Ra-Ra-Ree! Kick 'Em In the Knee! Ra-Ra-Rass! Kick 'Em In The ...

08/19/09

???.? lbs

I didn't weigh myself this morning.

I was on time to work, though!

I visit my blog daily for different reasons. Getting a new post up is actually lower on 'the list' than you might think.

I can't wait to see if I get new comments. If I don't have new comments, then I love logging on to see if I have new Followers, or "blog watchers" as I like to call them. Seeing that list grow with people who aren't my mother is freakin awesome. I haven't even been online a month and I've got 8 public watchers! This makes me feel awesome! Also, I feel a sense of obligation to make sure I keep it up. That whole public accountability thing, remember?

I feel bad when I eat cheese-laiden nachos with sour cream, or stuff like that. Not that I did that last night or anything. Well, maybe I don't feel bad, but like I'm letting my team down. Which is kinda worse. I've never been one much for sports; that feeling kinda sucks!

This whole thing is like a huge team, I'm going to all these different blogs and find other blogs from their "blog rolls" and become new fans of struggling ladies just like me. As I said the first time, I'm just another fat girl. One Fat Girl in a sea of LOTS of Fat Girls. Fat being "I need to lose 10 lbs" to "I need to lose 150lbs". I would love to lose 135.4lbs....YIKES. I've never placed a number on my wieghtloss dreams before.  I just did it on a calculator. The number is still staring back at me. Damn Number.


I love this not so little network of Peeps. Thanks for stopping by to read! If you've got a story, I'd love to know about it. Leave a comment with a link to it. This'll give me a reason to feel awesome!

Go Team!

-jafg







(corrected a typo on 08/31/09)

Nervous Nellie Needs a Snack

08/18/09

285.4 lbs

The weekend is still catching up with me. [sadface]

I've been nervous all day today. For whatever reason, I woke up late. Really late. I was 30 minutes late to work. I went to make coffee and got coffee grounds all in my cup. I had Arby's for lunch. We're talking Beef 'n Cheddar and potato cakes. And Dr. Pepper. I called my mom to tell her I was feeling a bit depressed today. This doesn't happen often, so when it does, I notice.

My real job has three big meetings a month. Today was one of them. I started sweating this meeting as if it was the first time I'd be in the same room with these people. It was wierd. My Chi was off and I don't even know what Chi is. Let's just say it was an interesting meeting.

I notice my hand finds its way to my mouth much more frequently when I'm nervous. I mean, I pretty much can find any reason to eat, but the mindless eating happens a lot when I'm nervous. I just had a bite-size Twix and Snicker Bar. Damn Snicker Bar.

I probably should do something else other than eat. Well, I do, I smoke. But I can't chain smoke inside the building and "They'd" probably notice if I moved my office outside. I should probably practice yoga breathing or something zen like that.

Or maybe I should take a xanax.

-jafg

I'm Calling a Do-Over!

08/17/09

284.6 lbs

Apparently my fat is very sensitive to carbs and hangovers.

As you all know, I socialized last Thursday. I had a fantab time, too. It was fun to get out with friends on the town. And I do enjoy a good adult beverage. The thing is, the more I enjoy a good adult beverage the more I tend to partake of said good adult beverage. This leads to a night of a very happy fat girl who forgets about fat and focuses only on happy. This in itself is not a bad thing. However, after an undisclosed number of shots, 2:00am seems early and the happy girl just wants to have fun!

I also mentioned I am a serious rationalizer. This skill is only sharpened when adult beverages are added to the mix. As most people lose their ability to think logically as an evening progresses, my logic skills are increased 10-fold. It's very difficult to say no to my persuasive spins. Poor friends.

If you don't partake, then you don't know that the night of one too many will lead to a day of dread. The only thing that soothes the pain is grease-house food. Like Waffle House at 2:30 in the morning. If that 2:30 late-dinner-early-breakfast-date is bypassed, well then, it is a must the morning after. Or at some point in the day if one has a job to report to like me. I opted for a great greasy burger and fries (and soymilk) in the afternoon. And oreos. It was good.

I got home Friday night and my hangover had breakfast. Grits, biscuits, potatoes, bacon and an egg. Holy Crap. I didn't eat the egg. It didn't do too well after the first bite so I gave up on that. The grits were awesome. They had just a hint of colby-jack cheese added. It would seem that this would be enough to just do a person in, but my hangover wasn't finished with me yet. It needed icecream to top the evening off. It should be ashamed.

Saturday wasn't much better. I took a 3 hour nap. This is after having potatoes, bacon, and scrambled eggs for breakfast. It turns out I'm very out of practice from playing on a schoolnight. I was still feeling like shite. I don't think the food had anything to do with it. After I woke up, I realized I needed to go grocery shopping. Being in a very unmotivated state of mind, I opted for fast food mexican instead. At least I'd have to walk down The Stairs and back up again for the sin.

