Fearing the Flappy Flab

10/28/09

281.6 lbs

I really don't see this as a gain.  It fluxuated like this last week.  If it goes up tomorrow, I'll consider panicking.

I watched The Biggest Loser last night. I tuned in after "It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown".  I don't really follow that show.  I've just never gotten past the fact that there are people out there that are watching it to make fun of fat people or exploit them or whatever.  You know they're out there.

I'm gonna sound like a bitch here...you've been warned. 

I was watching the "last chance workout" and saw a lot of emotional-baggage/crying-stuff stuff.  Why on earth would anyone allow themselves to have these breakdowns on national TV?  In a room full of sweaty people?  And with a personal trainer?!  It's not like he or she is a trained psychologist or something.  The girl trainer totally looks uncomfortable with the tears.  She's just mean, anyway.  This all bugs me.  Greatly.  Work on your issues elsewhere, please.  I had the same problem with More to Love.  All the "I've been sad all my life and that's why I'm fat" crap.  This isn't going to make me a popular person, but it is possible to be fat and be fairly well-adjusted.  Really.  It is.  Nevermind the fact that I had my own personal breakdown when trying to go to the gym.  That may have been talked about on the internet, but you wouldn't know me from any other cute fat lady standing behind you eyeing the peanut M & M's in the grocery.  Anonymity is not an option when you have a TV camera in your face.

Enough of that.  What I really wanted to comment on is a fear that I've developed after watching last night's episode.  In all seriousness here, I'm afraid of sagging skin when I finally drop the weight.  These folks are losing weight at hyper-speed (like 101 lbs in 7 weeks-WTF?!?) so they've drastically changed eating habits and work-out from dawn until way past dusk.  It's super fast weightloss so maybe the skin doesn't have time to recover, but come on...that's a lot of saggy skin. 

I've never posted full body pictures here...and maybe I should....so you don't really ever see anything other than the words I type on the screen.  Of course, this doesn't represent any of my physical qualities but my fabulous personality traits.  You all know you'd have fun with me if we ever went out for adult beverages.  I'd make you have fun.  You wouldn't be allowed to do anything else.  Anyway, my point is, I am less than 20 lbs away from 300lbs.  (There's a dose of reality for ya.)  There is only so much "weight appropriate" dressing you can do with a good top and bottom set.  Silhoettes only go so far. 

Well, there's a lot of skin covering a lot of fat here.  When the fat goes away, what's gonna happen to the skin?!?!  I'm nervous.  I'm thinking of my Middle and my arms here.  Not to mention my breasts.  I don't need them to deflate!  I've watched Dr. 90210 before.  I watched Adam Sandler's "Click" (it wasn't the best movie in the world). I've seen those mushy fleshy all puckered and flat pieces of skin that are just lying there on otherwise skinny people. 

For those of you in the reading audience who have lost large amounts of wieght and surface area, what happened to your skin?  If you lose the weight slowly, does this not happen? 

Is there hope or only serious cosmetic surgery in my future?


-jafg

8 Days: 23 Hours: 27 Minutes: 14 Seconds Ago

10/27/09

280.2 lbs

I've been sick.  I had bronchitis.  I had to get TWO shots in my ass:  1 shot of steriod and 1 shot of antibiotic.  In addition to a pill regiment.  I also had to be tested for strep and flu.  This means they stick  long cotton swabs down your thoat and up your nose.  I'm not bitter.  I am pretty excited about the weight, though.  It did get as high as 284 last week, but I don't know if that really counts because it then bottomed out at the 0 and 1 mark.  I'm counting it as a "holding steady" for a whole week.  That kinda makes up for the shots and the swabs.  Kinda.

I've got bigger news for you, though.  I quit smoking!  I've given you an approximation of the last time I inhaled.  It's not like I'm keeping track or anything. 

As I said, I've been sick.  I saw the opportunity to stop something bad (since I usually only get sick sick when My Habit is in full swing) and I took it.  I'm still coughing and still sound a little hoarse, but over all I'm feeling like a champ.  A bit of a frustrated champ, but still, a champ.

