04/26/2011
285.2 lbs
Today is a so-so day.
I received some very valid constructive criticism today. It stung. Mostly because it's true.
So I have an established position in my career. I've been in my industry for 7 years which is nothing to balk at. (I hate ending sentences in prepositions, btw.) You all know that mostly I'm clever, charming, witty and fun. Well, I also have a brain and apparently I haven't been showing that feature off enough in the right circles.
You all know I travel. I go to conferences, conventions, meetings, what-have-yous on a very regular basis. I do have a good time, but I don't wimp out of my responsibilities either. I've always gone with the "Work Hard/Play Hard" mentality. It's worked for me up to now, because the same people I was playing hard with, also saw the work hard part. Well, when you're dealing with a "national level" or something bigger than your immediate daily reach, this isn't so much the case. Damn.
I plan on staying in this industry as long as I can. I really want to call it home. I have. I know things and speak as an expert at my home base level, but have what you might call stage fright everywhere else. My safetynet has been socializing. I know, taken on my own, my bright and shiney personality will win anyone over. HOWEVER. I have never felt comfortable to move past that. I feel like a big phony. Actually, I know I am.
I lack confidence.
Shocker, right? I've come a long way in life and have had to deal with many unpleasantries as most everyone who has or ever will come across this blog. I've climbed through, persevered and ended up mostly satisfied with life. The point, though, is that where I thought I had it all figured out was my career. I don't have marriage, I don't have kids, I have career. I'm happy with that choice. But, what happens when that falters? When I realize that I am not as solid in this aspect as I thought. How does it make any other area of my life which desperately needs attention (i.e.: or e.g.: I never know which is the appropriate one to use my weight) have a glimmer of a chance to be successful? There is a bigger picture here which needs to be addressed and, while I've known it for some time, I'm only just realizing it.
My mom came to visit for Easter. It was great to see her. It had been since Christmas. Long time, I know. She does not appreciate self-deprecating humor. So, the joke this weekend was, "I know I'm smart, but I'm kindof an Idiot". It's amazing how versatile that is. And how true. I have a brain and I don't always use it. I'm too old for that. Too established, too. My little criticism today pointed that out.
It could be worse, though.
Last week, I shat myself.
-jafg
Showing posts with label Reality Checks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Reality Checks. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Happy New Year. Again. (Yea Rabbits!)
02/03/2011
???.? lbs
I know what that number is but weight is a reality that I choose not to face today.
So today is the Chinese New Year. The Year of the Hare. I'm a hare. Well, really, if you read what the traits are for the hare, you'd laugh at that. Cause they don't match up. Except for the hyper-sexual-and-super-social part. And who thinks rabbits are super social, anyway??
It's been over a week since my last post. I hope you don't feel abandoned. I do feel a little guilty. I can't help it, though. Things have been busy. Firstly, the first month of the year is always MAD busy at work. Like every last minute is usually put to something wicked productive. Which leaves me little time to meander into JAFG land. Then, of course, there is LDL (which is not a reference to my cholesterol levels, btw). My glasses are definitely still steamy. Despite all this, I decided I'm making time this morning to post.
Those of you who have been around for the long haul know that I mostly just write about my experiences. I don't really philosophize except to examine my own lot in life. As the blog says, it's about my love/hate relationship with the world of weight. Sometimes, that deals with the fit of clothing, sometimes food, sometimes exercise, a lot of times smoking... But lately... Well, lately I've been thinking about sex.
I'm nervous. It will be 4 months since the last time (also first time) that I've spent face-to-face time with LDL, the next time I see him. Did that make sense? Granted we spent quality time together, but that was 4 months ago. That's a long time. Especially when you're talking about sex.
I can't spend more than 5 minutes of conversation time chatting with him without wanting to crawl through the phone and, well, you know. There's still plenty of heat, but where has this nervousness come from? My misgivings about talking to someone and then meeting them are of no consequence. We met in person through a mutual acquaintance. I can't say the guy isn't interested. HE approached ME. He also talks a pretty hot game. So, why am I so nervous?
Well, I talk a big game and there are certain aspects of the bedroom that I know I have no problem with, but, truth be told...I'm no expert. There are things that even in my 35 years of living I have yet to check off my 'to-do' list. There are things I'd like to do but feel that there are physical limitations. How does one approach this? How do I figure these things out without completely feeling like a fool in the heat of the moment. And then there are the things I like. Well, actually, I'm not so worried about that. I know how to give directions.
So back to the point. I'm nervous. It's sad to say this is the longest pseudo-relationship I've had in years. Well, since I've been in Small Southern City which has been, Lord....2 years this month! All this time and all this distance have really allowed some healthy anticipation to mix with a lot of unhealthy doubt. Shit.
I am a self-saboteur. I can recognize it (even if I haven't figured out how to completely overcome it). So now, I'm lost in my head and trying to only focus on the goal: Get Lucky. I keep telling myself that none of my imaginary hype will matter. When it's all said and done, and we're finally co-habitating the same space, I know we'll just go at it like rabbits.
But not jack rabbits, hopefully.
-jafg
???.? lbs
I know what that number is but weight is a reality that I choose not to face today.
So today is the Chinese New Year. The Year of the Hare. I'm a hare. Well, really, if you read what the traits are for the hare, you'd laugh at that. Cause they don't match up. Except for the hyper-sexual-and-super-social part. And who thinks rabbits are super social, anyway??
It's been over a week since my last post. I hope you don't feel abandoned. I do feel a little guilty. I can't help it, though. Things have been busy. Firstly, the first month of the year is always MAD busy at work. Like every last minute is usually put to something wicked productive. Which leaves me little time to meander into JAFG land. Then, of course, there is LDL (which is not a reference to my cholesterol levels, btw). My glasses are definitely still steamy. Despite all this, I decided I'm making time this morning to post.
Those of you who have been around for the long haul know that I mostly just write about my experiences. I don't really philosophize except to examine my own lot in life. As the blog says, it's about my love/hate relationship with the world of weight. Sometimes, that deals with the fit of clothing, sometimes food, sometimes exercise, a lot of times smoking... But lately... Well, lately I've been thinking about sex.
Yes. Sex.
I'm nervous. It will be 4 months since the last time (also first time) that I've spent face-to-face time with LDL, the next time I see him. Did that make sense? Granted we spent quality time together, but that was 4 months ago. That's a long time. Especially when you're talking about sex.
I can't spend more than 5 minutes of conversation time chatting with him without wanting to crawl through the phone and, well, you know. There's still plenty of heat, but where has this nervousness come from? My misgivings about talking to someone and then meeting them are of no consequence. We met in person through a mutual acquaintance. I can't say the guy isn't interested. HE approached ME. He also talks a pretty hot game. So, why am I so nervous?
Well, I talk a big game and there are certain aspects of the bedroom that I know I have no problem with, but, truth be told...I'm no expert. There are things that even in my 35 years of living I have yet to check off my 'to-do' list. There are things I'd like to do but feel that there are physical limitations. How does one approach this? How do I figure these things out without completely feeling like a fool in the heat of the moment. And then there are the things I like. Well, actually, I'm not so worried about that. I know how to give directions.
So back to the point. I'm nervous. It's sad to say this is the longest pseudo-relationship I've had in years. Well, since I've been in Small Southern City which has been, Lord....2 years this month! All this time and all this distance have really allowed some healthy anticipation to mix with a lot of unhealthy doubt. Shit.
I am a self-saboteur. I can recognize it (even if I haven't figured out how to completely overcome it). So now, I'm lost in my head and trying to only focus on the goal: Get Lucky. I keep telling myself that none of my imaginary hype will matter. When it's all said and done, and we're finally co-habitating the same space, I know we'll just go at it like rabbits.
But not jack rabbits, hopefully.
-jafg
Friday, January 14, 2011
A Very Stylish Girl
01/14/2011
283.6 lbs
That's for real this time.
I did two amazing things this morning: I weighed myself and I got to work on time! Well, by 5 after 8. That's pretty much on time. Especially for me.
So it's obvious that I'm not really doing anything to lose weight right now. I'm moderately thinking about what I eat, but that's about it. Mostly that includes not ordering anything with sugar. I don't care so much about the fat. Or carbs. Actually,....that might not be so true. I have consumed a fair amount of Jack and Coke. So. I'm minimally thinking about what I eat. That's really about it.
I'm not exercising AT ALL. I have thought about it a few times. I still drive by Concierge Gym twice a day, but I really only notice it when I'm coming home, not when I'm leaving for work. Then I'm just trying to make sure I don't hit anyone in my mad dash to be not so late to work. I've noticed that it's really full at night. I see my favorite elliptical machine through the window and I realize I sort of miss it. I can almost visualize myself on it. I think this month Iam going to might make a goal to bring workout clothes with me to work, change before leaving, and actually STOP at Concierge Gym before making it home. We'll see.
Well, you know we just had a New Year celebration. Me and my skinny friends went to Orlando, FL for a 4-day-getaway. I was up at 5-freakin-30 in the morning on Friday December 31 to make it to our carpool for the trip to the airport.
As girls we spend the day shopping and getting last minute details done like manicures and such before arriving at our hotel to start the two (ok three) hour process of getting ready. Three girls + 1 shower (and toilet) = Tough Times. We all manage to survive and look fabulous before leaving for the evening. There are at least 55 pictures of that moment to prove it.
I walked back IN the hotel room at 5:00 in the morning on Saturday January 1. That's a champion party night, my friends. Good times, good times. I'm glad nights like these are only a few times a year. There's talk of a Mardi Gras trip in the works. None of us have ever done a proper NOLA Mardi Gras. However. I don't know that I'll be fully recovered from NYE by then.
As any young lady would do, I shopped for my trip. This is in addition to all the underwears. I don't have many options for fashion (decent fashion-emphasis on decent) being Just Another Fat Girl. I shop quite a bit from Lane Bryant. That's like 90% of my closet. I score some good tops occasionally from Kohl's and Stein Mart. Anyway, the point I want to make here is that I did some shopping for my trip. I went to The Mall (I loathe Mall Shopping) for a mad dash on Thursday. I needed an outfit or three for the evenings we'd be on the town.
Apparently, LB is now carrying DKNY clothing. It's overpriced, but I got some jeans on sale! Suh-Weet. And they look freakin hot on. I should tell you, if you consider shopping for these, the Soho dark wash are the way to go. At least on me. They have some that are a lighter wash--which are true "jeans" to me--and they weren't flattering in the slightest. I've got a funny shape (remember The Jiggle in the Middle?) so it might just be me.
I also got some really, really cute tops. The one I got for NYE was a tank-tunic (I swear is looks better than it sounds) which required something for the arms. Well, I tried a few long sleeve button downs which just did not work. I was getting desperate. I was going with the gun metal grey tank with the cute bows on the neck no matter what. Well, I do the only thing left for me to do, I ask the clerk for a Shrug. Lord, help me.
I've avoided these basically since I even knew what a Shrug was. We're talking about an article of clothing that's named after poor posture. On top of that, they fall just below the boob which is just above the belly. This can't be flattering. Plus, I just think they're ugly. For the sake of the outfit, I do it.
Holy. Shit. It works beautifully with the top! And I look FABULOUS in the outfit. Right down to the lushious shoes I wore that night. And Bohhh-Nusssss, I have to buy it in a smaller size for it to fit right. The fashion fairies were following me that day! I love this little thing so much, I've incorporated it into a few other outfits. Turns out a shrug is quite diverse.
Aside from looking Smokin' all Holiday weekend, I had another positive. I haven't changed in sizes. I even bought two pair of new work pants while in Tourist-Town (YIKES is it ever). I'm so tired of my baggy slacks. Which, I should add, really aren't because of a lot of weight loss as it was from a weight gain last year that was corrected by weight loss. I've managed to keep about 10 lbs of my 25 lbs off.
Anyway. First day I wore them to work, I get asked like 5 times...no lie...[JAFG], you look like you've lost weight! or How much weight have you lost, [JAFG]? To which I have to reply, I haven't lost any, I just bought some pants that fit! You laugh, but I'm not joking. You'd be amazed how flattering clothes are when they fit...regardless of what size they are!
So, geting back to the outlet shopping purchase of these two pairs of paints. I pick up a pair of black Houston's (that's the cut/style) and try them on. Fit like a glove. Completely pass the sit-down test with flying colors. I decide that they're a steal at $30 a pop and fit so great, I run back over and pick up the same style in grey. Then, I get on a plane, manage to get my three bags (none are small) up The Stairs in ONE trip, fall down dead/take one more vaca day from work, and unpack like 4 days later.
