Just Another Funny Story. This Has Nothing To Do With Fat.

01/13/2011

283.4 lbs

I have a feeling I'm really going to hate that I've been guessing all week.

So, I'm 35.  I don't look it, actually most people are shocked when they find out.  I'm usually guessed at about 26-29.  Although, I really don't believe the people who say 26, I do so LOVE the people who say 29.  Hell, Even the ones that guess 32.  I believe it's because #1 I've got a full face and full faces don't show wrinkles, and #2 I don't wear foundation.  I use liquid eyeliner for my top lids, blush and lipstick.  When I go out, I use mineral make-up and eyeshadow.  And I try to moisturize regularly.  But I don't drink enough water.  I should work on that. 

So ok.  I really do have a point.  I'm 35.  I had an unhappy "who-who" in November.  I was wondering if it was possible to catch some sexually transmitted disease through texting [refer to yesterday's LDL post ;-) ]when I went to visit a new g-y-n because weird things were happening in the below-the-belt area.  Doc said I had an estrogen shortage.  She gave me these little pills of estrogen to take for two weeks.  They came preloaded in a pill injector.  Yeah.  I didn't take these orally.  It was a weird experience. 

So, I'm 35 and I have this thing called PCOS.  I was diagnosed with it a few years ago.  A lot of heavy girls are diagnosed with this.  It gives you hair in places you don't want (and I've got an ethnically diverse background, this happens already), makes it difficult for pregnancy (not really an issue for me, per say), and means that hormones are hokey.  I've also had an irregular cycle (read as nearly non-existent) all my life.  With one exception:  When I'm on Birth Control.  Which was from about 21-27 years of age.  I smoked then and wasn't too concerned because the "you shouldn't smoke while taking The Pill...Especially women over 35" didn't apply to me.  It was so far away.  35 that is.

So that brings me back to my point.  I'm 35.  I've been placed back on The Pill.   Doc did it to regulate me (turns out the thickening of your uterine lining greatly increases your chances for all sorts of cancers) and balance out my hormones which will help with the PCOS.  She did this to me on November 28.  About 3 hours after leaving her office, she calls me.  Here's the conversation.

DOC:  "I use my lunch time to review the charts of my new patients.  I see you're 35."  -No. Shit.-  "It says here you smoke."  -She called me just for this?-  "You can't smoke and take The Pill."  -Damn my honesty on my new patient forms!-  "The risks for a stroke or heart attack are too high."

ME:  "But I only smoke, like, 4 or 5 cigarettes a day.  A pack can almost last me a week!"  Desparation is really starting to set in.

DOC:  "It's smoking.  There's really no safe level.  Especially on The Pill.  You're 35."  -I heard that the first time.- "You need to make a decision."

I like her and hate her all at the same time.  I tell her that since it's only "a few a day", it shouldn't be a big deal to quit.  It's a nasty habit with no redeeming qualities.  A guilty pleasure whose guilt should outweigh the pleasure.  Blah. Blah. Blah.  So. Ok.  I'm going to quit.  Again.  :-|

I've got a Pharmacist in the family.  I ask her and every other Pharmacist I meet about this whole smoking and The Pill thing. Surely one every now and then would be ok.  A little snack once in awhile shouldn't hurt.

The answer is always the same.  "It's not recommended, especially for women your age."  Bastards. 

It's been a process through the Holiday Merriment.  I made a solid commitment on January 3rd and haven't smoked once since the 4th.  So, I'm on day 10 of smoke-free living.  Go Me!  I traded smoking for bleeding and wacked emotions on a monthly basis.  On a good note, taking The Pill has made my boobs bigger.  I don't remember that happening the first time around.

Oh. Doc ends the conversation like this. 

DOC:  "I'm scheduling you for a mamogram.  It's time you get one.  You're 35."

-Bitch.-

-jafg