An Unexpected Turn

04/16/10

276.2 lbs

Ok.  For the record: Saturday morning said 273.6 lbs and Sunday afternoon said 273.0 lbs.  To say this morning was a disappointment would be an understatement. I'm sure it had nothing to do with the box of macaroni and cheese I ate for dinner last night or the gallon or so of Royal Flush shots consumed over the weekend.

You know I have a little weight tracker at the bottom of my blog.  I doubt it gets any facetime because, well, it's at the bottom of my blog.  Esthetically speaking it's the best place for it; however, it really isn't when it comes to viewability.

Anyway, I wanted to show it to you that it's been on a steady downward trend since I started back up in March.  I've been living healthy, relatively speaking, for 5 months and have lost 20-23 lbs.  It could have been more had I been really sticking to things.  I mean really staying on task.  However. 

I have been looking at this whole thing as a change in my life.  I'm living differently.  I'm not on a diet.  I am eating healthy food, not diet food (I don't buy into the whole "fat-free" marketing.  I believe natural is better.  Ingredients are more important than nutritional info to me.  Having said that, I heart I Can't Believe It's Not Butter spray.) I am exercising.  I'm trying to drink more water.

I also eat pizza and boxed macaroni 'n' cheese.  I drink my fair share of adult beverages.  I opt to stay in my PJs and watch movies all day instead of exercising.  Basically, I'm living a normal life.  I'm living a lifestyle that I can maintain and isn't unduly burdensome to me.  Well, exercising is almost always annoying. But that aside, I know I've got a path set in front of me that works.  For me. 

I have no idea why my blog took this path today.  Perhaps it's because I saw a 3 lb jump on the scale.  Or maybe because I'm still hung over and a bit pensive.  I dunno.  I had a hell of a weekend and will be sharing as much of the details that I dare for your reading pleasure tomorrow.

I will also be in touch with all my VWBs and working out again this week.

Well.  Starting tomorrow.


-jafg

Foot Loose & Fancy Free

05/28/10

278.4 lbs

Finally!  I pushed myself back down.  I've gotten rid of last weekend's mishaps and settled back to 18 lbs lost.  Whew.  Just in time for a mini-break (lymie speak for long weekend).  I've decided to bring some good, portable friuts and veg to the Lakehouse. I mean, who doesn't love a banana?

I just bought two "tankini" tops and a pair of girl swim-shorts from Land's End.  Here goes round 3 of the bathing suit fight. They're having a sale, $10 off the price for mix and match separates.  The link'll take you to the sale items.  In case you're keeping score at home, so far the count is 2-0 favoring the bathing suits. 

After this weekend, I'm back at work for a day and then heading down to Beach Town for a "work conference".  This is the one little conference a year where it's all fun.  The people are great the meetings are quick and it's play play play until the wee hours of the morning.  I'm staying in a beachfront, upscale hotel and I don't have to pay for it.  As if it couldn't get better, I'm staying some extra days to see friends and family.  I'm looking forward to it, but I really really really have to pay attention to food choices and make sure they're healthy ones.  Also, since I'll have BFF in tow, I hope to have a workout partner for the hotel gym.  They have one.  I checked.  That leaves me with my favorite gourmet pizza places and martini bars and Pińa Coladas on the beach.

And hopefully a whole lotta "Damn, you look good!" motivation.

-jafg

Um...

05/24/10

280.4 lbs

This just sucks.

I had an unfortunate weekend.  Really, it wasn't a bad weekend.  There was no stress or unhappiness or other reason to fall off the wagon, it just seems right now, I am in this funk.  Things are going well but I can't seem to get my emotions on the same page.  I am wondering if this is a late blooming sort of fat withdrawal.  According to myfitnesspal, I've been going over my daily allowance of fat grams like every day since I started using that website, but I'm feeling the strong urge for a burger and fries.  Or mexican cheese dip.  Or like a deep dish pizza.  Or a sausage egg and cheese breakfast sandwich.  Oh wait.  I had one of those on Saturday.

