Oh Yeah.

06/18/10

277.2 lbs

So......., I'm really just whatever about that right now.

I have something serious to share with you tonight.  I had a funky day.  Over all there was nothing remarkable about it.  Nothing good.  Nothing bad.

Yesterday, kind of randomly, I called and made an appointment to get my hair done tonight.  Cut.  I love getting my hair cut.  I find it very cathartic.  There's a joy for me to see all that hair chopped off and left on the cutting room floor.  I haven't found another stylist since I moved here.  For any self respecting girl, a stylist is a long term commitment.  I am going have a very co-dependent relationship with my stylist.  He or she will be the most intimate, constant person I will know for what could potentially be for the next decade or so.  Only financial ruin will prevent me from seeing my stylist.  I think you get the point.  I met mine tonight!

My hair looks fantastic.  It's a touch shorter than I'd like it, but it will look effing great  blow dryed straight.  I got foils thrown in at the last minute.  A lush-us caramel against my brown-black curls.  I am happy to say the least.  I was in an Aveda salon so I jumped on a madagascar candle and some product.  I then picked up some sushi and headed home.  I asked the order dude if I could buy a beer to go.  He grabs a Kirin out of the fridge and says $4.42.  I pay the guy, pack my beer in my purse and grab my sushi and head home.  I wanted a Sapporo but I decided not to push my luck.

So I get home, enjoy my sushi pop my beer and become just a little melancholy.  No reason, just did.  Well, I decided to cheer myself up and I went to my room and went to my closet to dig out the only thing after a hair stylist that would make me happy at that moment.

Shoes.

 I strap on a pair of shoes whenever I want to feel sexy.  Or just better in general.  I love walking around in 4 inches of strappy stiletto goodness.  I feel like all is right with the world again.  I never wear them outside.  Truth be known, most of them look great on but are absolutely not practical  As a matter of fact, unless I'm just simply standing or sitting, these shoes really aren't comfortable for long.  It's like I buy a "skinny shoe" or something.  It'll look good in the mirror as long as I don't bend over or, I don't know, breathe.  I will buy them anyway. 

I have a pair of very cute ones tonight and thought I'd share some of my sexiness with the internet world. 

Aren't they hot?  And with the tanned legs too.  Too bad my feet hurt.

I almost forgot.  I got my water in today!


-jafg

Add It Up

06/17/10

278.0 lbs

I feel a little better, but I'm hoping for more movement tomorrow.

So, I tried a different elliptical machine last night.  There are so many kinds and each one seems to be different.  This one was more like pedalling a bike than any other I've been on.  I didn't like it AT ALL.  I had to put it at the lowest level and it seemed to only work the top of my thighs (the quads, right?).  My knee was very warm when I was done, too.  Also, on all the other machines, I usually kill a mile in just under 15 minutes.  I could only do a half a mile in just over 15 minutes.  On the lowest level.  What?!?

I met BB and 15YO at Concierge Gym last night.  15YO was running, like running, on the treadmill and BB was busy on the machine from hell.  They met me there and had already been going for 7 minutes.  After 20 minutes they both stopped and were waiting on me.  Well, I had only been on for about 10 minutes and already thought I was gonna die.  BB felt the same.  She had originally planned on doing 30 minutes (me too) but the machine from hell got the best of her.  In stead of going to the pool or working on the circuit trainers, both of them parked it by me and were just waiting.  Nothing like a little pressure.  I only made it another 5 minutes and then threw in the towel.  Shame on me.  Then we went to hang out at the pool.

I've been mildly concerned about the big weight change (from a 276.6 lbs reading to a 279.2 lbs reading ... huh?!).  I have to be honest with myself (and, I guess, with you). 

I totally snacked on Saturday night.  And on Sunday night.  And...yes, Monday night, too.

I've discovered sunkist fruit gummies.  Damn they're good.  I ate way too many packets (about 110 calories a pack I just found out.  YIKES).  I also bought little mini snicker icecream bars (90 calories a peice).  I had one of them Sunday night and TWO of them Monday night.  I may have had one Tuesday night, too.  I'm not sure.  It's all starting to blur together in a guilt-induced haze.

I did exercise Sunday, Monday and yesterday.  I had unusual activity of laser tag and roller skating on Wednesday.  Oh, which reminds me.  We went for ice cream afterward.  Damnit.

