafg

New Blog New Me

06/23/10

$#@!$%  lbs

I don't want to talk about it.

I have been bugged by blogger about this new "design template" function so I decided to play around with it.  I'm pretty big on branding, so I've been very skeptical to change things up thinking that "my peeps know me as I am. What if they don't like the change?"  Especially since I have this Super Secret Fat Girl Identity.

That got me to thinking.  I'm changing me, so why not change my blog?  So, I did.  It was fun and here's the result of a week's worth of goofing around to see how it worked.  I wanted to keep a "feminine feel" without looking all middle school girl's locker and still keep the green and pink elements which are really all I care about anyway.  That and my little scale image.  I love that image.  I really like the simplicity of the image and it's been here since the beginning. So, my brand is my hot pink, my green and my little lime green scale. I'm ok with that.

I added a tab for my water tracking because I SERIOUSLY do not consume enough liquid in a day.  I can add up to 5 pages, of have a total of 5 pages, either way I was thinking about moving my "Blogs I heart a lot" to it's own page.  I'm also trying to figure out how to add comment capabilities to my other pages.  I'm working on one for the Crunchy Guns challenge, too.  Which I still haven't done anything about.  Damnit.


Like me, it's a work in progess.  I'm still the same, underneath this new blogger template.  I'm still the snarky JAFG that everybody's come to love.  Or tolerate.  Whatever.  I've just been altered a bit. 

Kinda like my pant size.

-jafg

Add It Up

06/17/10

278.0 lbs

I feel a little better, but I'm hoping for more movement tomorrow.

So, I tried a different elliptical machine last night.  There are so many kinds and each one seems to be different.  This one was more like pedalling a bike than any other I've been on.  I didn't like it AT ALL.  I had to put it at the lowest level and it seemed to only work the top of my thighs (the quads, right?).  My knee was very warm when I was done, too.  Also, on all the other machines, I usually kill a mile in just under 15 minutes.  I could only do a half a mile in just over 15 minutes.  On the lowest level.  What?!?

I met BB and 15YO at Concierge Gym last night.  15YO was running, like running, on the treadmill and BB was busy on the machine from hell.  They met me there and had already been going for 7 minutes.  After 20 minutes they both stopped and were waiting on me.  Well, I had only been on for about 10 minutes and already thought I was gonna die.  BB felt the same.  She had originally planned on doing 30 minutes (me too) but the machine from hell got the best of her.  In stead of going to the pool or working on the circuit trainers, both of them parked it by me and were just waiting.  Nothing like a little pressure.  I only made it another 5 minutes and then threw in the towel.  Shame on me.  Then we went to hang out at the pool.

I've been mildly concerned about the big weight change (from a 276.6 lbs reading to a 279.2 lbs reading ... huh?!).  I have to be honest with myself (and, I guess, with you). 

I totally snacked on Saturday night.  And on Sunday night.  And...yes, Monday night, too.

I've discovered sunkist fruit gummies.  Damn they're good.  I ate way too many packets (about 110 calories a pack I just found out.  YIKES).  I also bought little mini snicker icecream bars (90 calories a peice).  I had one of them Sunday night and TWO of them Monday night.  I may have had one Tuesday night, too.  I'm not sure.  It's all starting to blur together in a guilt-induced haze.

I did exercise Sunday, Monday and yesterday.  I had unusual activity of laser tag and roller skating on Wednesday.  Oh, which reminds me.  We went for ice cream afterward.  Damnit.

Now, I knew I was snacking when I snacked.  I knew what I was buying when I was buying those mini snicker icecream bars.  In my defence,though, you should all know how I am about a Snicker Bar.  I mean, it's its own blog post label for goodness sake!  I was pretty excited to see they came in the 90-calorie variety.  And those sunkist fruit gummies are very small packs with only about 10 gummies in each.  When you eat 4 packs (over the course of about 3 hours), well, that was a bit much.  At least Sunday it was only 2.  Packs that is.  Which is 220 calories.  Sheesh.