I didn't exercise Friday night which is actually my favorite night to go to the gym.  No, I was contacted by someone I've met on facebook (friend of a friend sort of thing) and we happen to both be in the same place at the same time, so we decided to get together.  The someone happened to be of the boy persuasion.  Well, not too much of a boy, considering the 6 year age difference.  Now kids, before your minds go too crazy like mine almost did on Friday, this was not a date.  This was meeting for a first time, getting to know someone "IRL" (in real life) and talk about mutual interests.  We paid for our own meals and have no set plans in the future.  Honestly, I've only had one blind date in my life and have never been one for the dating scene.  It's always been different where my relationships are concerned.  Nothing's ever really been conventional.  Because of this I'm a dating flunky.  So I classified this in my mind as a sort of practice date.  Unbeknownst to the someone, of course.

Well, I didn't let any of this bother me too much because I knew this wasn't a date to begin with.  I did go home and "freshen up", chose between two different outfits and changed out my jewelry selections a few times which was actually very fun and girly.  I was 15 minutes late which is totally standard for me, but there was pre-meeting texting going on and he was gracious and patient about it all.  I drank beers (it's a slow process) and had a great grilled chicken sandwich.  We talked about art and life and politics and religion and music and life again which made for a great 3 hours. I didn't feel uncomfortable once.  It was nice!

I got up Saturday morning and went swimming with a work friend.  We met up at my new gym at 7:35am.  I was supposed to meet her at 6:30 but when she called me to make sure I was on my way at 6:25, I was still in bed.  I roll out of bed, throw on something for swimming (which includes a tshirt and shorts) and head out.  We get to The Gym at 7:35am.  AWESOME!  It's so empty!  Well, we park the car, pile out and get to the door.  Which is locked.  Turns out the place doesn't open until 8:00am on Saturdays.  Oops.  At least I don't feel so bad about being late now.  We decide to go for a quick healthy breakfast.  Prior Fat Girl has been raving about the breakfast sandwiches from Subway so I suggest we swing by and get one of those.  Well, turns out the location we find doesn't open for breakfast.  Damnit.  We end up with traditional fast food breakfast from an Arby's down the street.  Neither of us opted for the breakfast potatoes I'm proud to say. 

So we take our no longer healthy breakfast food back to The Gym parking lot and nosh on our goodies.  We're both laughing at the fact that we're eating sausage and bacon before heading to work out.  Slowly but steadily the parking lot begins to fill and a line begins to form outside the door.  There are a lot of older gray-headed people waiting with bike shorts on.  In case you didn't know, real bike shorts have padding in the butt.  The padding makes you look like you're either wearing a diaper that needs to be changed, or your not wearing a diaper and you still need to change.  Not a pretty picture on an old gray-haired man.  Jes Sayin. 

Once we get in we realize why there's a line; it's for the spinning class.  Everyone wants to get in it.  I have more respect for Mr. Doodey Pants now.  But his pants still looked funny. 

Work Friend and I head to the women's locker room and head for the pool.  We get in there and almost all the lanes are full.  There are two left and there's no divider between them which is PERFECT for us.  I did laps (slow-moving-doggie-paddling laps) for about an hour and had mindless girl chatter.  It was so much fun!

We just went back and forth from the shallow end to the deep end chit-chatting about her upcoming nuptials and move (she and her fiancé will be moving to up north for his Graduate school program) and nonsensical stuff like previous public pool experiences.  Before we knew it, an hour had gone by.  We decided to get out of the water because more and more people were heading in and we thought it was best to let some real swimmers have a go at a lane.

The locker room changing was so not fun.  I changed in a dungeon-like shower stall standing on a hand towel.  I won't be doing that again.

After the swim I headed home and had a chance to layout at the concierge pool for about 45 minutes before people started getting there.  I ended up feeling very overheated and left just as the first boys arrived.  It truly was a coincidence.  I don't like being at any pool when boys are around.  There are too many skinny girls for me to feel comfortable. Hell, even if there weren't skinny girls around, I'd be uncomfortable in the tight fitting tank and workout short I was wearing.  I packed up and left.  I didn't feel good so I ended up taking a 3 hour nap. 

Sunday I decided to head to the pool earlier for more alone time and less heat.  I didn't quite make it as early as I'd planned.  I only got about 15 extra minutes (made for 30 minutes of alone time) before the first party group arrived.  It was 5 boys and a girl.  They couldn't have been older than 23.  Honestly, it didn't bother me too much to be there with them.  I stayed for about 30 minutes longer, it was just them and me, and then I decided to leave. 