Sunday I woke up mopey. There's just no other word for it. Well, after coffee and a smoke I kicked myself in the ass. I realized that I'd have to face everyone on Monday and report all of this nonsense. I also realized that I still had no food in the house. This is not conducive to healthy living. I pulled out the weekly grocery flyers and tore through each of them. That's three stores, People. I spent my yesterday afternoon grocery shopping. There were some really great deals. I found albacore tuna 10 for $10! I got 15 cans. I also got Amy's Pizza for a really great deal! I had that for dinner last night.

I didn't spread this shopping excursion out over several days, I did it all in one big blowout. This means multiple trips up and down and back up The Stairs. I think that paid the price for my food transgressions.

I guess you could say I fell off the wagon this weekend. It's a good thing I'm not on a diet.

-jafg

Soy Joy

08/14/09

283.2 lbs

Hmmph.


I had fun last night! I had pizza for dinner. With pepperoni and sausage and mushroom. My favorite. I didn't gorge on it like I could have. Two pieces with dinner and one piece later as a "midnight snack". I may have had a few cocktails. I didn't drive. You shouldn't either if you partake of libations.

I also had some friendship bread with my midnight snack. And a glass of soymilk. Thank GOD for soymilk. I'm not joking when I say that either. I brought some with me to work this morning. Actually, the whole half gallon. I find it soothing on days like this. It's cool and refreshing.

When I first was introduced to soy milk, I was skeptical. I bucked up and picked up the glass that was poured for me, gave it a sniff, and then took my first drink. It was vanilla soymilk. It was nutty and sweet and just plain delish. That's when I became a convert.

I couldn't get enough. I still can't. I read the ingredient list one day and realized that Vanilla SM has a lot of sugar. Not surprising, just something I'd not really thought about before. I branched out to Plain SM. I don't buy the "light" versions, because they lose the word 'organic' when they add the word 'light' and they also get ingredients I have to "sound out". Hooked on Phonics Worked for Me! Sorry. It just happened. Anyway. I'll opt for less ingredients for more fat or calories any time. Well, I do use Splenda.

I have no real insights on the world of weight today. I think everyone, fat or skinny, generally feels like shite the day after a night of one too many.


-jafg

P.S.
I'm not taking the stairs at work today.

There's Really No Point

08/13/09

281.4 lbs

Holding steady.

I really love chicken salad. And bananas rolled in cinamon. If you haven't tried that, you should. If you're feeling REALLY daring, try a little sprinkling of nutmeg on some watermelon. MMMMM-MMMMM!

I'm socializing with Athletic Skinny Girl tonight. I wonder if that means dinner, too. I've not been as tight about what I eat. I splurged on a chicken salad 5-foot long roll-up yesterday with avacado and cashews. It wasn't really 5-foot long, but you get the picture. Today, chicken salad and fruit plate. YUMMMM. The mayo is not low-fat. The fruit, while it does contain fiber, also has a high sugar content. Dinner for the past two nights have had both rice and 1/2 a sweet potato.

This morning, I had a sausage-and-cheese-bagel-dog-thing (about the length of my index finger) and a slice of someone's Friendship Bread. Yeah, it's time to make that stuff again. I'm bringing mine to work tomorrow and leaving it downstairs. Damn Friendship Bread.

I'm dwelling on food. Food Glorious Food. If you say the word a lot, it starts to sound funny. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. Food. I could say the same thing about the word Nibble. Nibble. Nibble. Nibble. This is a really intelligent train of thought.

Moving on. I've got a pool that I can use and a gym that I can use and even a personal trainer than I can use as part of my concierge service where I live. The kicker? It's all at no additional cost to me. Why aren't I using these services? Well, I hate being in a bathing suit. I don't get up early enough to go to the gym when no one's there. I should try, I guess. But, I love my sleep and morning cigarette more.

I'm full of rationalizations today. I can rationalize my way out of anything. It even sounds good, too! Like, I could completely convince you to think like me if I tried hard enough. It's a gift. And a curse. (I love MONK)

-jafg

Over The Shoulder Boulder Holder

08/12/09

281.4 lbs

I usually work on this blog during my "lunchtime". I had a lot of meetings and stuff today so now's my break. Talk about some withdrawals. I've missed you, my people. I may even have to start writing on the weekends. I heart you all that much.

So. I've been thinking about my bras. And my breasts. And the fact that I really don't care much for either. I started wearing a bra when I was in 4th grade. There was no training period. I woke up one morning and BOOM! There they were. It's been down hill ever since.

My bra is very uncomfortable today. My bra is very uncomfortable most days. I have two different types of bras. I have a cotton-underwire type of bra that has no defined cup shape. I then have a defined cup/underwire plunge-type of bra that I wear. Cotton Bra is worn after work and on weekends when I'm not going anywhere. It really provides little support but The Girls do have some coverage and don't hang down with no direction. Plunge Bra is for every other time of my life.

