Friday, August 28, 2009

Being The Toilet Paper


286.2 lbs

At least it's stopped going up.

My toilet paper has hearts and flowers embossed into it. Each sheet is just a bubbly little square patch of warm fuzzies. This got me to thinking. I don't know about your toilet paper, but mine's been used for some pretty nasty business. Actually, I can't think of one nice thing I've ever used my toilet paper for! I've wiped tooth paste off the mirror and faucet, cleaned up spilled coffee and other beverages off the bathroom sink, gotten cat vomit off the floor. Not to mention all the traditional uses for the stuff! And yet, each sheet holds hearts and flowers. If toilet paper were a girl, I really don't think I'd like her very much.

I keep telling you about the first class crappy days I've been having lately. They've been just that. CRAPPY. Our buddy Jack Sh*t would fit right in with my past two weeks. He'd probably revel in the crappiness of it all. Well, I've decided to be like my toilet paper today. I'm busy cleaning up metaphorical sh*t and I'm wearing metaphorical hearts and flowers while doing it. That's right. I'm warm and fuzzy. It's a dirty job, but SOMEbody's gotta do it.


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1 comment:

Anonymous said...

my grandmother always told me you can catch more flies with honey, honey! Good for you!