Yes; I've quit before.  This time I'm working on making it permenant. Again.  Years have gone by before between cigarettes, but somehow I manage to let smoking wiggle its way back into my life.  Sort of exactly like My Fat.  It seems a little ridiculous to be trying to change My Fat habits and change My Habit habits at the same time; but, for some reason, my brain has decided to pair them together.  Like having two things to obsess over will actually ease the burden of both.  I don't get the logic, but that's what has ended up happening.  We'll see how it goes.

It's been easier for me to lay My Habit aside when I'm not feeling that great. I was home all last week. Crabbiness wasn't an issue for others. I slept most of the time and the rest of the time I was laid up on the couch with Kitty watching Murder She Wrote. It's on Hallmark in the middle of the day and it's totally a guilty pleasure. I usually record it.

You can't honestly expect me to give up ALL of my vices.

-jafg

The One Thing I Wasn't Gonna Do

10/16/09

???.? lbs

I was too chicken to get on the scale this morning.

I went to a wine and cheese social last night.  It was ok.  It was a business event and since I'm still new to this town, I don't know many folks in my business.  I'm working on it, though. Well, as the event title suggested, there was plenty of wine and cheese.  The wine was mediocre, but the cheese was fantastic.  I probably ate $20 worth of cheese last night. That and the one glass of wine makes up for my $25 event ticket.

I caught myself on my second plate realizing that I shouldn't be consuming this much cheese.  It's hard to turn down big chunks of Gruyère, though.  That stuff's my fave.  That and Rembrandt aged Gouda (not smoked Gouda but, boy, smoked g is great in grits).  Yummmm.  I could make myself sick on the stuff. I have before.  I'm not proud of that.  I did go back and get some carrots to make me feel a little more healthy.

So today I started thinking about a goal.  I said in the beginning there would be no goal-setting, but damnit, I guess I need to.  I don't think blogging all the time is a good enough goal.  This blogging almost every day is really easy because I enjoy it.  It's not work and, for the most part, is pretty much effortless. Shouldn't a goal require some effort to complete?  Well, What do I need to accomplish?  That list is too long to put here so I'll bring out the one I'm thinking about at the moment.  No, not eat less cheese (although, I am trying), but drink more water.  That's right.  Water is my goal. 

I don't actually do a lot of liquid intake during the day with the exception of the occasional Mr. Pibb (which I haven't had since this past weekend) and coffee.  So, I need to drink more water.  So far I've only been able to get one or two glasses in a day.  I need to be drinking like 10.  So...this is my goal.  DRINK WATER.  At least 60 ounces a day.  I am still going to have coffee, but for every one cup of coffee I have I'm going to have 2 glasses of water that don't count toward my goal.

I hate what this means for my bladder.

-jafg

Love and Birthday Cake

10/15/09

280.4 lbs

I was confused about that, too.

Thanks so much for all the comments, yesterday.  It was great to learn what gave everyone that big shove they needed to get off the fat couch and get moving toward healthy living.  I also got two new blogfans yesterday and had more comments than I ever had before in one sitting!  Woo Hoo!  I am feeling the love.

Speaking of Love, I may not have mentioned this to you before but it was recently my Birthday.  Well, I was traveling on the day of and didn't really get to do much fun.  Need I remind you of my airplane experience?  Anyway, What I DID get to do was spend a few hours in the Vegas airport so, I guess, it could have been worse.  Like the time I was super sick over New Year's.  That was horrible. 

Okay, getting back to my Love point.  I really wasn't feeling my 34th all that much.  It was turning out to be just a blah birthday.  Not because of anything in particular, but I didn't make much fanfare and was feeling a little 'whatever' about it.  Some years are just like that... 

