A Very Stylish Girl

01/14/2011

283.6 lbs

That's for real this time.

I did two amazing things this morning:  I weighed myself and I got to work on time!  Well, by 5 after 8.  That's pretty much on time.  Especially for me.

So it's obvious that I'm not really doing anything to lose weight right now.  I'm moderately thinking about what I eat, but that's about it.  Mostly that includes not ordering anything with sugar.  I don't care so much about the fat.  Or carbs.  Actually,....that might not be so true.  I have consumed a fair amount of Jack and Coke.  So.  I'm minimally thinking about what I eat.  That's really about it. 

I'm not exercising AT ALL.  I have thought about it a few times.  I still drive by Concierge Gym twice a day, but I really only notice it when I'm coming home, not when I'm leaving for work.  Then I'm just trying to make sure I don't hit anyone in my mad dash to be not so late to work.  I've noticed that it's really full at night.  I see my favorite elliptical machine through the window and I realize I sort of miss it.  I can almost visualize myself on it.  I think this month I am going to might make a goal to bring workout clothes with me to work, change before leaving, and actually STOP at Concierge Gym before making it home.  We'll see. 

Well, you know we just had a New Year celebration.  Me and my skinny friends went to Orlando, FL for a 4-day-getaway.  I was up at 5-freakin-30 in the morning on Friday December 31 to make it to our carpool for the trip to the airport. 

As girls we spend the day shopping and getting last minute details done like manicures and such before arriving at our hotel to start the two (ok three) hour process of getting ready.  Three girls + 1 shower (and toilet) = Tough Times.  We all manage to survive and look fabulous before leaving for the evening.  There are at least 55 pictures of that moment to prove it.

I walked back IN the hotel room at 5:00 in the morning on Saturday January 1.  That's a champion party night, my friends.  Good times, good times.  I'm glad nights like these are only a few times a year.  There's talk of a Mardi Gras trip in the works.  None of us have ever done a proper NOLA Mardi Gras.  However.  I don't know that I'll be fully recovered from NYE by then.

As any young lady would do, I shopped for my trip.  This is in addition to all the underwears.  I don't have many options for fashion (decent fashion-emphasis on decent) being Just Another Fat Girl.  I shop quite a bit from Lane Bryant.  That's like 90% of my closet.  I score some good tops occasionally from Kohl's and Stein Mart.  Anyway, the point I want to make here is that I did some shopping for my trip.  I went to The Mall (I loathe Mall Shopping) for a mad dash on Thursday.  I needed an outfit or three for the evenings we'd be on the town. 

Apparently, LB is now carrying DKNY clothing.  It's overpriced, but I got some jeans on sale!  Suh-Weet.  And they look freakin hot on.  I should tell you, if you consider shopping for these, the Soho dark wash are the way to go.  At least on me.  They have some that are a lighter wash--which are true "jeans" to me--and they weren't flattering in the slightest.  I've got a funny shape (remember The Jiggle in the Middle?) so it might just be me. 

I also got some really, really cute tops.  The one I got for NYE was a tank-tunic (I swear is looks better than it sounds) which required something for the arms.  Well, I tried a few long sleeve button downs which just did not work.  I was getting desperate.  I was going with the gun metal grey tank with the cute bows on the neck no matter what.  Well, I do the only thing left for me to do, I ask the clerk for a Shrug.  Lord, help me. 

I've avoided these basically since I even knew what a Shrug was.  We're talking about an article of clothing that's named after poor posture.  On top of that, they fall just below the boob which is just above the belly.  This can't be flattering.  Plus, I just think they're ugly.  For the sake of the outfit, I do it.

Holy. Shit.  It works beautifully with the top!  And I look FABULOUS in the outfit.  Right down to the lushious shoes I wore that night.  And Bohhh-Nusssss, I have to buy it in a smaller size for it to fit right.  The fashion fairies were following me that day!  I love this little thing so much, I've incorporated it into a few other outfits.  Turns out a shrug is quite diverse.  

