Add It Up

06/17/10

278.0 lbs

I feel a little better, but I'm hoping for more movement tomorrow.

So, I tried a different elliptical machine last night.  There are so many kinds and each one seems to be different.  This one was more like pedalling a bike than any other I've been on.  I didn't like it AT ALL.  I had to put it at the lowest level and it seemed to only work the top of my thighs (the quads, right?).  My knee was very warm when I was done, too.  Also, on all the other machines, I usually kill a mile in just under 15 minutes.  I could only do a half a mile in just over 15 minutes.  On the lowest level.  What?!?

I met BB and 15YO at Concierge Gym last night.  15YO was running, like running, on the treadmill and BB was busy on the machine from hell.  They met me there and had already been going for 7 minutes.  After 20 minutes they both stopped and were waiting on me.  Well, I had only been on for about 10 minutes and already thought I was gonna die.  BB felt the same.  She had originally planned on doing 30 minutes (me too) but the machine from hell got the best of her.  In stead of going to the pool or working on the circuit trainers, both of them parked it by me and were just waiting.  Nothing like a little pressure.  I only made it another 5 minutes and then threw in the towel.  Shame on me.  Then we went to hang out at the pool.

I've been mildly concerned about the big weight change (from a 276.6 lbs reading to a 279.2 lbs reading ... huh?!).  I have to be honest with myself (and, I guess, with you). 

I totally snacked on Saturday night.  And on Sunday night.  And...yes, Monday night, too.

I've discovered sunkist fruit gummies.  Damn they're good.  I ate way too many packets (about 110 calories a pack I just found out.  YIKES).  I also bought little mini snicker icecream bars (90 calories a peice).  I had one of them Sunday night and TWO of them Monday night.  I may have had one Tuesday night, too.  I'm not sure.  It's all starting to blur together in a guilt-induced haze.

I did exercise Sunday, Monday and yesterday.  I had unusual activity of laser tag and roller skating on Wednesday.  Oh, which reminds me.  We went for ice cream afterward.  Damnit.

Now, I knew I was snacking when I snacked.  I knew what I was buying when I was buying those mini snicker icecream bars.  In my defence,though, you should all know how I am about a Snicker Bar.  I mean, it's its own blog post label for goodness sake!  I was pretty excited to see they came in the 90-calorie variety.  And those sunkist fruit gummies are very small packs with only about 10 gummies in each.  When you eat 4 packs (over the course of about 3 hours), well, that was a bit much.  At least Sunday it was only 2.  Packs that is.  Which is 220 calories.  Sheesh.

Honestly, I didn't think anything of the snacking (with the exception of eating TWO snicker icecream bars that one night) at the time it was happening.  I was actually thinking that I was doing good believe it or not.  I was comparing to when I used to really have at it.  Icecream woulda been involved, but it woulda been like a pint Ben & Jerry's.  All at one sitting.  Not kidding.  So, comparing my "now self" to my "then self", I thought I had really improved.  The scale showed me I was wrong.  I could have been wronger (fyi...that's not a word).  I remembered to eat healthy the rest of the time.  Breakfast, lunch, diner...all okay.  Snacking...not so much.  And it caught up with me. 

My life in moderation hasn't been as moderate as I let myself believe it was. I don't feel bad about it, I just realize that all my decisions affect me, no matter what they may be.

Even the reduced calorie kind.

-jafg

Dollars and Sense

09/02/09

???.? lbs

I know, I know. What good is a weight watcher if I don't know my weight?

Today's been all about food. Really BAD good food, too. I started off the day with a cinnamon muffin and coffee. Yum. I didn't get a second cup which probably explains my headache right now. I moved to a decent lunch of home-made tuna salad, whole grain bread and Baked Lays. I also had a half a Coke. Note: I didn't have the will power to drink half a Mr. Pibb. I've ended my work day with Snicker Bar and Almond Joy. I've been a very naughty girl. I enjoyed every minute of it.

I've been a busy worker bee today; in meetings, sending emails, updating FB and Twitter. All the important things that fill my day. I even had time to find a new little flashy button for my blog to shamelessly plug that I heart comments. Really. I heart them. A lot.

I've always got my blogpost in the back of my head looking for new angles on life and My Fat. It's not as easy as I make it out to be. Sometimes life has absolutely nothing to do with My Fat. That hurts My Fat's ego, too. Sometimes My Fat just wants to be the center of attention. Hello, World! My Fat is here! Like I said, it's not as easy as it seems.