I pulled out the gray pair and decide to wear them (with a cute purple top and that new shrug). I've worn the black pair already and got SO many responses [see a couple of paragraphs above] I figure it'll be even better since I've never worn gray slacks here before. O.M.G.
The bastards are so snug in the waist they're almost too small! These are the EXACT same pair of pants!!! I can wear them (and currently am at the moment) but I safetypin them instead of buttoning to make it more comfortable. Everywhere else in these pants are fine. The legs. The ass. The length. Everything except the waist. I think that the factory in Bangladesh where they were made (not really kidding here) put the clasps a farther apart on this pair than the other. Explains why they were at an Outlet.
Remember those fashion fairies that were following me that day I got the shrug? They must have sensed my doubt. Felt my fear. I think that day has come back to bite me.
So....Sorry, Shrug. I didn't mean to be a hater.
-jafg
283.6 lbs
That's for real this time.
I did two amazing things this morning: I weighed myself and I got to work on time! Well, by 5 after 8. That's pretty much on time. Especially for me.
So it's obvious that I'm not really doing anything to lose weight right now. I'm moderately thinking about what I eat, but that's about it. Mostly that includes not ordering anything with sugar. I don't care so much about the fat. Or carbs. Actually,....that might not be so true. I have consumed a fair amount of Jack and Coke. So. I'm minimally thinking about what I eat. That's really about it.
I'm not exercising AT ALL. I have thought about it a few times. I still drive by Concierge Gym twice a day, but I really only notice it when I'm coming home, not when I'm leaving for work. Then I'm just trying to make sure I don't hit anyone in my mad dash to be not so late to work. I've noticed that it's really full at night. I see my favorite elliptical machine through the window and I realize I sort of miss it. I can almost visualize myself on it. I think this month I
Well, you know we just had a New Year celebration. Me and my skinny friends went to Orlando, FL for a 4-day-getaway. I was up at 5-freakin-30 in the morning on Friday December 31 to make it to our carpool for the trip to the airport.
As girls we spend the day shopping and getting last minute details done like manicures and such before arriving at our hotel to start the two (ok three) hour process of getting ready. Three girls + 1 shower (and toilet) = Tough Times. We all manage to survive and look fabulous before leaving for the evening. There are at least 55 pictures of that moment to prove it.
I walked back IN the hotel room at 5:00 in the morning on Saturday January 1. That's a champion party night, my friends. Good times, good times. I'm glad nights like these are only a few times a year. There's talk of a Mardi Gras trip in the works. None of us have ever done a proper NOLA Mardi Gras. However. I don't know that I'll be fully recovered from NYE by then.
As any young lady would do, I shopped for my trip. This is in addition to all the underwears. I don't have many options for fashion (decent fashion-emphasis on decent) being Just Another Fat Girl. I shop quite a bit from Lane Bryant. That's like 90% of my closet. I score some good tops occasionally from Kohl's and Stein Mart. Anyway, the point I want to make here is that I did some shopping for my trip. I went to The Mall (I loathe Mall Shopping) for a mad dash on Thursday. I needed an outfit or three for the evenings we'd be on the town.
Apparently, LB is now carrying DKNY clothing. It's overpriced, but I got some jeans on sale! Suh-Weet. And they look freakin hot on. I should tell you, if you consider shopping for these, the Soho dark wash are the way to go. At least on me. They have some that are a lighter wash--which are true "jeans" to me--and they weren't flattering in the slightest. I've got a funny shape (remember The Jiggle in the Middle?) so it might just be me.
I also got some really, really cute tops. The one I got for NYE was a tank-tunic (I swear is looks better than it sounds) which required something for the arms. Well, I tried a few long sleeve button downs which just did not work. I was getting desperate. I was going with the gun metal grey tank with the cute bows on the neck no matter what. Well, I do the only thing left for me to do, I ask the clerk for a Shrug. Lord, help me.
I've avoided these basically since I even knew what a Shrug was. We're talking about an article of clothing that's named after poor posture. On top of that, they fall just below the boob which is just above the belly. This can't be flattering. Plus, I just think they're ugly. For the sake of the outfit, I do it.
Holy. Shit. It works beautifully with the top! And I look FABULOUS in the outfit. Right down to the lushious shoes I wore that night. And Bohhh-Nusssss, I have to buy it in a smaller size for it to fit right. The fashion fairies were following me that day! I love this little thing so much, I've incorporated it into a few other outfits. Turns out a shrug is quite diverse.
Aside from looking Smokin' all Holiday weekend, I had another positive. I haven't changed in sizes. I even bought two pair of new work pants while in Tourist-Town (YIKES is it ever). I'm so tired of my baggy slacks. Which, I should add, really aren't because of a lot of weight loss as it was from a weight gain last year that was corrected by weight loss. I've managed to keep about 10 lbs of my 25 lbs off.
Anyway. First day I wore them to work, I get asked like 5 times...no lie...[JAFG], you look like you've lost weight! or How much weight have you lost, [JAFG]? To which I have to reply, I haven't lost any, I just bought some pants that fit! You laugh, but I'm not joking. You'd be amazed how flattering clothes are when they fit...regardless of what size they are!
So, geting back to the outlet shopping purchase of these two pairs of paints. I pick up a pair of black Houston's (that's the cut/style) and try them on. Fit like a glove. Completely pass the sit-down test with flying colors. I decide that they're a steal at $30 a pop and fit so great, I run back over and pick up the same style in grey. Then, I get on a plane, manage to get my three bags (none are small) up The Stairs in ONE trip, fall down dead/take one more vaca day from work, and unpack like 4 days later.
I pulled out the gray pair and decide to wear them (with a cute purple top and that new shrug). I've worn the black pair already and got SO many responses [see a couple of paragraphs above] I figure it'll be even better since I've never worn gray slacks here before. O.M.G.
The bastards are so snug in the waist they're almost too small! These are the EXACT same pair of pants!!! I can wear them (and currently am at the moment) but I safetypin them instead of buttoning to make it more comfortable. Everywhere else in these pants are fine. The legs. The ass. The length. Everything except the waist. I think that the factory in Bangladesh where they were made (not really kidding here) put the clasps a farther apart on this pair than the other. Explains why they were at an Outlet.
Remember those fashion fairies that were following me that day I got the shrug? They must have sensed my doubt. Felt my fear. I think that day has come back to bite me.
So....Sorry, Shrug. I didn't mean to be a hater.
-jafg
Thursday, December 16, 2010
No Excuses
12/16/2010
2??.? lbs
I haven't weighed in the past few days. The last time, though, the figure had managed to creep back up to above the 280 mark...not by much but enough to make me very uncomfortable.
It's been THREE long, silent months since my last posting. I have no excuse for it, there's no backsliding, no deep, dark depression, just a lot of mis-managed time and real-life stuff.
I forget about how much I love this community while on my little breaks. And then, it comes flooding back when I open my inbox and see HUNDREDS of emails (ok, not all of them are legit) and realize just how much I count on this little corner of the world. And how much I affect others, even when I don't know it.
Faithful followers know I cling to my super secret identity and that anonymity is what JAFG is all about. There's this real sense of true honesty that comes from not being known. Well, there are a few of you out there that know me, really know me, and I got a quiet nudge from one of those friends today. If someone can take the time to let me know I'm missed, (which was also evident from all the comments on my last post) well, then, I can make the time to write. I can make the time to share.
When I write here, I become a more fulfilled (in addition to being a more accountable) me. I miss that. I miss you.
Also, when I stop posting, I lose the chance to get comments like these:
I really do heart you people.
-JAFG
2??.? lbs
I haven't weighed in the past few days. The last time, though, the figure had managed to creep back up to above the 280 mark...not by much but enough to make me very uncomfortable.
It's been THREE long, silent months since my last posting. I have no excuse for it, there's no backsliding, no deep, dark depression, just a lot of mis-managed time and real-life stuff.
I forget about how much I love this community while on my little breaks. And then, it comes flooding back when I open my inbox and see HUNDREDS of emails (ok, not all of them are legit) and realize just how much I count on this little corner of the world. And how much I affect others, even when I don't know it.
Faithful followers know I cling to my super secret identity and that anonymity is what JAFG is all about. There's this real sense of true honesty that comes from not being known. Well, there are a few of you out there that know me, really know me, and I got a quiet nudge from one of those friends today. If someone can take the time to let me know I'm missed, (which was also evident from all the comments on my last post) well, then, I can make the time to write. I can make the time to share.
When I write here, I become a more fulfilled (in addition to being a more accountable) me. I miss that. I miss you.
Also, when I stop posting, I lose the chance to get comments like these:
Results Not Typical Girl said...
If you don't come back soon regularly, I'm keeping all the dildos you loaned me.
-JAFG
Monday, July 12, 2010
Tempus Fugit (That's Latin, Y'all)
07/12/10
???.? lbs
I actually had some scale phobias this morning. I will overcome tomorrow.
I've made a workout date with BB tonight. None of us have been back to HHH class since May. Actually, since I decided to start paying for the gym, I've pretty much stopped going. Bye-Bye $40 a month!
I do wish a lot of you folks were around in my REAL life. I'm drawing on the support of a Skinny Athletic Girl (SAG) who has a freakin slammin hot body and a Blushing Bride (BB) who is 22 and still has a baby face. This means she hasn't fully finished morphing into physical adulthood. Neither of which understand a weight struggle like I've got. Well, that's not to say that SAG doesn't work her ass off every night to look as hot as she does. And BB and Her Beau do yoga twice a week now. I have seen her change over the past few months. Her face has started thinning out and the adorable little baby cheeks are vanishing just a bit. [Sadface.]
I am beginning to feel the weight of everything I need to do all at once. That's a lot of weight. I want to see 150. I'm not pushing for these 140s and 130s goals I see with other people. I'm not ready for that yet. Hell, I'll be glad with a 165 on the scale. But shit. One Hundred Twelve Pounds To Lose. That's a lot of weight. And that's based on an out-of-date-weight.
I'm not whining or whimpering, I'm documenting. I could choose not to write today. Or even until I decide to jump back on board, (which technically I am doing tonight because of my workout date). And, in case you haven't figured it out, that's what happened between the end of October to the beginning of March. I simply tuned out.
Well, I'm not doing that this time. I don't care if there are a few "gray days" in my blog world, I'm making myself stay connected. If I don't, if I drop everything, then 6 months from now I'll just be starting over again. And I'll be no happier for it.
Hmm. I'm ending the day on a happy note for all of you. There's this girl who started about 7 months ago on her new healthy lifestyle. I'm sure you all know and love Julia @ Jewlia Goulia. Well, her Monday has greeted her with a 100.1 LB LOSS! Go congratulate her. She TOTALLY deserves it! She's my hero of the day. Tell her to go back and buy that dress, too.
???.? lbs
I actually had some scale phobias this morning. I will overcome tomorrow.
I've made a workout date with BB tonight. None of us have been back to HHH class since May. Actually, since I decided to start paying for the gym, I've pretty much stopped going. Bye-Bye $40 a month!
I do wish a lot of you folks were around in my REAL life. I'm drawing on the support of a Skinny Athletic Girl (SAG) who has a freakin slammin hot body and a Blushing Bride (BB) who is 22 and still has a baby face. This means she hasn't fully finished morphing into physical adulthood. Neither of which understand a weight struggle like I've got. Well, that's not to say that SAG doesn't work her ass off every night to look as hot as she does. And BB and Her Beau do yoga twice a week now. I have seen her change over the past few months. Her face has started thinning out and the adorable little baby cheeks are vanishing just a bit. [Sadface.]
I am beginning to feel the weight of everything I need to do all at once. That's a lot of weight. I want to see 150. I'm not pushing for these 140s and 130s goals I see with other people. I'm not ready for that yet. Hell, I'll be glad with a 165 on the scale. But shit. One Hundred Twelve Pounds To Lose. That's a lot of weight. And that's based on an out-of-date-weight.
I'm not whining or whimpering, I'm documenting. I could choose not to write today. Or even until I decide to jump back on board, (which technically I am doing tonight because of my workout date). And, in case you haven't figured it out, that's what happened between the end of October to the beginning of March. I simply tuned out.
Well, I'm not doing that this time. I don't care if there are a few "gray days" in my blog world, I'm making myself stay connected. If I don't, if I drop everything, then 6 months from now I'll just be starting over again. And I'll be no happier for it.