I fully realized something that has been kind of rolling around in the back of my brain for awhile.  I have more confidence and less self-consciousness now that I'm actively losing weight.  I know there are people that, even though they don't say anything, they still register in their thought processes that I'm a big girl.  It's a simple fact.  I am proud of myself, because I can be in situations that would have had me pretty shaken up earlier in this process even though I believe I'm a pretty secure person for the most part.  I've never been one to hide in a corner, but I sure as hell wouldn't have been comfortable to hang out for an additional 30 minutes in a pool where 5 boys and a thin pretty girl were whooping it up.  That just wouldn't have happened.  But now it's different.  I know I'm just another fat girl, but I'm doing something about it. 

Sunday had a nice 3 hour nap tucked into it as well.  I made it through dinner but still had this "deprived" feeling at the end of the night.  I ended up ordering my thin crust pizza from Domino's at 8:30pm last night. 

It was good, too.

-jafg

Cause and Effect

05/17/10

285.0 lbs

Damnit.

I am seriously considering a water fast.  At least for 24 hours.  I need SOMETHING to jumpstart the weightloss again.  I want SO badly to see the 70's I can't stand it! 

I've had three days of business travel hell.  I got up at 4:30 AM Wednesday morning and got home at 12:10 AM Friday night.  Well, actually, that would be Saturday morning.  What. A. Nightmare.  I was going to DC which is one of my all time fave places, but didn't get to enjoy the location once.  Sadface.

I have learned that two things affect food decisions:  Exhaustion and hangovers.

I was thrilled that I was making healthy choices on the food front.  I had a mushroom, mozzerrella, spinach sandwich (eating little bread) for lunch, and a mostly sensible dinner considering I was at a "dinner reception" and had no choice on the menu.  I did skip breakfast and had lunch in my room on Thursday which consisted of roasted peppers, spinach, feta and hummus on crostini (6 mini pieces) and a garden salad, dressing on the side.  I had a martini or two for dinner. 

I should tell you that I was meeting someone (two someones to be specific) for a business drink at the lobby bar and could find NOTHING healthy to snack on on the menu so I passed.  I have not partaken of more than one drink at a time since the big 30 party for SAG last month.

So, there I was, sitting at the lobby bar, waiting on my business persons to arrive.  I was early (shocker) and they were late (another shocker).  Well, I decided to have a beverage (cosmo) prior to their arrival.  Holy Moly. I hadn't had a cosmo that good in I can't remember. Truly.  Well, I'm finishing up my drink when the business duo arrives.  They order a round, as business people do, and before I know it, I'm on Martini #3. 

I have to go to the ladies' and at the point of walking to the ladies' and walking back, I realize that I have had nothing to eat for hours, what I did have to eat is long gone and I have had three of the strongest martinis ever served in DC.  Rookie Mistake.

Well, I went to bed early that night. 

I woke up Friday not feeling quite so great.  I had room service for breakfast.  That would be 2 eggs scrambled with cheese (most of it left on my plate) two pieces of bacon (all left on the plate) a carrot-raisin muffin (top eaten) and the best toasted bagel with cream cheese anb butter I've ever eaten.  Yeah, I ate the whole bagel.  With shmear and all! Oh, I also had two glasses of soymilk. 

I had a late flight and nothing to do with my luggage so I headed to the airport early.  At this point, I'm tired, perhaps slightly hungover, and just wanting to get home.  I ate dinner there.  I had a burger and fries.  And a coke.  So, 10 hours after getting to the airport, I finally land.  I'm taking a cab home and, I can't believe this, I asked him to drive through McD's because I'm hungry again.  I ordered a fish filet combo with a water.  I feel good about that water. 

I slept most of the day on Saturday and ordered a thin crust veggie pizza for dinner.  Sunday I was back on track.  I worked out with The Moms and had a very healthy food day and bought groceries for the next few weeks.  Publix had the most awesome icecream on sale...it's actually a Gelato.  Everything was healthy in my basket excepting those icecreams which were a B.O.G.O.F. deal.

I had a small scoop of that last night.

And I wonder why this weight isn't moving.


-jafg

Calorie Girl

05/04/10


283.4 lbs

I have to get on an airplane next Wednesday morning and I'm hoping to break into the 70's by then. I was really hoping for a solid 275 lbs, but I don't know if that's still doable now. We'll keep trying.

