I Think I Can Do This

09/17/09

284.2 lbs

That's a 5 lb gain in as many days.  Damnit.

I have a weak constitution when it comes to fun times with friends.  Fat girls just wanna have fun!  At least this one does.  I so love my social time.  I love spending time out with old friends most of all.  Like this weekend.  My BFF has been in my life since I was 15 yrs old.  I'll be 34 in a few short weeks.  That's 19 years of solid friendship, People.  She's been there through thick and thin.  And I totally meant that as a pun, too.

I came out of the fat closet to her this weekend and told her about my bloggin.  She already knew I was fat.  It was scary and exciting all at the same time.  We celebrated by weighing ourselves all weekend.  Well, BFF and Her-Hubbie did, not me.  I figured I'd wait for the shocking results on Monday.  Yeah, shocker. Anyway, if BFF's reading this, SHOUT OUT!  I HEART YOU!

I've been off the bloggin circuit since Friday.  I had a lot of catching up to do.  I laughed, I cried, you know, the usual.  I usually take weekends off, but I'm wondering if I otta start bloggin on the weekends to help stay on track.  Especially when I DO have company or social time.  I will still have to avoid Twitter because no one should drink and text, but I think I'll make more effort to jump into my virtual life on the weekends too.

It's been a month and the only thing consistent here is a steady stream of consiousness.  That's not too hard because I'm usually focused on me, but I really really want to lose weight.  Like really. I want to be bloggin to other fat girls and coaching them through it and telling them they can do it because I did.  I want to glimpse the future of a thin me. [pausing for that glimpse]  Nothing comes to mind.  So, I'm melanchol-i-ly (I just made that word up, feel free to use it) reading over the blogs and secretly hating everyone who's made so much progress in the same amount of time that I've made none, and I come across a post from my favorite Blog-Comic Jack Sh*t Gettin' Fit. 

He's my most favoritest smartass;  after me, of course. If you haven't meandered over to his blog and become a sh*thead convert, then you're really missing out.  He's got like 100,000,000 followers or something like that, so you  probably have, but I'm just sayin. If you're one of the two people left on Earth that hasn't read him before, you should get on it.

Rarely do I read something from The Sh*tter where there's anything serious or straight-faced, but yesterday's was different. I Think You Can Do This It's awesome.  Motivational, inspirational, and most of all, not too sappy.  Here's my homage to that post. (That means I've changed a few things around so it looks different and not like I'm a copycat).

Today I'm racked with doubt about whether or not I'm ever going to drop these pounds. At times I think this is a goal that I'm never going to be able to accomplish.

For what it’s worth, I think I'm gonna do it.

I think I've got this.

What gives me such sure-fire confidence that this is my time?

I think I want it. Of course I want it. Why else would I be here, scouring the internet for information on losing weight and getting healthy? I’m just getting started, laying the groundwork, whatever. But I’m here. I  struggled with weight my whole life and had ups and downs. But, I’m still at it.  I haven’t given up, and that’s one of the most basic, fundamental reasons why I am going to make it.

I think I know what I need to do. I do–that point’s not even up for debate. All the information I need is either in my brain or at my fingertips. I may not be heeding it every day, may not be following my own game plan, but that’s not because I don’t know any better. I know better, and one day (and one day soon) I’m going to wake up to the fact that I know better. Maybe I already have.

I think I deserve it. Don’t get the feeling that I think I’m extra special (although, I do feel like I’m extra special). I think everyone deserves it. Everyone deserves to be healthy, to be fit and to feel good about themselves. It’s a basic human right, and it’s time I reclaimed what is rightfully mine.

I think nothing’s stopping me… but me. I can blame the job, the kitty, the friends, the financial situation… I can blame anything I want, but I have to understand that it’s me that dug this hole that I’m standing at the bottom of it and it’s me that’s going to eventually have to put that shovel down and decide that it’s time to start climbing. I hate climbing. But I’ve gotta do it.

I think it’s time. I mean that, I think it’s time right now. I mean right this very second. Excuses are for the weak, and I am anything but weak. I’m strong-willed, and I know that if I apply myself… I mean really give it my all… this is a journey that I will be successful with.

One month ago I stood on my balcony and got fed up with being just another fat girl. It’s a miserable way to feel.  I looked in a mirror and could no longer face the image staring back at me. I wasn’t so mad at what I’d done to myself; I was mad at what I was continuing to do to myself. Since I can appreciate the difference… well, that’s one more reason why I’m going to make this change in myself.

Because that’s the thing: we’re not chained to the person we are. There’s nothing holding us back if we wake up and decide to make that transformation.

One month ago, I decided to change the person I am, and every day that passes makes me prouder and happier at where I am now and what I will accomplish.

I’m not done yet, and neither are you.

Thank you, Jack.  You're The Sh*t.

-jafg