Hmm. I'm ending the day on a happy note for all of you. There's this girl who started about 7 months ago on her new healthy lifestyle. I'm sure you all know and love Julia @ Jewlia Goulia. Well, her Monday has greeted her with a 100.1 LB LOSS! Go congratulate her. She TOTALLY deserves it! She's my hero of the day. Tell her to go back and buy that dress, too.
So. That got me thinking.
What will seven months get you?
-jafg
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Damnit. AGAIN. DAMNIT!
07/08/10
I didn't weigh myself today. I thought about it, but then I got busy with other things.
I had a fantastic time at The LakeHouse over the weekend. I then proceded to do not a damn thing on Sunday afternoon and Monday. I slept, I ate, I watched TV, I washed some clothes, I washed bed linens. That's pretty much it. I was then down with a little bit of rumbly tumbly yesterday. And that's pretty much carrying through today, as well.
I have totally skinned up my knees from falling off the healthy living wagon. And the ground was really damn bumpy too. I may have even sprained an ankle. What all this means is that I have thrown Caring to the wind and not given a damn about exercise or healthy eating. Well, I haven't completely let go of healthy eating, but I did COMPLETELY let go of working out. I don't mean over the past two days either. I mean that since May, my exercising has been slowly slipping by the wayside.
I don't understand why I continue to have this up and down nonsense! I freakin know that exercise is the ONLY thing that will put My Fat in check. I know that if I don't watch every little thing I eat, I'm gonna be packin on the pounds. It took 3 effin months to kill 20 lbs! And I'm just throwing that away! I see it happening. I recognize the bad behavior, and yet, because life is totally stressing me right now, I choose to take the very easy way and not give a shit. Only the not giving a shit makes life totally stress even more because I DO give a shit!
So. That's where I am after a perfectly great holiday.
That 20 lbs that I lost was REAL. Like, I sweat that fat right out of me. I'm proud of that. So what the hell happened to my motivation???
-jafg
I didn't weigh myself today. I thought about it, but then I got busy with other things.
I had a fantastic time at The LakeHouse over the weekend. I then proceded to do not a damn thing on Sunday afternoon and Monday. I slept, I ate, I watched TV, I washed some clothes, I washed bed linens. That's pretty much it. I was then down with a little bit of rumbly tumbly yesterday. And that's pretty much carrying through today, as well.
This is a big DAMNIT session.
I have totally skinned up my knees from falling off the healthy living wagon. And the ground was really damn bumpy too. I may have even sprained an ankle. What all this means is that I have thrown Caring to the wind and not given a damn about exercise or healthy eating. Well, I haven't completely let go of healthy eating, but I did COMPLETELY let go of working out. I don't mean over the past two days either. I mean that since May, my exercising has been slowly slipping by the wayside.
I am ashamed PISSED.
I don't understand why I continue to have this up and down nonsense! I freakin know that exercise is the ONLY thing that will put My Fat in check. I know that if I don't watch every little thing I eat, I'm gonna be packin on the pounds. It took 3 effin months to kill 20 lbs! And I'm just throwing that away! I see it happening. I recognize the bad behavior, and yet, because life is totally stressing me right now, I choose to take the very easy way and not give a shit. Only the not giving a shit makes life totally stress even more because I DO give a shit!
So. That's where I am after a perfectly great holiday.
That 20 lbs that I lost was REAL. Like, I sweat that fat right out of me. I'm proud of that. So what the hell happened to my motivation???
-jafg
Monday, May 24, 2010
Um...
05/24/10
280.4 lbs
This just sucks.
I had an unfortunate weekend. Really, it wasn't a bad weekend. There was no stress or unhappiness or other reason to fall off the wagon, it just seems right now, I am in this funk. Things are going well but I can't seem to get my emotions on the same page. I am wondering if this is a late blooming sort of fat withdrawal. According to myfitnesspal, I've been going over my daily allowance of fat grams like every day since I started using that website, but I'm feeling the strong urge for a burger and fries. Or mexican cheese dip. Or like a deep dish pizza. Or a sausage egg and cheese breakfast sandwich. Oh wait. I had one of those on Saturday.
I didn't exercise Friday night which is actually my favorite night to go to the gym. No, I was contacted by someone I've met on facebook (friend of a friend sort of thing) and we happen to both be in the same place at the same time, so we decided to get together. The someone happened to be of the boy persuasion. Well, not too much of a boy, considering the 6 year age difference. Now kids, before your minds go too crazy like mine almost did on Friday, this was not a date. This was meeting for a first time, getting to know someone "IRL" (in real life) and talk about mutual interests. We paid for our own meals and have no set plans in the future. Honestly, I've only had one blind date in my life and have never been one for the dating scene. It's always been different where my relationships are concerned. Nothing's ever really been conventional. Because of this I'm a dating flunky. So I classified this in my mind as a sort of practice date. Unbeknownst to the someone, of course.
Well, I didn't let any of this bother me too much because I knew this wasn't a date to begin with. I did go home and "freshen up", chose between two different outfits and changed out my jewelry selections a few times which was actually very fun and girly. I was 15 minutes late which is totally standard for me, but there was pre-meeting texting going on and he was gracious and patient about it all. I drank beers (it's a slow process) and had a great grilled chicken sandwich. We talked about art and life and politics and religion and music and life again which made for a great 3 hours. I didn't feel uncomfortable once. It was nice!
I got up Saturday morning and went swimming with a work friend. We met up at my new gym at 7:35am. I was supposed to meet her at 6:30 but when she called me to make sure I was on my way at 6:25, I was still in bed. I roll out of bed, throw on something for swimming (which includes a tshirt and shorts) and head out. We get to The Gym at 7:35am. AWESOME! It's so empty! Well, we park the car, pile out and get to the door. Which is locked. Turns out the place doesn't open until 8:00am on Saturdays. Oops. At least I don't feel so bad about being late now. We decide to go for a quick healthy breakfast. Prior Fat Girl has been raving about the breakfast sandwiches from Subway so I suggest we swing by and get one of those. Well, turns out the location we find doesn't open for breakfast. Damnit. We end up with traditional fast food breakfast from an Arby's down the street. Neither of us opted for the breakfast potatoes I'm proud to say.
So we take our no longer healthy breakfast food back to The Gym parking lot and nosh on our goodies. We're both laughing at the fact that we're eating sausage and bacon before heading to work out. Slowly but steadily the parking lot begins to fill and a line begins to form outside the door. There are a lot of older gray-headed people waiting with bike shorts on. In case you didn't know, real bike shorts have padding in the butt. The padding makes you look like you're either wearing a diaper that needs to be changed, or your not wearing a diaper and you still need to change. Not a pretty picture on an old gray-haired man. Jes Sayin.
Once we get in we realize why there's a line; it's for the spinning class. Everyone wants to get in it. I have more respect for Mr. Doodey Pants now. But his pants still looked funny.
Work Friend and I head to the women's locker room and head for the pool. We get in there and almost all the lanes are full. There are two left and there's no divider between them which is PERFECT for us. I did laps (slow-moving-doggie-paddling laps) for about an hour and had mindless girl chatter. It was so much fun!
We just went back and forth from the shallow end to the deep end chit-chatting about her upcoming nuptials and move (she and her fiancé will be moving to up north for his Graduate school program) and nonsensical stuff like previous public pool experiences. Before we knew it, an hour had gone by. We decided to get out of the water because more and more people were heading in and we thought it was best to let some real swimmers have a go at a lane.
The locker room changing was so not fun. I changed in a dungeon-like shower stall standing on a hand towel. I won't be doing that again.
After the swim I headed home and had a chance to layout at the concierge pool for about 45 minutes before people started getting there. I ended up feeling very overheated and left just as the first boys arrived. It truly was a coincidence. I don't like being at any pool when boys are around. There are too many skinny girls for me to feel comfortable. Hell, even if there weren't skinny girls around, I'd be uncomfortable in the tight fitting tank and workout short I was wearing. I packed up and left. I didn't feel good so I ended up taking a 3 hour nap.
Sunday I decided to head to the pool earlier for more alone time and less heat. I didn't quite make it as early as I'd planned. I only got about 15 extra minutes (made for 30 minutes of alone time) before the first party group arrived. It was 5 boys and a girl. They couldn't have been older than 23. Honestly, it didn't bother me too much to be there with them. I stayed for about 30 minutes longer, it was just them and me, and then I decided to leave.
I fully realized something that has been kind of rolling around in the back of my brain for awhile. I have more confidence and less self-consciousness now that I'm actively losing weight. I know there are people that, even though they don't say anything, they still register in their thought processes that I'm a big girl. It's a simple fact. I am proud of myself, because I can be in situations that would have had me pretty shaken up earlier in this process even though I believe I'm a pretty secure person for the most part. I've never been one to hide in a corner, but I sure as hell wouldn't have been comfortable to hang out for an additional 30 minutes in a pool where 5 boys and a thin pretty girl were whooping it up. That just wouldn't have happened. But now it's different. I know I'm just another fat girl, but I'm doing something about it.
Sunday had a nice 3 hour nap tucked into it as well. I made it through dinner but still had this "deprived" feeling at the end of the night. I ended up ordering my thin crust pizza from Domino's at 8:30pm last night.
It was good, too.
-jafg
280.4 lbs
This just sucks.
I had an unfortunate weekend. Really, it wasn't a bad weekend. There was no stress or unhappiness or other reason to fall off the wagon, it just seems right now, I am in this funk. Things are going well but I can't seem to get my emotions on the same page. I am wondering if this is a late blooming sort of fat withdrawal. According to myfitnesspal, I've been going over my daily allowance of fat grams like every day since I started using that website, but I'm feeling the strong urge for a burger and fries. Or mexican cheese dip. Or like a deep dish pizza. Or a sausage egg and cheese breakfast sandwich. Oh wait. I had one of those on Saturday.
I didn't exercise Friday night which is actually my favorite night to go to the gym. No, I was contacted by someone I've met on facebook (friend of a friend sort of thing) and we happen to both be in the same place at the same time, so we decided to get together. The someone happened to be of the boy persuasion. Well, not too much of a boy, considering the 6 year age difference. Now kids, before your minds go too crazy like mine almost did on Friday, this was not a date. This was meeting for a first time, getting to know someone "IRL" (in real life) and talk about mutual interests. We paid for our own meals and have no set plans in the future. Honestly, I've only had one blind date in my life and have never been one for the dating scene. It's always been different where my relationships are concerned. Nothing's ever really been conventional. Because of this I'm a dating flunky. So I classified this in my mind as a sort of practice date. Unbeknownst to the someone, of course.
Well, I didn't let any of this bother me too much because I knew this wasn't a date to begin with. I did go home and "freshen up", chose between two different outfits and changed out my jewelry selections a few times which was actually very fun and girly. I was 15 minutes late which is totally standard for me, but there was pre-meeting texting going on and he was gracious and patient about it all. I drank beers (it's a slow process) and had a great grilled chicken sandwich. We talked about art and life and politics and religion and music and life again which made for a great 3 hours. I didn't feel uncomfortable once. It was nice!
I got up Saturday morning and went swimming with a work friend. We met up at my new gym at 7:35am. I was supposed to meet her at 6:30 but when she called me to make sure I was on my way at 6:25, I was still in bed. I roll out of bed, throw on something for swimming (which includes a tshirt and shorts) and head out. We get to The Gym at 7:35am. AWESOME! It's so empty! Well, we park the car, pile out and get to the door. Which is locked. Turns out the place doesn't open until 8:00am on Saturdays. Oops. At least I don't feel so bad about being late now. We decide to go for a quick healthy breakfast. Prior Fat Girl has been raving about the breakfast sandwiches from Subway so I suggest we swing by and get one of those. Well, turns out the location we find doesn't open for breakfast. Damnit. We end up with traditional fast food breakfast from an Arby's down the street. Neither of us opted for the breakfast potatoes I'm proud to say.
So we take our no longer healthy breakfast food back to The Gym parking lot and nosh on our goodies. We're both laughing at the fact that we're eating sausage and bacon before heading to work out. Slowly but steadily the parking lot begins to fill and a line begins to form outside the door. There are a lot of older gray-headed people waiting with bike shorts on. In case you didn't know, real bike shorts have padding in the butt. The padding makes you look like you're either wearing a diaper that needs to be changed, or your not wearing a diaper and you still need to change. Not a pretty picture on an old gray-haired man. Jes Sayin.