I get my bras at LB (for those of you who don't speak 'fat girl' slang, that's short for Lane Bryant). I buy the same style. I haven't branched out in I don't know how long. Like I said, I get the kind that plunge (\/). I'm not gonna lie here, I embrace my cleavage. I mean, in the right Bra/Top combo,I look well-defined. It's completely false advertising because everything's pulled up to the front, but I don't care. I feel better when I walk into a place. I'm not Elvira, I do have a sense of modesty and taste, but I like to accenuate my femininity (Wikipedia has an entry for that, too). Plus, Plunge Bra makes me feel like I have on pretty lingerie. Especially when my bottoms match my tops.

I've been watching my bra-size slowly creep higher over the past few years. I don't mean cup-size, either. I was looking at LB online and saw some "full coverage" bras. Honestly, I don't think I have enough BOOB for these bras. I've got my fair share of the side-boob, but not real BOOB-boob. This is the reason a lot of the "plus size" tops don't look great on me. I'm not that top-heavy! I get a little frustrated because fat girls with average sized boobs need tops too! And bras! THAT ARE COMFORTABLE!

I was watching More To Love last night. I tweeted a lot about it which relieved a lot of the immediate aggravation that rises from that show. Anyway, speaking from a completely plutonic perspective, those girls got a lot goin' on in the Bra department. I'm not jealous of the BOOB-factor, but I am jealous of the clothes they can wear that I can't. I miss cute clothes. Tops, especially. I miss skirts, too, but I dislike friction more. But, that's a story for another day.

-jafg

These Flip-Flops Are Made For Walking

08/11/09

281.0 lbs

Stepping on the scale twice is now part of my regular morning ritual.

I haven't mentioned this before but I live on the top floor of my building. It takes exactly 53 steps to get from the first stair to my door. I know because I count them often. I haven't counted this as exercise because I've been walking them long before "this project" and it's never made a dent in my weightiness.

My best friend and her husband helped move me into this place (a blessing from God, I must say). When it was all done, BF Hubbie said "OK. The next time we see you, you'll have a bikini body because of these damn stairs." They've been back three times and, believe me, there's no bikini body here.

I know exactly how much money to spend to keep the groceries to a managable 1-load trip. I also use the totes because you can get more stuffed into them and the handles will go over my shoulders. I try to avoid any extra trips because those stairs just suck. They make the stairs at work look like child's play. I walk down these stairs in the morning and back up them at night when I get home. Sometimes, I will sit in my car and think "Damn. So close yet so far away."

Well, I did something pretty crazy last night. I was flipping through channels and realized that nothing was on TV. Again. [More to Love comes on tonight] Even the reliable syndicated shows were ones I'd seen too many times to sit through again. So, I decided to go for a walk. This means an added trip down The Stairs. Well, what the hell, I want to increase my activity (the calorie consumption thing I learned the other day made me do it). So, I need to find a pair of socks. I look in my drawer and there's one lonely little white sport sock. Hmmm. I obviously haven't needed any for awhile. After digging through the pile of clothes at the foot of my bed-I lack motivation in many areas of my life-I find a pair of sport socks. Woohoo! I put them on and go to grab my tennies.

I know I've been stepping over them for a few weeks. I recently had them for a four-state marathon which I recently embarked on. By marathon, I mean driving from one state to another and then to a third and then back through the second into the fourth then back home. All in 4 days. That's another blog all on its own. I had my tennies with me because this trip involved furniture and big trucks and stuff. Turns out, I wore flip-flops the whole time so I didn't need the tennies. I got home, lived out of my suitcase for a week, and then unloaded everything. The tennies went on the floor. Well, one did, anyway.

I spent 30 minutes looking for my other shoe. I still don't know where the damn thing is. I looked under my bed 3 times. It never appeared. Oh, remarkably, under my bed is very clean. Nothing there at all. Not even a cat toy or furball. I looked under the dressing table. Nothing. I even pulled the suitcase open and, yep, no shoe. How do you lose one tennis shoe?!? I can't make this stuff up, people.

I could have been defeated. I could have just plopped back on the couch and veg'ed. I did not! I persevered! I was now determined to walk and grabbed my flip-flops. Really, these are not the best items to wear when walking for the purpose of walking. Trust me.

I was pretty active for about 45 minutes last night. I had a 5-minute search for socks and lost a 30-minute scavenger hunt for my one tennie. I took 53 steps down to the main level of the building. I went for a 10-minute stroll around the neighborhood parking lot went to the community mailbox and then back to The Stairs. I then took the 53 steps up to my door. In flip-flops. Go me.

I'm eating a little bite-size Twix right now. But one thing has nothing to do with the other.

-jafg