Honestly, I didn't think anything of the snacking (with the exception of eating TWO snicker icecream bars that one night) at the time it was happening.  I was actually thinking that I was doing good believe it or not.  I was comparing to when I used to really have at it.  Icecream woulda been involved, but it woulda been like a pint Ben & Jerry's.  All at one sitting.  Not kidding.  So, comparing my "now self" to my "then self", I thought I had really improved.  The scale showed me I was wrong.  I could have been wronger (fyi...that's not a word).  I remembered to eat healthy the rest of the time.  Breakfast, lunch, diner...all okay.  Snacking...not so much.  And it caught up with me. 

My life in moderation hasn't been as moderate as I let myself believe it was. I don't feel bad about it, I just realize that all my decisions affect me, no matter what they may be.

Even the reduced calorie kind.

-jafg

I Heart You, Mom!

05/10/10

283.4 lbs

Over the weekend Scale told me I was at 286.2 lbs.  WHAT. THE. HELL.  There's a whole mental saga that played out over the next two days but the end of the story is, I kicked my own ass, stopped feeling sorry for myself, and have changed my thinking to "every workout is last chance workout". 

So, Mom's day was G-R-R-R-ATE (I'm using phonix, friends).  Moms and I had sushi for dinner, botanical gardens for a day trip, an awesome brunch compliments of Chez JAFG, and I treated my mom to a morning workout.  I was very excited about this last one.  She's my cheerleader about losing weight and getting healthy and wants to do the same thing.  It was really exciting to share this with her.  Actually, I'm surprised by how happy it made me to have her participate in this part of my life. 

My mom's a bigger woman like myself.  We're built completely different; She's a pear, I'm an apple.  I've got two inches on her 5'4" self.  I'm "olive-complected", she's "fair-skinned".  We have the same laugh and a lot of the same subconscious mannerisms and as soon as I realize that we're doing something alike at the same time I can't help but smile to myself. I get annoyed and amused at the same time.

Referring back to this weekend, I gained weight.  Scale told me so two days in a row.  I did A LOT of dining out with Moms and did no working out Friday or Saturday.  As a matter of fact, I did nothing really, but sleep and eat on Saturday.  More on that some other time.

Sunday morning, I wake up and decide to have coffee ready for Moms.  When she woke up, I asked her to workout.  She was totally down with trying the recumbent bike at Concierge Gym.  So, we changed into workout gear and headed out. 

She's a very young 53 years of age.  She's got serious left knee problems (to the point that she takes The Stairs one step at a time), was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in 2002 and now has arthritis starting in.  All of this with serious allergic asthma.  So this working out thing is a big deal. 

She's talked with some physical therapists who have told her to get her knee moving with NO impact (thus the recumbent bike) to get the joint lubrication forming/flowing.  She's supposed to take it easy on the walking front.  We got her on a bike for 15 minutes at level 1.  Woohoo! 

She also did some resistance work on the Circuit machines with her arms.  She was sore this morning, but we got out there again.  Go Moms!  We've got to take it easy because of all the challenges she has health-wise.  I want to make sure she's not doing something that will ultimately exacerbate anything and make the situation worse.  This got me thinking.

So, I was reading my blogroll came across 282.5 which I hadn't read in quite some time (Sorry Jo, and congrats on your freakin fantabulous progress!) and found a reference to a "real age" test.  This one was a free service from http://www.realage.com/.  I've been wanting to take one and so I used 20 minutes of my day and answered the questions honestly.  It was great being able to tell it how much  I exercise on a weekly basis. And then I got my results. 

Actually, I'm pretty stoked about the fact I made it in under 40.  I figured it would be like my first Wii age.  75.  Yeah.  Nice. 

What got me is that the thing told me my workouts are too intense.  I couldn't believe it when I read it.  According to this lengthy assessment, my joint pain I've been experiencing isn't just because I've never moved so much in my life, it's because I'm pushing myself too hard.  I started to connect the proverbial dots between Moms and me and I realized that, just like I don't want her pushing herself too much, I, too, shouldn't want me to push myself too much.  I'm really relieved which is also surprising.  I want to keep a level of intensity that will keep the fat burning happening, but I want my knees to feel better, too. 

