04/26/2011
285.2 lbs
Today is a so-so day.
I received some very valid constructive criticism today. It stung. Mostly because it's true.
So I have an established position in my career. I've been in my industry for 7 years which is nothing to balk at. (I hate ending sentences in prepositions, btw.) You all know that mostly I'm clever, charming, witty and fun. Well, I also have a brain and apparently I haven't been showing that feature off enough in the right circles.
You all know I travel. I go to conferences, conventions, meetings, what-have-yous on a very regular basis. I do have a good time, but I don't wimp out of my responsibilities either. I've always gone with the "Work Hard/Play Hard" mentality. It's worked for me up to now, because the same people I was playing hard with, also saw the work hard part. Well, when you're dealing with a "national level" or something bigger than your immediate daily reach, this isn't so much the case. Damn.
I plan on staying in this industry as long as I can. I really want to call it home. I have. I know things and speak as an expert at my home base level, but have what you might call stage fright everywhere else. My safetynet has been socializing. I know, taken on my own, my bright and shiney personality will win anyone over. HOWEVER. I have never felt comfortable to move past that. I feel like a big phony. Actually, I know I am.
I lack confidence.
Shocker, right? I've come a long way in life and have had to deal with many unpleasantries as most everyone who has or ever will come across this blog. I've climbed through, persevered and ended up mostly satisfied with life. The point, though, is that where I thought I had it all figured out was my career. I don't have marriage, I don't have kids, I have career. I'm happy with that choice. But, what happens when that falters? When I realize that I am not as solid in this aspect as I thought. How does it make any other area of my life which desperately needs attention (i.e.: or e.g.: I never know which is the appropriate one to use my weight) have a glimmer of a chance to be successful? There is a bigger picture here which needs to be addressed and, while I've known it for some time, I'm only just realizing it.
My mom came to visit for Easter. It was great to see her. It had been since Christmas. Long time, I know. She does not appreciate self-deprecating humor. So, the joke this weekend was, "I know I'm smart, but I'm kindof an Idiot". It's amazing how versatile that is. And how true. I have a brain and I don't always use it. I'm too old for that. Too established, too. My little criticism today pointed that out.
It could be worse, though.
Last week, I shat myself.
-jafg
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Shame on Me
04/14/2011
283.0 lbs
I have been so neglectful of my blog and my exercise. Shame on me.
I'm peeking into the world of weight again. Just briefly. I have a lot going on. No excuse, just a fact.
I will talk to you all very soon!
-jafg
283.0 lbs
I have been so neglectful of my blog and my exercise. Shame on me.
I'm peeking into the world of weight again. Just briefly. I have a lot going on. No excuse, just a fact.
I will talk to you all very soon!
-jafg
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Irish Blessings
03/17/2011
281.3 lbs
I wasn't going to post this, but when I was poaching my image from the St. Patty's Day post last year, I noticed my weight. I'm 12 lbs lighter. :-)
To quote last year:
I'm partying tonight. Don't worry, I've got tomorrow off and cab money for the ride home.
Be safe! Have Fun! Go Green!
-jafg
May the road rise up to meet you, may the wind be ever at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face and the rain fall softly on your fields.
And until we meet again, May God hold you in the hollow of his hand.
281.3 lbs
I wasn't going to post this, but when I was poaching my image from the St. Patty's Day post last year, I noticed my weight. I'm 12 lbs lighter. :-)
To quote last year:
I'm partying tonight. Don't worry, I've got tomorrow off and cab money for the ride home.
Be safe! Have Fun! Go Green!
-jafg
May the road rise up to meet you, may the wind be ever at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face and the rain fall softly on your fields.
And until we meet again, May God hold you in the hollow of his hand.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Whirlwind Update
03/16/2010
279.6 lbs
That was yesterday's weight. Today...it's a little higher, so I think I'll stick with that.
Kids, SO much has happened in the few weeks I've been gone. Firstly, I saw LDL. Boy, did I see him. A lot. Like many, many, many times. Repeatedly. I saw him. It was good. It was really good. I think you get the point.
Secondly, I haven't hit my gym up with Li'l Bit since being back in town. This is a bad thing. I have managed to lose a few lbs and keep them off since the CHALLENGE last month. This is a good thing. MAC (said challenger and ADVERSARY) is now with child. Shit. I'm SO happy for her, but now the whole percentage of loss thing...totally no longer applicable. Doesn't mean I'm no longer motivated. It just means I have to find someone else to blame for my pain when I exercise. It's always good to have a scapegoat (MAC, I don't think you're a goat...just wanna make that clear).
Holy Followers! I've jumped 5 followers in the few weeks I've been gone. That blows my mind! I am so happy that people like this blog enough to follow it and I've had a steady climb upward, but I've never had such a big jump in numbers before. It's humbling. And, of course, it feeds my ego. Ironic, I know, but it does work both ways.
I have a crazy summer formulating. The next few months have a lot going on socially. Great motivation for keeping on track. Also, lots of reasons to panic a bit since a few involve bathing suits. I can do it, I just have to gear up for it. You know what I mean.
To top everything off, I met someone locally. It's such a new, budding possibility I don't want to talk about it in detail right now. It's confusing because of LDL. But, then again, there's the L-D part of the equation which really sucks. Ugh. I see him again in May. Months between visits is not condusive for growing into anything more than whatever it is we are now.
WTH??? When did my life become so damn complicated????
Oh. Yeah. When sex came back into it.
It is a calorie burner, tho.
-jafg
279.6 lbs
That was yesterday's weight. Today...it's a little higher, so I think I'll stick with that.
Kids, SO much has happened in the few weeks I've been gone. Firstly, I saw LDL. Boy, did I see him. A lot. Like many, many, many times. Repeatedly. I saw him. It was good. It was really good. I think you get the point.
Secondly, I haven't hit my gym up with Li'l Bit since being back in town. This is a bad thing. I have managed to lose a few lbs and keep them off since the CHALLENGE last month. This is a good thing. MAC (said challenger and ADVERSARY) is now with child. Shit. I'm SO happy for her, but now the whole percentage of loss thing...totally no longer applicable. Doesn't mean I'm no longer motivated. It just means I have to find someone else to blame for my pain when I exercise. It's always good to have a scapegoat (MAC, I don't think you're a goat...just wanna make that clear).
Holy Followers! I've jumped 5 followers in the few weeks I've been gone. That blows my mind! I am so happy that people like this blog enough to follow it and I've had a steady climb upward, but I've never had such a big jump in numbers before. It's humbling. And, of course, it feeds my ego. Ironic, I know, but it does work both ways.
I have a crazy summer formulating. The next few months have a lot going on socially. Great motivation for keeping on track. Also, lots of reasons to panic a bit since a few involve bathing suits. I can do it, I just have to gear up for it. You know what I mean.
To top everything off, I met someone locally. It's such a new, budding possibility I don't want to talk about it in detail right now. It's confusing because of LDL. But, then again, there's the L-D part of the equation which really sucks. Ugh. I see him again in May. Months between visits is not condusive for growing into anything more than whatever it is we are now.
WTH??? When did my life become so damn complicated????
Oh. Yeah. When sex came back into it.
It is a calorie burner, tho.
-jafg
Monday, February 21, 2011
I Hate No Pain No Gain.
02/21/2011
283.2 lbs
That is definitely yesterday's weight. I was in such a hurry to be on time this morning (which, might I add, I was 4 minutes early) that I forgot to weigh myself. And I really wanted to, too.
I didn't work out Friday night. I just checked out. I went home and immediately cracked open a beer (which is actually a rarity to have in the house). I just wasn't down with the whole idea of trying to get my ass moving after work. Especially by myself for the first time out of the gate again. It's just one of those things.
I did work out on Saturday, tho. For an hour! With a new workout buddy! She's a new friend, met her in December at a Wine Down Wednesday (half price bottles of wine...I heart Wednesdays)/Birthday Celebration. We were instant BFFs. Anyway, I asked her if she'd be interested in working out with me on Saturday. She said yes! YEA!! So here she comes, all 4'11" of her, (I should tell you, her size or lack there of, does not bother me in the slightest) in a little tennis outfit 'cause she just got done with a clinic. I hop on my favorite elliptical machine, which btw, has a lot more "wear and tear" since the last time I've seen it, poor thing, and she hops on the treadmill beside me.
I do a fairly good incline for 24.43 minutes. At that point, I could feel a heat rash developing in a location I'd rather not disclose right now. I forgot about those. So, I tell her I've had enough elliptical and she says, "we're gonna hit the weights, right?" Sure. I'm thinking that my arms could use a little workout, too. We spend the next 45 minutes on almost every machine in the place. It was awesome. And hillarious. I hope that laughing burns calories, too.
There's this bicep/tricep machine where you have to put your elbows down on this ledge and take these handle things and push the weights down and back. I never used it before. I always skipped it. Well, Little Bit added it to our list of machines to use. It made me discover I have muscles above my elbows. I know this now because they hurt every time I move more than my fingers and wrists. I'm talking pain. Real pain. Still-lingering-it-hurts-to-pick-up-the-phone-and-lift-my-coffee-cup-two-days-later pain. My rash is gone, thank GOD, my legs feel no stress or soreness whatsoever, but DEAR LORD my arms.
I remember that I got sore after workout. I remember feeling like I needed to go to the ER after my first hiphophell class. Don't laugh, I seriously considered it. What I don't remember is the actual feeling of the pain. The soreness every time you move in just the right-or maybe wrong-way and you just want to freeze and never move again.
Of course, freezing is not an option. Lack of motion is why I'm so damn sore in the first place. I know this is the first step [again] in getting healthy, but this is definitely a part of the process I don't like. I did enjoy the sweating, tho. And boy, did I sweat!
So, I'm doing it all again on Tuesday. Yea. Holy Crap. Both sentiments really apply. Little Bit has agreed to work out with me. She's not a gym bunny which is awesome. As a matter of fact, as I drank my mojitos and she drank her mimosas over brunch on Sunday. She was telling me how sore she was, too!
Misery does love Company. Especially when adult beverages are involved.
-jafg
283.2 lbs
That is definitely yesterday's weight. I was in such a hurry to be on time this morning (which, might I add, I was 4 minutes early) that I forgot to weigh myself. And I really wanted to, too.
I didn't work out Friday night. I just checked out. I went home and immediately cracked open a beer (which is actually a rarity to have in the house). I just wasn't down with the whole idea of trying to get my ass moving after work. Especially by myself for the first time out of the gate again. It's just one of those things.
I did work out on Saturday, tho. For an hour! With a new workout buddy! She's a new friend, met her in December at a Wine Down Wednesday (half price bottles of wine...I heart Wednesdays)/Birthday Celebration. We were instant BFFs. Anyway, I asked her if she'd be interested in working out with me on Saturday. She said yes! YEA!! So here she comes, all 4'11" of her, (I should tell you, her size or lack there of, does not bother me in the slightest) in a little tennis outfit 'cause she just got done with a clinic. I hop on my favorite elliptical machine, which btw, has a lot more "wear and tear" since the last time I've seen it, poor thing, and she hops on the treadmill beside me.
I do a fairly good incline for 24.43 minutes. At that point, I could feel a heat rash developing in a location I'd rather not disclose right now. I forgot about those. So, I tell her I've had enough elliptical and she says, "we're gonna hit the weights, right?" Sure. I'm thinking that my arms could use a little workout, too. We spend the next 45 minutes on almost every machine in the place. It was awesome. And hillarious. I hope that laughing burns calories, too.
