03/16/2010
279.6 lbs
That was yesterday's weight. Today...it's a little higher, so I think I'll stick with that.
Kids, SO much has happened in the few weeks I've been gone. Firstly, I saw LDL. Boy, did I see him. A lot. Like many, many, many times. Repeatedly. I saw him. It was good. It was really good. I think you get the point.
Secondly, I haven't hit my gym up with Li'l Bit since being back in town. This is a bad thing. I have managed to lose a few lbs and keep them off since the CHALLENGE last month. This is a good thing. MAC (said challenger and ADVERSARY) is now with child. Shit. I'm SO happy for her, but now the whole percentage of loss thing...totally no longer applicable. Doesn't mean I'm no longer motivated. It just means I have to find someone else to blame for my pain when I exercise. It's always good to have a scapegoat (MAC, I don't think you're a goat...just wanna make that clear).
Holy Followers! I've jumped 5 followers in the few weeks I've been gone. That blows my mind! I am so happy that people like this blog enough to follow it and I've had a steady climb upward, but I've never had such a big jump in numbers before. It's humbling. And, of course, it feeds my ego. Ironic, I know, but it does work both ways.
I have a crazy summer formulating. The next few months have a lot going on socially. Great motivation for keeping on track. Also, lots of reasons to panic a bit since a few involve bathing suits. I can do it, I just have to gear up for it. You know what I mean.
To top everything off, I met someone locally. It's such a new, budding possibility I don't want to talk about it in detail right now. It's confusing because of LDL. But, then again, there's the L-D part of the equation which really sucks. Ugh. I see him again in May. Months between visits is not condusive for growing into anything more than whatever it is we are now.
WTH??? When did my life become so damn complicated????
Oh. Yeah. When sex came back into it.
It is a calorie burner, tho.
-jafg
Showing posts with label Girl-Stuff. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Girl-Stuff. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Happy New Year. Again. (Yea Rabbits!)
02/03/2011
???.? lbs
I know what that number is but weight is a reality that I choose not to face today.
So today is the Chinese New Year. The Year of the Hare. I'm a hare. Well, really, if you read what the traits are for the hare, you'd laugh at that. Cause they don't match up. Except for the hyper-sexual-and-super-social part. And who thinks rabbits are super social, anyway??
It's been over a week since my last post. I hope you don't feel abandoned. I do feel a little guilty. I can't help it, though. Things have been busy. Firstly, the first month of the year is always MAD busy at work. Like every last minute is usually put to something wicked productive. Which leaves me little time to meander into JAFG land. Then, of course, there is LDL (which is not a reference to my cholesterol levels, btw). My glasses are definitely still steamy. Despite all this, I decided I'm making time this morning to post.
Those of you who have been around for the long haul know that I mostly just write about my experiences. I don't really philosophize except to examine my own lot in life. As the blog says, it's about my love/hate relationship with the world of weight. Sometimes, that deals with the fit of clothing, sometimes food, sometimes exercise, a lot of times smoking... But lately... Well, lately I've been thinking about sex.
I'm nervous. It will be 4 months since the last time (also first time) that I've spent face-to-face time with LDL, the next time I see him. Did that make sense? Granted we spent quality time together, but that was 4 months ago. That's a long time. Especially when you're talking about sex.
I can't spend more than 5 minutes of conversation time chatting with him without wanting to crawl through the phone and, well, you know. There's still plenty of heat, but where has this nervousness come from? My misgivings about talking to someone and then meeting them are of no consequence. We met in person through a mutual acquaintance. I can't say the guy isn't interested. HE approached ME. He also talks a pretty hot game. So, why am I so nervous?
Well, I talk a big game and there are certain aspects of the bedroom that I know I have no problem with, but, truth be told...I'm no expert. There are things that even in my 35 years of living I have yet to check off my 'to-do' list. There are things I'd like to do but feel that there are physical limitations. How does one approach this? How do I figure these things out without completely feeling like a fool in the heat of the moment. And then there are the things I like. Well, actually, I'm not so worried about that. I know how to give directions.
So back to the point. I'm nervous. It's sad to say this is the longest pseudo-relationship I've had in years. Well, since I've been in Small Southern City which has been, Lord....2 years this month! All this time and all this distance have really allowed some healthy anticipation to mix with a lot of unhealthy doubt. Shit.
I am a self-saboteur. I can recognize it (even if I haven't figured out how to completely overcome it). So now, I'm lost in my head and trying to only focus on the goal: Get Lucky. I keep telling myself that none of my imaginary hype will matter. When it's all said and done, and we're finally co-habitating the same space, I know we'll just go at it like rabbits.
But not jack rabbits, hopefully.
-jafg
???.? lbs
I know what that number is but weight is a reality that I choose not to face today.