I think I've been trying to show all the skinny kids in my classes and gym (including SAG and BB) that I can keep up with the rest of them.  That just because I'm fat doesn't mean that I can't do what they can.  I don't think it's been intentional, I think it's been subconsciously happening. 

Like the way Moms and I both get sassy with one hand on our hips.  And then quickly move our hands when we realize what we're doing.  At the same time.  It's annoying.  And funny.

I HEART YOU, MOM!


-jafg

WARNING: Disapointment Ahead

04/29/10

284.2 lbs

I blew it today.  I had a FRIED lunch.  Chicken, Fries, and a buscuit.  I feel kinda bad about it.  It was a conscious decision too.  I was meeting one of my friends out for lunch for his birthday (he turned 24; isn't that cute?).  He's a kid that used to work with me and we hit it off.  He's really a sweetie pie.  He's getting married to his little girlfriend next year.  So Cute! Ok.  It was his birthday on Tuesday and so me and the pregnant girl (who actually used to babysit him!) from work were meeting him at a place of his choice.  It's the place his future in-laws own.  They specialize in what I like to call "brown food".  You know, the kind where everything you order shows up in various shades of brown cause it's all fried?  Yeah, one of those places. 

Well, I decided as soon as we parked that I was going to eat anything I wanted.  I don't know why.  I don't know where the thought came from. I wasn't feeling down, deprived, or even devious.  And I had even taken a 20 minute walk this morning!  But somewhere inside snapped and made me order a fried chicken basket. Damnit.  I felt bad as soon as I ordered.  As I was eating and enjoying every fried bite I was feeling so guilty.  I drank my unsweet tea and dipped my fries and chickens into "house dipping sauce" and ranch dressing.  And not the light kind either.  It was so good.  I feel so bad. 

I've got plans tonight and don't know if I have time to get sweaty and clean again before having to leave at 6:45. 

I'm sure gonna try though. 

-jafg

Tales of the Come-Back Kid. Again.

04/27/10

285.6 lbs

Overall, this is pretty good.  However, when I tell you that Scale said on Saturday that I had made it to 283.8 (I checked it twice) and then yesterday said I was at 287.2 you see there's not much room for excitment or sadness.  Still, I'll take this as a victory.

Look, I figured up the caloric intake of the adult beverages consumed for this birthday bash and it totals 1688 calories.  I am so cursing right now. As my ramblings have indicated in my previous posts, I am not such a healthfully minded chica on the morning after a night of partaking.  That leads to Bacon.  And lots of other things off of the breakfast buffet at the hotel like grits, potatoes, cheese, bacon, waffle, bacon, cheese danish, bacon.  And a poached egg.  And french fries and a frosty (both small) from Wendy's on the way home. Nice.  I did have a healthy dinner.  It's my lowfat version of a tuna melt with an egg.  It's actually very good and some other time, I will share it with you.

I signed up for myfitnesspal.com, which I heart a lot and would love to add you as a buddy if anyone's interested but I don't know how that works, and I am SO not registering any of my weekend debauchery. 

I was smart and took yesterday off.  I knew that I wouldn't be fully recovered.  Getting old does this to a girl.  There was a time that 3 hours sleep between "gigs" seemed totally doable.  Now I need two days to recover from blow-out bashes like this.  At least I know my limits.  Anyway.  I took yesterday off.  I had some bacon left over from when BFF and Her Hubbie visited that I had shoved into the freezer.  Well, I sliced some of that off, scrambled me two eggs and had a slice of kraft 2% american cheese on it.  Then I had two pieces of peanut butter toast for snacks.  I had my tuna melt for lunch and a porkchop and a half of sweet potato for dinner.  I slept most of the day but what I did do (which I didn't want to do) was exercise.