There's this bicep/tricep machine where you have to put your elbows down on this ledge and take these handle things and push the weights down and back. I never used it before. I always skipped it. Well, Little Bit added it to our list of machines to use. It made me discover I have muscles above my elbows. I know this now because they hurt every time I move more than my fingers and wrists. I'm talking pain. Real pain. Still-lingering-it-hurts-to-pick-up-the-phone-and-lift-my-coffee-cup-two-days-later pain. My rash is gone, thank GOD, my legs feel no stress or soreness whatsoever, but DEAR LORD my arms.
I remember that I got sore after workout. I remember feeling like I needed to go to the ER after my first hiphophell class. Don't laugh, I seriously considered it. What I don't remember is the actual feeling of the pain. The soreness every time you move in just the right-or maybe wrong-way and you just want to freeze and never move again.
Of course, freezing is not an option. Lack of motion is why I'm so damn sore in the first place. I know this is the first step [again] in getting healthy, but this is definitely a part of the process I don't like. I did enjoy the sweating, tho. And boy, did I sweat!
So, I'm doing it all again on Tuesday. Yea. Holy Crap. Both sentiments really apply. Little Bit has agreed to work out with me. She's not a gym bunny which is awesome. As a matter of fact, as I drank my mojitos and she drank her mimosas over brunch on Sunday. She was telling me how sore she was, too!
Misery does love Company. Especially when adult beverages are involved.
-jafg
Friday, February 18, 2011
Back In The Saddle Again
02/18/2011
283.8 lbs
That was from like two days ago. Or maybe yesterday.
My ass is flat. And I mean very, very flat. We're talking square pizzabox flat. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Usually about this time (2:00 in the afternoon on a workday) I really start thinking about it. Most of the time I realize that I haven't stood to go to the bathroom, go to the printer or even go to get another cup of coffee. This is ungood. As a matter of fact, it's painful. My ass literally starts aching because I've been sitting on it for so long.
So I got a nudge this morning from one of my real life friends who has been allowed into the JAFG secret world. She reminds me that I've got people that actually do read this blog and that I have been neglecting it. Which has been quite a few times this year. She just had a baby. Well just = six months ago.
We got to chatting about how I had a dry spell on blog topics and that the only thing going on was my frustration on the fact that I wasn't exercising. No one to blame but me. It's been bothering me. I suck. Blah Blah Blah. Well, anyway, she's talking about her baby weight that she refers to as her "dog jowels" (I don't quite get that, but I also didn't ask her to elaborate). Now, mind you, I've seen FB pictures of the girl and she looks lovely. I tell her so. She says she's become a "Master At Camoflauge". MAC said "if I put HALF the effort into actually changing my body instead of hiding it - I'd be in a much better place". Amen, Sistah.
Oh. I should tell you this is all through Messenger which is like online instant texting.
So, being the good friend that I am, I offer to be a "workout inspire-er". She responds at almost the same time with the word ADVERSARY. The gauntlet was thrown down, my friends. The challenge was issued.
We both have access to Gyms and weights. Her weights just happen to come in the form of a mini-human, which I do believe counts for the purpose of competition.MAC and I live about an hour and a half apart so I don't see her all the time. Actually, I see her like 3-4 times a year. We're going to be in Big Southern City in early June and have made that the official "Finish Line". Not that I'll lose all the weight I need to by then, of course, but we're gonna see how much we can do to ourselves (in a positive way) by that time.
Since we don't live close by there's no working out in the same room at the same time which is kinda a bummer. Right now, I have no workout buddy. BB is officially married now and the newlywed version of her is WAAAYYYY different than the fiancee version. That's another story, though. SAG spends all her time either playing tennis or going to sporting events. She's never available (in her defense, her tennis team did make it to the national championships last year). So, I will be working out alone. Starting tonight.
I know my ass is happy about getting some workout and, let's face it, I need to limber up a bit for a certain visit in two weeks (wink, wink). So, I committed to 30 minutes for the elliptical. I also may be meeting a friend out for a beer afterward. I hope they don't cancel each other out.
I am going visit Concierge Gym on Saturday, too. I will even try the weights then. Eee. Gad. I wonder what taking a half a xanax will do to a workout? I have serious anxiety about walking into a gym alone. And since it's been so long, I have to face that anxiety all over again like I've never conquered it before. Well, It's all good. I'll face my fear and will come out the other side feeling damn good. And maybe that won't have anything to do with the xanax.
Oh. If you look up ADVERSARY through Google Search, this is what comes up first:
ad·ver·sar·y/ˈadvərˌserē/Noun
1. One's opponent in a contest, conflict, or dispute.
2. The Devil.
MAC, I'm picking Option 2.
-jafg
283.8 lbs
That was from like two days ago. Or maybe yesterday.
My ass is flat. And I mean very, very flat. We're talking square pizzabox flat. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Usually about this time (2:00 in the afternoon on a workday) I really start thinking about it. Most of the time I realize that I haven't stood to go to the bathroom, go to the printer or even go to get another cup of coffee. This is ungood. As a matter of fact, it's painful. My ass literally starts aching because I've been sitting on it for so long.
So I got a nudge this morning from one of my real life friends who has been allowed into the JAFG secret world. She reminds me that I've got people that actually do read this blog and that I have been neglecting it. Which has been quite a few times this year. She just had a baby. Well just = six months ago.
We got to chatting about how I had a dry spell on blog topics and that the only thing going on was my frustration on the fact that I wasn't exercising. No one to blame but me. It's been bothering me. I suck. Blah Blah Blah. Well, anyway, she's talking about her baby weight that she refers to as her "dog jowels" (I don't quite get that, but I also didn't ask her to elaborate). Now, mind you, I've seen FB pictures of the girl and she looks lovely. I tell her so. She says she's become a "Master At Camoflauge". MAC said "if I put HALF the effort into actually changing my body instead of hiding it - I'd be in a much better place". Amen, Sistah.
Oh. I should tell you this is all through Messenger which is like online instant texting.
So, being the good friend that I am, I offer to be a "workout inspire-er". She responds at almost the same time with the word ADVERSARY. The gauntlet was thrown down, my friends. The challenge was issued.
We both have access to Gyms and weights. Her weights just happen to come in the form of a mini-human, which I do believe counts for the purpose of competition.MAC and I live about an hour and a half apart so I don't see her all the time. Actually, I see her like 3-4 times a year. We're going to be in Big Southern City in early June and have made that the official "Finish Line". Not that I'll lose all the weight I need to by then, of course, but we're gonna see how much we can do to ourselves (in a positive way) by that time.
Since we don't live close by there's no working out in the same room at the same time which is kinda a bummer. Right now, I have no workout buddy. BB is officially married now and the newlywed version of her is WAAAYYYY different than the fiancee version. That's another story, though. SAG spends all her time either playing tennis or going to sporting events. She's never available (in her defense, her tennis team did make it to the national championships last year). So, I will be working out alone. Starting tonight.
I know my ass is happy about getting some workout and, let's face it, I need to limber up a bit for a certain visit in two weeks (wink, wink). So, I committed to 30 minutes for the elliptical. I also may be meeting a friend out for a beer afterward. I hope they don't cancel each other out.
I am going visit Concierge Gym on Saturday, too. I will even try the weights then. Eee. Gad. I wonder what taking a half a xanax will do to a workout? I have serious anxiety about walking into a gym alone. And since it's been so long, I have to face that anxiety all over again like I've never conquered it before. Well, It's all good. I'll face my fear and will come out the other side feeling damn good. And maybe that won't have anything to do with the xanax.
Oh. If you look up ADVERSARY through Google Search, this is what comes up first:
ad·ver·sar·y/ˈadvərˌserē/Noun
1. One's opponent in a contest, conflict, or dispute.
2. The Devil.
MAC, I'm picking Option 2.
-jafg
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Happy New Year. Again. (Yea Rabbits!)
02/03/2011
???.? lbs
I know what that number is but weight is a reality that I choose not to face today.
So today is the Chinese New Year. The Year of the Hare. I'm a hare. Well, really, if you read what the traits are for the hare, you'd laugh at that. Cause they don't match up. Except for the hyper-sexual-and-super-social part. And who thinks rabbits are super social, anyway??
It's been over a week since my last post. I hope you don't feel abandoned. I do feel a little guilty. I can't help it, though. Things have been busy. Firstly, the first month of the year is always MAD busy at work. Like every last minute is usually put to something wicked productive. Which leaves me little time to meander into JAFG land. Then, of course, there is LDL (which is not a reference to my cholesterol levels, btw). My glasses are definitely still steamy. Despite all this, I decided I'm making time this morning to post.
Those of you who have been around for the long haul know that I mostly just write about my experiences. I don't really philosophize except to examine my own lot in life. As the blog says, it's about my love/hate relationship with the world of weight. Sometimes, that deals with the fit of clothing, sometimes food, sometimes exercise, a lot of times smoking... But lately... Well, lately I've been thinking about sex.
I'm nervous. It will be 4 months since the last time (also first time) that I've spent face-to-face time with LDL, the next time I see him. Did that make sense? Granted we spent quality time together, but that was 4 months ago. That's a long time. Especially when you're talking about sex.
I can't spend more than 5 minutes of conversation time chatting with him without wanting to crawl through the phone and, well, you know. There's still plenty of heat, but where has this nervousness come from? My misgivings about talking to someone and then meeting them are of no consequence. We met in person through a mutual acquaintance. I can't say the guy isn't interested. HE approached ME. He also talks a pretty hot game. So, why am I so nervous?
Well, I talk a big game and there are certain aspects of the bedroom that I know I have no problem with, but, truth be told...I'm no expert. There are things that even in my 35 years of living I have yet to check off my 'to-do' list. There are things I'd like to do but feel that there are physical limitations. How does one approach this? How do I figure these things out without completely feeling like a fool in the heat of the moment. And then there are the things I like. Well, actually, I'm not so worried about that. I know how to give directions.
So back to the point. I'm nervous. It's sad to say this is the longest pseudo-relationship I've had in years. Well, since I've been in Small Southern City which has been, Lord....2 years this month! All this time and all this distance have really allowed some healthy anticipation to mix with a lot of unhealthy doubt. Shit.
I am a self-saboteur. I can recognize it (even if I haven't figured out how to completely overcome it). So now, I'm lost in my head and trying to only focus on the goal: Get Lucky. I keep telling myself that none of my imaginary hype will matter. When it's all said and done, and we're finally co-habitating the same space, I know we'll just go at it like rabbits.
But not jack rabbits, hopefully.
-jafg
???.? lbs
I know what that number is but weight is a reality that I choose not to face today.
So today is the Chinese New Year. The Year of the Hare. I'm a hare. Well, really, if you read what the traits are for the hare, you'd laugh at that. Cause they don't match up. Except for the hyper-sexual-and-super-social part. And who thinks rabbits are super social, anyway??
It's been over a week since my last post. I hope you don't feel abandoned. I do feel a little guilty. I can't help it, though. Things have been busy. Firstly, the first month of the year is always MAD busy at work. Like every last minute is usually put to something wicked productive. Which leaves me little time to meander into JAFG land. Then, of course, there is LDL (which is not a reference to my cholesterol levels, btw). My glasses are definitely still steamy. Despite all this, I decided I'm making time this morning to post.