Aside from looking Smokin' all Holiday weekend, I had another positive.  I haven't changed in sizes.  I even bought two pair of new work pants while in Tourist-Town (YIKES is it ever).  I'm so tired of my baggy slacks.  Which, I should add, really aren't because of a lot of weight loss as it was from a weight gain last year that was corrected by weight loss.  I've managed to keep about 10 lbs of my 25 lbs off.

Anyway.  First day I wore them to work, I get asked like 5 times...no lie...[JAFG], you look like you've lost weight! or How much weight have you lost, [JAFG]?  To which I have to reply, I haven't lost any, I just bought some pants that fit!  You laugh, but I'm not joking.  You'd be amazed how flattering clothes are when they fit...regardless of what size they are!

So, geting back to the outlet shopping purchase of these two pairs of paints.  I pick up a pair of black Houston's (that's the cut/style) and try them on.  Fit like a glove. Completely pass the sit-down test with flying colors.  I decide that they're a steal at $30 a pop and fit so great, I run back over and pick up the same style in grey. Then, I get on a plane, manage to get my three bags (none are small) up The Stairs in ONE trip, fall down dead/take one more vaca day from work, and unpack like 4 days later. 

I pulled out the gray pair and decide to wear them (with a cute purple top and that new shrug).  I've worn the black pair already and got SO many responses [see a couple of paragraphs above] I figure it'll be even better since I've never worn gray slacks here before.  O.M.G. 

The bastards are so snug in the waist they're almost too small!   These are the EXACT same pair of pants!!!  I can wear them (and currently am at the moment) but I safetypin them instead of buttoning to make it more comfortable.   Everywhere else in these pants are fine.  The legs.  The ass.  The length.  Everything except the waist.   I think that the factory in Bangladesh where they were made (not really kidding here) put the clasps a farther apart on this pair than the other.  Explains why they were at an Outlet.   

Remember those fashion fairies that were following me that day I got the shrug?  They must have sensed my doubt.  Felt my fear.  I think that day has come back to bite me. 

So....Sorry, Shrug. I didn't mean to be a hater.

-jafg

A New Day

08/09/10

276.4 lbs

Yippee!  I actually made it through the weekend and L-O-S-T weight.  I am almost to my lowest point on this blog again.  This is a moment to celebrate. 

I love Nina Simone.  I love this song.  It seems appropriate and I hope you'll all take it with you through the week.

I'm happy to report that the VWBs all celebrated great things over the weekend.  Angela Pea rocked out a class at the Y on Friday.  Roxie kicked jogging's ass on Sunday.  Kimert killed 6 miles on Saturday.  Amanda conquered the elliptical, too.

I, on the other hand, was down for the count.  All weekend.  Before you get all sadfaced and let down because I didn't make it though my 7-day challenge, I must tell you that I had a 24-hour stomach bug (which may have been brough on by the egg drop soup I made for the first time) and...(queue "dreadful" music)...a UTI. 

The positives. I've never consumed so much water in my freakin life.

The negatives. BB's bachelorette party is this weekend. I can't consume alcoholic beverages for two weeks (thank you, Antibiotics). I'll be playing the role of Mother Hen this weekend, I guess. Sigh.

Can you say UGH?  I'm glad to know that Friday wasn't just a punked out day.  I was feeling a bit bad that I didn't hit my finish line.  Once I realized that my body was busy addressing other issues, well, I felt a little better about it.  See, the challenge wasn't to prove that I could be active for 7 days straight, it was to build momentum.  And it's done that.  I've done that.  Me and my VWBs!

So.  Today is a new day.  It's a new week and a new game plan for the VWBs.  Right now, I'm not up for a lot of movement.  This does not mean that I'm off the wagon.  I am simply going to focus extra hard on eating right and drinking plenty of water.  As a matter of fact, that is my VWB gameplan this week. 

I want to know that the girls are doing their workouts as needed.  That means Kimert and her morning sessions, Pea and her Y classes, Roxie and her jogging/BL sessions, and Amanda and her strength training.

What I need this week is encouragement to continually drink water and eat right.  Stay the course.  Keep the momentum.

'Cause I'm feeling good.  Sort of.