Now, I knew I was snacking when I snacked.  I knew what I was buying when I was buying those mini snicker icecream bars.  In my defence,though, you should all know how I am about a Snicker Bar.  I mean, it's its own blog post label for goodness sake!  I was pretty excited to see they came in the 90-calorie variety.  And those sunkist fruit gummies are very small packs with only about 10 gummies in each.  When you eat 4 packs (over the course of about 3 hours), well, that was a bit much.  At least Sunday it was only 2.  Packs that is.  Which is 220 calories.  Sheesh.

Honestly, I didn't think anything of the snacking (with the exception of eating TWO snicker icecream bars that one night) at the time it was happening.  I was actually thinking that I was doing good believe it or not.  I was comparing to when I used to really have at it.  Icecream woulda been involved, but it woulda been like a pint Ben & Jerry's.  All at one sitting.  Not kidding.  So, comparing my "now self" to my "then self", I thought I had really improved.  The scale showed me I was wrong.  I could have been wronger (fyi...that's not a word).  I remembered to eat healthy the rest of the time.  Breakfast, lunch, diner...all okay.  Snacking...not so much.  And it caught up with me. 

My life in moderation hasn't been as moderate as I let myself believe it was. I don't feel bad about it, I just realize that all my decisions affect me, no matter what they may be.

Even the reduced calorie kind.

-jafg

Roller Derby, Anyone?

06/16/10

279.2 lbs

I'm still evaluating my recently past behavior.  I am also going to the gym tonight. 

I'm still a little high from all the twitter and bloggin love I've gotten over the past few days.  I have grown to 53 followers!  I always find it to be an exciting/humbling experience when a new follower sprouts up.  I also do my best to follow you all and add you to my blogs I heart a lot list.  (If you're not on there, please let me know!).  I accidentally selected to follow myself one day--which apparently you can totally do--and now I don't want to unfollow cause I don't want to decrease my numbers.  I heart you all!  Love You Mean It!

While every comment and follower means the world to me, the love received over the picture posting was SO unexpected and encouraging!  I'll tell  you, I have a regular square-ish screen on my laptop and have a widescreen monitor on the desktop (which I use most of the time).  I posted those pictures on the regular square-ish screen machine.  I think, after seeing them on the widescreen, had I seen them on this machine first, I SO would not have posted them.  EGAD. Widescreen makes a difference.

Bygones.

So, I played laser tag last night.  And I went skating.  Yeah, skating.  Like old-school-orange-wheeled-fake-suede-horrible-shoelacey skating.  I learned a few things.  Firstly, skating rinks still smell like stinky feet and sweaty kids.  Secondly, there is no such thing as a fat skater.  I have the videos to prove it. 

Don't get me wrong.  There were some kids in there that still had a fair share of baby pudge going on.  But I'm talking a lack of Big People.  Not the parents sitting on the sidelines, but the folks out on the rink.  Most of them were under the age of 10, btw.  Then a good many of them were under the age of 15.  There was some dude there that was totally sporting the scary 70's porn mustache and I never exactly saw him with a kid.  I'm still a little concerned about that one.  Anyway, point is NONE of them were fat. 

So BB's little 15 year old brother came for a two week visit. Because of this, BB and Her Beau are trying to find "minor friendly" things to do. Last night, it was half price night at this game park. So, we piled in the car and headed for some laser tag. I've never played laser tag before. It involves a black light and 10 year old kids. I think next time I'll have a few drinks first. Of the Adult Beverage variety.


Well.  We play 2 rather fast rounds of laser tag and decide that's enough.  As we're walking out the notion hits me...How freakin fun would it be to roller skate again after like 20 years?  (Holy. Shit.  It HAS been 20 years. 8-/  )  We all head over--after a little convincing-- for the skate exchange where you give Them your shoes and They give you hideous skates.  I'm still stoked anyway.  We then sit down on the box benches (ohmawgaw, they still use those carpet covered box benches!) and begin to put on said hideous skates. 

A new notion hits me.  How freakin stupid is this idea, anyway??!!?

...Dear Lord.......Please Please Please don't let me die!...

I did survive.  I stayed on the carpet area (which was a cookie monster blue) so I'd have a little more traction on the wheels of death.  I actually made it almost completely around the rink floor once.  I was clinging with all my might to the poor 15YO's arm.  I bet he still has white marks where I was gripping so hard.  Thankfully, though, I never fell.  I also got one hell of a strength training workout for my legs.  Believe me.