Once we get in we realize why there's a line; it's for the spinning class. Everyone wants to get in it. I have more respect for Mr. Doodey Pants now. But his pants still looked funny.
We just went back and forth from the shallow end to the deep end chit-chatting about her upcoming nuptials and move (she and her fiancé will be moving to up north for his Graduate school program) and nonsensical stuff like previous public pool experiences. Before we knew it, an hour had gone by. We decided to get out of the water because more and more people were heading in and we thought it was best to let some real swimmers have a go at a lane.
The locker room changing was so not fun. I changed in a dungeon-like shower stall standing on a hand towel. I won't be doing that again.
After the swim I headed home and had a chance to layout at the concierge pool for about 45 minutes before people started getting there. I ended up feeling very overheated and left just as the first boys arrived. It truly was a coincidence. I don't like being at any pool when boys are around. There are too many skinny girls for me to feel comfortable. Hell, even if there weren't skinny girls around, I'd be uncomfortable in the tight fitting tank and workout short I was wearing. I packed up and left. I didn't feel good so I ended up taking a 3 hour nap.
Sunday I decided to head to the pool earlier for more alone time and less heat. I didn't quite make it as early as I'd planned. I only got about 15 extra minutes (made for 30 minutes of alone time) before the first party group arrived. It was 5 boys and a girl. They couldn't have been older than 23. Honestly, it didn't bother me too much to be there with them. I stayed for about 30 minutes longer, it was just them and me, and then I decided to leave.
I fully realized something that has been kind of rolling around in the back of my brain for awhile. I have more confidence and less self-consciousness now that I'm actively losing weight. I know there are people that, even though they don't say anything, they still register in their thought processes that I'm a big girl. It's a simple fact. I am proud of myself, because I can be in situations that would have had me pretty shaken up earlier in this process even though I believe I'm a pretty secure person for the most part. I've never been one to hide in a corner, but I sure as hell wouldn't have been comfortable to hang out for an additional 30 minutes in a pool where 5 boys and a thin pretty girl were whooping it up. That just wouldn't have happened. But now it's different. I know I'm just another fat girl, but I'm doing something about it.
Sunday had a nice 3 hour nap tucked into it as well. I made it through dinner but still had this "deprived" feeling at the end of the night. I ended up ordering my thin crust pizza from Domino's at 8:30pm last night.
It was good, too.
-jafg
Monday, May 17, 2010
Cause and Effect
05/17/10
285.0 lbs
Damnit.
I am seriously considering a water fast. At least for 24 hours. I need SOMETHING to jumpstart the weightloss again. I want SO badly to see the 70's I can't stand it!
I've had three days of business travel hell. I got up at 4:30 AM Wednesday morning and got home at 12:10 AM Friday night. Well, actually, that would be Saturday morning. What. A. Nightmare. I was going to DC which is one of my all time fave places, but didn't get to enjoy the location once. Sadface.
I have learned that two things affect food decisions: Exhaustion and hangovers.
I was thrilled that I was making healthy choices on the food front. I had a mushroom, mozzerrella, spinach sandwich (eating little bread) for lunch, and a mostly sensible dinner considering I was at a "dinner reception" and had no choice on the menu. I did skip breakfast and had lunch in my room on Thursday which consisted of roasted peppers, spinach, feta and hummus on crostini (6 mini pieces) and a garden salad, dressing on the side. I had a martini or two for dinner.
I should tell you that I was meeting someone (two someones to be specific) for a business drink at the lobby bar and could find NOTHING healthy to snack on on the menu so I passed. I have not partaken of more than one drink at a time since the big 30 party for SAG last month.
So, there I was, sitting at the lobby bar, waiting on my business persons to arrive. I was early (shocker) and they were late (another shocker). Well, I decided to have a beverage (cosmo) prior to their arrival. Holy Moly. I hadn't had a cosmo that good in I can't remember. Truly. Well, I'm finishing up my drink when the business duo arrives. They order a round, as business people do, and before I know it, I'm on Martini #3.
I have to go to the ladies' and at the point of walking to the ladies' and walking back, I realize that I have had nothing to eat for hours, what I did have to eat is long gone and I have had three of the strongest martinis ever served in DC. Rookie Mistake.
Well, I went to bed early that night.
I woke up Friday not feeling quite so great. I had room service for breakfast. That would be 2 eggs scrambled with cheese (most of it left on my plate) two pieces of bacon (all left on the plate) a carrot-raisin muffin (top eaten) and the best toasted bagel with cream cheese anb butter I've ever eaten. Yeah, I ate the whole bagel. With shmear and all! Oh, I also had two glasses of soymilk.
I had a late flight and nothing to do with my luggage so I headed to the airport early. At this point, I'm tired, perhaps slightly hungover, and just wanting to get home. I ate dinner there. I had a burger and fries. And a coke. So, 10 hours after getting to the airport, I finally land. I'm taking a cab home and, I can't believe this, I asked him to drive through McD's because I'm hungry again. I ordered a fish filet combo with a water. I feel good about that water.
I slept most of the day on Saturday and ordered a thin crust veggie pizza for dinner. Sunday I was back on track. I worked out with The Moms and had a very healthy food day and bought groceries for the next few weeks. Publix had the most awesome icecream on sale...it's actually a Gelato. Everything was healthy in my basket excepting those icecreams which were a B.O.G.O.F. deal.
I had a small scoop of that last night.
And I wonder why this weight isn't moving.
-jafg
285.0 lbs
Damnit.
I am seriously considering a water fast. At least for 24 hours. I need SOMETHING to jumpstart the weightloss again. I want SO badly to see the 70's I can't stand it!
I've had three days of business travel hell. I got up at 4:30 AM Wednesday morning and got home at 12:10 AM Friday night. Well, actually, that would be Saturday morning. What. A. Nightmare. I was going to DC which is one of my all time fave places, but didn't get to enjoy the location once. Sadface.
I have learned that two things affect food decisions: Exhaustion and hangovers.
I was thrilled that I was making healthy choices on the food front. I had a mushroom, mozzerrella, spinach sandwich (eating little bread) for lunch, and a mostly sensible dinner considering I was at a "dinner reception" and had no choice on the menu. I did skip breakfast and had lunch in my room on Thursday which consisted of roasted peppers, spinach, feta and hummus on crostini (6 mini pieces) and a garden salad, dressing on the side. I had a martini or two for dinner.
I should tell you that I was meeting someone (two someones to be specific) for a business drink at the lobby bar and could find NOTHING healthy to snack on on the menu so I passed. I have not partaken of more than one drink at a time since the big 30 party for SAG last month.
So, there I was, sitting at the lobby bar, waiting on my business persons to arrive. I was early (shocker) and they were late (another shocker). Well, I decided to have a beverage (cosmo) prior to their arrival. Holy Moly. I hadn't had a cosmo that good in I can't remember. Truly. Well, I'm finishing up my drink when the business duo arrives. They order a round, as business people do, and before I know it, I'm on Martini #3.
I have to go to the ladies' and at the point of walking to the ladies' and walking back, I realize that I have had nothing to eat for hours, what I did have to eat is long gone and I have had three of the strongest martinis ever served in DC. Rookie Mistake.
Well, I went to bed early that night.
I woke up Friday not feeling quite so great. I had room service for breakfast. That would be 2 eggs scrambled with cheese (most of it left on my plate) two pieces of bacon (all left on the plate) a carrot-raisin muffin (top eaten) and the best toasted bagel with cream cheese anb butter I've ever eaten. Yeah, I ate the whole bagel. With shmear and all! Oh, I also had two glasses of soymilk.
I had a late flight and nothing to do with my luggage so I headed to the airport early. At this point, I'm tired, perhaps slightly hungover, and just wanting to get home. I ate dinner there. I had a burger and fries. And a coke. So, 10 hours after getting to the airport, I finally land. I'm taking a cab home and, I can't believe this, I asked him to drive through McD's because I'm hungry again. I ordered a fish filet combo with a water. I feel good about that water.
I slept most of the day on Saturday and ordered a thin crust veggie pizza for dinner. Sunday I was back on track. I worked out with The Moms and had a very healthy food day and bought groceries for the next few weeks. Publix had the most awesome icecream on sale...it's actually a Gelato. Everything was healthy in my basket excepting those icecreams which were a B.O.G.O.F. deal.
I had a small scoop of that last night.
And I wonder why this weight isn't moving.
-jafg
Monday, May 10, 2010
I Heart You, Mom!
05/10/10
283.4 lbs
Over the weekend Scale told me I was at 286.2 lbs. WHAT. THE. HELL. There's a whole mental saga that played out over the next two days but the end of the story is, I kicked my own ass, stopped feeling sorry for myself, and have changed my thinking to "every workout is last chance workout".
So, Mom's day was G-R-R-R-ATE (I'm using phonix, friends). Moms and I had sushi for dinner, botanical gardens for a day trip, an awesome brunch compliments of Chez JAFG, and I treated my mom to a morning workout. I was very excited about this last one. She's my cheerleader about losing weight and getting healthy and wants to do the same thing. It was really exciting to share this with her. Actually, I'm surprised by how happy it made me to have her participate in this part of my life.
My mom's a bigger woman like myself. We're built completely different; She's a pear, I'm an apple. I've got two inches on her 5'4" self. I'm "olive-complected", she's "fair-skinned". We have the same laugh and a lot of the same subconscious mannerisms and as soon as I realize that we're doing something alike at the same time I can't help but smile to myself. I get annoyed and amused at the same time.
Referring back to this weekend, I gained weight. Scale told me so two days in a row. I did A LOT of dining out with Moms and did no working out Friday or Saturday. As a matter of fact, I did nothing really, but sleep and eat on Saturday. More on that some other time.
Sunday morning, I wake up and decide to have coffee ready for Moms. When she woke up, I asked her to workout. She was totally down with trying the recumbent bike at Concierge Gym. So, we changed into workout gear and headed out.
She's a very young 53 years of age. She's got serious left knee problems (to the point that she takes The Stairs one step at a time), was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in 2002 and now has arthritis starting in. All of this with serious allergic asthma. So this working out thing is a big deal.
She's talked with some physical therapists who have told her to get her knee moving with NO impact (thus the recumbent bike) to get the joint lubrication forming/flowing. She's supposed to take it easy on the walking front. We got her on a bike for 15 minutes at level 1. Woohoo!
She also did some resistance work on the Circuit machines with her arms. She was sore this morning, but we got out there again. Go Moms! We've got to take it easy because of all the challenges she has health-wise. I want to make sure she's not doing something that will ultimately exacerbate anything and make the situation worse. This got me thinking.
So, I was reading my blogroll came across 282.5 which I hadn't read in quite some time (Sorry Jo, and congrats on your freakin fantabulous progress!) and found a reference to a "real age" test. This one was a free service from http://www.realage.com/. I've been wanting to take one and so I used 20 minutes of my day and answered the questions honestly. It was great being able to tell it how much I exercise on a weekly basis. And then I got my results.
Actually, I'm pretty stoked about the fact I made it in under 40. I figured it would be like my first Wii age. 75. Yeah. Nice.
What got me is that the thing told me my workouts are too intense. I couldn't believe it when I read it. According to this lengthy assessment, my joint pain I've been experiencing isn't just because I've never moved so much in my life, it's because I'm pushing myself too hard. I started to connect the proverbial dots between Moms and me and I realized that, just like I don't want her pushing herself too much, I, too, shouldn't want me to push myself too much. I'm really relieved which is also surprising. I want to keep a level of intensity that will keep the fat burning happening, but I want my knees to feel better, too.
I think I've been trying to show all the skinny kids in my classes and gym (including SAG and BB) that I can keep up with the rest of them. That just because I'm fat doesn't mean that I can't do what they can. I don't think it's been intentional, I think it's been subconsciously happening.
Like the way Moms and I both get sassy with one hand on our hips. And then quickly move our hands when we realize what we're doing. At the same time. It's annoying. And funny.
I HEART YOU, MOM!
-jafg
283.4 lbs
Over the weekend Scale told me I was at 286.2 lbs. WHAT. THE. HELL. There's a whole mental saga that played out over the next two days but the end of the story is, I kicked my own ass, stopped feeling sorry for myself, and have changed my thinking to "every workout is last chance workout".