So, I told you yesterday I was attending a belated Birthday Bash for me.  It was great!  My work friends, my mom, and my non-work friends all met out and celebrated me.  I know I sound like a self-centered little jafg (and I kind of am), but in all seriousness, I was really feeling the love.  It's a heartwarming, humbling experience when everyone celebrates you.

So yesterday was awesome, we've established that.  Well, this morning when I got on the scale, I really couldn't believe what I was seeing.  [See weight above]  I got on the scale twice just to test it out, but the number stayed the same; right down to the ounce.  I am thrilled!  For the record, the only thing I've really started again is cutting back on food consumption.  I'm not snacking at night, I'm eating Lean Cuisines for lunch (mostly) and that's pretty much it.  I'm a little surprised to see such a drop this morning.  I'm hoping it holds out.

Of course, I can't wait for first chance to get to my blog.  When there, I hit my reader.  I check on a blog I've been following closely this week:  Creating Natasha.  She's Canadian; don't hold it against her.  (Hey, I'm from the South.  I've earned the right to make fun of other geographical locations.)  I find out that she's responded to not one, but TWO of my witty little comments from the week!  RIGHT IN HER BLOG!  What an awesome present.  I told her it was like I was a guest poster or something.  I felt so cool! Which is really funny considering she wrote about that this week.

Everybody's birthday should be special! It's a special day! My special day just came a week and a half later than usual. I was even surprised with a birthday cake at work yesterday. It was good. I did have some; after all, it was for me.


-jafg

What Have I Done For Me Lately?

10/14/09

284.2 lbs

I'm eating a Wendy's taco salad for lunch today.  I have to wear a napkin as a bib because it's messy.  It's not what I started out to get, but I'm glad I went with this rather than a mushroom swiss burger and fries from some other place.  Great, I just dropped some chili on my blouse.  Good thing it's synthetic material; I just sponged it off without a problem.

I have to tell you, my blog-reading friends, I really wanted to post something yesterday but didn't have a damn thing to write about.  It was depressing.  Just sitting at my desk staring at the blinking cursor on the white screen was killing me.  I'm surprised I'm here to tell you about it today! 

I'm going to be very busy over the next few days.  I've got a belated birthday party to attend tonight which I am super excited about.  It's for me.  The restaurant where we're going has freakin' fantastic french onion soup and that's what I'll be having for dinner.  Tomorrow I'm going to a Wine and Cheese shindig after work.  It's a business event, but I'm looking forward to it anyway.  I love wine and I love cheese.  There's gonna be a bunch of women there, so I won't be overdoing it (Thank you, Social Peer Pressure). 

Friday night, I'm going to hear an awesome local band play at a bar that's pretty close to home and then Saturday I'm attending my first SEC football game (That's Southeastern Conference for those of you who don't know).  I'm a little worried about that, turth be told.  It should be fun, though.  Tailgating will be!  You'll all get to hear about it next week.  The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.

Since I couldn't think of anything to write about yesterday, I spent my freetime reading other blogs.  I also spent my freetime reading my blog.  I started from the beginning and read it all again.  It's a lot of reading at one time.  I've got some pretty funny stuff, and I have some stuff that isn't as funny as I thought it was.  Damnit. 

I also watched the tracking of the weight go from as high as 287+ to as low as 279+.  I'm now at 284+.  I guess that is somewhat progress.  It depressed me a bit.  Not really, but kinda.  It made me wonder--after reading my blog and so many others--what really makes it happen.  Yeah, yeah, I know, only I can make the decision to change myself...blah blah blah.  But when does the click come in? 

Technically, I'm still sitting on the sidelines watching everybody else make progress and lose weight.  And let me tell you, the people out there making strides are people that have had really come a long way!  We're talking in the high double to triple figures here!  That's my level of needed weightloss.  It isn't like someone trying to work off an extra 5 lbs. or so.  Which is hard for them, but we should all have these problems!

I'm still not motivated to really get out there and START. I've had a great time meeting friends and influencing people, but what have I really done for myself? 

What made you get off the couch and kick your own ass?  When was that "AHA" moment for you?