So today is the Chinese New Year. The Year of the Hare. I'm a hare. Well, really, if you read what the traits are for the hare, you'd laugh at that. Cause they don't match up. Except for the hyper-sexual-and-super-social part. And who thinks rabbits are super social, anyway??
It's been over a week since my last post. I hope you don't feel abandoned. I do feel a little guilty. I can't help it, though. Things have been busy. Firstly, the first month of the year is always MAD busy at work. Like every last minute is usually put to something wicked productive. Which leaves me little time to meander into JAFG land. Then, of course, there is LDL (which is not a reference to my cholesterol levels, btw). My glasses are definitely still steamy. Despite all this, I decided I'm making time this morning to post.
Those of you who have been around for the long haul know that I mostly just write about my experiences. I don't really philosophize except to examine my own lot in life. As the blog says, it's about my love/hate relationship with the world of weight. Sometimes, that deals with the fit of clothing, sometimes food, sometimes exercise, a lot of times smoking... But lately... Well, lately I've been thinking about sex.
Yes. Sex.
I'm nervous. It will be 4 months since the last time (also first time) that I've spent face-to-face time with LDL, the next time I see him. Did that make sense? Granted we spent quality time together, but that was 4 months ago. That's a long time. Especially when you're talking about sex.
I can't spend more than 5 minutes of conversation time chatting with him without wanting to crawl through the phone and, well, you know. There's still plenty of heat, but where has this nervousness come from? My misgivings about talking to someone and then meeting them are of no consequence. We met in person through a mutual acquaintance. I can't say the guy isn't interested. HE approached ME. He also talks a pretty hot game. So, why am I so nervous?
Well, I talk a big game and there are certain aspects of the bedroom that I know I have no problem with, but, truth be told...I'm no expert. There are things that even in my 35 years of living I have yet to check off my 'to-do' list. There are things I'd like to do but feel that there are physical limitations. How does one approach this? How do I figure these things out without completely feeling like a fool in the heat of the moment. And then there are the things I like. Well, actually, I'm not so worried about that. I know how to give directions.
So back to the point. I'm nervous. It's sad to say this is the longest pseudo-relationship I've had in years. Well, since I've been in Small Southern City which has been, Lord....2 years this month! All this time and all this distance have really allowed some healthy anticipation to mix with a lot of unhealthy doubt. Shit.
I am a self-saboteur. I can recognize it (even if I haven't figured out how to completely overcome it). So now, I'm lost in my head and trying to only focus on the goal: Get Lucky. I keep telling myself that none of my imaginary hype will matter. When it's all said and done, and we're finally co-habitating the same space, I know we'll just go at it like rabbits.
But not jack rabbits, hopefully.
-jafg
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Just Another Funny Story. This Has Nothing To Do With Fat.
01/13/2011
283.4 lbs
I have a feeling I'm really going to hate that I've been guessing all week.
So, I'm 35. I don't look it, actually most people are shocked when they find out. I'm usually guessed at about 26-29. Although, I really don't believe the people who say 26, I do so LOVE the people who say 29. Hell, Even the ones that guess 32. I believe it's because #1 I've got a full face and full faces don't show wrinkles, and #2 I don't wear foundation. I use liquid eyeliner for my top lids, blush and lipstick. When I go out, I use mineral make-up and eyeshadow. And I try to moisturize regularly. But I don't drink enough water. I should work on that.
So ok. I really do have a point. I'm 35. I had an unhappy "who-who" in November. I was wondering if it was possible to catch some sexually transmitted disease through texting [refer to yesterday's LDL post ;-) ]when I went to visit a new g-y-n because weird things were happening in the below-the-belt area. Doc said I had an estrogen shortage. She gave me these little pills of estrogen to take for two weeks. They came preloaded in a pill injector. Yeah. I didn't take these orally. It was a weird experience.
So, I'm 35 and I have this thing called PCOS. I was diagnosed with it a few years ago. A lot of heavy girls are diagnosed with this. It gives you hair in places you don't want (and I've got an ethnically diverse background, this happens already), makes it difficult for pregnancy (not really an issue for me, per say), and means that hormones are hokey. I've also had an irregular cycle (read as nearly non-existent) all my life. With one exception: When I'm on Birth Control. Which was from about 21-27 years of age. I smoked then and wasn't too concerned because the "you shouldn't smoke while taking The Pill...Especially women over 35" didn't apply to me. It was so far away. 35 that is.
So that brings me back to my point. I'm 35. I've been placed back on The Pill. Doc did it to regulate me (turns out the thickening of your uterine lining greatly increases your chances for all sorts of cancers) and balance out my hormones which will help with the PCOS. She did this to me on November 28. About 3 hours after leaving her office, she calls me. Here's the conversation.
DOC: "I use my lunch time to review the charts of my new patients. I see you're 35." -No. Shit.- "It says here you smoke." -She called me just for this?- "You can't smoke and take The Pill." -Damn my honesty on my new patient forms!- "The risks for a stroke or heart attack are too high."