It wasn't until I sat down and took the hideous skates off that I had the revalation about the fat people and skating and how there wasn't a single one of them in there besides me.  I was the biggest girl on the block, or in the rink, or whatever.  I can't tell you why I realized this and I find it a little odd that I had the thought, to be honest.  I can tell you, though, I didn't feel self conscious...not once.

I was too busy concentrating on not breaking my ass.

-jafg

What Has Happened...

06/15/10

279.2 lbs

I'm not exactly sure what's happened here.  I am exactly sure that I'm none too happy about it.

You should all know by now that I am an avid stalker of Jack Sh*t.  I usually talk about him fondly in passing, but today I must dedicate my blog post to his blog post  What Would Happen.... Before you read further, please take a moment to read his.  It's not extremely wordy so it shouldn't take too long...

Read it already?  Ok, you may move forward now.

Close to this time last year, after reading this post I'd be sitting in my chair right now with a serious case of the "What If"s. Today, though, I'm not!

I've committed, I mean really committed to this weightloss journey of mine.  How do I know?  I know because I make decisions weekly, daily, hourly, even minute-to-minute about my health and weightloss. Sometimes, I don't make the right choices, but I recognize them now, really recognize them, and I take the opportunity to right myself when I am wrong.  I realized it isn't a race.  There is no finish line.


I've transitioned from the "half-hearted swipe" to an honest effort.  I may struggle with 6:00am, but I know it's there now.  I go to my Concierge Gym and I use my membership at The Gym with my friends.  A "co-ed" gym.  That I use. To workout.  With boys around.  I can honestly say that never and I mean NEVER in a million years would have believed that I would be working out at a gym that I was paying to use.  But I do.  And I'm happy about it, too.

I have traded those restaurant menus for a little healthy home cooking.  I should modify this to say that, even though restaurants haven't left me, I make smarter food choices when I'm out.  I think about ingredients.  I think about food preparation.  I thought about them before, but in a completely "I'm here to just enjoy my love of food" way.  I have incorporated healthy lifestyle into my love.  I also buy more fruit than I ever have before.  I don't have a problem consuming veg.  I do have a problem consuming fruit.  So, I buy more of it.  Cherries are my favorite right now.  Oranges are always a stand-by.  Strawberries are great too.  I buy based on ingredients in products and nutrition in general.  I've always "sort-of" done this, now I just always do it.  Period. even my "splurges" are small serving sizes which I strictly follow.  I love checking out at the grocery store now.  All those imaginary eyes on everything coming out of the fat girl's basket are healthy!  Not DIET-y, but HEALTH-y.  Go me!

I turn off the TV or computer every so often and do my best to see just how much sweat I can wring out of my body.  I found out that I love sweat.  Well, sweat that I cause, anyway.  I love seeing my arms glisten because I'm sweating.  I know when my arms and legs sweat, I'm doing something good.  There's not another feeling like it.  I love that feeling of accomplishment when I leave The Gym a little sopping.  Know what I mean? 

I blog to truly hold myself accountable.  It started as a social experiment of sorts.  It really was just to record my thoughts and feelings about my love/hate relationship with the world of weight.  It's grown into so much more.  I love my "blog watchers".  Each of you is like a member of my extended family.  And just like you're part of mine, I feel like I'm part of yours.  I love writing my blog, but I love reading yours, too.  I don't think that one could work without the other.  After all, it takes a village...  :-)

I've made my story something exceptional instead of exhausting, something phenomenal instead of pedestrian, something remarkable instead of run-of-the-mill.  But, you know what?  It always has been.

I have cornered and killed at least one of my bad habits.  And it's not easy.  One bad habit gone...no exercise. That one died this year.  Yea me!  The big one I'm still working on, completely quit smoking.  Completely.  No "snacking".  Ever.  Such a pain in the ass.

I reached deep down and found a gear that I didn't know I even had. Um, Hello?!  I posted pictures of me on the internet in my BATHING SUIT.  That would definitely be a gear I didn't know I had.

If the wind could really catch my sails, am I even aware of the places I could go, the future I could make for myself? I'm not 100% sure of where I'm going to end up "docking" after this healthy trip, but I sure am enjoying the ride!

I don't take "I can't" for an answer.  I stepped out of my own way and I'm moving full on ahead with my eyes wide open and limitless expectations. 

This is what has happened. 

This is the new me.  And I'm hungry for more!

-jafg

I Can't Believe I'm Doing This

06/14/10 (still)

276.4 lbs

So, I got a request to post some real pics of me and my bathing suits.  Well, I decided to do it.  I guess I figure that if I can be at the pool, I can show you crazy kids, too.  So...here goes...

