Thursday, January 13, 2011

Just Another Funny Story. This Has Nothing To Do With Fat.


283.4 lbs

I have a feeling I'm really going to hate that I've been guessing all week.

So, I'm 35.  I don't look it, actually most people are shocked when they find out.  I'm usually guessed at about 26-29.  Although, I really don't believe the people who say 26, I do so LOVE the people who say 29.  Hell, Even the ones that guess 32.  I believe it's because #1 I've got a full face and full faces don't show wrinkles, and #2 I don't wear foundation.  I use liquid eyeliner for my top lids, blush and lipstick.  When I go out, I use mineral make-up and eyeshadow.  And I try to moisturize regularly.  But I don't drink enough water.  I should work on that. 

So ok.  I really do have a point.  I'm 35.  I had an unhappy "who-who" in November.  I was wondering if it was possible to catch some sexually transmitted disease through texting [refer to yesterday's LDL post ;-) ]when I went to visit a new g-y-n because weird things were happening in the below-the-belt area.  Doc said I had an estrogen shortage.  She gave me these little pills of estrogen to take for two weeks.  They came preloaded in a pill injector.  Yeah.  I didn't take these orally.  It was a weird experience. 

So, I'm 35 and I have this thing called PCOS.  I was diagnosed with it a few years ago.  A lot of heavy girls are diagnosed with this.  It gives you hair in places you don't want (and I've got an ethnically diverse background, this happens already), makes it difficult for pregnancy (not really an issue for me, per say), and means that hormones are hokey.  I've also had an irregular cycle (read as nearly non-existent) all my life.  With one exception:  When I'm on Birth Control.  Which was from about 21-27 years of age.  I smoked then and wasn't too concerned because the "you shouldn't smoke while taking The Pill...Especially women over 35" didn't apply to me.  It was so far away.  35 that is.

So that brings me back to my point.  I'm 35.  I've been placed back on The Pill.   Doc did it to regulate me (turns out the thickening of your uterine lining greatly increases your chances for all sorts of cancers) and balance out my hormones which will help with the PCOS.  She did this to me on November 28.  About 3 hours after leaving her office, she calls me.  Here's the conversation.

DOC:  "I use my lunch time to review the charts of my new patients.  I see you're 35."  -No. Shit.-  "It says here you smoke."  -She called me just for this?-  "You can't smoke and take The Pill."  -Damn my honesty on my new patient forms!-  "The risks for a stroke or heart attack are too high."

ME:  "But I only smoke, like, 4 or 5 cigarettes a day.  A pack can almost last me a week!"  Desparation is really starting to set in.

DOC:  "It's smoking.  There's really no safe level.  Especially on The Pill.  You're 35."  -I heard that the first time.- "You need to make a decision."

I like her and hate her all at the same time.  I tell her that since it's only "a few a day", it shouldn't be a big deal to quit.  It's a nasty habit with no redeeming qualities.  A guilty pleasure whose guilt should outweigh the pleasure.  Blah. Blah. Blah.  So. Ok.  I'm going to quit.  Again.  :-|

I've got a Pharmacist in the family.  I ask her and every other Pharmacist I meet about this whole smoking and The Pill thing. Surely one every now and then would be ok.  A little snack once in awhile shouldn't hurt.

The answer is always the same.  "It's not recommended, especially for women your age."  Bastards. 

It's been a process through the Holiday Merriment.  I made a solid commitment on January 3rd and haven't smoked once since the 4th.  So, I'm on day 10 of smoke-free living.  Go Me!  I traded smoking for bleeding and wacked emotions on a monthly basis.  On a good note, taking The Pill has made my boobs bigger.  I don't remember that happening the first time around.

Oh. Doc ends the conversation like this. 

DOC:  "I'm scheduling you for a mamogram.  It's time you get one.  You're 35."




Amanda said...

Ick on the rocky hormones. I have some wonkiness with mine, but it's perimenopausal rather than PCOS.

And go you on quitting smoking! I know what you mean, with the "it's just 4 or 5 a day" thing. And like you're so much more ancient at 35 than you were at 34. Good grief. But I'd have to say better safe than sorry. Plus, much cheaper.

But mammogram? At 35? Baseline is 40, I thought. I haven't had one yet.

Don't really want to either.

Bleah :P

Anita said...

I have to say you've got a great sense of humor. I would have been a bit insulted and probably changed obgyns! LOL As for the whole PCOS thing...I have it too, so I totally feel your pain there. Congrats though on the quitting smoking! I know it's gotta be a hard thing to do, but definitely worth it. Now if I could just convince my husband of that!

kimert said...

Girl, forgive me for finding humor in this post if you didn't mean for there to be...but I did giggle at a few things.
So, sorry for the trade off. One ick bad for you habit for the montly bitch to make a regular appearance doesn't seem quite fair. I feel for you there!
But GO YOU!!! Stay strong and kick the habit. :)

Eliza said...

Wow, hate your ob-gyn. But it's good about the quitting. The odds really are astronomical.

And call her back, explain in the "nicest" way that mammograms start at 40, not 35 cough, cough cough cough.

Eliza said...

Haha, there was supposed to be a b*tch between the "coughs"

Moving Mertle said...

Wow it's like yeah you know my birthday, I know my birthday, I know you know. So SHUT UP!

I've been a little blocked an my doctor suggested an enema. I feel your pain about those pills.

I'm Just Another Fat Girl -jafg said...

Ha! Girls, you're all great!

Doc's actually really good and highly recommended. And she spends time and stuff talking about ailments...not just "stick your feet in the stirrups and scooch your butt closer". The mammogram she believes should be done once between 35 and 40 and then once a year after 40. I'll do it, I mean what'll it hurt besides my boobs? :)

And, really, I try to have something funny out of any story I share What do we got if we don't got laughs?? ;-)

@MM-I'm laughin at that enema.



Anonymous said...

Oh Lordy, I just have to laugh with you today. Thirty Five? Estrogen suppositories? AND GIVING UP THE CIGS?? It's almost too much to take in at once.

I freaked when my baby sister turned thirty five, because that made me old. Now I'm staring fifty in the face and honestly, it's not too bad. ;)

blog-wexting....I'm about to head downstair for cardio class with Buff Chad. It's too cold to play outside today.