-jafg

Tempus Fugit (That's Latin, Y'all)

07/12/10

???.? lbs

I actually had some scale phobias this morning.  I will overcome tomorrow.

I've made a workout date with BB tonight.  None of us have been back to HHH class since May.  Actually, since I decided to start paying for the gym, I've pretty much stopped going.  Bye-Bye $40 a month! 

I do wish a lot of you folks were around in my REAL life.  I'm drawing on the support of a Skinny Athletic Girl (SAG) who has a freakin slammin hot body and a Blushing Bride (BB) who is 22 and still has a baby face.  This means she hasn't fully finished morphing into physical adulthood.  Neither of which understand a weight struggle like I've got.  Well, that's not to say that SAG doesn't work her ass off every night to look as hot as she does.  And BB and Her Beau do yoga twice a week now.  I have seen her change over the past few months. Her face has started thinning out and the adorable little baby cheeks are vanishing just a bit.  [Sadface.]

I am beginning to feel the weight of everything I need to do all at once.  That's a lot of weight.  I want to see 150.  I'm not pushing for these 140s and 130s goals I see with other people.  I'm not ready for that yet.  Hell, I'll be glad with a 165 on the scale.  But shit.  One Hundred Twelve Pounds To Lose.  That's a lot of weight.    And that's based on an out-of-date-weight. 

I'm not whining or whimpering, I'm documenting.  I could choose not to write today.  Or even until I decide to jump back on board, (which technically I am doing tonight because of my workout date). And, in case you haven't figured it out, that's what happened between the end of October to the beginning of March.  I simply tuned out. 

Well, I'm not doing that this time.  I don't care if there are a few "gray days" in my blog world, I'm making myself stay connected.  If I don't, if I drop everything, then 6 months from now I'll just be starting over again.  And I'll be no happier for it.

Hmm.  I'm ending the day on a happy note for all of you.  There's this girl who started about 7 months ago on her new healthy lifestyle.  I'm sure you all know and love Julia @ Jewlia Goulia.  Well, her Monday has greeted her with a 100.1 LB LOSS!  Go congratulate her.  She TOTALLY deserves it!  She's my hero of the day.  Tell her to go back and buy that dress, too.

So.  That got me thinking.

What will seven months get you?

 

-jafg 

I Heart You, Mom!

05/10/10

283.4 lbs

Over the weekend Scale told me I was at 286.2 lbs.  WHAT. THE. HELL.  There's a whole mental saga that played out over the next two days but the end of the story is, I kicked my own ass, stopped feeling sorry for myself, and have changed my thinking to "every workout is last chance workout". 

So, Mom's day was G-R-R-R-ATE (I'm using phonix, friends).  Moms and I had sushi for dinner, botanical gardens for a day trip, an awesome brunch compliments of Chez JAFG, and I treated my mom to a morning workout.  I was very excited about this last one.  She's my cheerleader about losing weight and getting healthy and wants to do the same thing.  It was really exciting to share this with her.  Actually, I'm surprised by how happy it made me to have her participate in this part of my life. 

My mom's a bigger woman like myself.  We're built completely different; She's a pear, I'm an apple.  I've got two inches on her 5'4" self.  I'm "olive-complected", she's "fair-skinned".  We have the same laugh and a lot of the same subconscious mannerisms and as soon as I realize that we're doing something alike at the same time I can't help but smile to myself. I get annoyed and amused at the same time.

Referring back to this weekend, I gained weight.  Scale told me so two days in a row.  I did A LOT of dining out with Moms and did no working out Friday or Saturday.  As a matter of fact, I did nothing really, but sleep and eat on Saturday.  More on that some other time.

Sunday morning, I wake up and decide to have coffee ready for Moms.  When she woke up, I asked her to workout.  She was totally down with trying the recumbent bike at Concierge Gym.  So, we changed into workout gear and headed out. 

She's a very young 53 years of age.  She's got serious left knee problems (to the point that she takes The Stairs one step at a time), was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in 2002 and now has arthritis starting in.  All of this with serious allergic asthma.  So this working out thing is a big deal. 