 

Ok.  I did it.  I can't believe it, but I did.

That wasn't so bad!  Maybe the next ones will be naked. 

Yeah.  Just kidding.

-jafg

 

W.I.D.T.H.! (I'm Finally Famous...Sort Of)

06/14/10

277.4 lbs

Just yesterday the scale said 276.6 lbs.  I have decided to make 275 lbs a goal for this week.  Wish me luck!

Ok.  So We've established I was out of town last week and the week before.  Well, I was featured in Jack Sh*t's W.I.D.T.H. post on June 2! (Find that post here ==> WIDTH A Little Help From My Friends.  I'm the 4th one down, you can't miss me...)  I haven't been this excited since he actually posted a comment on my blog last year!  (Find that post here ==> I Think Therefore I Can't?. Side note, I've come a long way, Baby!) 

I didn't discover this until I ran to my internet upon my return home Tuesday.  It was like getting a Christmas present that you hope you'll get, but aren't too sure you've been good enough throughout the year.  I feel famous now. 

Onto other equally exciting news...

I have almost won the bathing suit challenge!  YAH-HOOOOO!  I told you a few weeks ago that I made yet another bathing suit purchase; this one from Land's End.  Can I just say they rock?  I opted for a two-piece which still baffles and befuddles me.  I've mentioned in other postings that, even though I am a plus-sized shopper, I do not have a plus-sized bust.  This is really aggrivating when shopping for a bathing suit.  I have enough to merritt underwire, but not enough to merritt a large cup area.  I just need a normal size C-cup.  When I buy a suit by the bra size, I end up with like a size 16 fit which isn't physically possible at the moment (<== like how I choose to stay postive here?) When I try just the "soft cup" one-piece The Girls just hang in not flattering ways.  You see, perkiness just isn't part of the picture anymore. 

Anyway.  I decided to buy separates so I can specify a smaller top size to a lager bottom size.  It totally worked.  The girl swim shorts are a good fit as long as I'm not sitting at a 90* angle and one of the two tops fits superbly while the onter one will be nice for a little later this season (said optimistically).  They're both the same size (in theory) but one's a halter and fits differently.  I love it, but I'm new to halters so it's an adjustment.  I'll be keeping that one for later this summer.  My suits were delivered on  Thursday.

Aren't they cute??

Moms and I went to Concierge Gym on Sunday.  She did two miles on the recumbent and decided to go to the pool while I finished up on the elliptical and weight/circuit machines.  I got in a 50 minute workout that felt GOOD.  I found her wading around so I took off the tennies sat down and put my feet in the water.  Heaven.  It was great.  It occured to me that I had only gone swimming once while on vacation and that just wasn't setting right with the soul.  There weren't many people around and I kept thinking "I could have gone and gotten my suit on and been back by now".  By time I got to round three of that train of thought I'd had enough and went to change. 

I decided to throw on my new suit (that's the solid black top, not the vine halter).  I pull some shorts over my shorts, throw on my white button-down I use as a summer cover-up slather on a decent layer of sun-screen (I am a firm believer in protecting your skin in the sun), grab towels and the sun-screen bottles and head down to the pool.  All in all, it took me about 15 minutes.  I walked right in, took off my top layer of shorts, the button-down-cover-up and walked head held high (but still looking down so I didn't miss any steps) into the pool.  What a triumphant moment!  To top it off, I stayed in when cute boys came in.  I didn't mind when they ended up at the spots next to ours.  I was a little uncomfortable, but I didn't let me get too worked up, after all, I have a great tan right now.  I get out, maneuver to put more sun-screen on, and totally lay out all exposed-like on my chair!  To top it off, I totally manage to get an invitation to a White Party happening in the not so distant future from the cutest one.

At the end of pool time, I get up, pull on my button-down shirt and walk out.  I didn't even pull on the second layer of shorts!  I'm so very proud of me.  This losing weight business has boosted my confidence in ways I didn't even know needed to be done. 

That's just another reason Why I Do This Here...

-jafg

Awesome!

06/11/10

278.4 lbs

Where to begin, where to begin...