Those of you who have been around for the long haul know that I mostly just write about my experiences. I don't really philosophize except to examine my own lot in life. As the blog says, it's about my love/hate relationship with the world of weight. Sometimes, that deals with the fit of clothing, sometimes food, sometimes exercise, a lot of times smoking... But lately... Well, lately I've been thinking about sex.
Yes. Sex.
I'm nervous. It will be 4 months since the last time (also first time) that I've spent face-to-face time with LDL, the next time I see him. Did that make sense? Granted we spent quality time together, but that was 4 months ago. That's a long time. Especially when you're talking about sex.
I can't spend more than 5 minutes of conversation time chatting with him without wanting to crawl through the phone and, well, you know. There's still plenty of heat, but where has this nervousness come from? My misgivings about talking to someone and then meeting them are of no consequence. We met in person through a mutual acquaintance. I can't say the guy isn't interested. HE approached ME. He also talks a pretty hot game. So, why am I so nervous?
Well, I talk a big game and there are certain aspects of the bedroom that I know I have no problem with, but, truth be told...I'm no expert. There are things that even in my 35 years of living I have yet to check off my 'to-do' list. There are things I'd like to do but feel that there are physical limitations. How does one approach this? How do I figure these things out without completely feeling like a fool in the heat of the moment. And then there are the things I like. Well, actually, I'm not so worried about that. I know how to give directions.
So back to the point. I'm nervous. It's sad to say this is the longest pseudo-relationship I've had in years. Well, since I've been in Small Southern City which has been, Lord....2 years this month! All this time and all this distance have really allowed some healthy anticipation to mix with a lot of unhealthy doubt. Shit.
I am a self-saboteur. I can recognize it (even if I haven't figured out how to completely overcome it). So now, I'm lost in my head and trying to only focus on the goal: Get Lucky. I keep telling myself that none of my imaginary hype will matter. When it's all said and done, and we're finally co-habitating the same space, I know we'll just go at it like rabbits.
But not jack rabbits, hopefully.
-jafg
Monday, January 24, 2011
Monday.
01/24/2011
281.8 lbs
I weighed myself yesterday. I figure it's still good today.
I can't believe that it's already the last week of January. It's hard to believe that we're 24 days into a new year. Where does the time go? It seems like we're so focused on all the little details of things that don't really matter that it all just disappears without even being noticed. That's deep for almost 5pm on Monday.
So BB (that's Blushing Bride) and I are supposed to go workout tonight. Basically that means I'm going to finally head back to Concierge Gym. I really don't want to right now. Really. I just want to go home and drink a glass of red wine andmaybe even have a cigarette snuggle with the Kitty.
It's been a hell of a day. Well, truth be known, it's been a hell of past several days. I'd love to go home and just eat mac n cheese. I may, yet. Jury's still out. I also wouldn't mind having a little chocolate afterwards. I have hot cocoa packages so that's a definite "do" tonight. Yum, Mac n Cheese and Hot Cocoa. And a blanket, my couch, and Chuck and Castle. Not all at the same time, though.
Yeah, I'm pretty much wiped right now. All I can think about is my couch and comfort food.
Of course.... It probably doesn't help that I took that half a xanax.
-jafg
281.8 lbs
I weighed myself yesterday. I figure it's still good today.
I can't believe that it's already the last week of January. It's hard to believe that we're 24 days into a new year. Where does the time go? It seems like we're so focused on all the little details of things that don't really matter that it all just disappears without even being noticed. That's deep for almost 5pm on Monday.
So BB (that's Blushing Bride) and I are supposed to go workout tonight. Basically that means I'm going to finally head back to Concierge Gym. I really don't want to right now. Really. I just want to go home and drink a glass of red wine and
It's been a hell of a day. Well, truth be known, it's been a hell of past several days. I'd love to go home and just eat mac n cheese. I may, yet. Jury's still out. I also wouldn't mind having a little chocolate afterwards. I have hot cocoa packages so that's a definite "do" tonight. Yum, Mac n Cheese and Hot Cocoa. And a blanket, my couch, and Chuck and Castle. Not all at the same time, though.
Yeah, I'm pretty much wiped right now. All I can think about is my couch and comfort food.
Of course.... It probably doesn't help that I took that half a xanax.
-jafg
Friday, January 14, 2011
A Very Stylish Girl
01/14/2011
283.6 lbs
That's for real this time.
I did two amazing things this morning: I weighed myself and I got to work on time! Well, by 5 after 8. That's pretty much on time. Especially for me.
So it's obvious that I'm not really doing anything to lose weight right now. I'm moderately thinking about what I eat, but that's about it. Mostly that includes not ordering anything with sugar. I don't care so much about the fat. Or carbs. Actually,....that might not be so true. I have consumed a fair amount of Jack and Coke. So. I'm minimally thinking about what I eat. That's really about it.
I'm not exercising AT ALL. I have thought about it a few times. I still drive by Concierge Gym twice a day, but I really only notice it when I'm coming home, not when I'm leaving for work. Then I'm just trying to make sure I don't hit anyone in my mad dash to be not so late to work. I've noticed that it's really full at night. I see my favorite elliptical machine through the window and I realize I sort of miss it. I can almost visualize myself on it. I think this month Iam going to might make a goal to bring workout clothes with me to work, change before leaving, and actually STOP at Concierge Gym before making it home. We'll see.
Well, you know we just had a New Year celebration. Me and my skinny friends went to Orlando, FL for a 4-day-getaway. I was up at 5-freakin-30 in the morning on Friday December 31 to make it to our carpool for the trip to the airport.
As girls we spend the day shopping and getting last minute details done like manicures and such before arriving at our hotel to start the two (ok three) hour process of getting ready. Three girls + 1 shower (and toilet) = Tough Times. We all manage to survive and look fabulous before leaving for the evening. There are at least 55 pictures of that moment to prove it.
I walked back IN the hotel room at 5:00 in the morning on Saturday January 1. That's a champion party night, my friends. Good times, good times. I'm glad nights like these are only a few times a year. There's talk of a Mardi Gras trip in the works. None of us have ever done a proper NOLA Mardi Gras. However. I don't know that I'll be fully recovered from NYE by then.
As any young lady would do, I shopped for my trip. This is in addition to all the underwears. I don't have many options for fashion (decent fashion-emphasis on decent) being Just Another Fat Girl. I shop quite a bit from Lane Bryant. That's like 90% of my closet. I score some good tops occasionally from Kohl's and Stein Mart. Anyway, the point I want to make here is that I did some shopping for my trip. I went to The Mall (I loathe Mall Shopping) for a mad dash on Thursday. I needed an outfit or three for the evenings we'd be on the town.
Apparently, LB is now carrying DKNY clothing. It's overpriced, but I got some jeans on sale! Suh-Weet. And they look freakin hot on. I should tell you, if you consider shopping for these, the Soho dark wash are the way to go. At least on me. They have some that are a lighter wash--which are true "jeans" to me--and they weren't flattering in the slightest. I've got a funny shape (remember The Jiggle in the Middle?) so it might just be me.
I also got some really, really cute tops. The one I got for NYE was a tank-tunic (I swear is looks better than it sounds) which required something for the arms. Well, I tried a few long sleeve button downs which just did not work. I was getting desperate. I was going with the gun metal grey tank with the cute bows on the neck no matter what. Well, I do the only thing left for me to do, I ask the clerk for a Shrug. Lord, help me.
I've avoided these basically since I even knew what a Shrug was. We're talking about an article of clothing that's named after poor posture. On top of that, they fall just below the boob which is just above the belly. This can't be flattering. Plus, I just think they're ugly. For the sake of the outfit, I do it.
Holy. Shit. It works beautifully with the top! And I look FABULOUS in the outfit. Right down to the lushious shoes I wore that night. And Bohhh-Nusssss, I have to buy it in a smaller size for it to fit right. The fashion fairies were following me that day! I love this little thing so much, I've incorporated it into a few other outfits. Turns out a shrug is quite diverse.
Aside from looking Smokin' all Holiday weekend, I had another positive. I haven't changed in sizes. I even bought two pair of new work pants while in Tourist-Town (YIKES is it ever). I'm so tired of my baggy slacks. Which, I should add, really aren't because of a lot of weight loss as it was from a weight gain last year that was corrected by weight loss. I've managed to keep about 10 lbs of my 25 lbs off.
Anyway. First day I wore them to work, I get asked like 5 times...no lie...[JAFG], you look like you've lost weight! or How much weight have you lost, [JAFG]? To which I have to reply, I haven't lost any, I just bought some pants that fit! You laugh, but I'm not joking. You'd be amazed how flattering clothes are when they fit...regardless of what size they are!
So, geting back to the outlet shopping purchase of these two pairs of paints. I pick up a pair of black Houston's (that's the cut/style) and try them on. Fit like a glove. Completely pass the sit-down test with flying colors. I decide that they're a steal at $30 a pop and fit so great, I run back over and pick up the same style in grey. Then, I get on a plane, manage to get my three bags (none are small) up The Stairs in ONE trip, fall down dead/take one more vaca day from work, and unpack like 4 days later.
I pulled out the gray pair and decide to wear them (with a cute purple top and that new shrug). I've worn the black pair already and got SO many responses [see a couple of paragraphs above] I figure it'll be even better since I've never worn gray slacks here before. O.M.G.
The bastards are so snug in the waist they're almost too small! These are the EXACT same pair of pants!!! I can wear them (and currently am at the moment) but I safetypin them instead of buttoning to make it more comfortable. Everywhere else in these pants are fine. The legs. The ass. The length. Everything except the waist. I think that the factory in Bangladesh where they were made (not really kidding here) put the clasps a farther apart on this pair than the other. Explains why they were at an Outlet.
Remember those fashion fairies that were following me that day I got the shrug? They must have sensed my doubt. Felt my fear. I think that day has come back to bite me.
So....Sorry, Shrug. I didn't mean to be a hater.
-jafg
283.6 lbs
That's for real this time.
I did two amazing things this morning: I weighed myself and I got to work on time! Well, by 5 after 8. That's pretty much on time. Especially for me.
So it's obvious that I'm not really doing anything to lose weight right now. I'm moderately thinking about what I eat, but that's about it. Mostly that includes not ordering anything with sugar. I don't care so much about the fat. Or carbs. Actually,....that might not be so true. I have consumed a fair amount of Jack and Coke. So. I'm minimally thinking about what I eat. That's really about it.
I'm not exercising AT ALL. I have thought about it a few times. I still drive by Concierge Gym twice a day, but I really only notice it when I'm coming home, not when I'm leaving for work. Then I'm just trying to make sure I don't hit anyone in my mad dash to be not so late to work. I've noticed that it's really full at night. I see my favorite elliptical machine through the window and I realize I sort of miss it. I can almost visualize myself on it. I think this month I
Well, you know we just had a New Year celebration. Me and my skinny friends went to Orlando, FL for a 4-day-getaway. I was up at 5-freakin-30 in the morning on Friday December 31 to make it to our carpool for the trip to the airport.
As girls we spend the day shopping and getting last minute details done like manicures and such before arriving at our hotel to start the two (ok three) hour process of getting ready. Three girls + 1 shower (and toilet) = Tough Times. We all manage to survive and look fabulous before leaving for the evening. There are at least 55 pictures of that moment to prove it.