ME: "But I only smoke, like, 4 or 5 cigarettes a day. A pack can almost last me a week!" Desparation is really starting to set in.
DOC: "It's smoking. There's really no safe level. Especially on The Pill. You're 35." -I heard that the first time.- "You need to make a decision."
I like her and hate her all at the same time. I tell her that since it's only "a few a day", it shouldn't be a big deal to quit. It's a nasty habit with no redeeming qualities. A guilty pleasure whose guilt should outweigh the pleasure. Blah. Blah. Blah. So. Ok. I'm going to quit. Again. :-|
I've got a Pharmacist in the family. I ask her and every other Pharmacist I meet about this whole smoking and The Pill thing. Surely one every now and then would be ok. A little snack once in awhile shouldn't hurt.
The answer is always the same. "It's not recommended, especially for women your age." Bastards.
It's been a process through the Holiday Merriment. I made a solid commitment on January 3rd and haven't smoked once since the 4th. So, I'm on day 10 of smoke-free living. Go Me! I traded smoking for bleeding and wacked emotions on a monthly basis. On a good note, taking The Pill has made my boobs bigger. I don't remember that happening the first time around.
Oh. Doc ends the conversation like this.
DOC: "I'm scheduling you for a mamogram. It's time you get one. You're 35."
-Bitch.-
-jafg
283.4 lbs
I have a feeling I'm really going to hate that I've been guessing all week.
So, I'm 35. I don't look it, actually most people are shocked when they find out. I'm usually guessed at about 26-29. Although, I really don't believe the people who say 26, I do so LOVE the people who say 29. Hell, Even the ones that guess 32. I believe it's because #1 I've got a full face and full faces don't show wrinkles, and #2 I don't wear foundation. I use liquid eyeliner for my top lids, blush and lipstick. When I go out, I use mineral make-up and eyeshadow. And I try to moisturize regularly. But I don't drink enough water. I should work on that.
So ok. I really do have a point. I'm 35. I had an unhappy "who-who" in November. I was wondering if it was possible to catch some sexually transmitted disease through texting [refer to yesterday's LDL post ;-) ]when I went to visit a new g-y-n because weird things were happening in the below-the-belt area. Doc said I had an estrogen shortage. She gave me these little pills of estrogen to take for two weeks. They came preloaded in a pill injector. Yeah. I didn't take these orally. It was a weird experience.
So, I'm 35 and I have this thing called PCOS. I was diagnosed with it a few years ago. A lot of heavy girls are diagnosed with this. It gives you hair in places you don't want (and I've got an ethnically diverse background, this happens already), makes it difficult for pregnancy (not really an issue for me, per say), and means that hormones are hokey. I've also had an irregular cycle (read as nearly non-existent) all my life. With one exception: When I'm on Birth Control. Which was from about 21-27 years of age. I smoked then and wasn't too concerned because the "you shouldn't smoke while taking The Pill...Especially women over 35" didn't apply to me. It was so far away. 35 that is.
So that brings me back to my point. I'm 35. I've been placed back on The Pill. Doc did it to regulate me (turns out the thickening of your uterine lining greatly increases your chances for all sorts of cancers) and balance out my hormones which will help with the PCOS. She did this to me on November 28. About 3 hours after leaving her office, she calls me. Here's the conversation.
DOC: "I use my lunch time to review the charts of my new patients. I see you're 35." -No. Shit.- "It says here you smoke." -She called me just for this?- "You can't smoke and take The Pill." -Damn my honesty on my new patient forms!- "The risks for a stroke or heart attack are too high."
ME: "But I only smoke, like, 4 or 5 cigarettes a day. A pack can almost last me a week!" Desparation is really starting to set in.
DOC: "It's smoking. There's really no safe level. Especially on The Pill. You're 35." -I heard that the first time.- "You need to make a decision."
I like her and hate her all at the same time. I tell her that since it's only "a few a day", it shouldn't be a big deal to quit. It's a nasty habit with no redeeming qualities. A guilty pleasure whose guilt should outweigh the pleasure. Blah. Blah. Blah. So. Ok. I'm going to quit. Again. :-|
I've got a Pharmacist in the family. I ask her and every other Pharmacist I meet about this whole smoking and The Pill thing. Surely one every now and then would be ok. A little snack once in awhile shouldn't hurt.
The answer is always the same. "It's not recommended, especially for women your age." Bastards.
It's been a process through the Holiday Merriment. I made a solid commitment on January 3rd and haven't smoked once since the 4th. So, I'm on day 10 of smoke-free living. Go Me! I traded smoking for bleeding and wacked emotions on a monthly basis. On a good note, taking The Pill has made my boobs bigger. I don't remember that happening the first time around.
Oh. Doc ends the conversation like this.
DOC: "I'm scheduling you for a mamogram. It's time you get one. You're 35."
-Bitch.-
-jafg
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