Firstly, Yea on the weight-front!  I actually was gone from my abode for 7.5 days and managed to LOSE weight.  3 lbs even!  Awesome!  I'm pretty excited about that.  It was great to be back at Beach Town, even with the threat of the looming oil spill (for which I am sincerely soliciting your prayers so they will get the well stopped and at least have an end to the leak itself).  It's truly made a negative impact.  The beaches were sparsely attended and this was the first full week of the season.  Usually, you'd have to scope a place out at like 7:00 in the morning.  Now, you can walk out at 2:00 in the afternoon and grab a fairly large patch of beach all to yourself.  Anyway, I could write for days on this subject.  It just breaks my heart. 

On to less serious matters...

BFF arrived late Tuesday night.  Wednesday morning, we woke up about 9ish and went for a workout.  We then had a very healthy breakfast and I started backing.  I actually crammed 7 days' worth of clothing into my middle suitcase.  I still can't believe it made it all in.  I felt bad for the thing really.  I knew there wasn't a weight limit since we were driving and not flying, so I unzipped the extender (it has one built in which will expand the width of it, L-O-V-E It!) and loaded it up.  I threw my extra shoes and bathroom necessities into two grocery-totes-turned-carry-ons.  We finally got on the road about 1:30. 

Oh.  Let me share with you the best part.  I called the nice, upscale, beachfront hotel prior to our departure because I didn't think we'd make the 4:00pm checkin time.  Well, when on the phone I let them know that I'd need two beds and not one and here's the response I got:

"Oh, Ma'am, you don't have to worry about that.  You have a 3 bedroom suite.  You've been upgraded."  Pregnant Pause.  "Well.  Thank you.  I'll see you when I get there."  I totally didn't even mind that she called me ma'am.

We get to the hotel, we get our key and BFF is in charge of directing the bellhop with our luggage while I hurry off to find my first official gathering.  You must remember, this is for a work conference, but it's more like a big party.  These are all friendly industry colleagues.  We all know each other and mostly love each other.   We get together annually so it's always like a reunion.  There was a Meet & Greet that had already started so I ran over to it to offer my "Hi How Are Ya"s.  I must make nice with the masses.  I also have to rub in the fact that I have been upgraded to a tower suite whilst all the peasant peoples have been relegated to regular rooms.  I get fantastic reactions and grab two drinks from the complimentary bar (one is for BFF) and head up to said suite.

Well, I take the elevator to the 16th floor (there are only 17, btw).  After making it to the top, there's this door and no hallway.  I'm thinking "uh did I take the wrong elevator?"  Well, I push through the door and am now outside on a breezeway.  It's an entry like a motel.  Suddenly, the visions of my 3-bedroom palace shrink to a room with two queen beds and a hide-a-way.  How am I going to live this down?

I walk to the end of the corridor to my room.  Awesome!  At least it's a corner unit.  Noise can only come from one side and, in turn, I can only bother one neighbor.  Okay.  I open my door and Holy. Crap.  It really IS a palace!  Actually, it's a condo unit with a wrap-around balcony, full kitchen, washer/dryer unit, master suite to DIE for with a master bathroom to DIE for even more!  The master suite has a private balcony which became my second home.  I totally had the party pad for the week.  It was awesome.

There wasn't a night that I didn't see 3am.  As a matter of fact, Friday, I actually was greeted by the Sunrise.  Yikes.  It was a moment to say the least.

Food was provided either by the conference or by the hotel.  There was a fantab breakfast buffet which served omlettes and the best sausage gravy and biscuits.  I had them 3 mornings in a row.  I ate healthy lunches and barely touched a dinner and because of that, I maintained and even lost lbs!  Awesome!  I had the most awesome marinated portobello sandwich for lunch one day.  Scrum-Chus.

Friday Moms had driven down for a visit to the beach and Sunday BFF headed back home.  My Gramps was turning 81 on Tuesday (as in just this week...BFF's bday was Wednesday) so I planned on not coming home until then.  Since I'd be in town on a weekday and would not be working, I made an appt with my Dr whom I love.  I haven't found a replacement for her and don't know that I will.  I may just continue to plan mini-breaks around my visits with her.

I hadn't seen her since January of last year and hadn't had "the visit" since the summer before that, so I took care of The Works. I won't horrify you with all the details, but I did talk to her about my weight.  Turns out my highest weight was 287 lbs.  This past trip I was 273 lbs.  Now, before you get too excited, her scale has always ran 5 lbs lighter.  That means the 287 lbs was actually 292 lbs and the 273 lbs is actually 278 lbs.  That also means that I'm 13 lbs lighter than January 2009.  For the first time in as long as I can remember, my wieght has decreased from year to year. 

I feel pretty damn awesome about that.

-jafg