YEA ME!  I went to HHH class.  Can I just say that I thought I was going to die?  I know I've said that before, but, like, this time, I was really wondering what would happen if I collapsed of a heart attack in the middle of the session.  That would be so embarrassing. 

While I was contemplating coronary issues, I also noticed that I was bouncing a lot more than I first did.  Perhaps I was so worn out because I was pushing a little harder this time.  Perhaps.  I don't know for sure, though.  I was also thinking I really can't miss my Saturday workout.  I will HAVE to make time for a workout when on trips, otherwise, it'll feel like starting over again when I get back to class.  I hate feeling like I'm starting over again.

I uploaded my pics from the trip to FB (my real world FB account, not the JAFG account) and had a pleasant surprise....aside from having kept all my clothes intact over the trip, I was also looking thinner!


-jafg

I Got Nothin.

04/16/10

289.0 lbs

I don't doubt it.  I haven't done a damn thing in the workout relm since Wednesday.  I am gonna be working out a mean mess tonight though.  I'm joining The Gym. 

I really wish I could wax poetic about something but I gots nothin.  As you may have already guessed from the title....

I've been a total food whore since Tuesday night. BB wasn't feeling very motivated, so we bought Digiorno with everything on it. And got cokes. Well, I had Mr. Pibb. I had four pieces of that great Digiorno. Four. Pieces. Yommm. I mean "bad jafg!".

Wednesday night I pigged on sushi.  And not the little, light stuff.  I'm talking tempura shrimp rolls which are then flash fried.  It was good.  I was bad.  I then had awesome fried chicken breast sandwich with a slice of all american cheese and extra pickles for lunch yesterday.  With the best damn fries on the planet.  And the biggest unsweet tea I could get and still drink it with a straw. 

Last night, not feeling terribly social, I got pizza.  Domino's happens to be closest to me so I ordered a large thin crust veggie to pick up on my way home. 

Well, it woulda been $17.  WTH? For a thin crust veggie?  I don't know if you've ever had one of those, but it's totally not enough on its own to justify an Andrew Jackson.  Being the thrifty shopper that I am, I asked them about their specials.  I tried to get them to give me the Pizza Hut $10 special but no love.  I ended up with two large pizzas for $25.  That includes tax.  One was veggie for me, and one was pepperoni and mushroom for My Fat.  We both were very  happy.  Until of course, I got on the scale this AM. 

I had one hell of a time trying to get my tag transferred from Small Beachtown to Small Southern City.  3 hours later, no tag and one hungry lady.  I had a repeat of yesterday's lunch.  Although this time, no cheese and a small fry.  I still had the largest unsweet tea that anyone could carry in one hand, though. 

I'm glad for the workout tonight. And that I ate all the pepperoni pizza already. 

It's the small stuff you gotta stay happy about.

-jafg

Welcome to Bizzaro World

04/13/10

288.0 lbs

Everybody pull out your best Wayne's World flashback routine.  If you're too young to get that reference, well, I don't like you anymore.

Think back with me to July 2009.  Back to my very first post.  Firstly, I see that my weight is like 287.6 lbs.  I could be dissapointed, but I'll look at it as "Wow, I've managed to balance my weight for almost a year."  I was also smoking then.  This is something I only do when partaking of adult beverages.  I'm pretty damn proud of that.  Getting back to that post....

I mentioned then (and several times since) that I am sorely lacking in the motivation to exercise department.  As a matter of fact, it wasn't until after my 5 month hiatus (4 months and 17 days to be precise and for which there is no good explanation) that I ever contemplated exercise at all.  Like, actually doing it, I mean.  I thought about it alot.  Thinking doesn't burn calories in the quantity I need, however.  I wish it did.  I digress.  Eating healthy isn't an issue, I enjoy healthy food.  I just wanted that AHA moment to kick me in the ass to get me moving.  I figured it would be like a storybook revelation.  The lightbulb and everything, ya know?  It wasn't like that. 