I walked back IN the hotel room at 5:00 in the morning on Saturday January 1. That's a champion party night, my friends. Good times, good times. I'm glad nights like these are only a few times a year. There's talk of a Mardi Gras trip in the works. None of us have ever done a proper NOLA Mardi Gras. However. I don't know that I'll be fully recovered from NYE by then.
As any young lady would do, I shopped for my trip. This is in addition to all the underwears. I don't have many options for fashion (decent fashion-emphasis on decent) being Just Another Fat Girl. I shop quite a bit from Lane Bryant. That's like 90% of my closet. I score some good tops occasionally from Kohl's and Stein Mart. Anyway, the point I want to make here is that I did some shopping for my trip. I went to The Mall (I loathe Mall Shopping) for a mad dash on Thursday. I needed an outfit or three for the evenings we'd be on the town.
Apparently, LB is now carrying DKNY clothing. It's overpriced, but I got some jeans on sale! Suh-Weet. And they look freakin hot on. I should tell you, if you consider shopping for these, the Soho dark wash are the way to go. At least on me. They have some that are a lighter wash--which are true "jeans" to me--and they weren't flattering in the slightest. I've got a funny shape (remember The Jiggle in the Middle?) so it might just be me.
I also got some really, really cute tops. The one I got for NYE was a tank-tunic (I swear is looks better than it sounds) which required something for the arms. Well, I tried a few long sleeve button downs which just did not work. I was getting desperate. I was going with the gun metal grey tank with the cute bows on the neck no matter what. Well, I do the only thing left for me to do, I ask the clerk for a Shrug. Lord, help me.
I've avoided these basically since I even knew what a Shrug was. We're talking about an article of clothing that's named after poor posture. On top of that, they fall just below the boob which is just above the belly. This can't be flattering. Plus, I just think they're ugly. For the sake of the outfit, I do it.
Holy. Shit. It works beautifully with the top! And I look FABULOUS in the outfit. Right down to the lushious shoes I wore that night. And Bohhh-Nusssss, I have to buy it in a smaller size for it to fit right. The fashion fairies were following me that day! I love this little thing so much, I've incorporated it into a few other outfits. Turns out a shrug is quite diverse.
Aside from looking Smokin' all Holiday weekend, I had another positive. I haven't changed in sizes. I even bought two pair of new work pants while in Tourist-Town (YIKES is it ever). I'm so tired of my baggy slacks. Which, I should add, really aren't because of a lot of weight loss as it was from a weight gain last year that was corrected by weight loss. I've managed to keep about 10 lbs of my 25 lbs off.
Anyway. First day I wore them to work, I get asked like 5 times...no lie...[JAFG], you look like you've lost weight! or How much weight have you lost, [JAFG]? To which I have to reply, I haven't lost any, I just bought some pants that fit! You laugh, but I'm not joking. You'd be amazed how flattering clothes are when they fit...regardless of what size they are!
So, geting back to the outlet shopping purchase of these two pairs of paints. I pick up a pair of black Houston's (that's the cut/style) and try them on. Fit like a glove. Completely pass the sit-down test with flying colors. I decide that they're a steal at $30 a pop and fit so great, I run back over and pick up the same style in grey. Then, I get on a plane, manage to get my three bags (none are small) up The Stairs in ONE trip, fall down dead/take one more vaca day from work, and unpack like 4 days later.
I pulled out the gray pair and decide to wear them (with a cute purple top and that new shrug). I've worn the black pair already and got SO many responses [see a couple of paragraphs above] I figure it'll be even better since I've never worn gray slacks here before. O.M.G.
The bastards are so snug in the waist they're almost too small! These are the EXACT same pair of pants!!! I can wear them (and currently am at the moment) but I safetypin them instead of buttoning to make it more comfortable. Everywhere else in these pants are fine. The legs. The ass. The length. Everything except the waist. I think that the factory in Bangladesh where they were made (not really kidding here) put the clasps a farther apart on this pair than the other. Explains why they were at an Outlet.
Remember those fashion fairies that were following me that day I got the shrug? They must have sensed my doubt. Felt my fear. I think that day has come back to bite me.
So....Sorry, Shrug. I didn't mean to be a hater.
-jafg
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Just Another Funny Story. This Has Nothing To Do With Fat.
01/13/2011
283.4 lbs
I have a feeling I'm really going to hate that I've been guessing all week.
So, I'm 35. I don't look it, actually most people are shocked when they find out. I'm usually guessed at about 26-29. Although, I really don't believe the people who say 26, I do so LOVE the people who say 29. Hell, Even the ones that guess 32. I believe it's because #1 I've got a full face and full faces don't show wrinkles, and #2 I don't wear foundation. I use liquid eyeliner for my top lids, blush and lipstick. When I go out, I use mineral make-up and eyeshadow. And I try to moisturize regularly. But I don't drink enough water. I should work on that.
So ok. I really do have a point. I'm 35. I had an unhappy "who-who" in November. I was wondering if it was possible to catch some sexually transmitted disease through texting [refer to yesterday's LDL post ;-) ]when I went to visit a new g-y-n because weird things were happening in the below-the-belt area. Doc said I had an estrogen shortage. She gave me these little pills of estrogen to take for two weeks. They came preloaded in a pill injector. Yeah. I didn't take these orally. It was a weird experience.
So, I'm 35 and I have this thing called PCOS. I was diagnosed with it a few years ago. A lot of heavy girls are diagnosed with this. It gives you hair in places you don't want (and I've got an ethnically diverse background, this happens already), makes it difficult for pregnancy (not really an issue for me, per say), and means that hormones are hokey. I've also had an irregular cycle (read as nearly non-existent) all my life. With one exception: When I'm on Birth Control. Which was from about 21-27 years of age. I smoked then and wasn't too concerned because the "you shouldn't smoke while taking The Pill...Especially women over 35" didn't apply to me. It was so far away. 35 that is.
So that brings me back to my point. I'm 35. I've been placed back on The Pill. Doc did it to regulate me (turns out the thickening of your uterine lining greatly increases your chances for all sorts of cancers) and balance out my hormones which will help with the PCOS. She did this to me on November 28. About 3 hours after leaving her office, she calls me. Here's the conversation.
DOC: "I use my lunch time to review the charts of my new patients. I see you're 35." -No. Shit.- "It says here you smoke." -She called me just for this?- "You can't smoke and take The Pill." -Damn my honesty on my new patient forms!- "The risks for a stroke or heart attack are too high."
ME: "But I only smoke, like, 4 or 5 cigarettes a day. A pack can almost last me a week!" Desparation is really starting to set in.
DOC: "It's smoking. There's really no safe level. Especially on The Pill. You're 35." -I heard that the first time.- "You need to make a decision."
I like her and hate her all at the same time. I tell her that since it's only "a few a day", it shouldn't be a big deal to quit. It's a nasty habit with no redeeming qualities. A guilty pleasure whose guilt should outweigh the pleasure. Blah. Blah. Blah. So. Ok. I'm going to quit. Again. :-|
I've got a Pharmacist in the family. I ask her and every other Pharmacist I meet about this whole smoking and The Pill thing. Surely one every now and then would be ok. A little snack once in awhile shouldn't hurt.
The answer is always the same. "It's not recommended, especially for women your age." Bastards.
It's been a process through the Holiday Merriment. I made a solid commitment on January 3rd and haven't smoked once since the 4th. So, I'm on day 10 of smoke-free living. Go Me! I traded smoking for bleeding and wacked emotions on a monthly basis. On a good note, taking The Pill has made my boobs bigger. I don't remember that happening the first time around.
Oh. Doc ends the conversation like this.
DOC: "I'm scheduling you for a mamogram. It's time you get one. You're 35."
-Bitch.-
-jafg
283.4 lbs
I have a feeling I'm really going to hate that I've been guessing all week.
So, I'm 35. I don't look it, actually most people are shocked when they find out. I'm usually guessed at about 26-29. Although, I really don't believe the people who say 26, I do so LOVE the people who say 29. Hell, Even the ones that guess 32. I believe it's because #1 I've got a full face and full faces don't show wrinkles, and #2 I don't wear foundation. I use liquid eyeliner for my top lids, blush and lipstick. When I go out, I use mineral make-up and eyeshadow. And I try to moisturize regularly. But I don't drink enough water. I should work on that.
So ok. I really do have a point. I'm 35. I had an unhappy "who-who" in November. I was wondering if it was possible to catch some sexually transmitted disease through texting [refer to yesterday's LDL post ;-) ]when I went to visit a new g-y-n because weird things were happening in the below-the-belt area. Doc said I had an estrogen shortage. She gave me these little pills of estrogen to take for two weeks. They came preloaded in a pill injector. Yeah. I didn't take these orally. It was a weird experience.
So, I'm 35 and I have this thing called PCOS. I was diagnosed with it a few years ago. A lot of heavy girls are diagnosed with this. It gives you hair in places you don't want (and I've got an ethnically diverse background, this happens already), makes it difficult for pregnancy (not really an issue for me, per say), and means that hormones are hokey. I've also had an irregular cycle (read as nearly non-existent) all my life. With one exception: When I'm on Birth Control. Which was from about 21-27 years of age. I smoked then and wasn't too concerned because the "you shouldn't smoke while taking The Pill...Especially women over 35" didn't apply to me. It was so far away. 35 that is.
So that brings me back to my point. I'm 35. I've been placed back on The Pill. Doc did it to regulate me (turns out the thickening of your uterine lining greatly increases your chances for all sorts of cancers) and balance out my hormones which will help with the PCOS. She did this to me on November 28. About 3 hours after leaving her office, she calls me. Here's the conversation.
DOC: "I use my lunch time to review the charts of my new patients. I see you're 35." -No. Shit.- "It says here you smoke." -She called me just for this?- "You can't smoke and take The Pill." -Damn my honesty on my new patient forms!- "The risks for a stroke or heart attack are too high."
ME: "But I only smoke, like, 4 or 5 cigarettes a day. A pack can almost last me a week!" Desparation is really starting to set in.
DOC: "It's smoking. There's really no safe level. Especially on The Pill. You're 35." -I heard that the first time.- "You need to make a decision."
I like her and hate her all at the same time. I tell her that since it's only "a few a day", it shouldn't be a big deal to quit. It's a nasty habit with no redeeming qualities. A guilty pleasure whose guilt should outweigh the pleasure. Blah. Blah. Blah. So. Ok. I'm going to quit. Again. :-|
I've got a Pharmacist in the family. I ask her and every other Pharmacist I meet about this whole smoking and The Pill thing. Surely one every now and then would be ok. A little snack once in awhile shouldn't hurt.
The answer is always the same. "It's not recommended, especially for women your age." Bastards.
It's been a process through the Holiday Merriment. I made a solid commitment on January 3rd and haven't smoked once since the 4th. So, I'm on day 10 of smoke-free living. Go Me! I traded smoking for bleeding and wacked emotions on a monthly basis. On a good note, taking The Pill has made my boobs bigger. I don't remember that happening the first time around.
Oh. Doc ends the conversation like this.
DOC: "I'm scheduling you for a mamogram. It's time you get one. You're 35."