She's talked with some physical therapists who have told her to get her knee moving with NO impact (thus the recumbent bike) to get the joint lubrication forming/flowing.  She's supposed to take it easy on the walking front.  We got her on a bike for 15 minutes at level 1.  Woohoo! 

She also did some resistance work on the Circuit machines with her arms.  She was sore this morning, but we got out there again.  Go Moms!  We've got to take it easy because of all the challenges she has health-wise.  I want to make sure she's not doing something that will ultimately exacerbate anything and make the situation worse.  This got me thinking.

So, I was reading my blogroll came across 282.5 which I hadn't read in quite some time (Sorry Jo, and congrats on your freakin fantabulous progress!) and found a reference to a "real age" test.  This one was a free service from http://www.realage.com/.  I've been wanting to take one and so I used 20 minutes of my day and answered the questions honestly.  It was great being able to tell it how much  I exercise on a weekly basis. And then I got my results. 

Actually, I'm pretty stoked about the fact I made it in under 40.  I figured it would be like my first Wii age.  75.  Yeah.  Nice. 

What got me is that the thing told me my workouts are too intense.  I couldn't believe it when I read it.  According to this lengthy assessment, my joint pain I've been experiencing isn't just because I've never moved so much in my life, it's because I'm pushing myself too hard.  I started to connect the proverbial dots between Moms and me and I realized that, just like I don't want her pushing herself too much, I, too, shouldn't want me to push myself too much.  I'm really relieved which is also surprising.  I want to keep a level of intensity that will keep the fat burning happening, but I want my knees to feel better, too. 

I think I've been trying to show all the skinny kids in my classes and gym (including SAG and BB) that I can keep up with the rest of them.  That just because I'm fat doesn't mean that I can't do what they can.  I don't think it's been intentional, I think it's been subconsciously happening. 

Like the way Moms and I both get sassy with one hand on our hips.  And then quickly move our hands when we realize what we're doing.  At the same time.  It's annoying.  And funny.

I HEART YOU, MOM!


-jafg

Public Service Announcement

05/05/10

282.5 lbs

Honestly, I don't remember what came after the point so I'm splitting it down the middle and calling it a .5.  Don't hold it against me.

Do you know what today is?  If you said Cinco de Mayo, you're wrong.  I mean, you're right, but you're wrong. 

Today is Love Another Blogger Day.  (<==for me anyway)

Last night I was catching up on my blog reading and came across two blogs that are kinda opposite ends of the spectrum.  One had a success and one had a fail.  In the universe of diet karma, these seem to cancel each other out, but in fact, I believe the success happened so it could be an encouragement to the one that failed.

Here's blog #1  It's All About The Walls.  This is my friend Amanda who has been sitting at a plateau for weeks.  In her blog she maps out how things coulda gone wrong and she coulda thrown in the towel and quit.  She didn't, she just waited, albeit not so patiently, and finally, the scale moved and moved in the right direction.  YEA Amanda!  What a break through moment!  If you're a habitual dieter as I have been in the past, you'll know that plateaus SUCK EGGS.  So, finally pushing through one (and by 2 pounds even!) is like nothing short of a miracle.

Then there's blog #2 It's just Me, Drazil & Sheniqua.....This is my new friend "Me".  Well, actually, there's a trio rolled into one here I think of her as Drazil most of the time.  Anyway.  Reportedly, there's been a scale buster  in Drazilland and that is never fun.  Not seeing a scale move is one thing, but to see it move in the wrong direction is another.  This is a hard working girl who's busted her "patootie" to get where she is and even has rewarded herself with a tummy-tuck at the end of it all.  And now, after a month of little life things, there's some gain-age on the homefront.  I don't know how much, but really, is there any gain-age that makes us happy on the scales? 



If you watch The Biggest Loser and follow the tweets like #TBL or #BiggestLoser, then you're bound to know about all the insane crying that happens when the show is on. Now kids, if you don't know this by now, I am not one to really appreciate any emotional display other than snarkiness or ranting. However, that damn show has brought me to near hysterics for three weeks in a row!!!! I've been trying to figure out why because I haven't been sad OR happy when the waterworks have begun. I figured it out last night.