So, Mom's day was G-R-R-R-ATE (I'm using phonix, friends). Moms and I had sushi for dinner, botanical gardens for a day trip, an awesome brunch compliments of Chez JAFG, and I treated my mom to a morning workout. I was very excited about this last one. She's my cheerleader about losing weight and getting healthy and wants to do the same thing. It was really exciting to share this with her. Actually, I'm surprised by how happy it made me to have her participate in this part of my life.
My mom's a bigger woman like myself. We're built completely different; She's a pear, I'm an apple. I've got two inches on her 5'4" self. I'm "olive-complected", she's "fair-skinned". We have the same laugh and a lot of the same subconscious mannerisms and as soon as I realize that we're doing something alike at the same time I can't help but smile to myself. I get annoyed and amused at the same time.
Referring back to this weekend, I gained weight. Scale told me so two days in a row. I did A LOT of dining out with Moms and did no working out Friday or Saturday. As a matter of fact, I did nothing really, but sleep and eat on Saturday. More on that some other time.
Sunday morning, I wake up and decide to have coffee ready for Moms. When she woke up, I asked her to workout. She was totally down with trying the recumbent bike at Concierge Gym. So, we changed into workout gear and headed out.
She's a very young 53 years of age. She's got serious left knee problems (to the point that she takes The Stairs one step at a time), was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in 2002 and now has arthritis starting in. All of this with serious allergic asthma. So this working out thing is a big deal.
She's talked with some physical therapists who have told her to get her knee moving with NO impact (thus the recumbent bike) to get the joint lubrication forming/flowing. She's supposed to take it easy on the walking front. We got her on a bike for 15 minutes at level 1. Woohoo!
She also did some resistance work on the Circuit machines with her arms. She was sore this morning, but we got out there again. Go Moms! We've got to take it easy because of all the challenges she has health-wise. I want to make sure she's not doing something that will ultimately exacerbate anything and make the situation worse. This got me thinking.
So, I was reading my blogroll came across 282.5 which I hadn't read in quite some time (Sorry Jo, and congrats on your freakin fantabulous progress!) and found a reference to a "real age" test. This one was a free service from http://www.realage.com/. I've been wanting to take one and so I used 20 minutes of my day and answered the questions honestly. It was great being able to tell it how much I exercise on a weekly basis. And then I got my results.
What got me is that the thing told me my workouts are too intense. I couldn't believe it when I read it. According to this lengthy assessment, my joint pain I've been experiencing isn't just because I've never moved so much in my life, it's because I'm pushing myself too hard. I started to connect the proverbial dots between Moms and me and I realized that, just like I don't want her pushing herself too much, I, too, shouldn't want me to push myself too much. I'm really relieved which is also surprising. I want to keep a level of intensity that will keep the fat burning happening, but I want my knees to feel better, too.
I think I've been trying to show all the skinny kids in my classes and gym (including SAG and BB) that I can keep up with the rest of them. That just because I'm fat doesn't mean that I can't do what they can. I don't think it's been intentional, I think it's been subconsciously happening.
Like the way Moms and I both get sassy with one hand on our hips. And then quickly move our hands when we realize what we're doing. At the same time. It's annoying. And funny.
I HEART YOU, MOM!
-jafg
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Public Service Announcement
05/05/10
282.5 lbs
Honestly, I don't remember what came after the point so I'm splitting it down the middle and calling it a .5. Don't hold it against me.
Do you know what today is? If you said Cinco de Mayo, you're wrong. I mean, you're right, but you're wrong.
Today is Love Another Blogger Day. (<==for me anyway)
Last night I was catching up on my blog reading and came across two blogs that are kinda opposite ends of the spectrum. One had a success and one had a fail. In the universe of diet karma, these seem to cancel each other out, but in fact, I believe the success happened so it could be an encouragement to the one that failed.
Here's blog #1 It's All About The Walls. This is my friend Amanda who has been sitting at a plateau for weeks. In her blog she maps out how things coulda gone wrong and she coulda thrown in the towel and quit. She didn't, she just waited, albeit not so patiently, and finally, the scale moved and moved in the right direction. YEA Amanda! What a break through moment! If you're a habitual dieter as I have been in the past, you'll know that plateaus SUCK EGGS. So, finally pushing through one (and by 2 pounds even!) is like nothing short of a miracle.
Then there's blog #2 It's just Me, Drazil & Sheniqua.....This is my new friend "Me". Well, actually, there's a trio rolled into one here I think of her as Drazil most of the time. Anyway. Reportedly, there's been a scale buster in Drazilland and that is never fun. Not seeing a scale move is one thing, but to see it move in the wrong direction is another. This is a hard working girl who's busted her "patootie" to get where she is and even has rewarded herself with a tummy-tuck at the end of it all. And now, after a month of little life things, there's some gain-age on the homefront. I don't know how much, but really, is there any gain-age that makes us happy on the scales?
If you watch The Biggest Loser and follow the tweets like #TBL or #BiggestLoser, then you're bound to know about all the insane crying that happens when the show is on. Now kids, if you don't know this by now, I am not one to really appreciate any emotional display other than snarkiness or ranting. However, that damn show has brought me to near hysterics for three weeks in a row!!!! I've been trying to figure out why because I haven't been sad OR happy when the waterworks have begun. I figured it out last night.
I am touched by the genuine feelings these contestants are sharing. Now, I'm not tearing when they're tearing. Actually, when someone else cries on TV, I get a little annoyed. I'm tearing at the stories, the triumphs, the struggles, the overall genuine real humanity of a weightloss battle. Well, that's what's going on here. A little genuine dose of reality in the bloggin world.
My bloggin heart really loves these ladies and all the blogs that I stalk or read occasionally. I think that those of us who have good days are here to encourage those of us who don't have good days. I am willing to bet that for every bad day, there's a good day to match it and that's where we should get our strength, encouragement, motivation, and overall warm fuzzies.
Amanda, meet Drazil. Drazil, meet Amanda. You two need each other right now. And we all need you!
There. I've done my good deed for the day.
-jafg
282.5 lbs
Honestly, I don't remember what came after the point so I'm splitting it down the middle and calling it a .5. Don't hold it against me.
Do you know what today is? If you said Cinco de Mayo, you're wrong. I mean, you're right, but you're wrong.
Today is Love Another Blogger Day. (<==for me anyway)
Last night I was catching up on my blog reading and came across two blogs that are kinda opposite ends of the spectrum. One had a success and one had a fail. In the universe of diet karma, these seem to cancel each other out, but in fact, I believe the success happened so it could be an encouragement to the one that failed.
Here's blog #1 It's All About The Walls. This is my friend Amanda who has been sitting at a plateau for weeks. In her blog she maps out how things coulda gone wrong and she coulda thrown in the towel and quit. She didn't, she just waited, albeit not so patiently, and finally, the scale moved and moved in the right direction. YEA Amanda! What a break through moment! If you're a habitual dieter as I have been in the past, you'll know that plateaus SUCK EGGS. So, finally pushing through one (and by 2 pounds even!) is like nothing short of a miracle.
Then there's blog #2 It's just Me, Drazil & Sheniqua.....This is my new friend "Me". Well, actually, there's a trio rolled into one here I think of her as Drazil most of the time. Anyway. Reportedly, there's been a scale buster in Drazilland and that is never fun. Not seeing a scale move is one thing, but to see it move in the wrong direction is another. This is a hard working girl who's busted her "patootie" to get where she is and even has rewarded herself with a tummy-tuck at the end of it all. And now, after a month of little life things, there's some gain-age on the homefront. I don't know how much, but really, is there any gain-age that makes us happy on the scales?
If you watch The Biggest Loser and follow the tweets like #TBL or #BiggestLoser, then you're bound to know about all the insane crying that happens when the show is on. Now kids, if you don't know this by now, I am not one to really appreciate any emotional display other than snarkiness or ranting. However, that damn show has brought me to near hysterics for three weeks in a row!!!! I've been trying to figure out why because I haven't been sad OR happy when the waterworks have begun. I figured it out last night.
I am touched by the genuine feelings these contestants are sharing. Now, I'm not tearing when they're tearing. Actually, when someone else cries on TV, I get a little annoyed. I'm tearing at the stories, the triumphs, the struggles, the overall genuine real humanity of a weightloss battle. Well, that's what's going on here. A little genuine dose of reality in the bloggin world.
My bloggin heart really loves these ladies and all the blogs that I stalk or read occasionally. I think that those of us who have good days are here to encourage those of us who don't have good days. I am willing to bet that for every bad day, there's a good day to match it and that's where we should get our strength, encouragement, motivation, and overall warm fuzzies.
Amanda, meet Drazil. Drazil, meet Amanda. You two need each other right now. And we all need you!
There. I've done my good deed for the day.
-jafg
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Calorie Girl
05/04/10
283.4 lbs
I have to get on an airplane next Wednesday morning and I'm hoping to break into the 70's by then. I was really hoping for a solid 275 lbs, but I don't know if that's still doable now. We'll keep trying.
Sit back and relax. This is gonna be a long one.
Ok, so I've not been a healthy feeling JAFG the past few days. I even missed work yesterday which means I missed HHH class last night. I am all sadfaced about missing my workout last night. When I go back on Wednesday it’ll feel like starting from day 1 again. I hate that. I am planning on working out tonight. I need to stay in the habit.
I did go to workout on Friday which gave me a great sense of accomplishment. Go Me! I actually got in 70 work-out minutes. It felt great.
I had every intention of working out over the weekend, but I just wasn't up for anything requiring me to be outside of the abode. I felt all ick. The only reason I went out Sunday was because I was gonna have to start sharing cat food with Kitty and I'm pretty sure he'd see me starve and wither first. Saturday I added a plant to my patio garden and didn't do pretty much anything else.
Oh, I did order pizza. I got two medium thin crust pizzas actually (Domino's had a 2-pizza-2-topping-5.99-each special). It could be considered 4 pizzas because I got each half with a different 2-topping combination. Genius, really. I don't know why I haven't thought about this before.
Pizza one: One half pepperoni and mushroom (which, if you haven't learned by now, is my favorite), one half ham and pineapple (something I haven't tried since I was a kid and thought I'd try it again...now I remember why I haven't tried it since I was a kid), both sides with bell pepper. Pizza two: One half mushroom and black olives, one half spinach and feta, both sides with onion and white sauce. Yes, that's order craziness, but I placed the order online to cut out some of the possibility of mayhem. I'm sure someone somewhere in the process thought I must be high. I assure you I was not.
Now, before you start thinking that I had a pizza pig-out fest, I ate on that for two days. That's like 3 meals. One dinner, one breakfast and one lunch. Yom.
On Sunday I went to the grocery. I got all sorts of mad healthy foods. I almost bought a half a pound cake. Which still weighed at least a pound. You know the ones with the hole in the middle of them? Yeah, I had it in my basket. I was super craving on something that tasted like it was from the naughty list. Ever get those cravings? (That's a rhetorical question.)
Then I saw these "day old bakery" bran muffins and thought, "hmmm, perhaps I should be a little more responsible with my splurging and save some money". So I placed the pound cake back on the table and meandered over to the bran muffins. There were 4 in the carton. I read the nutrition label and turns out each muffin has almost 500 calories. Each. Each! W. T. H. This is supposed to be a healthy alternative. My breakfast from Panera last week had fewer calories than that. And it had cheese in it! So, pass on the bran muffin.
What I opted for was a little 12 ounce size cup filled with mini cookies with m&ms. Also, I got one 1.74 oz package of peanut m&ms. I had the cookies Sunday night and the peanut m&ms last night. All this is logged in my myfitnesspal food diary. With the pizza. Also, I did not exercise this weekend. And I stayed home from work yesterday. And I still managed to drop poundage.
So, I have to tell you about a dinner I had last night. (I am SO looking forward to the leftovers tonight). I even took a picture of the recipe card so you could all share in this feast of goodness.
I had garlic-lime chicken fajitas. Yum yum yum yum Yum! Greatest thing about it, no prepackaged anything which means you control all the salt and stuff that goes in it. I varied this by adding mushrooms to the onion mix and went easy on the peppers) and cooking spinach on the side (just sautéed in some water). Also, I used non-fat Greek yogurt as a condiment. Have I said Yum, yet? I had one chicken breast in two fajita wraps and added the spinach to the fajita (just cooked it on its own, didn’t want to lose that “spinach” flavor). McCormack has a “spice pack” where all the spices are measured out for you. I found mine (completely by accident) at Publix. If you don’t have a Publix, don’t worry, the recipe tells you the exact measurements of each spice. You should go out right now and try this.