-Bitch.-
-jafg
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Facebook Fever and Pretty Panties
01/12/2011
283.4 lbs
I'm sticking with yesterday's guess.
I've been on Facebook as Just Another Fat Girl for awhile. It's really weird because I get tons and tons of friend requests. TONS and TONS. I'm not kidding. I had to delete over 150 friend request emails alone from my inbox. And that doesn't include all the "fan page suggestions". I look at these accounts and I wonder how the hell they found me. My page only has like 31 fans. My person account has 339. Can I just say that I don't have that many fb friends on my super secret identity fb account? Blows my mind. I was thinking that most of them are like fad sales people. Trying to pitch and whatnot, but then I look at the names and the posts and most of them are real life people. Most of them are using Facebook for their blogging medium. It's pretty cool. Although, it does make it a pain in the ass to log into my jafg email account. I'm changing my setting for friend request emails from fb. Actually, I'm gonna do that right now...
Whew. I'm glad I remembered I could do that. Not kidding, in the time it took me to login and and make those changes (and just accepting like 75 friend requests before I started this post) I got another friend request. My friend count is now at 340. YIKES!
Well, folks, I have a Long Distance Lover. I should warn you now, I'm going to be talking about some adult stuff for the next little bit. Nothing X-rated, but definitely over PG13. I travel on business several times a year. I see a lot of the same faces, but my real life work is in a large industry so the opportunity to meet new people is always there. I met him on a late Summer trip.
He approached me at a networking event. That's business speak for party with free adult beverages and food. Anyway. I was talking to another male person for a majority of the evening (strictly platonic, I assure you) which actually garnered some attention because he's fairly high profile in my work world. Anyway, this is how I initially met LDL.
To begin with, it was a brief meeting. Actually, we didn't even really talk. He was taking pictures of everyone around and--being the nice girl that I am--I offered to take his picture with Mr. Platonic. Before an introduction to be made, he was off. I was a little dissapointed because I really thought he was quite cute.
About an hour later, I'm getting another beverage at the bar and then suddenly, LDL is beside me handing me his card. He tells me "I don't know what it is about you...I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since I saw you. Please call me. It doesn't have to be tonight, but please call me before you leave." And then, he was off. Again. This is by far the best pick up line I've ever heard. Ever. By far. Needless to say, I did call him. We talked more and eventually got to know each other much better before the end of the trip.
I want to tell you that we didn't have s-e-x. (And if we would have, "protection" would have been involved. I am a safety girl through and through. There's my PSA for the day.)
That's not to say that the opportunity wasn't there, it just didn't come to that. "It" didn't need to. "It" was pretty phenomenal on it's own. I don't really know what "it" was, but damn, there were sparks and fireworks. Both he and "it" made an impression.
I was content in leaving "it" at that. To be honest, I really was expecting to leave "it" at that. I mean, we're talking different time zones here. And then I started getting texts. And fb messages. And phone calls. Not all at once, but enough to know that there was continued interest there. Let me tell you, this part has been a lot of fun. A lot.
Anyway, there are plans in the works for seeing each other. Over the holidays it was out of the question because of schedules. Hell, right now it's hard because of schedules. Plus we're talking serious travel commitment because it'll involve a plane. And that's a pretty big commitment. I'm not 100% sold on the idea of travelling just to see him or the other way around, but wouldn't mind seeing if there was still electricity the next time we happen to both be occupying the same space.
So I know I'll be see him again in a month. I'm ok with waiting considering my commitment issues. What I have been doing in the interim is shopping. Dear Lord, have I been shopping. First of all, if you didn't know about Lane Bryant's buy two bras get two free sale, get to that website NOW. It's almost over (01/17/11). Haivng said that, I've greatly increased the size of my boudoir. Nothing makes a girl feel sexy like pretty panties. And bras. And nighties. LB even has some babydolls that have underwire built in. Underwire! God Bless the person who finally did that! I have all sorts of colors now, too. And lace. Which can itch at times. Just sayin.
My point with all this is that Sexy is as Sexy does. I didn't pursue this guy, although I certainly did notice him the moment I saw him. Even after "it" happened, he still pursued me (and is continuing to do so). Somethin I got makes him hot. And I'm ok with that.
My arsenal is stocked. I'll keep you posted. It may just fizzle instead of sizzle. In which case, I got new stuff out of it, anyway.
Like my favorite new pair of pretty panties:
283.4 lbs
I'm sticking with yesterday's guess.
I've been on Facebook as Just Another Fat Girl for awhile. It's really weird because I get tons and tons of friend requests. TONS and TONS. I'm not kidding. I had to delete over 150 friend request emails alone from my inbox. And that doesn't include all the "fan page suggestions". I look at these accounts and I wonder how the hell they found me. My page only has like 31 fans. My person account has 339. Can I just say that I don't have that many fb friends on my super secret identity fb account? Blows my mind. I was thinking that most of them are like fad sales people. Trying to pitch and whatnot, but then I look at the names and the posts and most of them are real life people. Most of them are using Facebook for their blogging medium. It's pretty cool. Although, it does make it a pain in the ass to log into my jafg email account. I'm changing my setting for friend request emails from fb. Actually, I'm gonna do that right now...
Whew. I'm glad I remembered I could do that. Not kidding, in the time it took me to login and and make those changes (and just accepting like 75 friend requests before I started this post) I got another friend request. My friend count is now at 340. YIKES!
Well, folks, I have a Long Distance Lover. I should warn you now, I'm going to be talking about some adult stuff for the next little bit. Nothing X-rated, but definitely over PG13. I travel on business several times a year. I see a lot of the same faces, but my real life work is in a large industry so the opportunity to meet new people is always there. I met him on a late Summer trip.
He approached me at a networking event. That's business speak for party with free adult beverages and food. Anyway. I was talking to another male person for a majority of the evening (strictly platonic, I assure you) which actually garnered some attention because he's fairly high profile in my work world. Anyway, this is how I initially met LDL.
To begin with, it was a brief meeting. Actually, we didn't even really talk. He was taking pictures of everyone around and--being the nice girl that I am--I offered to take his picture with Mr. Platonic. Before an introduction to be made, he was off. I was a little dissapointed because I really thought he was quite cute.
About an hour later, I'm getting another beverage at the bar and then suddenly, LDL is beside me handing me his card. He tells me "I don't know what it is about you...I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since I saw you. Please call me. It doesn't have to be tonight, but please call me before you leave." And then, he was off. Again. This is by far the best pick up line I've ever heard. Ever. By far. Needless to say, I did call him. We talked more and eventually got to know each other much better before the end of the trip.
I want to tell you that we didn't have s-e-x. (And if we would have, "protection" would have been involved. I am a safety girl through and through. There's my PSA for the day.)
That's not to say that the opportunity wasn't there, it just didn't come to that. "It" didn't need to. "It" was pretty phenomenal on it's own. I don't really know what "it" was, but damn, there were sparks and fireworks. Both he and "it" made an impression.
I was content in leaving "it" at that. To be honest, I really was expecting to leave "it" at that. I mean, we're talking different time zones here. And then I started getting texts. And fb messages. And phone calls. Not all at once, but enough to know that there was continued interest there. Let me tell you, this part has been a lot of fun. A lot.
Anyway, there are plans in the works for seeing each other. Over the holidays it was out of the question because of schedules. Hell, right now it's hard because of schedules. Plus we're talking serious travel commitment because it'll involve a plane. And that's a pretty big commitment. I'm not 100% sold on the idea of travelling just to see him or the other way around, but wouldn't mind seeing if there was still electricity the next time we happen to both be occupying the same space.
So I know I'll be see him again in a month. I'm ok with waiting considering my commitment issues. What I have been doing in the interim is shopping. Dear Lord, have I been shopping. First of all, if you didn't know about Lane Bryant's buy two bras get two free sale, get to that website NOW. It's almost over (01/17/11). Haivng said that, I've greatly increased the size of my boudoir. Nothing makes a girl feel sexy like pretty panties. And bras. And nighties. LB even has some babydolls that have underwire built in. Underwire! God Bless the person who finally did that! I have all sorts of colors now, too. And lace. Which can itch at times. Just sayin.
My point with all this is that Sexy is as Sexy does. I didn't pursue this guy, although I certainly did notice him the moment I saw him. Even after "it" happened, he still pursued me (and is continuing to do so). Somethin I got makes him hot. And I'm ok with that.
My arsenal is stocked. I'll keep you posted. It may just fizzle instead of sizzle. In which case, I got new stuff out of it, anyway.
Like my favorite new pair of pretty panties:
The Coral Rumba Boyshort
For the record, I didn't model this.
-jafg
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Happy New Year! (Eleven Days In...)
01/11/11
283.4 lbs
I'm guessing.
So the last post told you about a rather low day in the life. We all have those. I try to find the funny side, let someone else find the funny side, or something to poke fun at and move on. So I did. Bygones.
Tonight I can't stop my brain from running. I'm all over the place. And then I get an unexpected wext (that's work-out text) from Angela Pea. Love that Texan. Hearing from her reminded me that I haven't paid any attention to my blog! And to you! I promise out of sight does not mean out of mind.
I will try to post more this week. I've got SO much to say.
Like I keep finding Christmas candy and it's really starting to suck.
-jafg
283.4 lbs
I'm guessing.
So the last post told you about a rather low day in the life. We all have those. I try to find the funny side, let someone else find the funny side, or something to poke fun at and move on. So I did. Bygones.
Tonight I can't stop my brain from running. I'm all over the place. And then I get an unexpected wext (that's work-out text) from Angela Pea. Love that Texan. Hearing from her reminded me that I haven't paid any attention to my blog! And to you! I promise out of sight does not mean out of mind.
I will try to post more this week. I've got SO much to say.
Like I keep finding Christmas candy and it's really starting to suck.
-jafg
Monday, December 20, 2010
Oh. Fudge.
12/20/2010
281.4 lbs
I didn't want to weigh this morning, but I did it anyway. For the sake of the Blog.
Thursday night I made a chicken casserole. I had it at a Christmas dinner earlier this month and decided to make it for dinner myself. It's pretty basic. Chicken, campbell's soup, sour cream, and crushed crackers on top. And a stick of butter. Yeah, a whole stick. Well, I substituted panko bread crumbs for the crackers cause I didn't have any Ritz on hand. I looked at the "1 stick of butter" several times trying to figure out what to do about it. I then decided to use less-than-a-whole-but-more-than-a-half-a-stick of butter. I melted it, poured it on and baked the dish in the oven. Two hours later, after eating said casserole, I was miserable to say the least. I stayed home on Friday with a still upset tummy.
This also leads to the feeling of guilt (which I've had more than a few times lately) about my eating habits. I equate it to quitting smoking. When I fail to resist the urge to smoke, I feel really bad about it later--and sometimes while I'm doing it--because it's bad for me. There are no redeeming qualities. None. Not one thing about smoking a cigarette is good. But, I do enjoy it. Love it, even, when the circumstances are right. Granted, the enjoyment is fewer and farther between times and I really don't like the idea of smoking stone cold sober (stress is still a HUGE trigger though) but the fact remains, I enjoy a good smoke like I enjoy a good glass of wine. Or Jack and Coke.
My point with all this is unhealthy eating (like NEARLY a stick of butter in a recipe) is so totally ungood. No redeeming qualities. Nothing good can come from it. Thus the Friday ick-fest. This also takes it's toll mentally. I'm left alone and to my own devices to obsess over what I've done and whatnot. Anyway, it can leave a person in a rather insecure state of mind.