Actually, I went shopping and realized that I had to be a larger size.  This is larger than what I was already wearing which was a really freakin large size.  Then I realized that if I got any larger, I wasn't going to be able to shop even in the fat clothing stores.  WHAT??!!  Well, maybe that was my AHA moment.  Most plus sized stores either start at a 12 or 14, which is stupid IMO (<==I threw this in for you young people==>) but whateves.  Most of them end at a 28. 

When the big clothes at a plus sized store are too small, there's something wrong.  Like really.  Go see a doctor.  Not to be a Debbie-Downer, but something needs to change or you're gonna D-I-E die. 

After the whole clothes incident, I decided it would be best to get on a scale again.  Ew.  I first stepped on it and realized I was 4 little pounds away from the big 3-0-0.  Damn.  That sucks.  I began to really miss my blog.  I wasn't quite ready for the reality of that, though.

I did some things with my income tax return (I gave the Gov't too much money again last year).  I bought clothes and shoes, a lot of clothes and shoes, and decided to get a Wii.  I wanted something that I could use to get moving in the privacy of my own home.  I did some polling in my real life and found a great recommendation, She-Devil or Your Shape with Jenny McCarthy.  It's pretty good really.  I also got Sports Resort.  It has table tennis and sword play.  That game is awesome.  Anyway, I did these things because I needed to do something. 

I also had the good news of BB (Blushing Bride for any new readers out there) and Her Beau's engagement.  Kismet really.  She wants to workout, she's so young that I can't be intimidated by her.  It's physically impossible.  She's like a puppy.  Who can be intimidated by a puppy??  I'm stoked because since Her Beau is in school at night and she's new to the area, we can spend a lot of time together with the workouts.  It's also nice to see my friends in a sober state.  But that's a different story. 

I also picked up the proverbial pen again.  In the very few weeks it's been since my return to the "big screen" I've began to freakishly pay attention to my food (measuring it in some cases and portioning it in other cases) and I'm working out.  Sometimes even twice a day.  And sometimes by myself.  I'm also talking to my friends about  all the working out and getting real encouragement from them.  I look forward to sweating and getting my ass kicked by a workout. 

But the weirdest thing of all...I found out I now like blue cheese. 

What Bizzaro World have I dropped into here?!?

--jafg

Back From The Ends of The Earth. Sort Of.

03/16/0910

293 lbs. 

Let me start off by saying this:  No, I'm not dead.

I didn't go crazy or get maimed by a pack of bears.  I am still JAFG (plus some).  I simply got busy and like most of my diet expiditions, I relapsed by not putting the effort into blogging.  Shame on me.

I missed you people! I can't tell you how many times I started titles in my head, how many paragraphs were penned in my brain, how many times I went to get on the computer to post and then...I just got side tracked. Or, worse yet, just said "I'll do it later". Kinda like when I'm gonna lose weight. Later. Tomorrow. In this case, my tomorrow turned into almost 6 months!

A whole lot of nothing much has been going on. 

I went up a dress size (like I wear dresses...ha!) and I bought a Wii.  Yeah, I don't believe it either, but I did.  Currently, it's sitting at SAG's house (she sold hers, but not to me) from a Wii party.  Long story.

I tried to buy a "fitted just for you" bra and it was an experience to say the least. 

I think I went on a date, but I hope not. 

I bought a new fantabulous wardrobe and got even more fantabulous "deconstructed" jeans.  Back in the day, we just called them ripped.

I have several friends getting married or having babies. 

I thought about a personal trainer and couldn't afford extra $500 a month.  I am still teetering on the idea of joining a gym, but we all know how that went last time. 

I've had more adult beverages than I'd care to talk about.

Bygones.

I hope I haven't shocked you all too much or thrown off the world's rotation or anything.  I am jumping back on the horse's bandwagon or something like that.

I'm gonna have to work on my cliche' use.  I can already tell. 

-jafg

I Need A Good 12-Step. Really.

08/24/09

285.4 lbs

That's from Saturday. It probably a little higher today, though.