-jafg

I Can Has Cheezburger

10/12/09

284.4 lbs

This weekend was uneventful.  I did learn I'm not a dog person.  Which is funny because I only got a cat to appease the need to get a dog.  I didn't think apartment living would be good for a dog.  Now, I can't imagine life without my cat.  I heart him!

Well, I did nothing on Friday night except watch True Blood Season Two.  SAG has HBO and thus has HBO On Demand.  I watched the entire season over the weekend. It was great.  It's a little weird, but I didn't mind too much.  I watched most of it on Friday night because I found it very difficult to sleep in a strange place.  Even with a dog in the house. 

Ok, I've been over to SAG's house plenty of times, even had dinner there a few.  Remember the Butter with a side of Pasta dinner?  Well, I couldn't pass up the chance to nose around her healthy place to see her food.  That's right.  I nosed.  Guess what I found out.  She has no less than 5 different kinds of Little Debbie snacks in her pantry!  That and Chef Boy-R-Dee cans of stuff as well as a freezer full of things that make My Fat grow just reading their boxes at the grocery.  There's tons of Mac-N-Cheese and other pasta products lying around too.  It's pretty crazy.  I see why she's so active now.  She has to be.  She's not nutritional in the food consumption department.  She did tell me once that she works out to be able to eat the way she does, but I had no idea. 

I don't know how I feel about this really.  Am I jealous or disgusted?  The latter would classify me in the "I'm a bit judgemental" department, but, I mean, damn.  She is a working-out fool.  I gotta say I really was hoping for some healthy food somewhere.  Suppliments would have been good, even!  But no.  It's all crap.  Like Totino's pizzas.  I thought they were only drunk food, ya know?  Food you eat when you're getting home after a night of merry-making and you forgot to stop at Waffle House.  Apperantly not.  Apperantly you can eat them for regular dinner, too.  And Spaghetti-O's.  With an Oatmeal Pie.  Or a Coffee Dunkin' Stick. 

I have to admit, though.  I had to have an Oatmeal Pie.  They're like my favorite.

-jafg

My Big Fat Wii Mii

10/09/09

43-44 BMI

That's right; BMI.  Just keep reading.

I'm dog-sitting this weekend.  For SAG (Skinny Athletic Girl for those of you who are new to the JAFG storyline).  Her dog is fantastic.  Loves to play, doesn't jump on you when you walk into the room and also loves to be snuggled.  AND is the softest dog you'll ever pet.  Really.  It's almost unnatural how soft this dog is.  I don't have to spend every waking minute with her, but I am spending the night with her.  Tonight and tomorrow night.  That leaves a little bit of time to do nothing in an empty house.  With just me and the dog.  Since I'm dog-sitting, I visited last night to learn the food and outside routine of the pupster.  SAG's an electronics fanatic so I also had to learn which of the 15 remotes works the TV.

SAG also has a Wii.  Yea!  I love Wii Bowling.  It's awesome and somehow I make a strike almost every time.  This is amazing since in the real world my bowling score is usually 43.  She's got a few games, but what she has that I've been looking forward to most is Wii Fit.  I learned how to power it up and since it was the first time I've ever used it, I had to create a Mii. 

I've heard about these little bastards. They start out all cute and sweet and once you step on the balance board [insert some crescendo-ing computer sound indicating "increase" or "growth"] and then.....BAM!  It turns you into a Fat Wii Mii.  What the hell is that?!?!  Even in a cartoon world I'm fat!  I can't freakin' believe it.  I didn't even have the option to lie.  And I would have if I was given the chance.