I am touched by the genuine feelings these contestants are sharing. Now, I'm not tearing when they're tearing. Actually, when someone else cries on TV, I get a little annoyed. I'm tearing at the stories, the triumphs, the struggles, the overall genuine real humanity of a weightloss battle. Well, that's what's going on here. A little genuine dose of reality in the bloggin world.

My bloggin heart really loves these ladies and all the blogs that I stalk or read occasionally.  I think that those of us who have good days are here to encourage those of us who don't have good days.  I am willing to bet that for every bad day, there's a good day to match it and that's where we should get our strength, encouragement, motivation, and overall warm fuzzies. 

Amanda, meet Drazil.  Drazil, meet Amanda.  You two need each other right now.  And we all need you!

There.  I've done my good deed for the day.

-jafg

Love and Birthday Cake

10/15/09

280.4 lbs

I was confused about that, too.

Thanks so much for all the comments, yesterday.  It was great to learn what gave everyone that big shove they needed to get off the fat couch and get moving toward healthy living.  I also got two new blogfans yesterday and had more comments than I ever had before in one sitting!  Woo Hoo!  I am feeling the love.

Speaking of Love, I may not have mentioned this to you before but it was recently my Birthday.  Well, I was traveling on the day of and didn't really get to do much fun.  Need I remind you of my airplane experience?  Anyway, What I DID get to do was spend a few hours in the Vegas airport so, I guess, it could have been worse.  Like the time I was super sick over New Year's.  That was horrible. 

Okay, getting back to my Love point.  I really wasn't feeling my 34th all that much.  It was turning out to be just a blah birthday.  Not because of anything in particular, but I didn't make much fanfare and was feeling a little 'whatever' about it.  Some years are just like that... 

So, I told you yesterday I was attending a belated Birthday Bash for me.  It was great!  My work friends, my mom, and my non-work friends all met out and celebrated me.  I know I sound like a self-centered little jafg (and I kind of am), but in all seriousness, I was really feeling the love.  It's a heartwarming, humbling experience when everyone celebrates you.

So yesterday was awesome, we've established that.  Well, this morning when I got on the scale, I really couldn't believe what I was seeing.  [See weight above]  I got on the scale twice just to test it out, but the number stayed the same; right down to the ounce.  I am thrilled!  For the record, the only thing I've really started again is cutting back on food consumption.  I'm not snacking at night, I'm eating Lean Cuisines for lunch (mostly) and that's pretty much it.  I'm a little surprised to see such a drop this morning.  I'm hoping it holds out.

Of course, I can't wait for first chance to get to my blog.  When there, I hit my reader.  I check on a blog I've been following closely this week:  Creating Natasha.  She's Canadian; don't hold it against her.  (Hey, I'm from the South.  I've earned the right to make fun of other geographical locations.)  I find out that she's responded to not one, but TWO of my witty little comments from the week!  RIGHT IN HER BLOG!  What an awesome present.  I told her it was like I was a guest poster or something.  I felt so cool! Which is really funny considering she wrote about that this week.

Everybody's birthday should be special! It's a special day! My special day just came a week and a half later than usual. I was even surprised with a birthday cake at work yesterday. It was good. I did have some; after all, it was for me.


-jafg

I Think I Can Do This

09/17/09

284.2 lbs

That's a 5 lb gain in as many days.  Damnit.

I have a weak constitution when it comes to fun times with friends.  Fat girls just wanna have fun!  At least this one does.  I so love my social time.  I love spending time out with old friends most of all.  Like this weekend.  My BFF has been in my life since I was 15 yrs old.  I'll be 34 in a few short weeks.  That's 19 years of solid friendship, People.  She's been there through thick and thin.  And I totally meant that as a pun, too.

I came out of the fat closet to her this weekend and told her about my bloggin.  She already knew I was fat.  It was scary and exciting all at the same time.  We celebrated by weighing ourselves all weekend.  Well, BFF and Her-Hubbie did, not me.  I figured I'd wait for the shocking results on Monday.  Yeah, shocker. Anyway, if BFF's reading this, SHOUT OUT!  I HEART YOU!