Sit back and relax. This is gonna be a long one.

Ok, so I've not been a healthy feeling JAFG the past few days. I even missed work yesterday which means I missed HHH class last night. I am all sadfaced about missing my workout last night. When I go back on Wednesday it’ll feel like starting from day 1 again. I hate that. I am planning on working out tonight. I need to stay in the habit.

I did go to workout on Friday which gave me a great sense of accomplishment. Go Me! I actually got in 70 work-out minutes. It felt great.

I had every intention of working out over the weekend, but I just wasn't up for anything requiring me to be outside of the abode. I felt all ick. The only reason I went out Sunday was because I was gonna have to start sharing cat food with Kitty and I'm pretty sure he'd see me starve and wither first. Saturday I added a plant to my patio garden and didn't do pretty much anything else.

Oh, I did order pizza. I got two medium thin crust pizzas actually (Domino's had a 2-pizza-2-topping-5.99-each special). It could be considered 4 pizzas because I got each half with a different 2-topping combination. Genius, really. I don't know why I haven't thought about this before.

Pizza one: One half pepperoni and mushroom (which, if you haven't learned by now, is my favorite), one half ham and pineapple (something I haven't tried since I was a kid and thought I'd try it again...now I remember why I haven't tried it since I was a kid), both sides with bell pepper. Pizza two: One half mushroom and black olives, one half spinach and feta, both sides with onion and white sauce. Yes, that's order craziness, but I placed the order online to cut out some of the possibility of mayhem. I'm sure someone somewhere in the process thought I must be high. I assure you I was not.

Now, before you start thinking that I had a pizza pig-out fest, I ate on that for two days. That's like 3 meals. One dinner, one breakfast and one lunch. Yom.

On Sunday I went to the grocery. I got all sorts of mad healthy foods. I almost bought a half a pound cake. Which still weighed at least a pound. You know the ones with the hole in the middle of them? Yeah, I had it in my basket. I was super craving on something that tasted like it was from the naughty list. Ever get those cravings? (That's a rhetorical question.)

Then I saw these "day old bakery" bran muffins and thought, "hmmm, perhaps I should be a little more responsible with my splurging and save some money". So I placed the pound cake back on the table and meandered over to the bran muffins. There were 4 in the carton. I read the nutrition label and turns out each muffin has almost 500 calories. Each. Each! W. T. H. This is supposed to be a healthy alternative. My breakfast from Panera last week had fewer calories than that. And it had cheese in it! So, pass on the bran muffin.

What I opted for was a little 12 ounce size cup filled with mini cookies with m&ms. Also, I got one 1.74 oz package of peanut m&ms. I had the cookies Sunday night and the peanut m&ms last night. All this is logged in my myfitnesspal food diary. With the pizza. Also, I did not exercise this weekend. And I stayed home from work yesterday. And I still managed to drop poundage.

So, I have to tell you about a dinner I had last night. (I am SO looking forward to the leftovers tonight). I even took a picture of the recipe card so you could all share in this feast of goodness.

I had garlic-lime chicken fajitas. Yum yum yum yum Yum! Greatest thing about it, no prepackaged anything which means you control all the salt and stuff that goes in it. I varied this by adding mushrooms to the onion mix and went easy on the peppers) and cooking spinach on the side (just sautéed in some water). Also, I used non-fat Greek yogurt as a condiment. Have I said Yum, yet? I had one chicken breast in two fajita wraps and added the spinach to the fajita (just cooked it on its own, didn’t want to lose that “spinach” flavor). McCormack has a “spice pack” where all the spices are measured out for you. I found mine (completely by accident) at Publix. If you don’t have a Publix, don’t worry, the recipe tells you the exact measurements of each spice. You should go out right now and try this.

I must say, being off the exercise routine and still watching what I ate was a great life lesson for me. I even had little splurges and delivery and as long as I kept everything in check, I felt like a real person eating real food. I mean, I’m not eating diet food. I’m eating healthy food, lean meats, lots of veg, watching calories. The healthful food isn’t all that much of a change. But, I’ve never been a calorie girl.

I’m not obsessive, just health conscious. I now know that a vodka/soda beverage is way better than a long island iced tea when I’m out. Things like that really make a difference!



-jafg

I Got Nothin.