This all leads up to a party Saturday night. SAG (that's Skinny Athletic Girl just as a reminder) and I are going to this shindig together. We decide that if it's a bust, we'll head out on the town. No worries. Well, it's a bizzare group of people and tons of free good booze. So, we stay. Bonus, there's a boy here that I find mentally stimulating. He's very much an adult and easy to converse with and makes a hell of a drink. Laid back, educated, funny, basically, someone either to spend a "safer" fun-filled night with (don't judge!) or consider expanding to a more regular friend thing and possibly connect on facebook. That's what you do these days, btw. You friend people. You don't exchange numbers. It's hard to get used to.
As you may already know, I'm certainly not a wall flower. I'm a confident 30something woman. My size very rarely is a thought in my mind when I'm out on a town and meeting people. Never has been. (Online dating is a whole other topic all together and one we'll discuss at a different time). Remember, though, I'm still fighting a few fresh food demons here.
So, I'm talking with Mr. Potential all night, floating back and forth among the guests who aren't necessarily people that I'd be around regularly but still having a good time. Yes, I may be a bit of a snob, but seriously, who isn't? As the night progresses, things get weird. People are drinking more and well, I realize that the folks I do know are dwindling. SAG has gone to a show and I decided to stay (let's face it, because of Mr. Potential) and continue with the merriment. Before I know it, the hostess is making out with another chick and a male gay couple inform me they like taking women to bed.
W. T. F. I should leave, but for whatever lack-of-judgement reason I do not.
Let me state here that whatever someone's preferences are or are not when it comes to bedroom, does not bother me. Truly. However, I was not prepared for where this party was heading. There's no judgement here, but it was a freakin "Christmas Party"! None of the Christmas parties I've ever attended have ended up like this.
I decide to go outside, smoke a cigarette with Mr. Potential (I've been drinking) and down a shot of tequilla (I've been drinking). Tequilla is never a good thing. I still don't know how I got the shot in the first place. Then, a 6-foot Amazonian 23-year-old comes outside and starts talking about ulcers and migranes. I have a tendancy to give free advice even in my most sober of states. This night was not one of those states. I try to coherently tell her she's way to young to have migranes and ulcers and she tells me it's because she had gastric bypass surgery at 17. She says this like three times before it hits me. "17?!" I say, (again, standing next to Mr. Potential) "17! she says and then procedes with this statement: "I can tell that you're overweight...".
She said some other things after that, but I don't recall actually hearing the words.
Let me let you know how this went down in my head. Have you seen "The Christmas Story"? Remember the scene with the flat tire and Ralphie gets to be a big boy and help his dad change it? And he somehow drops all the lugnuts and also drops the f-bomb "Oh Fudge" line? Well, that slo-mo-drawn-out-hyper-pronounced speaking is how it sounded in my head when I hear the "you're overwieght" part from 23YO Glamazon Chick. To say awkward is an understatement. I'm maintaining my composure, actually trying to sustain the conversation like it's not a big deal, and about 1 minute later, Mr. Potential wanders back inside and I drink more. Like any sensible girl would. Oy. Vey.
I am now so far out of my comfort zone. Straight people are gay. Gay people are straight. And I've been pronounced "overweight" by a 23YO Glamazon in front of Mr. Potential. Bye Bye Healthy Ego. I'm reeling inside. My emotional pshyche is in a tailspin. My head may even be spinning a little from the whole adult beverages thing, as well. And then, the tequilla shot kicks in. Needless to say, tequilla jafg isn't a pretty jafg. She's mean. And now that she feels exposed/rejected, she's on a warpath.
Here's the deal, when you're drunk you make an ass out of yourself. Sometimes, it's remembered as the life of the party, and other times it's remembered as "that crazy chick last night". It's going to end one way or the other. Trust me, this comes from years of experience. I usually stay on the side of life of the party. I'm proficient enough in my 30something years to know where the line is between the two. Well. Saturday night, I crossed it.
I can't really bare re-living the humiliation of the rest of the evening which lasted about 20 more minutes. There were some inappropriate comments I make to The Man Formerly Known as Mr. Potential which led to overheard inappropriate comments and then I left. What the FUDGE was I thinking? I wasn't. I was hurt, embarrassed and wanting to pick a fight. The last part can be partially blamed on the environment and on the tequilla. But, Holy Crazy Parties, I was so not prepared for that evening.
Look, I have tough skin and have dealt with emotional blows enough that I can somewhat quickly recover; or successfully compartmentalize, anyway. Humiliation, either self inflicted or from external sources, isn't easy to admit. I'm trying to find something funny about all this, but really, right now, I can't. I'm a grown-up. I've put my "big girl panties" on so to speak [which really takes on a whole new meaning in this context] and moved forward and won't be attending any more events at that house again. But I'm still licking my wounds.
Thanks for listening. I can't say that I really feel better, but at least I got a blog post out of it.
Also, Mr. Potenial will forevermore be referred to as Mr. Douche.
-jafg
281.4 lbs
I didn't want to weigh this morning, but I did it anyway. For the sake of the Blog.
Thursday night I made a chicken casserole. I had it at a Christmas dinner earlier this month and decided to make it for dinner myself. It's pretty basic. Chicken, campbell's soup, sour cream, and crushed crackers on top. And a stick of butter. Yeah, a whole stick. Well, I substituted panko bread crumbs for the crackers cause I didn't have any Ritz on hand. I looked at the "1 stick of butter" several times trying to figure out what to do about it. I then decided to use less-than-a-whole-but-more-than-a-half-a-stick of butter. I melted it, poured it on and baked the dish in the oven. Two hours later, after eating said casserole, I was miserable to say the least. I stayed home on Friday with a still upset tummy.
This also leads to the feeling of guilt (which I've had more than a few times lately) about my eating habits. I equate it to quitting smoking. When I fail to resist the urge to smoke, I feel really bad about it later--and sometimes while I'm doing it--because it's bad for me. There are no redeeming qualities. None. Not one thing about smoking a cigarette is good. But, I do enjoy it. Love it, even, when the circumstances are right. Granted, the enjoyment is fewer and farther between times and I really don't like the idea of smoking stone cold sober (stress is still a HUGE trigger though) but the fact remains, I enjoy a good smoke like I enjoy a good glass of wine. Or Jack and Coke.
My point with all this is unhealthy eating (like NEARLY a stick of butter in a recipe) is so totally ungood. No redeeming qualities. Nothing good can come from it. Thus the Friday ick-fest. This also takes it's toll mentally. I'm left alone and to my own devices to obsess over what I've done and whatnot. Anyway, it can leave a person in a rather insecure state of mind.
This all leads up to a party Saturday night. SAG (that's Skinny Athletic Girl just as a reminder) and I are going to this shindig together. We decide that if it's a bust, we'll head out on the town. No worries. Well, it's a bizzare group of people and tons of free good booze. So, we stay. Bonus, there's a boy here that I find mentally stimulating. He's very much an adult and easy to converse with and makes a hell of a drink. Laid back, educated, funny, basically, someone either to spend a "safer" fun-filled night with (don't judge!) or consider expanding to a more regular friend thing and possibly connect on facebook. That's what you do these days, btw. You friend people. You don't exchange numbers. It's hard to get used to.
As you may already know, I'm certainly not a wall flower. I'm a confident 30something woman. My size very rarely is a thought in my mind when I'm out on a town and meeting people. Never has been. (Online dating is a whole other topic all together and one we'll discuss at a different time). Remember, though, I'm still fighting a few fresh food demons here.
So, I'm talking with Mr. Potential all night, floating back and forth among the guests who aren't necessarily people that I'd be around regularly but still having a good time. Yes, I may be a bit of a snob, but seriously, who isn't? As the night progresses, things get weird. People are drinking more and well, I realize that the folks I do know are dwindling. SAG has gone to a show and I decided to stay (let's face it, because of Mr. Potential) and continue with the merriment. Before I know it, the hostess is making out with another chick and a male gay couple inform me they like taking women to bed.
W. T. F. I should leave, but for whatever lack-of-judgement reason I do not.
Let me state here that whatever someone's preferences are or are not when it comes to bedroom, does not bother me. Truly. However, I was not prepared for where this party was heading. There's no judgement here, but it was a freakin "Christmas Party"! None of the Christmas parties I've ever attended have ended up like this.
I decide to go outside, smoke a cigarette with Mr. Potential (I've been drinking) and down a shot of tequilla (I've been drinking). Tequilla is never a good thing. I still don't know how I got the shot in the first place. Then, a 6-foot Amazonian 23-year-old comes outside and starts talking about ulcers and migranes. I have a tendancy to give free advice even in my most sober of states. This night was not one of those states. I try to coherently tell her she's way to young to have migranes and ulcers and she tells me it's because she had gastric bypass surgery at 17. She says this like three times before it hits me. "17?!" I say, (again, standing next to Mr. Potential) "17! she says and then procedes with this statement: "I can tell that you're overweight...".
She said some other things after that, but I don't recall actually hearing the words.
Let me let you know how this went down in my head. Have you seen "The Christmas Story"? Remember the scene with the flat tire and Ralphie gets to be a big boy and help his dad change it? And he somehow drops all the lugnuts and also drops the f-bomb "Oh Fudge" line? Well, that slo-mo-drawn-out-hyper-pronounced speaking is how it sounded in my head when I hear the "you're overwieght" part from 23YO Glamazon Chick. To say awkward is an understatement. I'm maintaining my composure, actually trying to sustain the conversation like it's not a big deal, and about 1 minute later, Mr. Potential wanders back inside and I drink more. Like any sensible girl would. Oy. Vey.
I am now so far out of my comfort zone. Straight people are gay. Gay people are straight. And I've been pronounced "overweight" by a 23YO Glamazon in front of Mr. Potential. Bye Bye Healthy Ego. I'm reeling inside. My emotional pshyche is in a tailspin. My head may even be spinning a little from the whole adult beverages thing, as well. And then, the tequilla shot kicks in. Needless to say, tequilla jafg isn't a pretty jafg. She's mean. And now that she feels exposed/rejected, she's on a warpath.
Here's the deal, when you're drunk you make an ass out of yourself. Sometimes, it's remembered as the life of the party, and other times it's remembered as "that crazy chick last night". It's going to end one way or the other. Trust me, this comes from years of experience. I usually stay on the side of life of the party. I'm proficient enough in my 30something years to know where the line is between the two. Well. Saturday night, I crossed it.
I can't really bare re-living the humiliation of the rest of the evening which lasted about 20 more minutes. There were some inappropriate comments I make to The Man Formerly Known as Mr. Potential which led to overheard inappropriate comments and then I left. What the FUDGE was I thinking? I wasn't. I was hurt, embarrassed and wanting to pick a fight. The last part can be partially blamed on the environment and on the tequilla. But, Holy Crazy Parties, I was so not prepared for that evening.
Look, I have tough skin and have dealt with emotional blows enough that I can somewhat quickly recover; or successfully compartmentalize, anyway. Humiliation, either self inflicted or from external sources, isn't easy to admit. I'm trying to find something funny about all this, but really, right now, I can't. I'm a grown-up. I've put my "big girl panties" on so to speak [which really takes on a whole new meaning in this context] and moved forward and won't be attending any more events at that house again. But I'm still licking my wounds.