The really funny thing is that SAG was right there with me walking me through every step.  Yeah.  I was really laughing.  I told her there was no way in hell I would disclose my weight.  It asked me, but I got to hit next.  Once it was done, it did a calculation based on my height (I'm 5'6" if you remember from the first post) and proudly announced my BMI.  Great.  Turns out I am like 43.8 or something like that.  Turns out I'm supposed to be like 23.4 or something.  I'm like practically double the BMI number I'm supposed to be.  Nice.  Oh, it also turns out that once you're all done, it takes your fat Wii Mii ass back to the main menu where you  stand side-by-side next to a Skinny Athletic Wii Mii version of SAG.  You'd think this would be the worst part of it. You'd think that it couldn't possibly more humiliating than this. You'd be wrong. 

Once I have my little smiley fat and sassy Wii Mii created, we get move onto the balancing games.  There's this one game where you try to hit soccer balls with your Mii head.  I didn't quite grasp that concept and thought I was supposed to dodge the soccer balls. Obviously I didn't play a lot of sports as a child.  Well, I finally figured out how to make my Mii move and hit balls.  The damn game throws shoes and panda heads at your Mii, too.  You're supposed to doge those.  They're really the only thing I actually hit, or hit me, or whatever.  It's a little twisted, I know.  So I gave up on that after about 5 minutes and was introduced to the "Basic Stepping" program. 

In this "Basic Stepping" program, there's the bunch of little mini Wii Miis on a stage and you're supposed to follow the footprints you see on the screen and step on the balance board.  Apparently, it matters which foot you use.  Like if they want you to use your right one, you're actually supposed to use your right one.  Meh. It sounds like it'd be easy.  It's not.  I got all confused and only got it right when my feet weren't  supposed to be on the balance board.  You've gotta move side to side front to back it's damn confusing. 

SAG decided to jump in and "show me how it's done".  This is where it gets really bad.  Remember how it knows my weight and BMI (it didn't show my weight, but I know it knows the damn thing).  Well, it adapts to the levels of pressure that are supposed to be applied based on the person that standing on the thing.  That means that skinny ass SAG with a BMI of like -2 had to practically jump up and down to get the board to recognize that she was on it!  I've been humilitated by a video game. It'd be depressing if it weren't so damn funny.

It occurred to me as I got in my car and lit my cigarette, I just did some exercise.  Hmm.  Pretty cool.

-jafg

Something Wicked This Way Comes......

10/08/09

284.8 lbs

WTH?

I am SO excited about Halloween.  About the whole upcoming holiday season really.  It starts with my Birthday and rolls through New Year's.  I really love Halloween though.  I read once that as the holiday grew in popularity in the 60's our parents passed that holiday fun-lovin gene down through the 70's and 80's and 90's (even with the razorblade in the apple stuff-which, btw, has never really happened) and basically we GenXers and generations that followed have just brought it with us up into adulthood.  I mean, who doesn't love dressing up like an idiot and making merriment all night?

That's me in that picture in case you're wondering.  I figured since I'm sporting my super fantastic 60's-pink-bobbed-hair wig, I could consider my JAFG super secret identity still intact.  I'm also wearing a tiara, but that's not really part of the costume since I'll wear it pretty much whenever I want. 

I'm not sure what costume I'll come up with this year.  I love going to costume shops and finding great stuff.  I'm not talking Party City either.  I'm talking Theater shops with quality garb.  Stuff that you know won't fall apart by night's end.  I wouldn't mind finding another fantastic wig to add to the collection.  Last year was fun in that Pink Wig.  People loved it. Hell, I loved it!  I even bought one of those styrofoam heads for it to sit on. 

One year BFF and I went to Salem, Mass for Halloween.  Talk about AWESOME.  It's like Mardi Gras in NOLA without all the vomit and other human excriment everywhere.  Which is kinda nice when you think about it.  Actually, if you were caught with a beverage on the street in Salem, you'd be ticketed by the police.  BFF and I did buy some Absynthe online from Europe.  It didn't do a damn thing.  Stupid Green Fairy Tale!   Ooohhh.  Green Fairy.  That's an idea, isn't it?  I wonder how I can pull that off....