Hello, blogging buddies. Did you miss me? It's been almost a week since my last confession. I mean blogpost. I'm feeling a little shameful about it.

I have been in the most funkiest funk. It started last week. I hit a metaphorical brick wall and am still kinda licking my wounds. Poor me. I crawled in bed at 5:00pm on Thursday and didn't get out until 10:00am Friday. And then I slept most of the day Friday, too. Saturday was a little better. I got out and saw Julie & Julia. Great movie! It's all about blogging and food. What's better than that? I mean, that's pretty much what I do, right?

After the movie, I did what any red-blooded American Woman would do when in a funk. I went shopping. I landed at Target. I heart Target. Especially when it's a Super Target. You get Food and Fashion all in the same place. It's great. I restricted my shopping to things I needed but wouldn't just buy everyday like nail polish. I got a great color. Fantab really. It's a metallic grayish pink. It's on my fingers and toes. In the sun, I look like I have pink chrome on my nails. Awesome. I'll get the name of it tonight and add a Post-Post Script tomorrow.

So, Sunday I still wasn't feeling all shiny and happy so, off to the stores again. I'll share a little make-up tip with you. Sally Beauty Supply has a great line called Femme Couture Mineral Effects. It's great stuff. Really. I wouldn't steer you wrong when it comes to war paint. Also, it's way cheaper than most mineral make-up. WAY cheaper.

I also decided to do my own highlights. Money Saving tips and all. When I lived in Big Southern City, my BFF was my stylist for YEARS. He knew my hair better than I did. The relationship ended when I moved to Beachtown. It took a year to find a replacement. When I did, it was magical. Fireworks and everything! I just moved to Small Southern City 5 months ago. I still haven't met The One. As you can see, I take hair very seriously, so this whole do-it-yourself thing has me a little worried. Keep your fingers crossed.

I decided I need a new top. I went to Avenue after Sally's. It's hit or miss. On Sunday, it was all miss. I'm going to Khol's sometime this week. I heart Khol's, too. I need a top. I need something that makes me feel pretty. Thus, the new do, war paint, and finger/toe nails. A new top will just 'top' everything like a cherry on a sundae. Or nuts, if you prefer.

I had one of those last night. A sundae, that is. This blogging business has made me realize I have a thing for ice cream. Note to self, break up with ice cream. I had to do the walk of shame from my car to my place at the top of The Stairs. At least I got a bit of exercise in the process. Doubt it worked off that fudge.

Funkiest Funk has opened the door to ungood eating. Well, it's been good, but not "good for you". I've tried, but pretty much failed for over a week. See Weight above. I'm almost back where I started. Yea. Go me. I realized something though. I'm addicted to my fat. It gives me an excuse to eat sundaes. I told you this is my love/hate relationship with the world of weight. I wasn't lyin.

As much as I try to change, to shed the poundage, I have to admit find comfort and solace in the buldge. I also love to hate it, too. OMG What is wrong with me??!! I have these arguments with my fat. Sometimes I win, sometimes my fat does. Either way, the battle's not too pretty.

I think I need a 12-step. I've admitted I'm fat-I mean I'm addicted to my fat. Step one down. Now I need to change my ways. I need to do something that is anti-fat. I'm not ready to give up food, so I think I'm actually going to have to start being ACTIVE. Ew. Who wants to be my buddy? There's no talking about my shopping, though.

-jafg

Disclaimer:
Please note that this blog is not making light of other addictions such as Alcohol or Narcotics or such. If you are on your own journey of recovery, I sincerely wish you the best of luck.

Ra-Ra-Ree! Kick 'Em In the Knee! Ra-Ra-Rass! Kick 'Em In The ...

08/19/09

???.? lbs

I didn't weigh myself this morning.

I was on time to work, though!

I visit my blog daily for different reasons. Getting a new post up is actually lower on 'the list' than you might think.

I can't wait to see if I get new comments. If I don't have new comments, then I love logging on to see if I have new Followers, or "blog watchers" as I like to call them. Seeing that list grow with people who aren't my mother is freakin awesome. I haven't even been online a month and I've got 8 public watchers! This makes me feel awesome! Also, I feel a sense of obligation to make sure I keep it up. That whole public accountability thing, remember?