Thanks for listening. I can't say that I really feel better, but at least I got a blog post out of it.
Also, Mr. Potenial will forevermore be referred to as Mr. Douche.
-jafg
Thursday, December 16, 2010
No Excuses
12/16/2010
2??.? lbs
I haven't weighed in the past few days. The last time, though, the figure had managed to creep back up to above the 280 mark...not by much but enough to make me very uncomfortable.
It's been THREE long, silent months since my last posting. I have no excuse for it, there's no backsliding, no deep, dark depression, just a lot of mis-managed time and real-life stuff.
I forget about how much I love this community while on my little breaks. And then, it comes flooding back when I open my inbox and see HUNDREDS of emails (ok, not all of them are legit) and realize just how much I count on this little corner of the world. And how much I affect others, even when I don't know it.
Faithful followers know I cling to my super secret identity and that anonymity is what JAFG is all about. There's this real sense of true honesty that comes from not being known. Well, there are a few of you out there that know me, really know me, and I got a quiet nudge from one of those friends today. If someone can take the time to let me know I'm missed, (which was also evident from all the comments on my last post) well, then, I can make the time to write. I can make the time to share.
When I write here, I become a more fulfilled (in addition to being a more accountable) me. I miss that. I miss you.
Also, when I stop posting, I lose the chance to get comments like these:
I really do heart you people.
-JAFG
2??.? lbs
I haven't weighed in the past few days. The last time, though, the figure had managed to creep back up to above the 280 mark...not by much but enough to make me very uncomfortable.
It's been THREE long, silent months since my last posting. I have no excuse for it, there's no backsliding, no deep, dark depression, just a lot of mis-managed time and real-life stuff.
I forget about how much I love this community while on my little breaks. And then, it comes flooding back when I open my inbox and see HUNDREDS of emails (ok, not all of them are legit) and realize just how much I count on this little corner of the world. And how much I affect others, even when I don't know it.
Faithful followers know I cling to my super secret identity and that anonymity is what JAFG is all about. There's this real sense of true honesty that comes from not being known. Well, there are a few of you out there that know me, really know me, and I got a quiet nudge from one of those friends today. If someone can take the time to let me know I'm missed, (which was also evident from all the comments on my last post) well, then, I can make the time to write. I can make the time to share.
When I write here, I become a more fulfilled (in addition to being a more accountable) me. I miss that. I miss you.
Also, when I stop posting, I lose the chance to get comments like these:
Results Not Typical Girl said...
If you don't come back soon regularly, I'm keeping all the dildos you loaned me.
-JAFG
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Back By Popular Demand. Or Something Like That.
09/15/10
278.2 lbs
Well, I'm back. It's been a month almost to the day. I've maintained weight for the most part which is saying something I think.
So, yeah. I have no idea what really caused the shunning of the blog but, sometimes it happens. I even stopped checking my bloggy email. Wanna know why? Well, I kept getting comments. I kept getting "Where Are You?" notes. Basically, I was being told that in no uncertain terms was I going to be allowed to go gentle into that good night. Yes, that's dramatic, but in a way, it's true.
I sometimes get very overwhelmed with my weight. This whole trying to find a date online hasn't made anything easier either. I'd much rather meet someone face to face so there are no levels of um surprise left to be discovered. While I've given full disclosure to in my profile, there's still that first ripping off of the bandaid when someone meets you for the first time in person. I hadn't anticipated that.
Anyway. I haven't exercised one bit. I'm getting on a plane in two weeks (a week and a half actually) and I will still not be able to break my 275 lb self from sitting in those seats. I really want to be below that number but somehow continue to sabatage myself any time I get close to doing so. Shit!
Anyway (again). I wanted to tell you all that I really (really) appreciate your warm wishes and concerns and cheers and everything that welcomes me back into the fat fighting fold.
Thank you for not leaving me alone.
-jafg
278.2 lbs
Well, I'm back. It's been a month almost to the day. I've maintained weight for the most part which is saying something I think.
So, yeah. I have no idea what really caused the shunning of the blog but, sometimes it happens. I even stopped checking my bloggy email. Wanna know why? Well, I kept getting comments. I kept getting "Where Are You?" notes. Basically, I was being told that in no uncertain terms was I going to be allowed to go gentle into that good night. Yes, that's dramatic, but in a way, it's true.
I sometimes get very overwhelmed with my weight. This whole trying to find a date online hasn't made anything easier either. I'd much rather meet someone face to face so there are no levels of um surprise left to be discovered. While I've given full disclosure to in my profile, there's still that first ripping off of the bandaid when someone meets you for the first time in person. I hadn't anticipated that.
Anyway. I haven't exercised one bit. I'm getting on a plane in two weeks (a week and a half actually) and I will still not be able to break my 275 lb self from sitting in those seats. I really want to be below that number but somehow continue to sabatage myself any time I get close to doing so. Shit!
Anyway (again). I wanted to tell you all that I really (really) appreciate your warm wishes and concerns and cheers and everything that welcomes me back into the fat fighting fold.
Thank you for not leaving me alone.
-jafg
Monday, August 16, 2010
An Unexpected Turn
04/16/10
276.2 lbs
Ok. For the record: Saturday morning said 273.6 lbs and Sunday afternoon said 273.0 lbs. To say this morning was a disappointment would be an understatement. I'm sure it had nothing to do with the box of macaroni and cheese I ate for dinner last night or the gallon or so of Royal Flush shots consumed over the weekend.
Anyway, I wanted to show it to you that it's been on a steady downward trend since I started back up in March. I've been living healthy, relatively speaking, for 5 months and have lost 20-23 lbs. It could have been more had I been really sticking to things. I mean really staying on task. However.
I have been looking at this whole thing as a change in my life. I'm living differently. I'm not on a diet. I am eating healthy food, not diet food (I don't buy into the whole "fat-free" marketing. I believe natural is better. Ingredients are more important than nutritional info to me. Having said that, I heart I Can't Believe It's Not Butter spray.) I am exercising. I'm trying to drink more water.
I also eat pizza and boxed macaroni 'n' cheese. I drink my fair share of adult beverages. I opt to stay in my PJs and watch movies all day instead of exercising. Basically, I'm living a normal life. I'm living a lifestyle that I can maintain and isn't unduly burdensome to me. Well, exercising is almost always annoying. But that aside, I know I've got a path set in front of me that works. For me.
I have no idea why my blog took this path today. Perhaps it's because I saw a 3 lb jump on the scale. Or maybe because I'm still hung over and a bit pensive. I dunno. I had a hell of a weekend and will be sharing as much of the details that I dare for your reading pleasure tomorrow.
I will also be in touch with all my VWBs and working out again this week.
Well. Starting tomorrow.
-jafg
276.2 lbs
Ok. For the record: Saturday morning said 273.6 lbs and Sunday afternoon said 273.0 lbs. To say this morning was a disappointment would be an understatement. I'm sure it had nothing to do with the box of macaroni and cheese I ate for dinner last night or the gallon or so of Royal Flush shots consumed over the weekend.
You know I have a little weight tracker at the bottom of my blog. I doubt it gets any facetime because, well, it's at the bottom of my blog. Esthetically speaking it's the best place for it; however, it really isn't when it comes to viewability.
I have been looking at this whole thing as a change in my life. I'm living differently. I'm not on a diet. I am eating healthy food, not diet food (I don't buy into the whole "fat-free" marketing. I believe natural is better. Ingredients are more important than nutritional info to me. Having said that, I heart I Can't Believe It's Not Butter spray.) I am exercising. I'm trying to drink more water.
I also eat pizza and boxed macaroni 'n' cheese. I drink my fair share of adult beverages. I opt to stay in my PJs and watch movies all day instead of exercising. Basically, I'm living a normal life. I'm living a lifestyle that I can maintain and isn't unduly burdensome to me. Well, exercising is almost always annoying. But that aside, I know I've got a path set in front of me that works. For me.
I have no idea why my blog took this path today. Perhaps it's because I saw a 3 lb jump on the scale. Or maybe because I'm still hung over and a bit pensive. I dunno. I had a hell of a weekend and will be sharing as much of the details that I dare for your reading pleasure tomorrow.
I will also be in touch with all my VWBs and working out again this week.
Well. Starting tomorrow.
-jafg
Friday, August 13, 2010
Failure Is Not An Option Except in Fashion
08/13/10
275.5 lbs
I had that coming. Without regaling you with all the gory details, I consumed about 2400 calories yesterday and had no extracurricular activities. Half of those were after 8:00pm. Shame on me.
Happy Friday The 13th, Y'all! Let the good times roll! The bachelorette party is this weekend. It kicks off tomorrow at 10:00am when we hit the road and goes until we come home Sunday afternoon. I may be a little concerned. SAG and I went out and bought party favors for the evening. Cheesey little things that will totally make us all the cliche of the evening. It is going to be SO much fun! I even bought some new clothes.
I went to three stores last night: Avenue, Steinmart and Kohl's. I struck out at Avenue. More times than not, I do. But, they've got cheap big-girl clothes and when they work, they really work. I tried a lot of clothes on and this is the first time I've done that since my 20 lb drop. I hit my closet up and have a few new things that work great, but I haven't gone shopping. This was a pleasant surprise. I can almost fit comfortably in 22/24 clothes. I was pushing a 28. Twenty. Eight. Sheesh.
I can get the clothes on, but they are still snug enough that they don't pass the sit-down test. When I try a top I always have to sit down. If it looks good when I'm sitting (refering to the jiggle in the middle) then the top is a keeper. If it doesn't and I'm not going to be standing all night, well, I don't buy it. Same goes with pants.
Anyway. I wanted to tell you all that I even tried on a dress. I haven't worn a dress since I was forced to wear one as MOH for BFF's wedding in 2005. That's also the lowest I can remember my weight in a long time being 265 lbs. And since it was a Bridesmaid dress, I don't know that it counts. Well, I really want to wear a dress for BB and Her Beau's wedding in early October. So I figured I better try one on and see what it looks like. It wasn't for the wedding, it was just for casual wear. It was like a tanktop with wide straps at the top. Just below the bust line it had a large elastic-gathered band (same material, just all gathered and elasticized) and then the material fell to just below my knee. It was a 22/24. A bit snug really. While everything did work, I needed a size larger for the elastic. The way it fell made me look 20 months pregnant. Ungood. I wasn't discouraged because I actually got a 22/24 on my body. Anyway, after an hour I walked out of Avenue empty-handed and headed to Steinmart.
Steinmart was so much more productive and was less time. I was also more willing to pick up smaller sized clothings this trip. It's usually hard to find anything there because they only go to 24 or 3x. I've gotten 3x tops but never found anything else of interest or that would work. Well...this time I found several tops and even a dress that had great wedding potential. It was a 24, but I figured if it worked but was just a little snug, I'd still get it anyway. I went to the dressing room with all my found treasures--we're talking a serious armful here--and the freakin place was under construction and therefore not available. Damnit. So, I reviewed everything I had and kept the dress and two tops. I'd try everyting on at home and take back what didn't work. One of the two tops is a sure thing, the other is going to the alterations today to see if they can do a quick change on it and the dress is a no go. Simply put, I didn't fill it out where I should and did where I shouldn't. Bygones.