I'm going back to Southern City for the holiday to play with my hometown friends.  Who knows what kind of frightful fun we'll find.  I can't wait to go out and laugh make fun of all the craziness that will ensue.  Pictures from Halloween are the best.  Even though all the girls are dressed so trampy.  Oh wait, how's that different from any other Saturday night?


-jafg

Now Back To Our Regularly Scheduled Program...

10/07/09

287.0 lbs

Whateves.  I had a birthday and did what I wanted.  So, my present to myself?  Weight Gain. Thanks, Me!

I've been travelling so that explains the radio silence last week.  It appears, though, that I have two new fans since I've been gone. WooHoo! Welcome JAFG Newbies!

I  travel for business regularly.  Not like monthly or anything, but enough that I have fashionable matching luggage.  I'm always travelling right around my birthday which can be fun, because it's a trip that Company pays for and it's usually in a great locale.  I still pay for my own adult beverages.  Most of the time, though, someone else is around to take care of that.  Hey, I'm a single girl surrounded by a lot of traveling business guys.  It's how it works.

I flew a different airline for the first time in a long time.  I've been a Delta girl (Free Plug) for years.  I traveled on Southwest (yet another Free Plug) this time which was pretty alright.  They don't have real seat assignments.  They assign you a letter group (a-c) and then a number (1-60) and make you board in that order.  I purchased a bump in line for $10 so I was always one of the first 35 to board.  This means you get a better shot at a good seat. 

This also means someone gets stuck next to you, you don't get stuck next to someone.  I hate walking down the aisle of a plane and seeing someone watch you and then realize you're about to squeeze your fat arse into the seat next to them.  With this seating arrangement (or lack thereof), odds are someone's gonna choose the little old lady over the fat girl.  I'm more likely to get an empty seat next to me.  Proof positive that something good comes out of everything, even being JAFG.

Also, I get to struggle with the seatbelt all by myself.  No one has to watch my face go red because it's cutting off the circulation to the upper part of my body.  Deep Vein Thrombosis?  Ha!  I laugh at you!  I have no blood running down to my lower extremities! 

Then there's the arm rest.  It tends to creep up as the flight progresses.  Not because I'm moving it, mind you, but because my thigh fat is slowly seeping underneath it.  So much so that about half way through the flight that middle person has to readjust him/herself and force it back down.  That's not awkward. 

I prefer traveling by myself.  I would rather sit by a complete stranger that I can completely ignore (or dazzle with my bright and shiny personality if I feel like it) and not worry about ever seeing again once we all "deplane".  That's the real way to go.  I don't want to sit next to someone I know who has to pretend to ignore the fact that the seatbelt is one hair shy of being too small (I would never buy my jeans that tight)  or the tray-table doesn't come all the way down and then face them on Monday Morning.  Great.  That's worse than someone walking in on you in the bathroom.  Believe me, I know.

I did get hit on a few times on this trip.  That's always a real ego booster.  These folks are either "industry colleagues" or "industry vendors".  The vendors are sales folk and Sales Folk are always up for a good time.  Sales Folk are usually a good-lookin bunch and I do enjoy some good eye-candy.  It's nice when we're "networking" after the conference meetings and they try to sell you stuff by buying you drinks.  I'm such a conference junkie that most of them know me by now and forgo the sales and get right to the drinks.  And flirting.  I'm just heady enough to still think I'm the shit (No Offense, Jack).  This may increase my pheromone output which says "It's ok to buy me a drink".  Or maybe it's the fact that I actually say "It's ok to buy me a drink".  Either, way, I'm getting a drink. 

Now-a-days, I'm usually out with SAG and The Blondes and getting shoved aside by boys, so being out and about on my own turf really is good for boosting the soul.  And the ego.  I was actually asked to a room.  That's right, boys and girls, I was really hit on.  He's somebody I know and somebody I could do business with one day, so that's a big Negatory on the invite.  But, it was fun and funny.  He was drunk and I was sober(ish).  He's good looking and I was amused.  It almost made the airplane ride worth it!  But not really.

Happy Birthday!

-jafg