I must say, being off the exercise routine and still watching what I ate was a great life lesson for me. I even had little splurges and delivery and as long as I kept everything in check, I felt like a real person eating real food. I mean, I’m not eating diet food. I’m eating healthy food, lean meats, lots of veg, watching calories. The healthful food isn’t all that much of a change. But, I’ve never been a calorie girl.
I’m not obsessive, just health conscious. I now know that a vodka/soda beverage is way better than a long island iced tea when I’m out. Things like that really make a difference!
-jafg
283.4 lbs
I have to get on an airplane next Wednesday morning and I'm hoping to break into the 70's by then. I was really hoping for a solid 275 lbs, but I don't know if that's still doable now. We'll keep trying.
Sit back and relax. This is gonna be a long one.
Ok, so I've not been a healthy feeling JAFG the past few days. I even missed work yesterday which means I missed HHH class last night. I am all sadfaced about missing my workout last night. When I go back on Wednesday it’ll feel like starting from day 1 again. I hate that. I am planning on working out tonight. I need to stay in the habit.
I did go to workout on Friday which gave me a great sense of accomplishment. Go Me! I actually got in 70 work-out minutes. It felt great.
I had every intention of working out over the weekend, but I just wasn't up for anything requiring me to be outside of the abode. I felt all ick. The only reason I went out Sunday was because I was gonna have to start sharing cat food with Kitty and I'm pretty sure he'd see me starve and wither first. Saturday I added a plant to my patio garden and didn't do pretty much anything else.
Oh, I did order pizza. I got two medium thin crust pizzas actually (Domino's had a 2-pizza-2-topping-5.99-each special). It could be considered 4 pizzas because I got each half with a different 2-topping combination. Genius, really. I don't know why I haven't thought about this before.
Pizza one: One half pepperoni and mushroom (which, if you haven't learned by now, is my favorite), one half ham and pineapple (something I haven't tried since I was a kid and thought I'd try it again...now I remember why I haven't tried it since I was a kid), both sides with bell pepper. Pizza two: One half mushroom and black olives, one half spinach and feta, both sides with onion and white sauce. Yes, that's order craziness, but I placed the order online to cut out some of the possibility of mayhem. I'm sure someone somewhere in the process thought I must be high. I assure you I was not.
Now, before you start thinking that I had a pizza pig-out fest, I ate on that for two days. That's like 3 meals. One dinner, one breakfast and one lunch. Yom.
On Sunday I went to the grocery. I got all sorts of mad healthy foods. I almost bought a half a pound cake. Which still weighed at least a pound. You know the ones with the hole in the middle of them? Yeah, I had it in my basket. I was super craving on something that tasted like it was from the naughty list. Ever get those cravings? (That's a rhetorical question.)
Then I saw these "day old bakery" bran muffins and thought, "hmmm, perhaps I should be a little more responsible with my splurging and save some money". So I placed the pound cake back on the table and meandered over to the bran muffins. There were 4 in the carton. I read the nutrition label and turns out each muffin has almost 500 calories. Each. Each! W. T. H. This is supposed to be a healthy alternative. My breakfast from Panera last week had fewer calories than that. And it had cheese in it! So, pass on the bran muffin.
What I opted for was a little 12 ounce size cup filled with mini cookies with m&ms. Also, I got one 1.74 oz package of peanut m&ms. I had the cookies Sunday night and the peanut m&ms last night. All this is logged in my myfitnesspal food diary. With the pizza. Also, I did not exercise this weekend. And I stayed home from work yesterday. And I still managed to drop poundage.
So, I have to tell you about a dinner I had last night. (I am SO looking forward to the leftovers tonight). I even took a picture of the recipe card so you could all share in this feast of goodness.
I must say, being off the exercise routine and still watching what I ate was a great life lesson for me. I even had little splurges and delivery and as long as I kept everything in check, I felt like a real person eating real food. I mean, I’m not eating diet food. I’m eating healthy food, lean meats, lots of veg, watching calories. The healthful food isn’t all that much of a change. But, I’ve never been a calorie girl.
I’m not obsessive, just health conscious. I now know that a vodka/soda beverage is way better than a long island iced tea when I’m out. Things like that really make a difference!
-jafg
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Tales of the Come-Back Kid. Again.
04/27/10
285.6 lbs
Overall, this is pretty good. However, when I tell you that Scale said on Saturday that I had made it to 283.8 (I checked it twice) and then yesterday said I was at 287.2 you see there's not much room for excitment or sadness. Still, I'll take this as a victory.
Look, I figured up the caloric intake of the adult beverages consumed for this birthday bash and it totals 1688 calories. I am so cursing right now. As my ramblings have indicated in my previous posts, I am not such a healthfully minded chica on the morning after a night of partaking. That leads to Bacon. And lots of other things off of the breakfast buffet at the hotel like grits, potatoes, cheese, bacon, waffle, bacon, cheese danish, bacon. And a poached egg. And french fries and a frosty (both small) from Wendy's on the way home. Nice. I did have a healthy dinner. It's my lowfat version of a tuna melt with an egg. It's actually very good and some other time, I will share it with you.
I signed up for myfitnesspal.com, which I heart a lot and would love to add you as a buddy if anyone's interested but I don't know how that works, and I am SO not registering any of my weekend debauchery.
I was smart and took yesterday off. I knew that I wouldn't be fully recovered. Getting old does this to a girl. There was a time that 3 hours sleep between "gigs" seemed totally doable. Now I need two days to recover from blow-out bashes like this. At least I know my limits. Anyway. I took yesterday off. I had some bacon left over from when BFF and Her Hubbie visited that I had shoved into the freezer. Well, I sliced some of that off, scrambled me two eggs and had a slice of kraft 2% american cheese on it. Then I had two pieces of peanut butter toast for snacks. I had my tuna melt for lunch and a porkchop and a half of sweet potato for dinner. I slept most of the day but what I did do (which I didn't want to do) was exercise.
YEA ME! I went to HHH class. Can I just say that I thought I was going to die? I know I've said that before, but, like, this time, I was really wondering what would happen if I collapsed of a heart attack in the middle of the session. That would be so embarrassing.
While I was contemplating coronary issues, I also noticed that I was bouncing a lot more than I first did. Perhaps I was so worn out because I was pushing a little harder this time. Perhaps. I don't know for sure, though. I was also thinking I really can't miss my Saturday workout. I will HAVE to make time for a workout when on trips, otherwise, it'll feel like starting over again when I get back to class. I hate feeling like I'm starting over again.
I uploaded my pics from the trip to FB (my real world FB account, not the JAFG account) and had a pleasant surprise....aside from having kept all my clothes intact over the trip, I was also looking thinner!
-jafg
285.6 lbs
Overall, this is pretty good. However, when I tell you that Scale said on Saturday that I had made it to 283.8 (I checked it twice) and then yesterday said I was at 287.2 you see there's not much room for excitment or sadness. Still, I'll take this as a victory.
Look, I figured up the caloric intake of the adult beverages consumed for this birthday bash and it totals 1688 calories. I am so cursing right now. As my ramblings have indicated in my previous posts, I am not such a healthfully minded chica on the morning after a night of partaking. That leads to Bacon. And lots of other things off of the breakfast buffet at the hotel like grits, potatoes, cheese, bacon, waffle, bacon, cheese danish, bacon. And a poached egg. And french fries and a frosty (both small) from Wendy's on the way home. Nice. I did have a healthy dinner. It's my lowfat version of a tuna melt with an egg. It's actually very good and some other time, I will share it with you.
I signed up for myfitnesspal.com, which I heart a lot and would love to add you as a buddy if anyone's interested but I don't know how that works, and I am SO not registering any of my weekend debauchery.
I was smart and took yesterday off. I knew that I wouldn't be fully recovered. Getting old does this to a girl. There was a time that 3 hours sleep between "gigs" seemed totally doable. Now I need two days to recover from blow-out bashes like this. At least I know my limits. Anyway. I took yesterday off. I had some bacon left over from when BFF and Her Hubbie visited that I had shoved into the freezer. Well, I sliced some of that off, scrambled me two eggs and had a slice of kraft 2% american cheese on it. Then I had two pieces of peanut butter toast for snacks. I had my tuna melt for lunch and a porkchop and a half of sweet potato for dinner. I slept most of the day but what I did do (which I didn't want to do) was exercise.
YEA ME! I went to HHH class. Can I just say that I thought I was going to die? I know I've said that before, but, like, this time, I was really wondering what would happen if I collapsed of a heart attack in the middle of the session. That would be so embarrassing.
While I was contemplating coronary issues, I also noticed that I was bouncing a lot more than I first did. Perhaps I was so worn out because I was pushing a little harder this time. Perhaps. I don't know for sure, though. I was also thinking I really can't miss my Saturday workout. I will HAVE to make time for a workout when on trips, otherwise, it'll feel like starting over again when I get back to class. I hate feeling like I'm starting over again.
I uploaded my pics from the trip to FB (my real world FB account, not the JAFG account) and had a pleasant surprise....aside from having kept all my clothes intact over the trip, I was also looking thinner!
-jafg
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
LOST: 10 lbs. If you find it, please discard.
04/21/10
286.0 lbs
I held my breath and got on the scale twice this morning.
I've lost 10 lbs since picking up this whole exercise thing! It's been a lot slower than I would have liked. On March 23 (and even before I started blogging again to be honest) I had hit 296.+ lbs. That's horrible. I don't ever want to have to say that or think that or write that again. Ever.
It's been a month. A month of walking up hills, facing fears, working out with friends, hating those friends, loving them again, trying to watch my food intake, really watching my food intake, getting up at ungodly hours to exercise in the mornings, exercising at night, taking mini-walk breaks at lunch, buying new foreign things, joining a gym, and finally, me actually making me do all these things.
I'm loving the morning time even though I despise actually having to wake up to expeirence it. I am loving the feeling of wanting to wretch after a workout like I did last night on the circuit weight machines. I love that I've increased the weight resistance (almost doubled!) becuase where I began isn't enough anymore. I don't care about looking a fool in HHH class, although, it's still hard to walk in there even now. This past month has seen a lot of changes. W00T!
I'm going to write her a thank you note. I wonder how many calories are burned with old fashioned writing.
-jafg
286.0 lbs
I held my breath and got on the scale twice this morning.
I've lost 10 lbs since picking up this whole exercise thing! It's been a lot slower than I would have liked. On March 23 (and even before I started blogging again to be honest) I had hit 296.+ lbs. That's horrible. I don't ever want to have to say that or think that or write that again. Ever.
It's been a month. A month of walking up hills, facing fears, working out with friends, hating those friends, loving them again, trying to watch my food intake, really watching my food intake, getting up at ungodly hours to exercise in the mornings, exercising at night, taking mini-walk breaks at lunch, buying new foreign things, joining a gym, and finally, me actually making me do all these things.
This is a milestone. And I'm happy to celebrate it.
I'm loving the morning time even though I despise actually having to wake up to expeirence it. I am loving the feeling of wanting to wretch after a workout like I did last night on the circuit weight machines. I love that I've increased the weight resistance (almost doubled!) becuase where I began isn't enough anymore. I don't care about looking a fool in HHH class, although, it's still hard to walk in there even now. This past month has seen a lot of changes. W00T!I have had an accountability partner which has made a world of difference. I truly would not have gone this far if it hadn't been for that precious little BB and her upcoming Nuptials.
I'm going to write her a thank you note. I wonder how many calories are burned with old fashioned writing.
-jafg
Friday, April 16, 2010
I Got Nothin.
04/16/10
289.0 lbs
I don't doubt it. I haven't done a damn thing in the workout relm since Wednesday. I am gonna be working out a mean mess tonight though. I'm joining The Gym.
I really wish I could wax poetic about something but I gots nothin. As you may have already guessed from the title....
I've been a total food whore since Tuesday night. BB wasn't feeling very motivated, so we bought Digiorno with everything on it. And got cokes. Well, I had Mr. Pibb. I had four pieces of that great Digiorno. Four. Pieces. Yommm. I mean "bad jafg!".
Wednesday night I pigged on sushi. And not the little, light stuff. I'm talking tempura shrimp rolls which are then flash fried. It was good. I was bad. I then had awesome fried chicken breast sandwich with a slice of all american cheese and extra pickles for lunch yesterday. With the best damn fries on the planet. And the biggest unsweet tea I could get and still drink it with a straw.
I'm glad for the workout tonight. And that I ate all the pepperoni pizza already.