So I took the elevator (yes, I took the elevator) to go down to smoke. I was standing outside, mildly peaved and equally pleased that I had cheated with the elevator, contemplating today's blogpost. I let my mind wander to what I've thought about over the past few days and thought of the most recent blog I read which was FINE LINE by my good friend Dixie Livin'. She even knows my secret fat girl identity. I've enjoyed adult beverages with her. But, I digress. Her post was about weddings (and was really funny, I highly recommend it) and I was thinking about when I was a large girl in a skinny wedding. Ok! That's what I'll write about. My Fat would have the starring role even if it was from a story in 2005. Sometimes, though, things don't always go according to plan.

I was finishing up the last few puffs of the coffin-nail when this lady walked by. See, there's this cute little neighborhood right behind my work building. No busy traffic at all. I usually see this one guy walking around. He doesn't ever wave back which is why I remember him so well. Anyway. This lady walked by in one direction. Puff, Puff. Contemplation. Then she walked by in the other direction. She'd made her lap, apparently. She bent over and picked something up. My thoughts: "Oh how wonderful! What a conscientious neighbor to pick up litter like that!" O'Contrare M'Onfrare.

I turn around and wave. It's what you do in the South. She waved back rather enthusiatically. She was waving the litter she just picked up. "A DOLLAR!!!! A DOLLAR!!! JACKPOT!!!" That's right, my exercise-challenged friends. She found a dollar. Skinny bitch.

Moral of the story, It really does pay to walk.

-jafg

Which Way Did She Go, George?

08/31/09

285.2 lbs

Hmm.  I just realized I've been doing this whole tracking thing for a month.  Technically, I've lost 2 lbs.  2.    > :-|   I don't know what I think about this.

I have gained a few iFriends. As a matter of fact, I'm totally plagiarizing "iFriends" from Jen is Zen who was one of my first real followers.  It's a cute phrase, right?  Anyway, I really enjoy coming to my blog and scrolling to see all the updates.  I've missed a lot.  A LOT.  I really hate that, it's so hard to catch up. 

Catching up is hard to do. It's hard to catch up with "back on track".  It's hard to catch up with "eating right".  It's hard to catch up with "exercise".  I fell down and scraped my proverbial knees a few weeks ago and just haven't managed to catch up with Momentum.  The bitch is a lot faster than I am.  Once I lost her, I just can't seem to get her to slow down again so I can catch up!  I need help finding her again.  I need to find some Motivation along the way and hop back on Momentum's train, throw my arms out to the side and feel the wind in my hair "I'm Queen of the World!" style, ya know?  Maybe even get a little theme song action in the background...Who knows.  BUT...I have lost 2 very real lbs. 

In honor of my one-month anny, let's look at some positives.  I do take the stairs at work more often than anything else!  Go Me! I do try to eat healthier and snack less at work.  Some days are better than others and some are worse than I'd care to admit.  Chalking this up to a daily struggle, but hey, that's ok.  I've stopped my ice cream consumption almost comlpletely.  Sad, I know.  I miss ice cream a lot.  Snicker Bar? Still an occasional visitor.  So is Mr. Pibb. 

All in all, there have been some changes that have stuck.  This is progress.  Slow, oh so damn slow; but still,  Progress, nonetheless.  I wonder what next month will reveal.  My Fat and I have come to an understanding.  I don't think there's a line in the sand, yet.  But it's coming.  OOOhhhh, it's coming.

-jafg

Nervous Nellie Needs a Snack

08/18/09

285.4 lbs

The weekend is still catching up with me. [sadface]

I've been nervous all day today. For whatever reason, I woke up late. Really late. I was 30 minutes late to work. I went to make coffee and got coffee grounds all in my cup. I had Arby's for lunch. We're talking Beef 'n Cheddar and potato cakes. And Dr. Pepper. I called my mom to tell her I was feeling a bit depressed today. This doesn't happen often, so when it does, I notice.

My real job has three big meetings a month. Today was one of them. I started sweating this meeting as if it was the first time I'd be in the same room with these people. It was wierd. My Chi was off and I don't even know what Chi is. Let's just say it was an interesting meeting.

I notice my hand finds its way to my mouth much more frequently when I'm nervous. I mean, I pretty much can find any reason to eat, but the mindless eating happens a lot when I'm nervous. I just had a bite-size Twix and Snicker Bar. Damn Snicker Bar.

I probably should do something else other than eat. Well, I do, I smoke. But I can't chain smoke inside the building and "They'd" probably notice if I moved my office outside. I should probably practice yoga breathing or something zen like that.

Or maybe I should take a xanax.

-jafg

Ch-Ch-Changes.....

08/06/09

284.2 lbs

I weighed myself twice this morning. Even though I know that weight fluctuates from day to day, I'm still doing a little happy dance today. I find that I am MOTIVATED by the 2-lb difference. Motivation begets Momentum.....Having said that, I have a confession to make. I am drinking half a Mr. Pibb right now.

