Thursday, July 8, 2010

Damnit. AGAIN. DAMNIT!

07/08/10

I didn't weigh myself today.  I thought about it, but then I got busy with other things.

I had a fantastic time at The LakeHouse over the weekend.  I then proceded to do not a damn thing on Sunday afternoon and Monday.  I slept, I ate, I watched TV, I washed some clothes, I washed bed linens.  That's pretty much it.  I was then down with a little bit of rumbly tumbly yesterday.  And that's pretty much carrying through today, as well.

This is a big DAMNIT session. 

I have totally skinned up my knees from falling off the healthy living wagon.  And the ground was really damn bumpy too.  I may have even sprained an ankle.  What all this means is that I have thrown Caring to the wind and not given a damn about exercise or healthy eating.  Well, I haven't completely let go of healthy eating, but I did COMPLETELY let go of working out. I don't mean over the past two days either.  I mean that since May, my exercising has been slowly slipping by the wayside. 

I am ashamed PISSED. 

I don't understand why I continue to have this up and down nonsense!  I freakin know that exercise is the ONLY thing that will put My Fat in check.  I know that if I don't watch every little thing I eat, I'm gonna be packin on the pounds.  It took 3 effin months to kill 20 lbs!  And I'm just throwing that away!  I see it happening.  I recognize the bad behavior, and yet, because life is totally stressing me right now, I choose to take the very easy way and not give a shit.  Only the not giving a shit makes life totally stress even more because I DO give a shit!

So. That's where I am after a perfectly great holiday. 

That 20 lbs that I lost was REAL.  Like, I sweat that fat right out of me.  I'm proud of that.  So what the hell happened to my motivation???


-jafg



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8 comments:

Elizabeth Velez said...

Dude. ::HUGS:: You totally sound like me, only I managed to lose 30 pounds in 3 months only because I'm a fat ass and I obsessed for those 3 months. I can so relate to everything that you've said here. I'm trying to climb back on that damned wagon, but the thing keeps moving every time I hook a leg. Stupid wagon. >.< Maybe we can tackle it together? I'll hold it, while you climb back on and then you keep it still so I can join you. Hey, I'm willing to try anything at this point. Eh, you'll do it when you're ready. Just be ready sooner than later. Heh

Roni said...

Hey... we all have ups and down. It happens... Get mad if that's what it takes but simply by writing this post you took a GIANT leap in the right direction.

Now... get up and do something. Anything. Don't feel like doing a workout? go for a walk. Don't feel like a walk.. just shut the TV off and dance. That moment.. you know the one I'm talking about.. where you are consciously deciding not to do the thing you really want to do.. DO IT ANYWAY.

It's all about momentum.

Fat Girl vs. World said...

Use that anger to get back in the gym. Grab some boxing gloves and punch it out. Jump on the elliptical and run until you can't feel angry anymore.

And then rebuild.

You've got this.

Linz M said...

I'm with you on this one - I lost big last year and this year I just lost the plot.... it's hard to be completely focused all of the time but you know you can do it.

Amanda said...

It happens. I've lost the same fifteen pounds... what, at least four times in the past three years?

I started this in 2006 and I'm still 20 pounds from goal. Urrrgh.

So you're not alone. Put a bandaid on the knee and hop back on the elliptical with me.

Roxie said...

I wish I was the type of person that could take her anger and turn it into a kick ass work out session. I'm not, but maybe you are?

You can do this. Even if you do need a break, you can still do this.

20 lbs down is great regardless of how long it's been. I've been at this for 6 months and am only down 35. I feel your pain. I just remember that I'm healthier now than I was 6 months ago.

There are positives besides the scale. I hate hearing that myself, but there are.

christine said...

It's a little self-defeating to beat yourself up for enjoying the holiday and relaxing a bit, is it not? Should you have exercised? Sure. Should you have eaten well? Sure. But crying about it now isn't going to change a damn thing. But...getting out there and exercising RIGHT NOW and making a salad for your next meal (or something equally healthy) is constructive. You're not a failure for relaxing a bit. Like you said, that 20 pounds was real. You're a SUCCESS and you're going to CONTINUE to be a success. So act like it, and get back on track, right now!!! :-)

I'm Just Another Fat Girl -jafg said...

Can't thank you all enough for the words of encouragement in all forms.

You people ROCK.

Except for maybe Christine.

Just Kidding!

-jafg