04/16/10

289.0 lbs

I don't doubt it.  I haven't done a damn thing in the workout relm since Wednesday.  I am gonna be working out a mean mess tonight though.  I'm joining The Gym. 

I really wish I could wax poetic about something but I gots nothin.  As you may have already guessed from the title....

I've been a total food whore since Tuesday night. BB wasn't feeling very motivated, so we bought Digiorno with everything on it. And got cokes. Well, I had Mr. Pibb. I had four pieces of that great Digiorno. Four. Pieces. Yommm. I mean "bad jafg!".

Wednesday night I pigged on sushi.  And not the little, light stuff.  I'm talking tempura shrimp rolls which are then flash fried.  It was good.  I was bad.  I then had awesome fried chicken breast sandwich with a slice of all american cheese and extra pickles for lunch yesterday.  With the best damn fries on the planet.  And the biggest unsweet tea I could get and still drink it with a straw. 

Last night, not feeling terribly social, I got pizza.  Domino's happens to be closest to me so I ordered a large thin crust veggie to pick up on my way home. 

Well, it woulda been $17.  WTH? For a thin crust veggie?  I don't know if you've ever had one of those, but it's totally not enough on its own to justify an Andrew Jackson.  Being the thrifty shopper that I am, I asked them about their specials.  I tried to get them to give me the Pizza Hut $10 special but no love.  I ended up with two large pizzas for $25.  That includes tax.  One was veggie for me, and one was pepperoni and mushroom for My Fat.  We both were very  happy.  Until of course, I got on the scale this AM. 

I had one hell of a time trying to get my tag transferred from Small Beachtown to Small Southern City.  3 hours later, no tag and one hungry lady.  I had a repeat of yesterday's lunch.  Although this time, no cheese and a small fry.  I still had the largest unsweet tea that anyone could carry in one hand, though. 

I'm glad for the workout tonight. And that I ate all the pepperoni pizza already. 

It's the small stuff you gotta stay happy about.

-jafg

I Can Has Cheezburger

10/12/09

284.4 lbs

This weekend was uneventful.  I did learn I'm not a dog person.  Which is funny because I only got a cat to appease the need to get a dog.  I didn't think apartment living would be good for a dog.  Now, I can't imagine life without my cat.  I heart him!

Well, I did nothing on Friday night except watch True Blood Season Two.  SAG has HBO and thus has HBO On Demand.  I watched the entire season over the weekend. It was great.  It's a little weird, but I didn't mind too much.  I watched most of it on Friday night because I found it very difficult to sleep in a strange place.  Even with a dog in the house. 

Ok, I've been over to SAG's house plenty of times, even had dinner there a few.  Remember the Butter with a side of Pasta dinner?  Well, I couldn't pass up the chance to nose around her healthy place to see her food.  That's right.  I nosed.  Guess what I found out.  She has no less than 5 different kinds of Little Debbie snacks in her pantry!  That and Chef Boy-R-Dee cans of stuff as well as a freezer full of things that make My Fat grow just reading their boxes at the grocery.  There's tons of Mac-N-Cheese and other pasta products lying around too.  It's pretty crazy.  I see why she's so active now.  She has to be.  She's not nutritional in the food consumption department.  She did tell me once that she works out to be able to eat the way she does, but I had no idea. 

I don't know how I feel about this really.  Am I jealous or disgusted?  The latter would classify me in the "I'm a bit judgemental" department, but, I mean, damn.  She is a working-out fool.  I gotta say I really was hoping for some healthy food somewhere.  Suppliments would have been good, even!  But no.  It's all crap.  Like Totino's pizzas.  I thought they were only drunk food, ya know?  Food you eat when you're getting home after a night of merry-making and you forgot to stop at Waffle House.  Apperantly not.  Apperantly you can eat them for regular dinner, too.  And Spaghetti-O's.  With an Oatmeal Pie.  Or a Coffee Dunkin' Stick. 

I have to admit, though.  I had to have an Oatmeal Pie.  They're like my favorite.

-jafg

28 Days Later

09/11/09

279.4 lbs

That's from yesterday.  I didn't have a chance to weigh today.

This post is a little gray like the weather outside.  I'm just sayin.