I feel bad when I eat cheese-laiden nachos with sour cream, or stuff like that. Not that I did that last night or anything. Well, maybe I don't feel bad, but like I'm letting my team down. Which is kinda worse. I've never been one much for sports; that feeling kinda sucks!

This whole thing is like a huge team, I'm going to all these different blogs and find other blogs from their "blog rolls" and become new fans of struggling ladies just like me. As I said the first time, I'm just another fat girl. One Fat Girl in a sea of LOTS of Fat Girls. Fat being "I need to lose 10 lbs" to "I need to lose 150lbs". I would love to lose 135.4lbs....YIKES. I've never placed a number on my wieghtloss dreams before.  I just did it on a calculator. The number is still staring back at me. Damn Number.


I love this not so little network of Peeps. Thanks for stopping by to read! If you've got a story, I'd love to know about it. Leave a comment with a link to it. This'll give me a reason to feel awesome!

Go Team!

-jafg







(corrected a typo on 08/31/09)

I'm Calling a Do-Over!

08/17/09

284.6 lbs

Apparently my fat is very sensitive to carbs and hangovers.

As you all know, I socialized last Thursday. I had a fantab time, too. It was fun to get out with friends on the town. And I do enjoy a good adult beverage. The thing is, the more I enjoy a good adult beverage the more I tend to partake of said good adult beverage. This leads to a night of a very happy fat girl who forgets about fat and focuses only on happy. This in itself is not a bad thing. However, after an undisclosed number of shots, 2:00am seems early and the happy girl just wants to have fun!

I also mentioned I am a serious rationalizer. This skill is only sharpened when adult beverages are added to the mix. As most people lose their ability to think logically as an evening progresses, my logic skills are increased 10-fold. It's very difficult to say no to my persuasive spins. Poor friends.

If you don't partake, then you don't know that the night of one too many will lead to a day of dread. The only thing that soothes the pain is grease-house food. Like Waffle House at 2:30 in the morning. If that 2:30 late-dinner-early-breakfast-date is bypassed, well then, it is a must the morning after. Or at some point in the day if one has a job to report to like me. I opted for a great greasy burger and fries (and soymilk) in the afternoon. And oreos. It was good.

I got home Friday night and my hangover had breakfast. Grits, biscuits, potatoes, bacon and an egg. Holy Crap. I didn't eat the egg. It didn't do too well after the first bite so I gave up on that. The grits were awesome. They had just a hint of colby-jack cheese added. It would seem that this would be enough to just do a person in, but my hangover wasn't finished with me yet. It needed icecream to top the evening off. It should be ashamed.

Saturday wasn't much better. I took a 3 hour nap. This is after having potatoes, bacon, and scrambled eggs for breakfast. It turns out I'm very out of practice from playing on a schoolnight. I was still feeling like shite. I don't think the food had anything to do with it. After I woke up, I realized I needed to go grocery shopping. Being in a very unmotivated state of mind, I opted for fast food mexican instead. At least I'd have to walk down The Stairs and back up again for the sin.

Sunday I woke up mopey. There's just no other word for it. Well, after coffee and a smoke I kicked myself in the ass. I realized that I'd have to face everyone on Monday and report all of this nonsense. I also realized that I still had no food in the house. This is not conducive to healthy living. I pulled out the weekly grocery flyers and tore through each of them. That's three stores, People. I spent my yesterday afternoon grocery shopping. There were some really great deals. I found albacore tuna 10 for $10! I got 15 cans. I also got Amy's Pizza for a really great deal! I had that for dinner last night.

I didn't spread this shopping excursion out over several days, I did it all in one big blowout. This means multiple trips up and down and back up The Stairs. I think that paid the price for my food transgressions.

I guess you could say I fell off the wagon this weekend. It's a good thing I'm not on a diet.

-jafg