I caved, I know. It's my fat's fault, though, not mine. I get all excited about healthy eating. I have a healthy dinner, a healthy lunch, another healthy dinner (yummy salmon with seared greenbeans and squash/zucchini ribbons and a half of a sweet potato), another healthy lunch, and then it happens.

My fat gets very upset with me and makes me do bad things! My fat sends out the "Ooooohhh that cookie is so good, you know you want it!" messages and the "But life is too short and you shouldn't deny yourself little simple pleasures" messages. I try to be strong. I try to resist. Then suddenly, I'm walking by a counter full of Mr. Pibb and my fat sends out an irresistable urge to grab Mr. Pibb and pop it open. Yep, that's what happens. I drink a Mr. Pibb. It's only a half a one this time. Last night my fat expressed itself by eating a few spoonfuls of one of my $.99 pints o' icecream I have in the freezer. Remember those?

Well, I've been contemplating these actions and figured it could be worse. I stated in the beginning of this blog that I'm not goal-setting. I want to provide commentary on the World of Weight. It's the boyfriend that I can't get rid of and won't let go of all at the same time (don't you just hate that?!?). I'm really excited to see if talking about weight from every aspect of it in my life will actually end up with the result of me losing said weight. Ultimately, that's what I'm hoping here. Oh no. I think I just set a goal.

Since my little blog project got rolling, I've really been more aware of what I'm buying and eating. Wait. Not more aware, because I always know what I'm putting in my mouth and I always know what it will do to my jiggle and my hips. I think the better word is caring. That's the first by-product of this little social experiment. I'm pretty happy about it. What I don't want to happen to me is that I turn into this food-obsessed monster that can only look at the lunch sitting next to your keyboard rather than look you in the eyes when I talk to you. Yeah, I'm that fat girl.

So, I'm going to go home and be amused by the battle between me and my fat. I'm going to eat a healthy dinner and not worry if a few bites of ice cream manage to end up on the spoon that's heading toward my mouth. After all, life is too short to deny yourself little simple pleasures! Wait. Did you just hear that?

-jafg

The Jiggle In the Middle

08/05/09

286.0 lbs.

I had a fantab low-fat taco salad last night. I did use lean ground beef, normally I'd use ground turkey breast, though. I had a small helping of organic blue corn chips, fresh tomatoes, and yummie romane lettuce. It was great! I even made my own taco seasoning which did not include salt so I can control my sodium intake. This is important since I've noticed that my ankles can get a little poofy at times.

This disturbs me. Of all the parts of my body classified as poofy, my ankles have never been one. I don't know if it's because I'm "getting older" or if it's because I've never been this weighty before, but the fact still remains that the ankles are growing at times. I am trying to drink more water and hope that less rides in the elevator are helping.

Speaking of poofy parts and more movement, I want to talk about walking down the stairs. All of us "fat girls" are proportioned differently. Some are top heavy, some have more junk in the trunk, some are just plain packed in from head to toe. I'm of the latter persuasion. To top it off, I've got a lot of jiggle in the middle. Like that? I just made it up. Pretty cute if I do say so myself. I don't know about the rest of you, but I have to look down when I walk down the stairs. It isn't a pretty sight. My jiggle takes on momentum and by time I reach the bottom, I feel like I could be knocking into both sides of the stair rails! Not literally, but damn, close enough. When I laugh I have that bowl full of jello. I love laughing! I hate jiggling! Egad, what a dilema! I let laughing win out every time, though. I enjoy it too much. Back to the stairs...I will keep walking the stairs. I can't wait till I'm looking down and see just a slight vibration. This side-to-side stuff is just awful.

I watched Fox's "More To Love" again last night. I haven't yelled more at the TV since Wes was still on "The Bachelorette". Like, really. My blood pressure is going up just thinking about this show. First of all, my heart is going out to most of these young women. I really am saddened that they're so young and have so much sadness from being overweight. I'm fortunate to be able to have a healthy self esteem and still be "another fat girl" (I want to lose weight, remember?). Someone should spend some time with these ladies and show them that worth does not come from the size of your ass. Or the amount of jiggle in your middle. It's part of what makes you 'you', but it isn't who 'you' are. There's a difference! Bonnie is great. I'm not a fan of her Kat Von D style (I think only Kat Von D rocks that at an A+ level), but she is very comfortable in her skin. Go Bonnie! That's what it's about! Alright then, enough of the Rant.

Oh yeah! I started a Twitter account! Follow me @another_fatgirl. Then you can learn about my daily fights with Mr. Pibb and Snicker Bar. These are mean folk.

It's pretty ugly in my world.

-jafg