I've been off the bloggin circuit since Friday.  I had a lot of catching up to do.  I laughed, I cried, you know, the usual.  I usually take weekends off, but I'm wondering if I otta start bloggin on the weekends to help stay on track.  Especially when I DO have company or social time.  I will still have to avoid Twitter because no one should drink and text, but I think I'll make more effort to jump into my virtual life on the weekends too.

It's been a month and the only thing consistent here is a steady stream of consiousness.  That's not too hard because I'm usually focused on me, but I really really want to lose weight.  Like really. I want to be bloggin to other fat girls and coaching them through it and telling them they can do it because I did.  I want to glimpse the future of a thin me. [pausing for that glimpse]  Nothing comes to mind.  So, I'm melanchol-i-ly (I just made that word up, feel free to use it) reading over the blogs and secretly hating everyone who's made so much progress in the same amount of time that I've made none, and I come across a post from my favorite Blog-Comic Jack Sh*t Gettin' Fit. 

He's my most favoritest smartass;  after me, of course. If you haven't meandered over to his blog and become a sh*thead convert, then you're really missing out.  He's got like 100,000,000 followers or something like that, so you  probably have, but I'm just sayin. If you're one of the two people left on Earth that hasn't read him before, you should get on it.

Rarely do I read something from The Sh*tter where there's anything serious or straight-faced, but yesterday's was different. I Think You Can Do This It's awesome.  Motivational, inspirational, and most of all, not too sappy.  Here's my homage to that post. (That means I've changed a few things around so it looks different and not like I'm a copycat).

Today I'm racked with doubt about whether or not I'm ever going to drop these pounds. At times I think this is a goal that I'm never going to be able to accomplish.

For what it’s worth, I think I'm gonna do it.

I think I've got this.

What gives me such sure-fire confidence that this is my time?

I think I want it. Of course I want it. Why else would I be here, scouring the internet for information on losing weight and getting healthy? I’m just getting started, laying the groundwork, whatever. But I’m here. I  struggled with weight my whole life and had ups and downs. But, I’m still at it.  I haven’t given up, and that’s one of the most basic, fundamental reasons why I am going to make it.

I think I know what I need to do. I do–that point’s not even up for debate. All the information I need is either in my brain or at my fingertips. I may not be heeding it every day, may not be following my own game plan, but that’s not because I don’t know any better. I know better, and one day (and one day soon) I’m going to wake up to the fact that I know better. Maybe I already have.

I think I deserve it. Don’t get the feeling that I think I’m extra special (although, I do feel like I’m extra special). I think everyone deserves it. Everyone deserves to be healthy, to be fit and to feel good about themselves. It’s a basic human right, and it’s time I reclaimed what is rightfully mine.

I think nothing’s stopping me… but me. I can blame the job, the kitty, the friends, the financial situation… I can blame anything I want, but I have to understand that it’s me that dug this hole that I’m standing at the bottom of it and it’s me that’s going to eventually have to put that shovel down and decide that it’s time to start climbing. I hate climbing. But I’ve gotta do it.

I think it’s time. I mean that, I think it’s time right now. I mean right this very second. Excuses are for the weak, and I am anything but weak. I’m strong-willed, and I know that if I apply myself… I mean really give it my all… this is a journey that I will be successful with.

One month ago I stood on my balcony and got fed up with being just another fat girl. It’s a miserable way to feel.  I looked in a mirror and could no longer face the image staring back at me. I wasn’t so mad at what I’d done to myself; I was mad at what I was continuing to do to myself. Since I can appreciate the difference… well, that’s one more reason why I’m going to make this change in myself.

Because that’s the thing: we’re not chained to the person we are. There’s nothing holding us back if we wake up and decide to make that transformation.

One month ago, I decided to change the person I am, and every day that passes makes me prouder and happier at where I am now and what I will accomplish.

I’m not done yet, and neither are you.

Thank you, Jack.  You're The Sh*t.

-jafg