Kohl's was good too. I found a shirt that flattered my bustline like nothing ever has before. It is made to fall perfectly in the back and front while it is a plunging neckline and hugs The Girls. I felt sexy in this top. The only thing is it doesn't pass the sit-down test. It will, but I have to fidgit around quite a bit to make it happen. Plus I've decided to wear a pair of black capris which are slightly too tight in the waist (will help prevent overeating and they look very flattering when I stand) so the combination may be too much. I bought it anyway. I want to wear this top SO bad this weekend. I just don't want to be one of those fat girls who wears skin-tight clothes and has rolls hanging out everywhere. You know which ones I'm talking about. I mean, I am all about loving yourself and being comfortable in your own skin, but there is such a thing as fashion sense. Come on, already! Look in a mirror and get a clue.
If I decide that the combination is a no-go, well, I can take solice in the fact that I will be able to wear it in the very near future. Very near. Like on my trip to Chicago in October. Woohoo!
As I look back over the past two weeks I realize a lot of what I've been reading and even in my own experience is about not meeting challenges either set forth by ourselves or others have given us. Failing. I've been saying there is no such thing as Failing, it's just modified planning.
After my little rant about fat girls and too-tight clothes...I stand corrected.
-jafg
275.5 lbs
I had that coming. Without regaling you with all the gory details, I consumed about 2400 calories yesterday and had no extracurricular activities. Half of those were after 8:00pm. Shame on me.
Happy Friday The 13th, Y'all! Let the good times roll! The bachelorette party is this weekend. It kicks off tomorrow at 10:00am when we hit the road and goes until we come home Sunday afternoon. I may be a little concerned. SAG and I went out and bought party favors for the evening. Cheesey little things that will totally make us all the cliche of the evening. It is going to be SO much fun! I even bought some new clothes.
I went to three stores last night: Avenue, Steinmart and Kohl's. I struck out at Avenue. More times than not, I do. But, they've got cheap big-girl clothes and when they work, they really work. I tried a lot of clothes on and this is the first time I've done that since my 20 lb drop. I hit my closet up and have a few new things that work great, but I haven't gone shopping. This was a pleasant surprise. I can almost fit comfortably in 22/24 clothes. I was pushing a 28. Twenty. Eight. Sheesh.
I can get the clothes on, but they are still snug enough that they don't pass the sit-down test. When I try a top I always have to sit down. If it looks good when I'm sitting (refering to the jiggle in the middle) then the top is a keeper. If it doesn't and I'm not going to be standing all night, well, I don't buy it. Same goes with pants.
Anyway. I wanted to tell you all that I even tried on a dress. I haven't worn a dress since I was forced to wear one as MOH for BFF's wedding in 2005. That's also the lowest I can remember my weight in a long time being 265 lbs. And since it was a Bridesmaid dress, I don't know that it counts. Well, I really want to wear a dress for BB and Her Beau's wedding in early October. So I figured I better try one on and see what it looks like. It wasn't for the wedding, it was just for casual wear. It was like a tanktop with wide straps at the top. Just below the bust line it had a large elastic-gathered band (same material, just all gathered and elasticized) and then the material fell to just below my knee. It was a 22/24. A bit snug really. While everything did work, I needed a size larger for the elastic. The way it fell made me look 20 months pregnant. Ungood. I wasn't discouraged because I actually got a 22/24 on my body. Anyway, after an hour I walked out of Avenue empty-handed and headed to Steinmart.
Steinmart was so much more productive and was less time. I was also more willing to pick up smaller sized clothings this trip. It's usually hard to find anything there because they only go to 24 or 3x. I've gotten 3x tops but never found anything else of interest or that would work. Well...this time I found several tops and even a dress that had great wedding potential. It was a 24, but I figured if it worked but was just a little snug, I'd still get it anyway. I went to the dressing room with all my found treasures--we're talking a serious armful here--and the freakin place was under construction and therefore not available. Damnit. So, I reviewed everything I had and kept the dress and two tops. I'd try everyting on at home and take back what didn't work. One of the two tops is a sure thing, the other is going to the alterations today to see if they can do a quick change on it and the dress is a no go. Simply put, I didn't fill it out where I should and did where I shouldn't. Bygones.
Kohl's was good too. I found a shirt that flattered my bustline like nothing ever has before. It is made to fall perfectly in the back and front while it is a plunging neckline and hugs The Girls. I felt sexy in this top. The only thing is it doesn't pass the sit-down test. It will, but I have to fidgit around quite a bit to make it happen. Plus I've decided to wear a pair of black capris which are slightly too tight in the waist (will help prevent overeating and they look very flattering when I stand) so the combination may be too much. I bought it anyway. I want to wear this top SO bad this weekend. I just don't want to be one of those fat girls who wears skin-tight clothes and has rolls hanging out everywhere. You know which ones I'm talking about. I mean, I am all about loving yourself and being comfortable in your own skin, but there is such a thing as fashion sense. Come on, already! Look in a mirror and get a clue.
If I decide that the combination is a no-go, well, I can take solice in the fact that I will be able to wear it in the very near future. Very near. Like on my trip to Chicago in October. Woohoo!
As I look back over the past two weeks I realize a lot of what I've been reading and even in my own experience is about not meeting challenges either set forth by ourselves or others have given us. Failing. I've been saying there is no such thing as Failing, it's just modified planning.
After my little rant about fat girls and too-tight clothes...I stand corrected.
-jafg
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Inspiration Station
08/12/10
274.8 lbs
Yippee!!
I'm not your typical girl when it comes to movies and tv shows. I love a good action flick and weirdo sci-fi/fantastical stuff. I'm not all D&D, but I loved LOTR. That's Lord of the Rings. I don't dress up as weird characters but I waited in line 2 hours for the opening day of X-Men X2. So what's my point, here. My point is Save the Cheerleader, Save the World.
That's a reference to a now cancelled NBC show called Heroes. The show died after it's fourth season-I stopped watching it about 2 episodes into that season btw-but the series' overall storyline is the subject for our discussion today: Save the Cheerleader, Save the World.
You know I have my VWBs. Well, today I was chitchatting with Roxie and she said a little something to me that just resonated in my brain like one of those Tibetan Singing Bowls. She said "You are such a good cheerleader". It got me thinking. Save the Cheerleader, Save the World.
We're all cheerleaders! We all need each other to encourage us on our good days (just take a look at my weight again!) and our bad days. We need to encourage as much as we need encouragement. Or Inspiration, if you will. Imagine if everyday there was someone telling someone else some words that helped them get though even 5 minutes of something hard. Could be emotional, could be physical, could be mental. I'm not just talking weight loss here, but it's definitely included. Imagine if YOU had someone telling you some Inspiring words everyday. Save the Cheerleader, Save the World.
Get it? You're the cheerleader. I'm the cheerleader. Everybody's the cheerleader. Think about a 5k or a marathon run. Think about those water stations; those very important lifeline-like water stations. Runners need those to continue on course. Now think of yourself as that virtual water station and everyone you meet today as a runner (whether in the healthy-weightloss-world or not). Give 'em a big dose of Inspiration. And maybe a little water'd be good, too. You never know which Cheerleader you may be saving by being a Cheerleader yourself.
-jafg
274.8 lbs
Yippee!!
I'm not your typical girl when it comes to movies and tv shows. I love a good action flick and weirdo sci-fi/fantastical stuff. I'm not all D&D, but I loved LOTR. That's Lord of the Rings. I don't dress up as weird characters but I waited in line 2 hours for the opening day of X-Men X2. So what's my point, here. My point is Save the Cheerleader, Save the World.
That's a reference to a now cancelled NBC show called Heroes. The show died after it's fourth season-I stopped watching it about 2 episodes into that season btw-but the series' overall storyline is the subject for our discussion today: Save the Cheerleader, Save the World.
You know I have my VWBs. Well, today I was chitchatting with Roxie and she said a little something to me that just resonated in my brain like one of those Tibetan Singing Bowls. She said "You are such a good cheerleader". It got me thinking. Save the Cheerleader, Save the World.
We're all cheerleaders! We all need each other to encourage us on our good days (just take a look at my weight again!) and our bad days. We need to encourage as much as we need encouragement. Or Inspiration, if you will. Imagine if everyday there was someone telling someone else some words that helped them get though even 5 minutes of something hard. Could be emotional, could be physical, could be mental. I'm not just talking weight loss here, but it's definitely included. Imagine if YOU had someone telling you some Inspiring words everyday. Save the Cheerleader, Save the World.
Get it? You're the cheerleader. I'm the cheerleader. Everybody's the cheerleader. Think about a 5k or a marathon run. Think about those water stations; those very important lifeline-like water stations. Runners need those to continue on course. Now think of yourself as that virtual water station and everyone you meet today as a runner (whether in the healthy-weightloss-world or not). Give 'em a big dose of Inspiration. And maybe a little water'd be good, too. You never know which Cheerleader you may be saving by being a Cheerleader yourself.Ra Ra Ree and Stuff!
-jafg
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Good Evening
08/11/10
274.6 lbs
I just thought that I'd login real quick like and share this info with you.
I'm sure in the morning it'll be a little higher, but I saw it on the scale none the less.
I checked it twice.
-jafg
274.6 lbs
I just thought that I'd login real quick like and share this info with you.
I'm sure in the morning it'll be a little higher, but I saw it on the scale none the less.
I checked it twice.
-jafg
Monday, August 9, 2010
A New Day
08/09/10
276.4 lbs
Yippee! I actually made it through the weekend and L-O-S-T weight. I am almost to my lowest point on this blog again. This is a moment to celebrate.
I love Nina Simone. I love this song. It seems appropriate and I hope you'll all take it with you through the week.
I'm happy to report that the VWBs all celebrated great things over the weekend. Angela Pea rocked out a class at the Y on Friday. Roxie kicked jogging's ass on Sunday. Kimert killed 6 miles on Saturday. Amanda conquered the elliptical, too.
I, on the other hand, was down for the count. All weekend. Before you get all sadfaced and let down because I didn't make it though my 7-day challenge, I must tell you that I had a 24-hour stomach bug (which may have been brough on by the egg drop soup I made for the first time) and...(queue "dreadful" music)...a UTI.
The positives. I've never consumed so much water in my freakin life.
The negatives. BB's bachelorette party is this weekend. I can't consume alcoholic beverages for two weeks (thank you, Antibiotics). I'll be playing the role of Mother Hen this weekend, I guess. Sigh.
Can you say UGH? I'm glad to know that Friday wasn't just a punked out day. I was feeling a bit bad that I didn't hit my finish line. Once I realized that my body was busy addressing other issues, well, I felt a little better about it. See, the challenge wasn't to prove that I could be active for 7 days straight, it was to build momentum. And it's done that. I've done that. Me and my VWBs!
So. Today is a new day. It's a new week and a new game plan for the VWBs. Right now, I'm not up for a lot of movement. This does not mean that I'm off the wagon. I am simply going to focus extra hard on eating right and drinking plenty of water. As a matter of fact, that is my VWB gameplan this week.
I want to know that the girls are doing their workouts as needed. That means Kimert and her morning sessions, Pea and her Y classes, Roxie and her jogging/BL sessions, and Amanda and her strength training.
What I need this week is encouragement to continually drink water and eat right. Stay the course. Keep the momentum.
'Cause I'm feeling good. Sort of.
-jafg
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