So when I got to my dashboard today I saw that I have written 27 posts.  That makes this my 28th.  That's 28 days of posting.  I've heard it takes 28 days to break a habit.  I hear that a lot, because I smoke.  They've made a movie out of it where Sandra Bullock has to go to rehab because she drove her drunk car into someone's living room or something.  Or her character did I should say.  The movie was 'eh'.  Anyway, 28 seems pretty relavant in some way.  I haven't really broken any habits, but I think I've started a new one.

I write all the time about my love/hate relationship with the world of weight.  I'm just another fat girl, ya know?  Well, I realize that I've become so hyper-aware of everything relating to fat that I think I'm addicted.  I'm addicted to reading blogs.  I'm addicted to reading my own blog.  I'm addicted to the idea of other people reading my blog.  I'm addicted to Twitter.  I'm so addicted to these things, in fact, that I'm hardly on Facebook with my real persona since I started this blog.  And I could never get enough of Facebook.

So I have this secret.  Part of me is dying to share with friends that I have this awesome witty outlet (yeah, I know my blog rocks) where I really get to show just how fabulous I am and still struggle with weight, but then I realize that I could never be as candid as I am if people know about it.  It's a Catch-22.  It sucks.

Not to say this isn't fun! I love this little corner of my life. It makes me happy to come here and post.  I feel good and have a huge sense of accomplishment when I post daily and feel like I was cheated out of something when I miss a day.  Like yesterday.  I know you missed me and I want you to know that I missed me, too.  Bygones and all.  Is that what it feels like to folk who actually work out?  Hmm.  At some point I really do need to try that.

Well, enough introspection.  BFF and Hubbie are coming for a visit this weekend.  I'm excited.  I'm going to have pizza tonight and drink a few beers or something.  Don't  know what we'll do the rest of the weekend, but it's sure to be a good time.  I'll probably be back up over 280 on Monday, but that's ok.  I'm gonna try to keep it down, though.  That is, if I think about it.


-jafg

I'm Calling a Do-Over!

08/17/09

284.6 lbs

Apparently my fat is very sensitive to carbs and hangovers.

As you all know, I socialized last Thursday. I had a fantab time, too. It was fun to get out with friends on the town. And I do enjoy a good adult beverage. The thing is, the more I enjoy a good adult beverage the more I tend to partake of said good adult beverage. This leads to a night of a very happy fat girl who forgets about fat and focuses only on happy. This in itself is not a bad thing. However, after an undisclosed number of shots, 2:00am seems early and the happy girl just wants to have fun!

I also mentioned I am a serious rationalizer. This skill is only sharpened when adult beverages are added to the mix. As most people lose their ability to think logically as an evening progresses, my logic skills are increased 10-fold. It's very difficult to say no to my persuasive spins. Poor friends.

If you don't partake, then you don't know that the night of one too many will lead to a day of dread. The only thing that soothes the pain is grease-house food. Like Waffle House at 2:30 in the morning. If that 2:30 late-dinner-early-breakfast-date is bypassed, well then, it is a must the morning after. Or at some point in the day if one has a job to report to like me. I opted for a great greasy burger and fries (and soymilk) in the afternoon. And oreos. It was good.

I got home Friday night and my hangover had breakfast. Grits, biscuits, potatoes, bacon and an egg. Holy Crap. I didn't eat the egg. It didn't do too well after the first bite so I gave up on that. The grits were awesome. They had just a hint of colby-jack cheese added. It would seem that this would be enough to just do a person in, but my hangover wasn't finished with me yet. It needed icecream to top the evening off. It should be ashamed.

Saturday wasn't much better. I took a 3 hour nap. This is after having potatoes, bacon, and scrambled eggs for breakfast. It turns out I'm very out of practice from playing on a schoolnight. I was still feeling like shite. I don't think the food had anything to do with it. After I woke up, I realized I needed to go grocery shopping. Being in a very unmotivated state of mind, I opted for fast food mexican instead. At least I'd have to walk down The Stairs and back up again for the sin.

Sunday I woke up mopey. There's just no other word for it. Well, after coffee and a smoke I kicked myself in the ass. I realized that I'd have to face everyone on Monday and report all of this nonsense. I also realized that I still had no food in the house. This is not conducive to healthy living. I pulled out the weekly grocery flyers and tore through each of them. That's three stores, People. I spent my yesterday afternoon grocery shopping. There were some really great deals. I found albacore tuna 10 for $10! I got 15 cans. I also got Amy's Pizza for a really great deal! I had that for dinner last night.