It's the small stuff you gotta stay happy about.
-jafg
289.0 lbs
I don't doubt it. I haven't done a damn thing in the workout relm since Wednesday. I am gonna be working out a mean mess tonight though. I'm joining The Gym.
I really wish I could wax poetic about something but I gots nothin. As you may have already guessed from the title....
I've been a total food whore since Tuesday night. BB wasn't feeling very motivated, so we bought Digiorno with everything on it. And got cokes. Well, I had Mr. Pibb. I had four pieces of that great Digiorno. Four. Pieces. Yommm. I mean "bad jafg!".
Wednesday night I pigged on sushi. And not the little, light stuff. I'm talking tempura shrimp rolls which are then flash fried. It was good. I was bad. I then had awesome fried chicken breast sandwich with a slice of all american cheese and extra pickles for lunch yesterday. With the best damn fries on the planet. And the biggest unsweet tea I could get and still drink it with a straw. Last night, not feeling terribly social, I got pizza. Domino's happens to be closest to me so I ordered a large thin crust veggie to pick up on my way home.
Well, it woulda been $17. WTH? For a thin crust veggie? I don't know if you've ever had one of those, but it's totally not enough on its own to justify an Andrew Jackson. Being the thrifty shopper that I am, I asked them about their specials. I tried to get them to give me the Pizza Hut $10 special but no love. I ended up with two large pizzas for $25. That includes tax. One was veggie for me, and one was pepperoni and mushroom for My Fat. We both were very happy. Until of course, I got on the scale this AM.
Well, it woulda been $17. WTH? For a thin crust veggie? I don't know if you've ever had one of those, but it's totally not enough on its own to justify an Andrew Jackson. Being the thrifty shopper that I am, I asked them about their specials. I tried to get them to give me the Pizza Hut $10 special but no love. I ended up with two large pizzas for $25. That includes tax. One was veggie for me, and one was pepperoni and mushroom for My Fat. We both were very happy. Until of course, I got on the scale this AM. I had one hell of a time trying to get my tag transferred from Small Beachtown to Small Southern City. 3 hours later, no tag and one hungry lady. I had a repeat of yesterday's lunch. Although this time, no cheese and a small fry. I still had the largest unsweet tea that anyone could carry in one hand, though.
I'm glad for the workout tonight. And that I ate all the pepperoni pizza already.
It's the small stuff you gotta stay happy about.
-jafg
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
A BIG F-***-ING DEAL
03/23/10
296.6 lbs
In the immortal words of our US VP...
THIS IS A BIG F-***-ING DEAL. This isn't funny. And neither is the other, but that's a whole 'nother blog.
Ok, yes. Right now, I am weighing at night. After I eat. And drink. Lots and lots of decaffeinated tea sweetened with Splenda. I am getting up in the middle of the night to take a little bathroom break. I think this is better for my kidneys, but I could be wrong. Eh, 12 hours of gravity may be adding an additional 3.3 lbs. Dear lord I hope it's not real weight. I'm also not going to state the obvious and say this is the MOST I've ever weighed and never would I have imagined I could weigh this much. No wonder my knees ache when I walk up The Steps.
I watched The Biggest Loser tonight. I watched this group bike a marathon. By the 26.2 mile marker, I was practically jumping up and down on Oprah's couch. I wanted to jump on a bike and do the same thing. And then I got on the scale. Holy crap.
I watched Kirstie Alley's Big Life last night. It was really good. She's funny. She wonders, though, why everyone focuses on her weight. I personally think it's because she's made a big deal about her weight. I am proud of her because she's really doing something. She's hired a personal trainer and has a "chubby buddy" who works out with her. I think he gets paid to do it, though.
I am also all about this new Jamie Oliver Food Revolution thing. I think health should start young. And with Parents too. And with schools.
There's a bunch of stuff all over the place right now that is all about being right. Doing right. Eating and living right. I am excited about it and I hope it helps. I need to get back down to when I thought I was just fat.
-jafg
296.6 lbs
In the immortal words of our US VP...
THIS IS A BIG F-***-ING DEAL. This isn't funny. And neither is the other, but that's a whole 'nother blog.
Ok, yes. Right now, I am weighing at night. After I eat. And drink. Lots and lots of decaffeinated tea sweetened with Splenda. I am getting up in the middle of the night to take a little bathroom break. I think this is better for my kidneys, but I could be wrong. Eh, 12 hours of gravity may be adding an additional 3.3 lbs. Dear lord I hope it's not real weight. I'm also not going to state the obvious and say this is the MOST I've ever weighed and never would I have imagined I could weigh this much. No wonder my knees ache when I walk up The Steps.I watched The Biggest Loser tonight. I watched this group bike a marathon. By the 26.2 mile marker, I was practically jumping up and down on Oprah's couch. I wanted to jump on a bike and do the same thing. And then I got on the scale. Holy crap.
I watched Kirstie Alley's Big Life last night. It was really good. She's funny. She wonders, though, why everyone focuses on her weight. I personally think it's because she's made a big deal about her weight. I am proud of her because she's really doing something. She's hired a personal trainer and has a "chubby buddy" who works out with her. I think he gets paid to do it, though.
I am also all about this new Jamie Oliver Food Revolution thing. I think health should start young. And with Parents too. And with schools.
There's a bunch of stuff all over the place right now that is all about being right. Doing right. Eating and living right. I am excited about it and I hope it helps. I need to get back down to when I thought I was just fat.
-jafg
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Fearing the Flappy Flab
10/28/09
281.6 lbs
I really don't see this as a gain. It fluxuated like this last week. If it goes up tomorrow, I'll consider panicking.
I watched The Biggest Loser last night. I tuned in after "It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown". I don't really follow that show. I've just never gotten past the fact that there are people out there that are watching it to make fun of fat people or exploit them or whatever. You know they're out there.
I'm gonna sound like a bitch here...you've been warned.
I was watching the "last chance workout" and saw a lot of emotional-baggage/crying-stuff stuff. Why on earth would anyone allow themselves to have these breakdowns on national TV? In a room full of sweaty people? And with a personal trainer?! It's not like he or she is a trained psychologist or something. The girl trainer totally looks uncomfortable with the tears. She's just mean, anyway. This all bugs me. Greatly. Work on your issues elsewhere, please. I had the same problem with More to Love. All the "I've been sad all my life and that's why I'm fat" crap. This isn't going to make me a popular person, but it is possible to be fat and be fairly well-adjusted. Really. It is. Nevermind the fact that I had my own personal breakdown when trying to go to the gym. That may have been talked about on the internet, but you wouldn't know me from any other cute fat lady standing behind you eyeing the peanut M & M's in the grocery. Anonymity is not an option when you have a TV camera in your face.
Enough of that. What I really wanted to comment on is a fear that I've developed after watching last night's episode. In all seriousness here, I'm afraid of sagging skin when I finally drop the weight. These folks are losing weight at hyper-speed (like 101 lbs in 7 weeks-WTF?!?) so they've drastically changed eating habits and work-out from dawn until way past dusk. It's super fast weightloss so maybe the skin doesn't have time to recover, but come on...that's a lot of saggy skin.
I've never posted full body pictures here...and maybe I should....so you don't really ever see anything other than the words I type on the screen. Of course, this doesn't represent any of my physical qualities but my fabulous personality traits. You all know you'd have fun with me if we ever went out for adult beverages. I'd make you have fun. You wouldn't be allowed to do anything else. Anyway, my point is, I am less than 20 lbs away from 300lbs. (There's a dose of reality for ya.) There is only so much "weight appropriate" dressing you can do with a good top and bottom set. Silhoettes only go so far.
Well, there's a lot of skin covering a lot of fat here. When the fat goes away, what's gonna happen to the skin?!?! I'm nervous. I'm thinking of my Middle and my arms here. Not to mention my breasts. I don't need them to deflate! I've watched Dr. 90210 before. I watched Adam Sandler's "Click" (it wasn't the best movie in the world). I've seen those mushy fleshy all puckered and flat pieces of skin that are just lying there on otherwise skinny people.
For those of you in the reading audience who have lost large amounts of wieght and surface area, what happened to your skin? If you lose the weight slowly, does this not happen?
Is there hope or only serious cosmetic surgery in my future?
-jafg
281.6 lbs
I really don't see this as a gain. It fluxuated like this last week. If it goes up tomorrow, I'll consider panicking.
I watched The Biggest Loser last night. I tuned in after "It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown". I don't really follow that show. I've just never gotten past the fact that there are people out there that are watching it to make fun of fat people or exploit them or whatever. You know they're out there.
I'm gonna sound like a bitch here...you've been warned.
I was watching the "last chance workout" and saw a lot of emotional-baggage/crying-stuff stuff. Why on earth would anyone allow themselves to have these breakdowns on national TV? In a room full of sweaty people? And with a personal trainer?! It's not like he or she is a trained psychologist or something. The girl trainer totally looks uncomfortable with the tears. She's just mean, anyway. This all bugs me. Greatly. Work on your issues elsewhere, please. I had the same problem with More to Love. All the "I've been sad all my life and that's why I'm fat" crap. This isn't going to make me a popular person, but it is possible to be fat and be fairly well-adjusted. Really. It is. Nevermind the fact that I had my own personal breakdown when trying to go to the gym. That may have been talked about on the internet, but you wouldn't know me from any other cute fat lady standing behind you eyeing the peanut M & M's in the grocery. Anonymity is not an option when you have a TV camera in your face.
Enough of that. What I really wanted to comment on is a fear that I've developed after watching last night's episode. In all seriousness here, I'm afraid of sagging skin when I finally drop the weight. These folks are losing weight at hyper-speed (like 101 lbs in 7 weeks-WTF?!?) so they've drastically changed eating habits and work-out from dawn until way past dusk. It's super fast weightloss so maybe the skin doesn't have time to recover, but come on...that's a lot of saggy skin.
I've never posted full body pictures here...and maybe I should....so you don't really ever see anything other than the words I type on the screen. Of course, this doesn't represent any of my physical qualities but my fabulous personality traits. You all know you'd have fun with me if we ever went out for adult beverages. I'd make you have fun. You wouldn't be allowed to do anything else. Anyway, my point is, I am less than 20 lbs away from 300lbs. (There's a dose of reality for ya.) There is only so much "weight appropriate" dressing you can do with a good top and bottom set. Silhoettes only go so far.
Well, there's a lot of skin covering a lot of fat here. When the fat goes away, what's gonna happen to the skin?!?! I'm nervous. I'm thinking of my Middle and my arms here. Not to mention my breasts. I don't need them to deflate! I've watched Dr. 90210 before. I watched Adam Sandler's "Click" (it wasn't the best movie in the world). I've seen those mushy fleshy all puckered and flat pieces of skin that are just lying there on otherwise skinny people.
For those of you in the reading audience who have lost large amounts of wieght and surface area, what happened to your skin? If you lose the weight slowly, does this not happen?
Is there hope or only serious cosmetic surgery in my future?
-jafg
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
My Something Plan
09/23/09
???.? lbs
I'm eating Snicker Bar and Bite-Size Twix right now. And it is good...so bad...but oh so good.
I bought Healthy Choice meals for lunches last Friday because they were on sale, 4-$10. They were cheaper than Lean Cuisine, but they don't taste so great. Be warned. Sometimes, you get what you pay for. Kinda like trash bags. Don't skimp on wimpy bags. Really. Don't do it. Just say NO.
So I've been reading blogs like I normally do, mostly because I didn't feel like working and I needed to catch up, and I noticed a running theme: Everybody's got something going on. There's newbies (of which I am one, kinda) and then there are those that are several months into this whole "Change Your Damn Life" cycle and then there's those that are the Gurus, the Zen Masters, who we all love and hate at the same time. But they're all doing something.
I want to do something. Constantly amusing myself with my own witty banter only goes so far. And talking about me me me all time does nothing for the rest of the world despite popular belief (or my own, or whatever). It's really making My Fat's ego get pretty large too. Just so you know, when your Fat's ego grows, so do your thighs, arse, and the jiggle in the middle. Damnit.
Overall, My Fat is feeling pretty confident right about now. Well, I have a secret. I'm devising my own Something plan as we speak. Or I type and you read. You know what I mean. Remember that gym I mentioned I drive by every day? Well, tomorrow I'm packing clothes to change into before I leave work and going straight there before I even get home. Don't tell My Fat, though. She may talk me out of it.
I'm contemplating responses to the rationalizations My Fat will present tomorrow. I'm wondering if it'll be like the 5 stages of grief....
