Happy New Year. Again. (Yea Rabbits!)

02/03/2011

???.? lbs

I know what that number is but weight is a reality that I choose not to face today.

So today is the Chinese New Year.  The Year of the Hare.  I'm a hare.  Well, really, if you read what the traits are for the hare, you'd laugh at that.  Cause they don't match up.  Except for the hyper-sexual-and-super-social part.  And who thinks rabbits are super social, anyway??

It's been over a week since my last post.  I hope you don't feel abandoned.  I do feel a little guilty.  I can't help it, though.  Things have been busy.  Firstly, the first month of the year is always MAD busy at work.  Like every last minute is usually put to something wicked productive.  Which leaves me little time to meander into JAFG land.  Then, of course, there is LDL (which is not a reference to my cholesterol levels, btw).   My glasses are definitely still steamy.  Despite all this, I decided I'm making time this morning to post. 

Those of you who have been around for the long haul know that I mostly just write about my experiences.  I don't really philosophize except to examine my own lot in life.  As the blog says, it's about my love/hate relationship with the world of weight.  Sometimes, that deals with the fit of clothing, sometimes food, sometimes exercise, a lot of times smoking...  But lately... Well, lately I've been thinking about sex.

Yes.  Sex. 

I'm nervous.  It will be 4 months since the last time (also first time) that I've spent face-to-face time with LDL, the next time I see him.  Did that make sense?  Granted we spent quality time together, but that was 4 months ago.  That's a long time.  Especially when you're talking about sex.

I can't spend more than 5 minutes of conversation time chatting with him without wanting to crawl through the phone and, well, you know.  There's still plenty of heat, but where has this nervousness come from?  My misgivings about talking to someone and then meeting them are of no consequence.  We met in person through a mutual acquaintance.  I can't say the guy isn't interested.  HE approached ME.  He also talks a pretty hot game.  So, why am I so nervous? 

Well, I talk a big game and there are certain aspects of the bedroom that I know I have no problem with, but, truth be told...I'm no expert.  There are things that even in my 35 years of living I have yet to check off my 'to-do' list.  There are things I'd like to do but feel that there are physical limitations.  How does one approach this?  How do I figure these things out without completely feeling like a fool in the heat of the moment.  And then there are the things I like.  Well, actually, I'm not so worried about that.  I know how to give directions.

So back to the point.  I'm nervous.  It's sad to say this is the longest pseudo-relationship I've had in years.  Well, since I've been in Small Southern City which has been, Lord....2 years this month!  All this time and all this distance have really allowed some healthy anticipation to mix with a lot of unhealthy doubt.  Shit. 

I am a self-saboteur.  I can recognize it (even if I haven't figured out how to completely overcome it).  So now, I'm lost in my head and trying to only focus on the goal:  Get Lucky.  I keep telling myself that none of my imaginary hype will matter.  When it's all said and done, and we're finally co-habitating the same space, I know we'll just go at it like rabbits. 

But not jack rabbits, hopefully.


-jafg