I didn't spread this shopping excursion out over several days, I did it all in one big blowout. This means multiple trips up and down and back up The Stairs. I think that paid the price for my food transgressions.

I guess you could say I fell off the wagon this weekend. It's a good thing I'm not on a diet.

-jafg

Soy Joy

08/14/09

283.2 lbs

Hmmph.


I had fun last night! I had pizza for dinner. With pepperoni and sausage and mushroom. My favorite. I didn't gorge on it like I could have. Two pieces with dinner and one piece later as a "midnight snack". I may have had a few cocktails. I didn't drive. You shouldn't either if you partake of libations.

I also had some friendship bread with my midnight snack. And a glass of soymilk. Thank GOD for soymilk. I'm not joking when I say that either. I brought some with me to work this morning. Actually, the whole half gallon. I find it soothing on days like this. It's cool and refreshing.

When I first was introduced to soy milk, I was skeptical. I bucked up and picked up the glass that was poured for me, gave it a sniff, and then took my first drink. It was vanilla soymilk. It was nutty and sweet and just plain delish. That's when I became a convert.

I couldn't get enough. I still can't. I read the ingredient list one day and realized that Vanilla SM has a lot of sugar. Not surprising, just something I'd not really thought about before. I branched out to Plain SM. I don't buy the "light" versions, because they lose the word 'organic' when they add the word 'light' and they also get ingredients I have to "sound out". Hooked on Phonics Worked for Me! Sorry. It just happened. Anyway. I'll opt for less ingredients for more fat or calories any time. Well, I do use Splenda.

I have no real insights on the world of weight today. I think everyone, fat or skinny, generally feels like shite the day after a night of one too many.


-jafg

P.S.
I'm not taking the stairs at work today.

The Zero Factor

08/07/09

282.6 lbs

O.M.G. I did get on the scale twice this morning, but didn't chance a 3rd time in case something shifted somewhere. I can't really believe it. I started this whole public accountability experiment on Saturday 07/25/09. Today is Friday 08/07/09. That's 13 days of talking about my "fat" life. I'm cautiously optimistic....

I had one slice of pizza for lunch today with some salad. It was tasty. My fat feels like it wasn't neglected and I'm pretty satisfied, as well.

I was so excited to get to the blog today and share the news. You see my friends, scales never lie. The facts may change from day to day, but a scale is only reflecting the truth. It's kinda like a mirror for my fat. Sometimes I can go months without stepping on it. It waits, patiently, knowing that it will only be a matter of time before I know I'll need that little Dose of Reality. Even in the 13 days prior to today, I haven't been constant in my scale visits. I just like not knowing sometimes. It gives me plausible deniability (I'm sure you know what that is, but I love that Wikipedia actually has an entry for it).

I have a diverse group of friends. Some are weightier than others. I love them all equally, but I do go through some form of body-envy with the skinnier ones. The skinnier ones are really athletic or are hyper-focused on what they eat. We all enjoy a good adult beverage here and there.

Back to the point. I hate having my picture taken with them. I'm the 0 in the 10. Think about that for a minute...skinny girl next to fat girl...1-0. I don't pass on the opportunity and neither should you. Pictures are an important part of your people's lives. And your people love you and want to see you, regardless of your size. But I still have that thought of dread rolling around like a lost marble in the back of my mind when I step in front of a camera. With the world of iPhones and other such picture taking devices photos are everywhere and pretty much instantantly available on Facebook and Twitter and the like. I appreciate the digital insta-view/insta-delete aspect, but damn if there's always that bad triple-chin-double-middle-roll shot that makes it in the mix.

There is a good way to capture the image of a fat girl. A shot from the ground looking up isn't one of them. A shot from the side standing too far away isn't another. The best are the ones where the camera's up high looking down on the scene. That kills the triple-chin. Also, bending forward helps hide the jiggle in the middle. I try to keep these in mind when posing for a pic. I'll share a little secret with you: I practice with my camera so I know which angles work best. That way, when the candid moment arises, I'm already up on what works for me. I work that into the shot. I can't control every image of me, but at least I know there's a higher possibility for quality photo-fabulousness. It really helps to have that previously worked out. Close-ups are fine, Mr. De Mille. But please, nothing below the breasts.

-jafg