Denial:
My Fat: You're the problem, not me. I'm cuddly, soft, and make a great pillow for the kitty.
Me: Yeah, I can't deny the pillow for the kitty part. Wait...don't deflect with the kitty! We're both the problem! My lack of will power and your sense of overindulgence!
Anger:
My Fat: You suck!
Me: YOU suck!
Bargaining:
My Fat: Why don't we just go feed the kitty first, and then go for a walk around the neighborhood? Why do we have to start with the Gym?
Me: Nope. Despite what the kitty thinks, he won't starve if I'm 30 minutes later getting home. Stop bringing up the kitty.
Depression:
My Fat: Why try? I can't turn into lean muscle. It's impossible. I'm going to be wabbly bits forever.
Me: Wabbly bits have to wabble before they'll stop wabbling. Even the reality shows take time to film. We've shed about 5 lbs since we started and we're really not even doing anything right now!
Acceptance:
My Fat: No, I'm not ever going to accept this. I mean it. Really.
Me: That's too bad, because it's gotta happen. You're not in charge, I am.
[Long Pause]
Me: I wonder if I should shave my legs.
My Fat: Yeah, probably so.
Both of us: Damnit.
-jafg
???.? lbs
I'm eating Snicker Bar and Bite-Size Twix right now. And it is good...so bad...but oh so good.
I bought Healthy Choice meals for lunches last Friday because they were on sale, 4-$10. They were cheaper than Lean Cuisine, but they don't taste so great. Be warned. Sometimes, you get what you pay for. Kinda like trash bags. Don't skimp on wimpy bags. Really. Don't do it. Just say NO.
So I've been reading blogs like I normally do, mostly because I didn't feel like working and I needed to catch up, and I noticed a running theme: Everybody's got something going on. There's newbies (of which I am one, kinda) and then there are those that are several months into this whole "Change Your Damn Life" cycle and then there's those that are the Gurus, the Zen Masters, who we all love and hate at the same time. But they're all doing something.
I want to do something. Constantly amusing myself with my own witty banter only goes so far. And talking about me me me all time does nothing for the rest of the world despite popular belief (or my own, or whatever). It's really making My Fat's ego get pretty large too. Just so you know, when your Fat's ego grows, so do your thighs, arse, and the jiggle in the middle. Damnit.
Overall, My Fat is feeling pretty confident right about now. Well, I have a secret. I'm devising my own Something plan as we speak. Or I type and you read. You know what I mean. Remember that gym I mentioned I drive by every day? Well, tomorrow I'm packing clothes to change into before I leave work and going straight there before I even get home. Don't tell My Fat, though. She may talk me out of it.
I'm contemplating responses to the rationalizations My Fat will present tomorrow. I'm wondering if it'll be like the 5 stages of grief....
Denial:
My Fat: You're the problem, not me. I'm cuddly, soft, and make a great pillow for the kitty.
Me: Yeah, I can't deny the pillow for the kitty part. Wait...don't deflect with the kitty! We're both the problem! My lack of will power and your sense of overindulgence!
Anger:
My Fat: You suck!
Me: YOU suck!
Bargaining:
My Fat: Why don't we just go feed the kitty first, and then go for a walk around the neighborhood? Why do we have to start with the Gym?
Me: Nope. Despite what the kitty thinks, he won't starve if I'm 30 minutes later getting home. Stop bringing up the kitty.
Depression:
My Fat: Why try? I can't turn into lean muscle. It's impossible. I'm going to be wabbly bits forever.
Me: Wabbly bits have to wabble before they'll stop wabbling. Even the reality shows take time to film. We've shed about 5 lbs since we started and we're really not even doing anything right now!
Acceptance:
My Fat: No, I'm not ever going to accept this. I mean it. Really.
Me: That's too bad, because it's gotta happen. You're not in charge, I am.
[Long Pause]
Me: I wonder if I should shave my legs.
My Fat: Yeah, probably so.
Both of us: Damnit.
-jafg
Monday, August 31, 2009
Which Way Did She Go, George?
08/31/09
285.2 lbs
Hmm. I just realized I've been doing this whole tracking thing for a month. Technically, I've lost 2 lbs. 2. > :-| I don't know what I think about this.
I have gained a few iFriends. As a matter of fact, I'm totally plagiarizing "iFriends" from Jen is Zen who was one of my first real followers. It's a cute phrase, right? Anyway, I really enjoy coming to my blog and scrolling to see all the updates. I've missed a lot. A LOT. I really hate that, it's so hard to catch up.
Catching up is hard to do. It's hard to catch up with "back on track". It's hard to catch up with "eating right". It's hard to catch up with "exercise". I fell down and scraped my proverbial knees a few weeks ago and just haven't managed to catch up with Momentum. The bitch is a lot faster than I am. Once I lost her, I just can't seem to get her to slow down again so I can catch up! I need help finding her again. I need to find some Motivation along the way and hop back on Momentum's train, throw my arms out to the side and feel the wind in my hair "I'm Queen of the World!" style, ya know? Maybe even get a little theme song action in the background...Who knows. BUT...I have lost 2 very real lbs.
In honor of my one-month anny, let's look at some positives. I do take the stairs at work more often than anything else! Go Me! I do try to eat healthier and snack less at work. Some days are better than others and some are worse than I'd care to admit. Chalking this up to a daily struggle, but hey, that's ok. I've stopped my ice cream consumption almost comlpletely. Sad, I know. I miss ice cream a lot. Snicker Bar? Still an occasional visitor. So is Mr. Pibb.
All in all, there have been some changes that have stuck. This is progress. Slow, oh so damn slow; but still, Progress, nonetheless. I wonder what next month will reveal. My Fat and I have come to an understanding. I don't think there's a line in the sand, yet. But it's coming. OOOhhhh, it's coming.
-jafg
285.2 lbs
Hmm. I just realized I've been doing this whole tracking thing for a month. Technically, I've lost 2 lbs. 2. > :-| I don't know what I think about this.
I have gained a few iFriends. As a matter of fact, I'm totally plagiarizing "iFriends" from Jen is Zen who was one of my first real followers. It's a cute phrase, right? Anyway, I really enjoy coming to my blog and scrolling to see all the updates. I've missed a lot. A LOT. I really hate that, it's so hard to catch up.
Catching up is hard to do. It's hard to catch up with "back on track". It's hard to catch up with "eating right". It's hard to catch up with "exercise". I fell down and scraped my proverbial knees a few weeks ago and just haven't managed to catch up with Momentum. The bitch is a lot faster than I am. Once I lost her, I just can't seem to get her to slow down again so I can catch up! I need help finding her again. I need to find some Motivation along the way and hop back on Momentum's train, throw my arms out to the side and feel the wind in my hair "I'm Queen of the World!" style, ya know? Maybe even get a little theme song action in the background...Who knows. BUT...I have lost 2 very real lbs.
In honor of my one-month anny, let's look at some positives. I do take the stairs at work more often than anything else! Go Me! I do try to eat healthier and snack less at work. Some days are better than others and some are worse than I'd care to admit. Chalking this up to a daily struggle, but hey, that's ok. I've stopped my ice cream consumption almost comlpletely. Sad, I know. I miss ice cream a lot. Snicker Bar? Still an occasional visitor. So is Mr. Pibb.
All in all, there have been some changes that have stuck. This is progress. Slow, oh so damn slow; but still, Progress, nonetheless. I wonder what next month will reveal. My Fat and I have come to an understanding. I don't think there's a line in the sand, yet. But it's coming. OOOhhhh, it's coming.
-jafg
Friday, August 7, 2009
The Zero Factor
08/07/09
282.6 lbs
O.M.G. I did get on the scale twice this morning, but didn't chance a 3rd time in case something shifted somewhere. I can't really believe it. I started this whole public accountability experiment on Saturday 07/25/09. Today is Friday 08/07/09. That's 13 days of talking about my "fat" life. I'm cautiously optimistic....
I had one slice of pizza for lunch today with some salad. It was tasty. My fat feels like it wasn't neglected and I'm pretty satisfied, as well.
I was so excited to get to the blog today and share the news. You see my friends, scales never lie. The facts may change from day to day, but a scale is only reflecting the truth. It's kinda like a mirror for my fat. Sometimes I can go months without stepping on it. It waits, patiently, knowing that it will only be a matter of time before I know I'll need that little Dose of Reality. Even in the 13 days prior to today, I haven't been constant in my scale visits. I just like not knowing sometimes. It gives me plausible deniability (I'm sure you know what that is, but I love that Wikipedia actually has an entry for it).
I have a diverse group of friends. Some are weightier than others. I love them all equally, but I do go through some form of body-envy with the skinnier ones. The skinnier ones are really athletic or are hyper-focused on what they eat. We all enjoy a good adult beverage here and there.
Back to the point. I hate having my picture taken with them. I'm the 0 in the 10. Think about that for a minute...skinny girl next to fat girl...1-0. I don't pass on the opportunity and neither should you. Pictures are an important part of your people's lives. And your people love you and want to see you, regardless of your size. But I still have that thought of dread rolling around like a lost marble in the back of my mind when I step in front of a camera. With the world of iPhones and other such picture taking devices photos are everywhere and pretty much instantantly available on Facebook and Twitter and the like. I appreciate the digital insta-view/insta-delete aspect, but damn if there's always that bad triple-chin-double-middle-roll shot that makes it in the mix.
There is a good way to capture the image of a fat girl. A shot from the ground looking up isn't one of them. A shot from the side standing too far away isn't another. The best are the ones where the camera's up high looking down on the scene. That kills the triple-chin. Also, bending forward helps hide the jiggle in the middle. I try to keep these in mind when posing for a pic. I'll share a little secret with you: I practice with my camera so I know which angles work best. That way, when the candid moment arises, I'm already up on what works for me. I work that into the shot. I can't control every image of me, but at least I know there's a higher possibility for quality photo-fabulousness. It really helps to have that previously worked out. Close-ups are fine, Mr. De Mille. But please, nothing below the breasts.
-jafg
282.6 lbs
O.M.G. I did get on the scale twice this morning, but didn't chance a 3rd time in case something shifted somewhere. I can't really believe it. I started this whole public accountability experiment on Saturday 07/25/09. Today is Friday 08/07/09. That's 13 days of talking about my "fat" life. I'm cautiously optimistic....
I had one slice of pizza for lunch today with some salad. It was tasty. My fat feels like it wasn't neglected and I'm pretty satisfied, as well.
I was so excited to get to the blog today and share the news. You see my friends, scales never lie. The facts may change from day to day, but a scale is only reflecting the truth. It's kinda like a mirror for my fat. Sometimes I can go months without stepping on it. It waits, patiently, knowing that it will only be a matter of time before I know I'll need that little Dose of Reality. Even in the 13 days prior to today, I haven't been constant in my scale visits. I just like not knowing sometimes. It gives me plausible deniability (I'm sure you know what that is, but I love that Wikipedia actually has an entry for it).
I have a diverse group of friends. Some are weightier than others. I love them all equally, but I do go through some form of body-envy with the skinnier ones. The skinnier ones are really athletic or are hyper-focused on what they eat. We all enjoy a good adult beverage here and there.
Back to the point. I hate having my picture taken with them. I'm the 0 in the 10. Think about that for a minute...skinny girl next to fat girl...1-0. I don't pass on the opportunity and neither should you. Pictures are an important part of your people's lives. And your people love you and want to see you, regardless of your size. But I still have that thought of dread rolling around like a lost marble in the back of my mind when I step in front of a camera. With the world of iPhones and other such picture taking devices photos are everywhere and pretty much instantantly available on Facebook and Twitter and the like. I appreciate the digital insta-view/insta-delete aspect, but damn if there's always that bad triple-chin-double-middle-roll shot that makes it in the mix.
There is a good way to capture the image of a fat girl. A shot from the ground looking up isn't one of them. A shot from the side standing too far away isn't another. The best are the ones where the camera's up high looking down on the scene. That kills the triple-chin. Also, bending forward helps hide the jiggle in the middle. I try to keep these in mind when posing for a pic. I'll share a little secret with you: I practice with my camera so I know which angles work best. That way, when the candid moment arises, I'm already up on what works for me. I work that into the shot. I can't control every image of me, but at least I know there's a higher possibility for quality photo-fabulousness. It really helps to have that previously worked out. Close-ups are fine, Mr. De Mille. But please, nothing below the breasts.
-jafg
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)