Wednesday, September 23, 2009

My Something Plan

09/23/09

???.? lbs

I'm eating Snicker Bar and Bite-Size Twix right now.  And it is good...so bad...but oh so good.

I bought Healthy Choice meals for lunches last Friday because they were on sale, 4-$10.  They were cheaper than Lean Cuisine, but they don't taste so great.  Be warned.  Sometimes, you get what you pay for.  Kinda like trash bags.  Don't skimp on wimpy bags.  Really.  Don't do it.  Just say NO.

So I've been reading blogs like I normally do, mostly because I didn't feel like working and I needed to catch up, and I noticed a running theme:  Everybody's got something going on.  There's newbies (of which I am one, kinda) and then there are those that are several months into this whole "Change Your Damn Life" cycle and then there's those that are the Gurus, the Zen Masters, who we all love and hate at the same time.  But they're all doing something.

I want to do something.  Constantly amusing myself with my own witty banter only goes so far.  And talking about me me me all time does nothing for the rest of the world despite popular belief (or my own, or whatever).  It's really making My Fat's ego get pretty large too.  Just so you know, when your Fat's ego grows, so do your thighs, arse, and the jiggle in the middle.  Damnit. 

Overall, My Fat is feeling pretty confident right about now.  Well, I have a secret.  I'm devising my own Something plan as we speak. Or I type and you read.  You know what I mean.  Remember that gym I mentioned I drive by every day?  Well, tomorrow I'm packing clothes to change into before I leave work and going straight there before I even get home.  Don't tell My Fat, though.  She may talk me out of it.

I'm contemplating responses to the rationalizations My Fat will present tomorrow.  I'm wondering if it'll be like the 5 stages of grief....

Denial:
My Fat:  You're the problem, not me.  I'm cuddly, soft, and make a great pillow for the kitty.

Me:  Yeah, I can't deny the pillow for the kitty part.  Wait...don't deflect with the kitty!  We're both the problem!  My lack of will power and your sense of overindulgence!

Anger:
My Fat:  You suck!

Me:  YOU suck!

Bargaining:
My Fat:  Why don't we just go feed the kitty first, and then go for a walk around the neighborhood?  Why do we have to start with the Gym?

Me:  Nope.  Despite what the kitty thinks, he won't starve if I'm 30 minutes later getting home.  Stop bringing up the kitty.

Depression:
My Fat:  Why try?  I can't  turn into lean muscle.  It's impossible.  I'm going to be wabbly bits forever. 

Me:  Wabbly bits have to wabble before they'll stop wabbling.  Even the reality shows take time to film.  We've shed about 5 lbs since we started and we're really not even doing anything right now!


Acceptance:
My Fat:  No, I'm not ever going to accept this.  I mean it.  Really.

Me:  That's too bad, because it's gotta happen.  You're not in charge, I am.

[Long Pause]

Me:   I wonder if I should shave my legs. 

My Fat:  Yeah, probably so. 

Both of us:  Damnit.


-jafg



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1 comment:

Mary said...

I'm telling you.. try weight watchers!! I loooove it and the meetings really help me stay on track.. and they are sorta borderline a SNL skit but it really really helps me. (Drink the cool-aide!)
Mary!